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Archives for September 2015

The Party Of Stupid Just Can’t Help Itself

September 22, 2015 By John DeProspo 6 Comments

One of the smartest things ever uttered by Bobby Jindal came right after the Republican Party lost the 2012 presidential race and saw Democrats gain seats in both chambers of Congress. Jindal famously scolded Republicans attending their annual RNC winter meeting, saying, Republicans “must stop being the stupid party.”

Fast forward to September 2015, it does not appear the GOP has been able to shake off its simpleton past. Not only is a modern-day P.T. Barnum leading the field of 2016 Republican presidential candidates, but the other two leading prospects, Ben Carson and Carly Fiorina, are political neophytes with the same amount of governing experience as Trump: zero. Could there be a more unmistakable repudiation of the Party’s establishment candidates as this? Why can’t the Party learn its lesson?

At that 2013 meeting, which doesn’t seen so long ago, Jindal rightly observed his party needed a complete recalibration. He suggested Republicans, “stop insulting the intelligence of the voters.” Jindal accused his party of “looking backwards” and having an obsession with “identity politics.”

A populist-sounding Jindal went on to warn his audience, “We must not be the party that simply protects the well-off so they can keep their toys. We have to be a party that shows all Americans how they can thrive.”

What ever happened to that guy? The 2015 version of the sage Rhodes scholar and Republican governor is nowhere to be found. The 2016 Republican presidential candidate is sounding just as stupid as the rest of the field of wedge-issue addicts.

I believe that Jindal, as do all Republican politicians, does not suffer from a short memory. The truth is that if any Republican presidential candidate wants to become the party’s presidential nominee in 2016, he or she must cater and pander to the Party’s base of low-information, intolerant, religious fundamentalist voters.

If it seems Republicans are on the same suicide mission as before – blocking immigration reform, trying to curtail a woman’s right to choose, defending religious intolerance – you would be right. But it’s the bed they made long ago; they simply can’t help themselves.

While the old Republican playbook may still work well on the state level, as for national elections, you can quote the leading Republican presidential candidate, “fuggedaboutit!”

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Money Can’t Buy You Charisma – Walker Withdraws

September 21, 2015 By John DeProspo Leave a Comment

Scott+Walker+shrugs

To all those idealists who believe money can’t buy everything, especially the United States presidency, the surprising withdrawal of Scott Walker from the 2016 Republican presidential race is heartening news. The golden boy of the billionaire Koch Bothers has had his lifeline yanked. No more money for you!

It was not too long ago the Wisconsin Governor was viewed as a formidable, top-tier candidate. He was able to secure the backing of the Kochs, who vowed to throw millions of dollars his way. But the Koch Brothers didn’t become billionaires making foolish business decisions. Apparently, they know when to cut losses.

Without adequate funding, no borderline candidate can continue a political race unless he’s a Donald Trump who can fund his own campaign. With no money and poll numbers which put him with the bottom feeders of his party – Jindal, Pataki, and Graham – Walker had no choice but to bail out.

Some have argued that Walker’s demise came as a result of being unfairly compared to the flamboyant egotist Donald Trump. Compared to the “tell it like it is” billionaire, Walker came across as weak and small. I would say almost anyone pitted against the bombastic TV reality star would look wimpy and ineffectual.

No, the core problem with Walker’s candidacy was two-fold. First, he did not have a compelling message. A career politician touting himself as a union buster just doesn’t make it on the national stage, as much as the Kochs would have liked that. Second, the man has zero charisma. He does not come across well on the TV screen. There is just a dullness to him, both in appearance and speech. What were the Kochs thinking?

It will be interesting to see which other Republican candidates will soon throw in the towel. Just as compelling, which of the remaining political puppets will be lorded with Koch money.

Republicans have outspent Democrats big time in the last two elections and lost each time. Maybe Koch money isn’t enough to win an election? It’s certainly wasn’t enough to buy Scott Walker what he needed most – charisma.

