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Archives for 2015

What’s Wrong With Jeb!

September 18, 2015 By John DeProspo 6 Comments

Jeb-and-barbara-bush

The more I watch and listen to Jeb Bush, the more I’m convinced his mother, Barbara Bush, offered him some sage advice when he was contemplating a run for the presidency: Don’t.

Jeb, the supposedly smarter Bush brother, has turned into a perpetual gaffe machine. He couldn’t handle the predictable, softball question served up by Fox’s Megyn Kelly about the wisdom of the Iraq war. And now, at last night’s presidential debate, he incredibly said that his brother kept America safe. When backed into a corner by Donald Trump, Jeb blurted out, “You know what? As it relates to my brother, there is one thing I know for sure, he kept us safe.”

Perhaps he will do what most politicians do when they’ve uttered something stupid; claim to have “misspoken.” But maybe not. Maybe the man is just as intellectually challenged as his big brother?

Or maybe Jeb just forgot that his brother’s presidency started on January 20, 2001, not September 12, 2001.

Maybe Jeb also forgot, or doesn’t know, that his brother and his administration were asleep at the wheel even though they had ample warning about a possible Al Qaeda attack; that upon leaving office the Clinton administration warned them about such a threat. Nope, George was on vacation that August 6, 2001, busy clearing brush on his ranch, when the infamous presidential briefing entitled, “Bin Laden Determined to Strike in U.S.,” was “presented” to him.

George W. Bush kept America safe, Jeb… really? Tell that to the grieving families who lost loved ones on 9-11. Tell that to the families that lost sons and daughters in a war based on lies. Tell that to the wounded soldiers who came back from Bush’s Middle East folly missing limbs. Tell that to the killed Iraqi civilians. Tell that to a destabilized Middle East. Tell that to a destabilized world.

Jeb Bush and his establishment handlers are relying on Americans having a short memory or one that has been completely plastered over by conservative news outlets. Perhaps Jeb may turn out to be the Republican presidential nominee after all. If he is, should make for some lively debates with whoever becomes the Democratic nominee. You can be sure the Democrat will have a long and sharp memory.

Jeb should have known never to go against the advice of a wise old woman with white hair. After all, mother knows best.

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Photo | charismannews.com

 

 

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Carly Plays Trump Card, Her Business Experience, In GOP Debate

September 17, 2015 By John DeProspo 8 Comments

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The consensus of opinion on last night’s second Republican presidential debate is that Carly Fiorina not only went toe to toe with the frontrunner, Donald Trump, but also beat him at his own game. Fiorina touted her outsider status and her successful business record, most notably, as CEO of Hewlett-Packard. Unfortunately, the facts about her tenure as head of HP tell a much different story.

Fiorina, as she did last night, keeps emphasizing some key talking points about her business acumen. The biggest of which is that she took over a company and doubled it in size to nearly 90 billion.

Ask most business executives to describe Fiorina’s stint as head of the giant tech company and the word “disaster” will most often be heard. Her recitation of accomplishments at HP is either based on the lack of context or the cherry picking of facts, they say.

Carly Fiorina was hired CEO of Hewlett-Packard in 1999 and was forced out by the board of directors in 2005. In 2002, Fiorina oversaw the biggest high-tech merger in history up to that time, with rival computer company Compaq, which made HP the world’s largest personal computer manufacturer. The deal was controversial as most analysts were not convinced of its strategic value and several board members and shareholders publicly opposed it.

Yes, HP’s revenue nearly doubled during Fiorina’s tenure, from 43 billion in 1999 to about 87 billion in 2005. . But that increase was due to the revenue brought in by the Compaq merger. The facts are that under Fiorina’s watch, 30,000 workers were laid off, jobs were shipped to China and the company stock price cratered a whopping 50%.

Carly Fiorina “simply did not have the skills to manage one of the world’s largest technology companies,” former Compaq chairman Ben Rosen wrote in 2008.

Jason Burnett, the grandson of the late HP co-founder David Packard, has said, “She did damage to a great company and I don’t want to see her do damage to a great country.”

There is no doubt Carly Fiorina is a good speaker. There is no doubt that she distinguished herself in last night’s debate as she did in the first debate (Carly On The Rise) But the more you fact-check her talking points, the more you realize she is not qualified to run the world’s second largest economy. No doubt she will receive a bump in the polls and enjoy 15 minutes of fame.

You have to give Carly credit, though. When she was let go by HP, she did leave with a severance package estimated at $40 million, which speaks well for her negotiating skills, or those of her lawyers!

