“Don’t Make Us Do It!” – Couple Will Divorce If Same-Sex Marriage Legalized

In a show that imbecility has no bounds or borders, a Christian Australian couple has threatened to divorce if marriage equality becomes legal.

“Don’t make us do it!” pleaded Nick Jensen in an op-ed for the Canberra City News. “If our federal parliament votes to change the timeless and organic definition of marriage later on this year, it will have moved against the fundamental and foundational building block of Australian society and, indeed, human culture everywhere,” Jensen wrote.

Jensen and his wife, Sarah, have been married for 10 glorious years and have children together. But they are prepared to make the ultimate sacrifice if their government, in effect, nullifies their marriage contract by legalizing same-sex marriage.

“We are prepared to get divorced if that’s what it takes to save the sanctity of our marriage,” wrote Sarah.

When asked how same-sex marriage would in any way affect their own marriage, Mr.Jensen said,” Gay marriage would cheapen our marriage. It’s like being in an exclusive club and then the board of directors just let’s anybody in. Plus it’s a sin. Marriage is a sacred institution between one man and one woman. If the definition of marriage is changed, we don’t want any part of it. Holy matrimony is all about procreation. Children come from gendered dissimilarity,” observed Jensen.

When asked if their getting divorced is not also a sin, Jensen noted,” No, because we would still be married. You see, after our divorce, we’ll continue to live together, hopefully for another 50 years. And, God willing, we’ll have more children. We’ll also continue to refer to each other as “husband” and “wife” and consider ourselves married by the Church and before God. It may affect our tax-filing status, though.”

Some have criticized the couple as being bigoted, or as just being plain old publicity hounds. “Not in the least,” said Sarah. “But I must admit we have met with Mr. Murdoch (CEO Fox News) and there is some talk of our own reality series.” The working title for the show is currently “What We Did for Love.”