Filed Under: breaking news

Top 10 Reasons Why Carly Fiorina Will Never Be President

September 21, 2015 By John DeProspo 2 Comments

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After last week’s second Republican presidential debate, the most glowing reviews were for Carly Fiorina. Her impressive showing came on the heels of her winning performance in the first debate, albeit while at “the kid’s table,” (Carly On The Rise).

In the most recent CNN/ORC poll, Ms. Fiorina has shot up to second place among Republican presidential hopefuls with 15 per cent support, trailing only Donald Trump whose support slipped to 24 per cent.

But with a rise in profile comes an increase in scrutiny. There are a number of skeletons in Ms. Fiorina’s closet that will soon be made public, any one of which could derail her bid for the presidency.

Here are the Top 10 reasons why Carly Fiorina will never be president:

  1. Declared bankruptcy twice while operating her lemonade stand as a young girl
  2. Falsely accused her college roommate of having genital herpes after she stole her boyfriend.
  3. Doesn’t like puppies
  4. Secretly chews tobacco
  5. As a teenager, boiled her sister’s bunny in a fit of rage
  6. Was named “Most Likely To Be Mean” by her high school class
  7. Palled around with Bella Abzug in the 1970s
  8. Cheats at Words with Friends
  9. When called “as cold as ice” by an employee at HP, the employee was successfully sued for defamation by “ice.”
  10. Pees standing up

Yes, like Herman Cain and Michelle Bachmann before her, Ms. Fiorina will have her 15 minutes of fame. But her star will soon fade. While the current crop of Republican voters may forgive a candidate many things, one fact cannot be overlooked. What sicko doesn’t love puppies!

Image courtesy of SOMMAI at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Filed Under: satire

The Appeal Of “Mr. Excitement,” The Good Dr. Ben Carson

September 20, 2015 By John DeProspo 10 Comments

ben_carson_

What explains the riddle that is Dr. Ben Carson? The retired neurosurgeon turned Republican presidential candidate has consistently been polling second best in a field of 16 prospects, only trailing Donald Trump. Oh, and Dr. Carson is black. Don’t Republicans have a serious issue with our current president’s ebony complexion?

In a recent New York Times/CBS News poll, Carson is running nearly even with the frontrunner, Trump, 23% to 27%. The two “non-politicians” are head and shoulders above the remaining field of established politicians (excluding Fiorina).

The man who some have called as exciting as watching grass grow, continues to baffle political pundits. While his slow, carefully calibrated speech may make for good bedside manners, it doesn’t square with the type of presidential persona most Republican voters say they are looking for; hence, the huge support for the egomaniac Trump.

To understand Carson’s appeal, one needs to understand how deeply religious is this man. After all, this is the candidate who said he is only running for office because God directed him to do so (God Made Me Do It!).

A Gallup poll conducted from Aug. 1 to Sept. 8 on Republican candidates based on religiosity showed that Trump got a net satisfaction rating of 22 percent, compared to Ben Carson who topped it with 56 percent. While Trump likes to boast about his strong support among Evangelicals, Carson’s net favorability rating among the highly religious is over two and a half times higher than Trump’s.

To the highly religious conservative voter, it appears a candidate’s level of religiosity “trumps” all else… experience, enthusiasm for the job, policy positions, etc. In a way, Carson is like Trump… just as inexperienced and radical, but without the bombast.

Voters shouldn’t be fooled by Carson’s quiet, gentle exterior. The good doctor’s views in many ways are more extreme than Trump’s. Inside the chest of the acclaimed neurosurgeon beats the heart of a true right-wing fundamentalist.

One thing’s for sure. With Dr. Carson continuing to be a fixture in the Republican presidential debates, look for the sale of sleep aids to slump.

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Photo | ramblingmanblog.com

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Group Wants To Know… Is Trump Human?

September 19, 2015 By John DeProspo 2 Comments

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On the heels of the recent controversy surrounding whether the Republican presidential frontrunner, Donald Trump, believes President Obama is an American, a group of concerned citizens has demanded that Mr. Trump submit to a DNA test to determine if he is indeed human. “We’re not really sure if Trump is a member of the human race,” said Christy Combs, leader of the group. “I mean, if this person, and I use the word loosely, could become our next president, we want to make sure he is not some space alien sent down to takeover the world.”