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Photo | huffingtonpost.com

Filed Under: breaking news, Uncategorized

Second GOP Presidential Debate a/k/a Obama Hate-Fest

September 16, 2015 By John DeProspo 6 Comments

If you didn’t know better, you would think Barack Obama has pulled an FDR, running for a third term. All the problems facing America today lead only to one place … President Obama’s front door. While Obama-bashing may have been the main course, Hillary-hating was the appetizer. It appears most of the Republican contenders believe they will be facing the lady in the pant suit for the presidency.

Did the current Republican frontrunner, Donald Trump, help or hurt himself? I would say neither. From my perspective he held his own. His supporters will remain his supporters. The most impressive performance of the night was that of the only female candidate in the contest, Carly Fiorina. She was strong, confident and thoughtful. She handled well Trump’s patronizing comment, “She has a beautiful face.” She didn’t respond. Fiorina not only answered the questions asked of her, but she provided commentary as the debate was unfolding… “We just spent 12 minutes on that unimportant topic.” My only criticism is that she needs to smile more; not be so businesslike.

I don’t know if it is just me, but it seemed as if Dr. Ben Carson forgot to take his afternoon nap. Mr. Dynamite he is not. Will he lose some support? Probably.

Some of the more memorable comments of the night included Jeb Bush’s defense of his brother … “He kept us safe.” I think little brother forgot the United States was attacked on Dubya’s watch! Then there was Ted Cruz’s description of his friend, Chief Justice John Roberts, as a liberal. Yes, he is liberal compared to Genghis Kahn, perhaps. Gov. Scott Walker took a jab at Trump’s political inexperience when he said, “We don’t need an apprentice in the White House”; a very weak, sophomoric punch.

Of all the “Trumpisms” that came out of The Donald’s mouth, he did make a very cogent, valid point. When interviewed after the debate, Trump observed, “Three hours is too long.”

 

 

Filed Under: breaking news

Alabama Will Require Evolution To Be Taught In Science Class

September 15, 2015 By John DeProspo 2 Comments

zghMs7y4QxWzMJH3lOjK__85471204_hi002405702 - CopyAlabama has updated its science standards so that science is taught in science class. Beginning in 2016, Alabama students will be required to understand the theory of evolution, even though they will not be required to accept the theory.

Unlike current practice, where students rely solely on memorization of facts from textbooks, teachers will now be required to let students figure out things on their own through observation and experimentation, just like real scientists.

Already, however, these new guidelines are causing a stir in the deeply religious Bible Belt state.

Many teachers are objecting to the teaching of evolution as it conflicts with their deeply held religious beliefs. Taking their cue from Kim Davis, the Kentucky clerk who is refusing to issue marriage licenses to same sex couples because of her religious beliefs, these teachers are ready to fight for their faith.

“God created man in his image. That’s what the Good Book says. I have a moral objection to teaching kids they evolved from apes,” said Lucinda Babbett. The 11th grade science teacher said this is not what she signed up for when she took the job of science teacher.

“When I was hired by my school district, the teaching of evolution was optional. Now it’s mandatory? You can’t change rules mid stream. It’s unfair, “ claimed Babbett.

Republican presidential candidate, Mike Huckabee, has already pledged to take up the cause of the defiant teachers. “They should only follow the law if they think it is right. And this new law is wrong. It goes against God’s teaching. I’m a firm believer we all descended from Adam and Eve,” said Huckabee.

As the new rule does not go into effect until 2016, there is still time for the affected teachers to seek an accommodation from the state legislature. Failing that, there is always the option of a lawsuit.

“I am prepared to go to jail, just like Kim” said a rebellious Lucinda Babbett. “If that’s what God wants, that’s what I’ll do.”

It is believed that when the new science guidelines go into effect, there will be a mass “exodus” from the public schools and a dramatic increase in homeschooling.

Filed Under: satire

Don Rickles Endorses Trump

September 15, 2015 By John DeProspo 2 Comments

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The “king of the insult comedians,” Don Rickles, has endorsed Donald Trump for president. The 89-year-old comic believes Trump is the right man for the job. Rickles observed, “He’s the fearless kind of guy we need as the leader of the free world. Who else has hair like that and has the nerve to be seen in public?”

When asked if he truly believed Trump had a chance against the other, more established candidates, Rickles replied, “ He’s got as good a chance as any of those other hockey pucks … and punkette. Carly Fiorina, now there’s a face only Stevie Wonder could love!”

