Following his resounding third place finish in the Iowa caucus, things are looking up for Marco Rubio. In fact, Rubio was so giddy after the election one might have thought he was the winner.
“So this is the moment they said would never happen,” Rubio said in a speech after the results became clear. “For months, they told us that because we offer too much optimism in a time of anger we had no chance… I will be back in October and September of this year, because when I am our nominee we are going to win Iowa, and we are going to win the election for this country.”
As awesome as his third place finish was, Rubio will not be able to parlay his Iowa success into securing the Republican nomination.
There are a number of reasons why Marco Rubio will never be president. Some roadblocks are already known. His flip-flop on immigration is probably his greatest liability. The man who cosponsored the Senate bill creating a pathway to citizenship for undocumented immigrants now claims he was never for amnesty… or as he now tries to define it, “blanket amnesty.”
Rubio’s Senate attendance record is also a big problem. According to a recent report conducted by vocativ.org and GovTrack.us, Rubio is the senator “least likely to show up for work” – missing 99 of 1,198 votes over four years. That gives him an absentee rate of 8.2%. By comparison, the Senate average is 2.01%.
On climate change, Rubio is what’s best described as an equivocator. He still believes there is reasonable doubt on the issue even though 97.1% of scientists have “endorsed the consensus position that humans are causing global warming”
As bad as these well-known hurdles are for Rubio, there is one small, personal, previously un-reported fact that will surely disqualify him in the minds of Republican voters.
While a struggling law student at the University of Miami School of Law, in order to make ends meet, Rubio worked as a male dancer at a local Chippendales.
Knowing that someday he might enter politics, Rubio, always the cleaver one, performed under the pseudonym “Buck Naked.”
Photo | fusion.net
Now don’t get your panties in a bunch, it’s satire folks!