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Archives for August 2015

Why “The Donald” Will Not Be President

August 30, 2015 By John DeProspo Leave a Comment

melania-trump-wallpaper-631426173

For all those worriers who are beginning to believe a Trump presidency may be possible; to all those delusional supporters who believe the man has more than a snowball’s chance in hell of becoming our nation’s 45th president, I have only one thing to say: Melania Knauss-Trump.

The news media has been so consumed with covering the improbable rise of Donald Trump that very little time has been devoted to Melania, Trump’s third wife. Since the Republican Party’s mouthpiece, Fox News, has not covered the potential First Lady, conservatives don’t have a clue what they’re dealing with.

Safe to say no First Lady has ever posed nude for a magazine spread, as did Mrs. Trump. Nor has any other First Lady talked about her incredible sex life (with Trump) on the Howard Stern show. If the puritanical, family-values conservative base were to see what many others around the world saw in a 2000 issue of British GQ, their knickers would be in a bunch!

Don’t get me wrong. I have nothing against the current Mrs. Trump. In fact, I would be more than pleased to call Melania my First Lady. She is not an airhead. Many have likened the former Slovenian model to Jackie Kennedy, in her style and grace. But as hypocritical as Christian conservatives may be, they could never abide a nude model in the White House. We, as a nation, are just not as hip as the French or Italians.

If true craziness were to take over a majority of the electorate, voting Trump in as our next Commander in Chief, I can just hear Pat Robertson now … “We have revisited Sodom and Gomorrah. Another clear sign that the End Times are nigh!”

Hillary, for her part, has dispatched a cadre of staff members to dig up dirt on Melania, just in case. “I’ve learned the hard way that it ain’t over until the fat lady sings. I’m taking nothing for granted.”

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Photo | tattoos.fansshare.com

 

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Trump’s Hair Stylist Confirms Hair Real … Sort Of

August 30, 2015 By John DeProspo 2 Comments

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In an effort to get down to the bottom of a swirling controversy (Trump’s hair), I was able to track down and interview Donald Trump’s hair stylist, Angelina Scapaticci, at her Fifth Avenue salon.

“Ms. Scapaticci,” I asked, “how long have you been cutting Mr. Trump’s hair?”

“Oh, I no cut Signore Trump’s hair, I style the hair,” answered the lovely 30 year old hairdresser. “My pappa Enzo cuts the hair. I just do the blow. How you say, giva the hair personality.”

“But you can confirm the hair is real, right?” I asked.

“Oh, yessa, the hair is real. It’s very nica en soft. I pulla very hard with the comb en nothing come off,” replied Ms. Scapaticci.

Realizing she was not the best candidate to confirm Trump’s hair was a living, breathing thing, I asked if I could speak with her father, Enzo.

“Oh, no. Pappa no here. He only have one cliente, Signore Trump. He make appuntamento.” answered Ms. Scapaticci.

“Your father only has Mr. Trump as a customer?” I asked.

“Oh yessa, Signore Trump is a very good tipper,” replied Scapaticci.

“But you’ve seen your father cut his hair, is that correct?” I pressed.

“Oh, no. They usa the backroom. Itsa part of the contratto,” Ms. Scappaticci informed me.

“Contract?” I asked.

“Oh yessa. My father cannot cutta no one else hair and he cant’ talk about Mr. Trump to nobody. How you say, itsa part of a non-disclosure agreamenta,” revealed the stylist.

“So I can’t talk to your father?” I asked.

“Oh no, impossibile!” replied Scapaticci.

“Ms. Scapaticci, I can’t help but notice your accent. Where are you from, Italy?” I inquired.

“Oh yessa, my father and me come from Italia 10 years ago on a visita. We never go back. How you say, we illegal immigrante.” admitted the stylist.

“Does Mr. Trump know your immigration status?” I asked.

“Oh yessa. He help me and my pappa get all the right paper to work here in the shoppa,” answered Scapaticci. “Such a nica man!”

