Archives for July 2015

In 1911, two French psychologists, Alfred Binet and Theodore Simon, created the first modern intelligence test that measured intelligence quotient, “IQ.” The test classified individuals on a scale of intelligence from “moron” to “genius.”

Today, The American Psychiatric Association has developed a simpler test to determine whether one can be classified a “moron.” It is an easy 10 question, true or false, test.

OK, you know you’re not a genius. But could you be a moron? Just answer true or false on the following questions

1. You believe Fox News is really a news channel.
2. You believe the earth is only about 6,000 years old
3. You believe all politicians, mostly Republicans and Democrats, are all the same.
4. You believe the Confederate battle flag is just a benign symbol of southern heritage.
5. You believe Barack Obama is a Muslim born in Kenya.
6. You believe Jesus rode dinosaurs.
7. You believe Sarah Palin has an IQ greater than 75.
8. You believe the Iraq war was about weapons of mass destruction.
9. You believe the way to end gun violence is to arm every man, woman and child… and indoor pet.
10. You believe the theory of evolution is a liberal conspiracy.

If you answered “yes” to 8 questions, you are a true, bona fide “imbecile.” If you answered “yes” to 9 of the 10, your classification is one of “idiot.” If you answered “yes” to all 10 questions, congratulations, you are a pure “moron.”

The APA has proposed a simple, two-step solution to improving on such low levels of intelligence. Step one, remove your head from up your ass and smell the roses, not your own feces. Step two, turn off Fox News.

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe – Albert Einstein

Last night on MSNBC’s “All In With Chris Hayes,” Chris interviewed a woman who would rather quit her job as county clerk than issue marriage licenses to gays. Mississippi circuit clerk, Linda Barnette, said she is quitting her job of twenty-four years because she disagrees with the Supreme Court’s ruling legalizing same sex marriage. She is strongly against the “gay lifestyle” and believes in the Bible’s teaching that marriage is “only between one man and one woman.”

She, like many other evangelical Christians, is of course wrong on that point, but at least she is doing the honorable thing. The previous night Chris interviewed a county clerk from Kentucky who proudly declared he would rather go to jail than issue marriage licenses to gays. Chris, of course, asked him why he wouldn’t just quit. There was not coherent answer forthcoming, however.

Does the Bible really talk about marriage as the union of only one man and one woman? Not really.

A trio of Iowa-based religious scholars recently penned an op-ed in a local paper, reminding readers that despite popular opinion, the Bible does not simply define marriage as between one man and one woman.

“The debate about marriage equality often centers, however discretely, on an appeal to the Bible,” the authors wrote. “Unfortunately, such appeals often reflect a lack of biblical literacy on the part of those who use that complex collection of texts as an authority to enact modern social policy.”

The Bible’s definition of marriage can be confusing and contradictory, noted the scholars. A primary example of this is the religious book’s stance on polygamy, a practice that was embraced by prominent biblical figures Abraham and David.

The scholars concluded that those who argue the Bible speaks plainly on any issue, especially something as complicated as marriage … haven’t taken the time to read all of it.

As Juan Cole pointed out in his excellent essay, “as for getting married biblically, you can do that in all kinds of imaginative ways– take two wives and someone else’s sex slave as Abraham did, or 300 sex slaves as Solomon did (not to mention the 700 wives), or your brother’s widow in addition to your own wife.”

If one reads the Bible selectively, one can pretty much justify anything. Boy are politicians good at that!

Only one day after announcing his run for the presidency, Chris Christie’s campaign slogan, “Telling It Like It Is,” has come under fire. “Yeah,” said one New Jerseyan, “ he tells it like it is until he doesn’t!” Many potential voters were still abuzz over the scathing Newark Star Ledger article written by Tom Moran, calling Christie a habitual liar. A slogan like “Telling It Like It Is” only highlights Christie’s “untruthiness.” It didn’t have to be this way. There were many other slogans Christie could have gone with that didn’t remind voters of his honesty, or lack thereof.

Here are some of the rejected campaign slogans:

Building a bridge to a brighter future!

Christie … No Lightweight!

My Way or no Highway

Don’t Mess With The Mass!

Let’s Get Rollin’

America Is Hungry For Christie!

Let’s Bridge The Gap!

A Bridge Over Troubled Waters

Christie For President … The Wait Is Over!

Chris … Your All-Round Nice Guy

Not Running To Lose!

Christie … He Measures up!

“We had a plethora of good slogans,” said a Christie campaign spokesman, “but ‘Telling It Like It Is’ we thought best fit Chris’ pugnacious style … that’s his brand, his calling card.” Rumor has it that, upon hearing of Christie’s slogan, Donald Trump berated his staff for not thinking of it first.