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Archives for September 2015

Caitlyn Jenner – A True Republican

September 5, 2015 By John DeProspo 2 Comments

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A lot of things about the former Bruce Jenner may be fake, but not her conservative-leaning political views. She is a 100%, dyed-in-the-wool Republican. And as a true Republican, she is 100% a hypocrite.

Speaking about marriage equality to Ellen DeGeneres, Jenner admits, “I was not for it. I’m a traditionalist.” In an interview that will air this coming Tuesday, Jenner explains, “But as time has gone on, I think, like a lot of people on the issue, I’ve really changed my thinking.”

The hallmark of conservative Republicanism is the total lack of empathy. Republican minds only change when an issue personally affects them. They will abandon a firmly held belief when it is in their self-interest to do so.

Another trait of right-wing Republicans is their lack of appreciation for the word “irony.” Caitlyn Jenner is a traditionalist? I dare say there is nothing remotely traditional about her. That she could still think of herself as a Republican is mind-boggling. A party that can’t see beyond black and white, both literally and figuratively, will never accept such a person as one of their own. How rich!

No one really knows if the person who has been married to three different women is still interested in women; whether this ongoing sexual preference has brought about the change in her thinking on “traditional marriage.” In her interview with DeGeneres, Jenner admits she is looking to find love again but was coy on whether that love will come from a woman or a man. What a tease! Keep watching this most fascinating transgender Republican, folks. Lets hear it for ratings!

Photo | Michael Rozman/Warner Bros.

 

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Kim Davis’ Exes Come To Her Defense

September 4, 2015 By John DeProspo 9 Comments

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Now that Kim Davis has spent her first night in a Kentucky county jail for refusing to obey a court order, her three prior husbands, Bobby Joe Klinger, Billy Scruggs, Jr. and Lester Pyle have come to her defense.

“I just want to say we all support our ex-wife,” said Klinger, who is acting as the group’s spokesman. “We still love Kim. Yes, we were all hurt by her but, through the love of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, we have found the strength to forgive her.” It seems Klinger needed the most strength, as Davis fathered twins by her third husband, Pyle, while still married to Bobby Joe.

“Kim has always been a strong woman,” Klinger went on to say. “Her belief in traditional marriage is so strong that she’s been through the holy sacrament four times. Now that shows true dedication and conviction in my book.”

“I know the Lord works in mysterious ways. If not for Kim divorcing us, we never would have ended up as good friends. Billy, Lester and me all bowl on the same team at Happy Valley Lanes. We like to share stories about being married to that amazing woman.”

Klinger announced the launch of a new website created by the trio, supportourex.com. “The purpose of the website is to raise money in support of our ex. While her lawyers are defending her free of charge, she still needs money for incidentals. Plus, as someone who has been in that county jail, I can tell you the food is downright nasty! We want to give Kim the change to order her favorite takeout.”

Her current husband, Orville Davis, is also supporting his wife in her principled stance on the sanctity of traditional marriage.” My wife is being persecuted for standing up for her religious beliefs. She’s prepared to be a martyr for as long as it takes… although I would like her home soon. The trailer is getting a little messy.”

Most of the Republican presidential candidates are defending Mrs. Davis.

The most forceful defense has come from Gov. Mike Huckabee. On Tuesday he said, “I spoke with Kim Davis this morning to offer my prayers and support. I let her know how proud I am of her for not abandoning her religious convictions and standing strong for religious liberty. She is showing more courage and humility than just about any federal office holder in Washington.”

The only two Republican candidates who believe Kim Davis should quit her job or follow the law are Sen. Lindsey Graham and Carly Fiorina. Some political observers have said the two have the luxury of being reasonable and sane, as they have no chance of ever securing the Republican presidential nomination.

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Editor’s note: This article is fictional. The fact is that, while Davis has indeed been married four times, she twice married the same husband… #2 is now #4. Got it?

Filed Under: satire

Top 10 Reasons Why Trump Will Never Be President

September 3, 2015 By John DeProspo 10 Comments

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It’s time for a reality check. While Donald Trump, so far, is dominating the polls and media coverage, it is way too early in the race to pronounce him a winner. Now that the election season is starting to get serious, expect some disquieting facts to surface about Mr. Trump. People in the know are saying once these facts come out, Trump’s chances of becoming President, let alone the Republican presidential nominee, are what Jay Z might label “slimmer than that chick in Calvin Klein pants.”

Here are the top 10 reasons why there will never be a President Trump:

  1. Secret sex tape with Justin Bieber made public
  2. That thing on is head is the pelt of an endangered species
  3. Al Sharpton was Trump’s best man at his first wedding
  4. He hooked up with Hillary while at Wharton
  5. He cheats at golf
  6. He fathered out of wedlock Mexican twins, Julian and Joaquin
  7. He fixed the 1970 Miss Universe pageant in favor of Miss Puerto Rico
  8. He is a closeted Deadhead
  9. He palled around with the Dalai Lama
  10. There just aren’t enough morons

Yes, I know, Trump has been called the “Teflon Donald” (see Trump’s Secret Weapon Revealed) by many savvy pundits; yes, there are some serious allegations about to be slung; and yes, his loyal followers will forgive and dismiss almost anything their savior says or does. But I can say with confidence, as someone who plays the game, even his most diehard supporters will never forgive him for cheating at golf!

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Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 

Filed Under: satire

Christian Conservatives’ New Cash Cow – Religious Persecution

September 2, 2015 By John DeProspo 6 Comments

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Kentucky county clerk Kim Davis, the three-time divorcee, is still refusing to issue marriage licenses because her god does not want gays to marry. In her mind, doing the job she is being paid to do, would violate her conscience. It doesn’t matter that a state judge has ordered her to issue licenses, or that the Supreme Court has denied her appeal. The woman is simply acting on “god’s authority.”