Well, I learned two things; Trump can be selective in who he wants to deport and , according to Scapaticci,  Donald Trump’s hair is real … but whose real hair it is may never be known.

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Image courtesy of marin at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 

 

Filed Under: satire

Is Bernie Sanders … Too Old?

August 29, 2015 By John DeProspo 2 Comments

U.S. Sen. Bernie Sanders, I-VT, gestures as he speaks at the Californi Democrats State Convention in Sacramento, Calif., Saturday, April 30, 2011. Sanders called on Democrats to work together to stop what he calls the GOP's attack on the middle class.(AP Photo/Rich Pedroncelli)

More good news out of Iowa for the surging septuagenarian, Bernie Sanders. In a new Des Moines Register/Bloomberg Politics Iowa Poll, the Democratic presidential candidate is only 7 points behind Hillary Clinton in the race for the Iowa caucus. Clinton, the Democratic frontrunner, leads with 37 percent of likely Democratic caucusgoers, while Sanders follows at 30 percent.

A May Quinnipiac University poll showed Hillary’s support at 60 percent and that of Bernie at 15 percent!

The Clinton camp is starting to get worried. Will they have to resort to the “age card” to fend off the spry 73 year old?

Hillary Clinton at the age of 67 is a spring chicken compared to the Vermont Senator. The thinking in the Clinton camp, and among the chattering class, is that Bernie is just too old to become president. If Bernie were to succeed in his bid for the presidency, he would become the oldest person ever to be elected president.

I must admit, at times, I have felt Sanders has passed his presidential expiration date. But then I see and hear Bernie talk! He is so alive, so impassioned in his delivery that it makes one believe in the possibility of his quest. Compare Bernie’s enthusiasm to that of Jeb. That’s right, there is none! It is as if Jebbie is just going through the motions, not really believing in what he is saying. I’m afraid the exciting Jeb! logo has morphed into something new… Jeb?

If you believe Bernie is too old to become president, think of Ruth Bader Ginsberg. At age 82, she perhaps has the sharpest mind of any Supreme Court Justice. Compare her legal acumen to that of the much younger Clarence Thomas at age 67. Fuggetaboutit!

Here’s something else to consider. At age 73, Bernie Sanders is only one year older than Joe Biden. Yet no one’s talking about Joe being long in the tooth. It’s got to be the white hair. Yep, it’s Sanders’ hoary head that makes him look more ancient!

Bernie, Bernie, maybe a little Grecian Formula wouldn’t hoit? Just saying.

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(AP Photo/Rich Pedroncelli)

Filed Under: politics

Donald J. Trump, Perfect Political Storm

August 28, 2015 By John DeProspo 6 Comments

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Many political observers have called Donald Trump the Frankenstein of the Republican Party; a monster of their own creation that will now inflict great pain and suffering, not only on the villagers, but also on his master.

This, no doubt, is true. But it does not explain Trump’s continuing dominance over the other Republican presidential candidates. To understand what is taking place in today’s Republican world, you have to look at what can only be described as a “ perfect political storm.”

A unique set of circumstances has converged this election cycle the likes of which has not been seen before. This rare combination of powerful forces, many years in the making, has given the GOP what some might classify as its worst nightmare.

Five disparate events have combined to give the Party of Lincoln the “Trump perfect storm.”