When asked what makes the group question Mr. Trump’s humanness, Combs replied, “We’re all very scared. He seems to have a strange power over people. We’ve been watching and listening to Trump on the campaign trail and none of us have heard anything human-like come out of his mouth; no inkling of humanity, if you know what I mean. In addition, we’ve conferred with some of the top scientists and naturalists about Trump’s hair and all have given the same answer, “never quite encountered hair like that in the natural world.”

The group is also concerned about Mr. Trump’s strange facial expressions and the unusual way his lips contort while speaking. All signs, say the group members, that Trump could be an extraterrestrial.

When reached for comment, the Trump camp shrugged off the group’s request as “total nonsense.” Said campaign manager, Corey Lewandowski, “Donald Trump is 100% human. He was born in Queens, New York to human parents. If they want to see the birth certificate, we will gladly provide it.”

When told of the offer, Ms. Combs would have none of it, saying, “And how do we know the certificate is not fake? Answer me that? No, nothing short of a DNA test, analyzed by top doctors and scientists, will satisfy us.”

Bill Spreckels, a group member, is convinced Trump has a spaceship buried in one of his many properties. “Mar-A-Lago” would be the most obvious site. I propose we hire a construction crew to dig up the place,” said Spreckels.

Ed Swoboda, professional comedian and group member, observed,” If Trump is from outer space, he is not only an alien but an illegal one at that! Now that’s rich!”

Image courtesy of dan at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Filed Under: satire

Donald Trump, “King Of The Birthers”

September 18, 2015 By John DeProspo 6 Comments

obamakenya

Donald Trump is getting flak from all sides for not correcting a supporter who claimed President Obama is a Muslim, not an American. Both Democratic presidential frontrunners, Clinton and Sanders, criticized Trump for not pulling a “McCain” by standing up for our president. When confronted by a similar ill-informed supporter in 2008, McCain famously replied. “”No, ma’am. He’s a decent family man [and] citizen that I just happen to have disagreements with on fundamental issues and that’s what this campaign’s all about. He’s not [an Arab].”

Megyn Kelly of Fox News, while addressing a group of Republican voters, affirmed Obama’s “not a Muslim,” labeling the comment “objectively ugly.” Republican presidential candidate, Chris Christie said Trump had “an obligation” to correct the questioner, and that he would have done so.

And I always thought American voters had a short memory! Apparently this affliction also applies to “news” reporters and politicians. It wasn’t long ago that Mr. Trump was a frequent guest of Ms. Kelly’s network, Fox News,  questioning President Obama’s birthplace. In fact, Trump claimed he had dispatched a cadre of investigators to the alleged Obama birthplace, Hawaii, to dig out the truth (unfortunately we never quite heard the results of that investigation, which Trump, in a Fox interview, labeled “shocking”).

If Orly Taitz is the “Queen of “Birtherism,” surely Donald Trump is the king.

The fact is that Trump either believes in his own conspiracy theory about our president’s illegitimacy; that he is a Muslim born in Kenya. Or he is just a master opportunist who jumped on a crazy theory, milking it for all it’s worth. In either case, how could anyone expect Trump to correct the bigoted supporter?

If Trump played the “birther card” as a cynical way to garner attention and publicity, he succeeded big time. There would be no way in hell he’d rise to a “McCain moment.” It would be political suicide. Birthers form a large part of Trump’s base and he would never dare alienate so many low-information voters.

Megyn, here’s a suggestion. Have Mr. Trump as a guest on your show. Then hit him with this question, “Knowing what we know now, do you still think our president is a Kenyan Muslim?” It worked great when you popped a similarly worded question to old Jeb!

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Filed Under: Uncategorized

What’s Wrong With Jeb!

September 18, 2015 By John DeProspo 6 Comments

Jeb-and-barbara-bush

The more I watch and listen to Jeb Bush, the more I’m convinced his mother, Barbara Bush, offered him some sage advice when he was contemplating a run for the presidency: Don’t.