Haven’t we seen this act before? Remember that Indiana pizzeria owner who said he would refuse to serve his pizza at a gay wedding? After being forced to close because of the backlash that erupted, the shop raised nearly $1 million dollars from supporters of bigotry. Not a bad payday!

Who knew pandering to conservative Christians could be so lucrative? Of course, I use the word “Christians” very loosely. These pious persecuted souls are not followers of Christ but CINO, Christian in name only. They couldn’t be more separated from the message their Lord and Savior preached.

If it hasn’t happened already, it won’t be long before Kim Davis’ camp starts cashing in by fundraising for this new Christian martyr, now on her fourth marriage. Could a book deal be far behind? And won’t this make a great, new Republican wedge issue?

Davis, who faces potential fines or jail time, remains resolute. “My beliefs cannot be separated from me,” said Davis. “”I’m willing to face my consequences.”

While Davis cannot be fired from her job, as she is an elected official, she can, and must, be held in contempt for failing to honor a court order. Perhaps a little jail time might make her realize that, according to her holy book, it’s no more of a sin for two gays to marry, than for two divorced adulterers to remarry (Matthew 19:3.9.) If issuing a marriage license to a same-sex couple would banish them to hell, as Davis has claimed, then the serial bride would not be too far behind.

One thing’s for certain. The more fines and jail time for Kim Davis, the more lucre flowing into her coffer. You can guess her thinking right now… bring it on!

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Photo | wjb-cpa.typepad.com

Filed Under: Uncategorized

The Rise Of Trump Signals The Fall Of The GOP

September 2, 2015 By John DeProspo Leave a Comment

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Today’s Republican Party leaders (whoever they may be) are stumped by Trump. The deeper the billionaire sticks his foot into his mouth, the higher his approval ratings. The more the mainstream, “real” Republican candidates try to go toe to toe with Trump, the more they get their teeth smashed in. Is there any stopping the Trump Express?

What is happening to the Republican Party is nothing more than karmic payback. To the eternal delight of Democrats and many Independents, the party that sold its soul a few short years ago to the TeaBag crazies, is now reaping what it sowed. Since 2008, the Republican Party has succumbed to its basest voices for short-term political gain; where compromise became a dirty word; were Barack Obama was the anti-Christ-Muslim-Kenyan set to destroy all that conservatives held near and dear. It’s as if the children started running the house … both figuratively and literally!

Whether or not Trump wins the Republican nomination is irrelevant. The damage has been done. The dirty laundry is being aired and that gaggle of mainstream Republican candidates looks weak and pathetic. If Trump becomes the party’s presidential nominee, the Republican Party is cooked. If Trump does not get the nomination, and makes good on his third-party threat, the Democrats win in a landslide … no matter whether the Democratic nominee is Hillary Clinton or SpongeBob Square Pants.

The political pendulum has always swung back and forth; from right to left; from retrenchment to progress. It looks as if the backward arc may have reached its apex and the pendulum is slowing, but surely, moving forward. It is not only the Republican Party’s bad deal with the devil that is doing them in, however. It’s shear demographics.

Now let’s see. Republicans have alienated gays, blacks, women, Hispanics, Asians, the poor, immigrants, and anyone who believes in science, education, justice, fairness and equality. Who’s left? Basically the very rich; those feeble-minded Fox fans and religious conservatives. The problem is there simply aren’t enough of those folks for them to win a national election.

Donald J. Trump … every liberal, progressive Democrat’s wish come true. RIP GOP.

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Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Palin Defends Trump On Bible “Gotcha Question”

September 1, 2015 By John DeProspo Leave a Comment

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Once again, Sarah has come to the aid of the Republican presidential frontrunner, Donald Trump (Stand By Your Man – Palin Defends Trump.) On her Facebook page, Palin wrote that when a reporter asked Trump to name his favorite Bible verse, after he touted the sacred book as his favorite of all time, it was just another “gotcha question.” So totally unfair! So out of line! This critique, mind you, is coming from the woman who thought Katie Couric’s question, “ which newspapers and magazines do you read” was of the “gotcha” variety.

Thanks to Palin, the term “gotcha question” has come to mean any question a politician can’t, or would rather not, answer. Today, when a reporter asks a politician an unwelcome, difficult or surprising question, it’s instantly labeled a “gotcha.” One thing’s for sure, when you hear a politician talk about a “gotcha question,” the reporter is doing his or her job well!

While Katie Couric’s question of Sarah Palin’s reading materials is perhaps the most famous Palin “gotcha question” (as labeled by Palin herself), here is a list of ten other questions Plain has described as “gotchas” but which never got the same media attention:

1.Can you name your children in chronological order?

2.What was your favorite subject in high school?

3.Is the Earth thousands or billions of years old?

4.Did you frame your college diploma?

5.Do you prefer boxers or briefs?

6.Should we deport all illegal immigrants or just Mexicans?

7.When will you launch your next presidential run?

8.Do you agree with the Pope on global warming?

9,Do you find it unseasonably warm today?

10.Miller Lite … “great taste” or “less filling?”

Yes, Sarah Palin will defend Trump at every opportunity. A reporter recently asked if she was angling to become Trump’s VP pick. The woman known for her “word salads” was only able to mutter, “Oh fiddle-de-dee!” At least she did not call the question a “gotcha!”

Trump- Palin would make an interesting ticket. But, alas, they would be appealing to the same ultra right, low -information base.

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Photo | telegraph.co.uk

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