  1. Government Bashing – During Ronald Reagan’s first inaugural address, he famously said, “Government is not the solution to our problem; government is the problem.” Trust in government is at its lowest sustained level since Pew started collecting that data in 1958. Republican voters’ hatred of Washington D.C. is so great these days that it spills over to any career politician. Conservatives are tired of being lied to by their representatives. They are flocking toward any non-politician. Besides heavily favoring Trump, Republicans are strongly supporting two other non-pols, Carson and Fiorina.
  1. Money And Politics – Many voters today rightly believe their representatives are bought and paid for. While Citizen’s United has exacerbated the influence of money in politics, that has always been the case. Voters are sick of politicians promising them one thing on the campaign trail then doing something else (the bidding of their financial overlords) once in power. Trump brags about how he can’t be bought; how he turns down millions every day. As he keeps reminding his audiences, “I am very, very rich!”
  1. Political Correctness – Most mainstream politicians have to resort to “code” or “dog whistles” to get their hateful messages across to their public. Donald Trump has turned all that correctness on its ear. People like him because he tells it like it is. He gives people the “hate on a plate,” if you will, and the rabble is eating it up.
  1. Weak Field – With sixteen chances of fielding a non-extreme, electable candidate, one with passion and personality, this field was the best the adults in the GOP could come up with? Jeb, the anointed one, has not turned out to be the Establishment’s savior. While he looked good on paper, he is about as exciting as that … a sheet of paper. He has turned out to be the most disappointing candidate. Trump, on the other hand, has guts, cojones, energy, style and pizzazz. All his mainstream opponents are weak and mealy-mouthed in comparison. They may have the steak, but today’s conservative voter wants sizzle.
  1. Dumbing Down – Years of conservative bashing of intellectualism, science, logic, facts and history have taken a toll on the collective intelligence of the American electorate. Add the conservatives’ war on public education and the teaching profession, you have a toxic combination.

The Trump bid for the Republican presidential nomination continues to have legs because of five “perfect storm” factors: he is not a politician, he is independently wealthy, he doesn’t talk like a politician, he has style and the average American today is less factually-informed (and I’m being kind) than those in years past.

The GOP establishment can try to derail the Trump Express, but in a “perfect political storm,” the worst possible result inevitably becomes the reality.

Safe travels, Donald.

Image courtesy of worradmu at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Donald Trump, Uniter Not Divider

August 27, 2015 By John DeProspo Leave a Comment

white-supremacy

Say what you will about Donald Trump … he’s an egotist, a carnival barker, a mouth without a brain … there is no denying he, unlike the other mainstream Republican presidential candidates, has been able bring all the disparate factions of the Republican base into one fold … his!

In a recent MM survey, all the different factions that make up today’s Republican Party viewed Trump favorably. No other Republican presidential candidate came close to the billionaire real estate tycoon. Following is a list of the many groups that comprise the base of the GOP, listed from largest to smallest. A word of caution and clarification … many of these groups overlap with one another.

Republican Base

Evangelicals

Tea Baggers

Xenophobes

Gun toters

KKK

White Supremacists

Neo-Nazis

Psychopaths

Homophobes

Red Necks

Your average bigot

Your run-of-the-mill racist

Sadists

Half-wits

The clinically insane

White-collar criminals

What an amazing feat the king of “birtherism” has been able to accomplish!

The question remains how long can the man keep this overwhelming support from such a varied group? Can Trump ride this multilateral wave of support to the Republican nomination? I wouldn’t bet against it.

Photo | moronwatch.net

 

 

Filed Under: satire

Trump Deports Reporter Jorge Ramos Back To Univision

August 26, 2015 By John DeProspo 3 Comments

Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump gestures and declares "You're fired!" at a rally in Manchester, New Hampshire, June 17, 2015. REUTERS/Dominick Reuter TPX IMAGES OF THE DAY - RTX1GZCO

At his Iowa press conference yesterday, Donald Trump deported reporter Jorge Ramos back to his employer, Univision, for asking a question out of turn. “I would have deported him back to Mexico but I heard he was a U. S. citizen,” said Trump.

The flare up started as Trump began to take questions from a room full of reporters. Without being picked by Trump, Ramos arose to ask a series of immigration questions of the leading Republican presidential candidate. “Sit down, “ Trump ordered, “you weren’t called.” When Ramos refused to comply, one of Trump’s bodyguards physically escorted Ramos out.