Jeb, the supposedly smarter Bush brother, has turned into a perpetual gaffe machine. He couldn’t handle the predictable, softball question served up by Fox’s Megyn Kelly about the wisdom of the Iraq war. And now, at last night’s presidential debate, he incredibly said that his brother kept America safe. When backed into a corner by Donald Trump, Jeb blurted out, “You know what? As it relates to my brother, there is one thing I know for sure, he kept us safe.”

Perhaps he will do what most politicians do when they’ve uttered something stupid; claim to have “misspoken.” But maybe not. Maybe the man is just as intellectually challenged as his big brother?

Or maybe Jeb just forgot that his brother’s presidency started on January 20, 2001, not September 12, 2001.

Maybe Jeb also forgot, or doesn’t know, that his brother and his administration were asleep at the wheel even though they had ample warning about a possible Al Qaeda attack; that upon leaving office the Clinton administration warned them about such a threat. Nope, George was on vacation that August 6, 2001, busy clearing brush on his ranch, when the infamous presidential briefing entitled, “Bin Laden Determined to Strike in U.S.,” was “presented” to him.

George W. Bush kept America safe, Jeb… really? Tell that to the grieving families who lost loved ones on 9-11. Tell that to the families that lost sons and daughters in a war based on lies. Tell that to the wounded soldiers who came back from Bush’s Middle East folly missing limbs. Tell that to the killed Iraqi civilians. Tell that to a destabilized Middle East. Tell that to a destabilized world.

Jeb Bush and his establishment handlers are relying on Americans having a short memory or one that has been completely plastered over by conservative news outlets. Perhaps Jeb may turn out to be the Republican presidential nominee after all. If he is, should make for some lively debates with whoever becomes the Democratic nominee. You can be sure the Democrat will have a long and sharp memory.

Jeb should have known never to go against the advice of a wise old woman with white hair. After all, mother knows best.

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Photo | charismannews.com

 

 

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Carly Plays Trump Card, Her Business Experience, In GOP Debate

September 17, 2015 By John DeProspo 8 Comments

images

The consensus of opinion on last night’s second Republican presidential debate is that Carly Fiorina not only went toe to toe with the frontrunner, Donald Trump, but also beat him at his own game. Fiorina touted her outsider status and her successful business record, most notably, as CEO of Hewlett-Packard. Unfortunately, the facts about her tenure as head of HP tell a much different story.

Fiorina, as she did last night, keeps emphasizing some key talking points about her business acumen. The biggest of which is that she took over a company and doubled it in size to nearly 90 billion.

Ask most business executives to describe Fiorina’s stint as head of the giant tech company and the word “disaster” will most often be heard. Her recitation of accomplishments at HP is either based on the lack of context or the cherry picking of facts, they say.

Carly Fiorina was hired CEO of Hewlett-Packard in 1999 and was forced out by the board of directors in 2005. In 2002, Fiorina oversaw the biggest high-tech merger in history up to that time, with rival computer company Compaq, which made HP the world’s largest personal computer manufacturer. The deal was controversial as most analysts were not convinced of its strategic value and several board members and shareholders publicly opposed it.

Yes, HP’s revenue nearly doubled during Fiorina’s tenure, from 43 billion in 1999 to about 87 billion in 2005. . But that increase was due to the revenue brought in by the Compaq merger. The facts are that under Fiorina’s watch, 30,000 workers were laid off, jobs were shipped to China and the company stock price cratered a whopping 50%.

Carly Fiorina “simply did not have the skills to manage one of the world’s largest technology companies,” former Compaq chairman Ben Rosen wrote in 2008.

Jason Burnett, the grandson of the late HP co-founder David Packard, has said, “She did damage to a great company and I don’t want to see her do damage to a great country.”

There is no doubt Carly Fiorina is a good speaker. There is no doubt that she distinguished herself in last night’s debate as she did in the first debate (Carly On The Rise) But the more you fact-check her talking points, the more you realize she is not qualified to run the world’s second largest economy. No doubt she will receive a bump in the polls and enjoy 15 minutes of fame.

