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You are here: Home / satire / Bill Clinton’s 3 A.M. Phone Call

Bill Clinton’s 3 A.M. Phone Call

December 11, 2015 By John DeProspo 1 Comment

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Having been persuaded to run for president by his good friend Bill Clinton (The Genius Of Bill Clinton), Donald Trump makes a frantic 3 a.m. call to Bubba:

Trump – “Bill you gotta help me. I’m scared.”

Clinton – “Hey buddy, do you know what time it is?”

Trump – “Yea, but I know this is the best time to get you. I need your advice.”

Clinton – “My advice? You seem to be doing well on your own!”

Trump – “That’s just it. I’m doing too well. I’ve gone from front-runner to prohibitive favorite and I don’t know what to do now. People seriously think I can be the next president of the goddamn United States, for chrissake! I’ve tried sabotaging my campaign with some pretty crazy stuff lately but it’s not working. My numbers just keep going up.”

Clinton – “ You’ve done a great job upending the Republican Party and decimating the field. I’m proud of you. Why not just drop out now?”

Trump – “Bill you know me. I could never do that. I’m not a loser, you know. I need my numbers to go down so I can employ my exit strategy. You know, like I told George Stephanopoulos.”

Clinton – “I got to say you have a crazy group of loonies that just love you. How about this … you propose that we nuke North Korea? That should do the trick.”

Trump – “No, I think that might work out just like my last idea about closing our borders to all Muslims. Numbers went up!”

Clinton – “OK. How about you announce that you are in favor of reasonable gun control and you support a woman’s right to choose?”

Trump – “Yes, that’s it! There is a reason why you’re called a political genius!”

Clinton – “Well… you know.”

Trump  – “Thanks and give my best to Hill. See you Sunday. That was an 8 a.m. tee time, right?”

Photo | cnn.com

 

 

 

 

 

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Comments

  1. John Hamilton says

    December 15, 2015 at 7:04 pm

    LOL

    Reply

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