Jorge Ramos has been called the Walter Cronkite of Hispanic news. His employer, Univision, has been labeled the most important Spanish-language network, with Ramos as the biggest, most-trusted on air personality on Spanish-language TV.

“I just wanted to ask him how he could possibly deport 11 million undocumented immigrants,” said Ramos, “and how he could build a 1900-mile wall. Does he have any idea what that would cost?

While Trump has touted his immigration solution, he has yet to supply any specifics. But that has not bothered his supporters. Apparently they believe Trump is capable of making anything happen. After all, he is very smart and very rich.

Trump was praised by his backers for the way he handled Ramos.

“He was so calm, so presidential!” exclaimed an excited supporter. “He was very dignified in his response. He could have very easily told Ramos to ‘sit the f–k down!”

Photo | dailykos.com

Filed Under: politics

Duke University Students Lament – “My Dogma Ate My Homework”

August 26, 2015 By John DeProspo

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It was inevitable. First the baker would not create a cake for a gay couple because of “deeply held religious beliefs;” then came the wedding photographer; then the pizzeria owner … and now the college student?

Some freshmen at Duke University have objected to an assigned summer reading list that included Fun Home, an award winning, New York Times best-selling novel. The book has been adapted into a Broadway play, winning five Tony awards, including Best Musical. Yes, the book is graphic and contains very personal, challenging and emotional issues of its author. But really?

“I feel as if I would have to compromise my personal Christian moral beliefs to read it,” Brian Grasso wrote on the Duke University Class of 2019 Facebook page.

Now, mind you, Duke University is not some second rate institution of higher learning. It is one of the more selective schools in the country. Last year it accepted only 14% of its applicants. In the most recent U.S. News and World Report survey of the top 100 American universities, it comes in at #8.

One could understand a baker or a photographer not wanting to participate in the celebration of a gay wedding because it offended their “deeply held religious beliefs” … however un-Christian that may be. But students at a select American university complaining about a book on a list that offends their Christian beliefs? As John McEnroe might say, “You can’t be serious!”

Perhaps those offended students should have researched colleges and universities better. Some top schools really do want to expand a student’s mind by subjecting them to material they might otherwise not be exposed to. Perhaps it’s the guidance counselor’s fault? Liberty University might have been a much better fit.

What next, an EMT refusing to give CPR to a gay person because it “offends their deeply held religious beliefs?” Talk about a slippery slope!

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Staring Into The Abyss Of Stupidity

August 25, 2015 By John DeProspo Leave a Comment

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The man is not only still around … he continues to be the people’s choice! Donald Trump is still the overwhelming favorite for the 2016 Republican presidential nomination. In a poll tracking 24 of the top pollsters, Trump is leading with 26.1% of the vote, followed by Bush at 10.3% and Carson at 9.7%. Depending on your viewpoint, this is truly wonderful and amazing; or truly shocking and cause for alarm.

The thinking of the political pundits was that Trump would follow the trajectory of a Herman Cain or Michelle Bachmann; shoot to the top quickly and, just as quickly, crash and burn.

How could the pundits, both Republican and Democrat, have gotten it so wrong this time? Why isn’t Trump’s fifteen minutes of fame as presidential candidate over?

Political pundits and analysts believe in logic, history, precedent and the laws of nature. They all convinced themselves they had seen this act before. They remembered that in a 2011 national poll, Herman Cain, the pizza man, lead the eventual nominee, Mitt Romney, 27% to 23%.

What the experts did not figure, nor do they understand, is just how far we as a country have sunk into the abyss of stupidity. Is there any doubt our great country gets dumber by the day? (The New American Majority)

You could say all those years of badmouthing science, knowledge, intellectualism, facts, teachers, and public education has taken a toll. All those years of defunding public education, promoting charter schools and homeschooling hasn’t helped our “national” IQ either.