You have to give Carly credit, though. When she was let go by HP, she did leave with a severance package estimated at $40 million, which speaks well for her negotiating skills, or those of her lawyers!

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Photo | huffingtonpost.com

Filed Under: breaking news, Uncategorized

Second GOP Presidential Debate a/k/a Obama Hate-Fest

September 16, 2015 By John DeProspo 6 Comments

If you didn’t know better, you would think Barack Obama has pulled an FDR, running for a third term. All the problems facing America today lead only to one place … President Obama’s front door. While Obama-bashing may have been the main course, Hillary-hating was the appetizer. It appears most of the Republican contenders believe they will be facing the lady in the pant suit for the presidency.

Did the current Republican frontrunner, Donald Trump, help or hurt himself? I would say neither. From my perspective he held his own. His supporters will remain his supporters. The most impressive performance of the night was that of the only female candidate in the contest, Carly Fiorina. She was strong, confident and thoughtful. She handled well Trump’s patronizing comment, “She has a beautiful face.” She didn’t respond. Fiorina not only answered the questions asked of her, but she provided commentary as the debate was unfolding… “We just spent 12 minutes on that unimportant topic.” My only criticism is that she needs to smile more; not be so businesslike.

I don’t know if it is just me, but it seemed as if Dr. Ben Carson forgot to take his afternoon nap. Mr. Dynamite he is not. Will he lose some support? Probably.

Some of the more memorable comments of the night included Jeb Bush’s defense of his brother … “He kept us safe.” I think little brother forgot the United States was attacked on Dubya’s watch! Then there was Ted Cruz’s description of his friend, Chief Justice John Roberts, as a liberal. Yes, he is liberal compared to Genghis Kahn, perhaps. Gov. Scott Walker took a jab at Trump’s political inexperience when he said, “We don’t need an apprentice in the White House”; a very weak, sophomoric punch.

Of all the “Trumpisms” that came out of The Donald’s mouth, he did make a very cogent, valid point. When interviewed after the debate, Trump observed, “Three hours is too long.”

 

 

Filed Under: breaking news

Alabama Will Require Evolution To Be Taught In Science Class

September 15, 2015 By John DeProspo 2 Comments

zghMs7y4QxWzMJH3lOjK__85471204_hi002405702 - CopyAlabama has updated its science standards so that science is taught in science class. Beginning in 2016, Alabama students will be required to understand the theory of evolution, even though they will not be required to accept the theory.

Unlike current practice, where students rely solely on memorization of facts from textbooks, teachers will now be required to let students figure out things on their own through observation and experimentation, just like real scientists.

Already, however, these new guidelines are causing a stir in the deeply religious Bible Belt state.

Many teachers are objecting to the teaching of evolution as it conflicts with their deeply held religious beliefs. Taking their cue from Kim Davis, the Kentucky clerk who is refusing to issue marriage licenses to same sex couples because of her religious beliefs, these teachers are ready to fight for their faith.

“God created man in his image. That’s what the Good Book says. I have a moral objection to teaching kids they evolved from apes,” said Lucinda Babbett. The 11th grade science teacher said this is not what she signed up for when she took the job of science teacher.

“When I was hired by my school district, the teaching of evolution was optional. Now it’s mandatory? You can’t change rules mid stream. It’s unfair, “ claimed Babbett.

Republican presidential candidate, Mike Huckabee, has already pledged to take up the cause of the defiant teachers. “They should only follow the law if they think it is right. And this new law is wrong. It goes against God’s teaching. I’m a firm believer we all descended from Adam and Eve,” said Huckabee.

As the new rule does not go into effect until 2016, there is still time for the affected teachers to seek an accommodation from the state legislature. Failing that, there is always the option of a lawsuit.

“I am prepared to go to jail, just like Kim” said a rebellious Lucinda Babbett. “If that’s what God wants, that’s what I’ll do.”

It is believed that when the new science guidelines go into effect, there will be a mass “exodus” from the public schools and a dramatic increase in homeschooling.

Filed Under: satire

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