In a series of stunning executive actions, President Obama has instructed Secretary of State John Kerry to send a communiqué to Mexico’s president, Enrique Pena Nieto, offering the State of Texas back to Mexico. What set Obama off was the latest dis to the Federal government by Texas Governor, Greg Abbott. Abbott ordered up the Texas State Guard to monitor U.S. military training exercises within his state. “We are not buying the training exercise pretext. The federal government is out to stage a military takeover of our great state,” declared Abbott.
Word of Obama’s latest executive action quickly made it’s way through Congress. Ted Cruz, U.S. Senator from Texas, and a potential 2016 presidential hopeful, was outraged. “The United States fought hard to steal Texas from Mexico and now we are giving it back?” Cruz went on to call Obama’s action another clear abuse of executive power.
Some other politicians raised the issue of the United States now only having 49 states. “Now what are we going to do with all those flags with 50 stars?” reasoned Texas U.S. Rep. Louie Gohmert. U.S. Senator Chuck Schumer offered up the obvious solution. “We can make Israel our 50th state!” Schumer added, “After all the money we’ve given the Israelis over the years, we own them.”
The idea of making Israel the new 50th state did not sit well with the Congressional Latino Caucus. “If any country should be our next state it is Puerto Rico! It’s been waiting its turn for a long time now. Plus it has better beaches,” observed Congressman Jose E. Serrano.
Some liberal politicians thought the best solution would be to just let Texas secede from the union as it has been threatening to do since 1845. “Let’s finally call their bluff,” said Senator Bernie Sanders. “They’ve been sucking on the Federal teet too long!” he went on to say.
But before the idea of adding a new 50th state to the union gained traction, Secretary of State Kerry, in late breaking news, informed President Obama he had heard back from Mexico’s president. “Sir,” said Kerry to the President. “I just got back this two word text from Pena Nieto.” The message read “No, gracias :)”