Yes, a majority of Republicans love their loudmouth, classless Donald. Heck, he tells it like it is; he could care less about being politically correct! One could safely say, Trump is the only Republican presidential candidate who could make George W. Bush look like a statesman by comparison.

Can Trump keep his momentum all the way to the Republican nomination? What seemed preposterous only a few months ago is starting to look like a real, yet still remote, possibility.

“In politics, stupidity is not a handicap.”
― Napoléon Bonaparte

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 

Filed Under: politics

Castro Endorses Hillary For President

August 22, 2015 By John DeProspo 2 Comments

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Another Castro has declared his support for what many still see as the inevitable Democratic presidential nominee, Hillary Clinton. No, it is not Raul, Fidel’s younger brother (“Fidel Endorses Hillary For President.) This Castro is Joaquin, U.S. House Representative from Texas; the identical twin brother of Julian who served as Mayor of San Antonio from 2009 to 2014 and is now the 16th United States Secretary of Housing and Urban Development in the Obama Cabinet.

“There’s no doubt about it: Hillary is the best person to be our 45th president,” Castro declared. “Hillary has always been a tireless advocate for working families — she’s never ceased to make sure everybody has a fair shot at achieving the American Dream.”

Many political analysts are discussing Castro as an excellent VP choice for Clinton. The many benefits of such a vice presidential nominee are obvious. He is young, good-looking, well spoken and one of the more prominent Latino Democrats involved in national politics. In a 2013 Latino Decisions poll, 32% of the Latino voters surveyed said that a Castro bid for vice president would make them more likely to vote for the Democratic ticket in 2016.

In case you’re confused, it is not the Castro who endorsed Hillary people are talking about. It is brother Julian who is attracting all the buzz and excitement!

Don’t shortchange Rep. Castro, however. He is no political slouch. I hear he is every bit as young and good-looking as Julian.

To recap. The Castro who has endorsed Hillary Clinton is not likely to become her running mate. The Castro twin who has not endorsed her is. Go it?

Now wouldn’t a Clinton-Castro ticket be a great choice to go up against a Republican offering of Trump-Rubio? Like the Democratic counter part, Senator Marco Rubio is also young, good-looking, well spoken and one of the more prominent Latinos involved in national politics!

A real Mexican standoff of vice presidential candidates! OK, Rubio is Cuban.

Photo | Texastribune.org

 

Filed Under: politics

Oh Where Oh Where Has Our Country Gone?

August 20, 2015 By John DeProspo 2 Comments

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If you listen to both Democrats and Republicans, America is no longer around. It is a lost country and each political party is doing all it can to get our poor little country back.

Republicans firmly believe our great country has been hijacked by “the liberal agenda.” You know, gay rights, universal healthcare, belief in science, a fair justice system, a woman’s right to choose, clean air and water, energy independence, an equitable tax system, separation of church and state, combating climate change, sensible gun regulation … just to name a few of the evil things Democrats stand for.

Democrats on the other hand believe “conservative orthodoxy” is the reason our country has gone missing. The America they came to know and love has been taken over by a new American aristocracy, the military-industrial complex, a radical Supreme Court, the NRA, religious zealots, the blissfully ignorant, racists, misogynists, trickle down (voodoo) economics, defunders of public education, creationists, and Neanderthals.

You might say that the way I’ve described conservative and progressive values is unfairly slanted towards the Democrat viewpoint.

If you are Republican/conservative/right wing/red-neck/traditional/a stuffed shirt/a fossil … you would be right!

Politics has always been a tug of war between change and stasis, progress and regression, advance and retreat, expansion and stagnation.

For those who still care about the subject, history has shown that the arc of the universe firmly points towards the light, not the abyss; that the march of progress never ends.

When scholars study our society many years from now, they will rightfully wonder how any woman, middle-class American, non-millionaire or person over the age of 50 could have voted Republican in 2016 … the year that saw the death of the Grand Old Party of Lincoln.

Filed Under: Uncategorized

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