Asked if Trump could win a presidential contest against the Democratic front-runner, Hillary Clinton, Rickles quipped, “Hey if the woman can’t satisfy Slick Willie, how can she satisfy America?”

Rickles revealed he has been a friend of the Trump family for over 65 years. “I remember Donnie when he was just a little snot nosed kid sitting on his mama’s lap. Even back then I could see the brilliant mind and potential greatness. In grammar school, he used to pay a few pennies to this big kid, Bruno, to bully the faggy kids out of their lunch money.”

When asked if Trump has the temperament to deal with other world leaders, Rickles snapped,” Oh sure! You put him in a room with Putin and I’m telling you there’d be a price toupee! Get it? Folks, I got a million of ‘em!”

On a more serious note, the lifelong Democrat, also known as “Mr. Warmth,” was asked why he was supporting a Republican. “Hey, some of my best friends have been Republican. Did you know Sinatra was a closet Republican? But the real reason? We insult comics stick together.”

Photo | ticketmaster.com

 

Filed Under: satire

The Real American Exceptionalism

September 14, 2015 By John DeProspo Leave a Comment

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“American exceptionalism” is best defined as the belief that America’s values, political system, and history are unique among all other nations and worthy of universal admiration. Mostly employed by conservative Republicans, the phrase has been used as a bludgeon against any American who would dare think otherwise. Those not buying into this belief have been labeled unpatriotic; traitors to their country.

Unfortunately, today’s “American exceptionalism” is best defined in a negative sense. Americans are “exceptionally” behind other developed countries in many key metrics that define an advanced society. Let’s take a look:

Americans are “exceptionally” violent – As recently observed by President Obama, gun violence is much worse in the US than other advanced countries. Per population, we kill each other with guns at a rate 297x more than Japan, 49x more than France, 33x more than Israel.

Americans are “exceptionally” Stone Age – In a Michigan State University survey, only 14 percent of American adults thought that evolution was “definitely true,” while about a third firmly rejected the idea. In European countries, including Denmark, Sweden, and France, more than 80 percent of adults surveyed said they accepted the concept of evolution.

Americans suffer “exceptional” poverty -The United States ranks near the bottom of the pack of wealthy nations on the measure of child poverty, according to a recent UNICEF report. Nearly one third of U.S. children live in households with an income below 60 percent of the national median income. With 32.2 percent of children living below this line, the U.S. ranks 36th out of the 41 wealthy countries included in the UNICEF report.

Americans suffer “exceptional” income inequality – The U.S. is nearly the most wealth-unequal country in the world, according to Global Wealth Report 2013. Out of 141 countries, the U.S. has the 4th-highest degree of wealth inequality, trailing only Russia, Ukraine, and Lebanon.

Americans are “exceptionally” less educated – United States is ranked 12th among the world’s nations in the proportion of people between the ages of 25 and 34 who have college degrees. A recent International Student Assessment (PISA) showed that teenagers in the U.S. slipped from 25th to 31st in math since 2009; from 20th to 24th in science; and from 11th to 21st in reading, according to the National Center for Education Statistics.

Americans have “exceptionally” less health insurance – The United States is the only major country that doesn’t guarantee the right of health care to its citizens. The World Health Organization ranked American health care 37th in the world, and in a recent study, the Commonwealth Fund ranked America’s health care system last on the basis of 21 indicative factors.

Perhaps Michael Moore best summed up “American exceptionalism”:

“This concept of American exceptionalism is the death of us. We know personally it does none of us any good walking around going “Yeah! Yeah!” That’s not the path to self-improvement. I mean, you can like yourself, and I do. I love the fact that I’m an American. I love this country. I love everything about what it means. But I also embrace the other side of it, and in doing so, it’s incumbent upon me as a citizen to want to help fix it.”

USA! USA! USA!

Image courtesy of vectorolie at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Top 10 Questions For CNN Republican Presidential Debate

September 13, 2015 By John DeProspo 22 Comments

The second prime-time Republican presidential debate will air this coming Wednesday, September 16th on CNN. If history is any guide, the debate will attract a significant viewership.

Here are the Top 10 questions I would ask all the candidates to answer:

  1. Do you believe the Earth is thousands or billions of years old?
  2. Do you believe the United States of America is a Christian nation?
  3. Do you agree with the Supreme Court’s decision on gay marriage?
  4. Do you believe in a government shutdown if Planned Parenthood is not defunded?
  5. Do you agree with Roe v. Wade?
  6. Do you believe a person, based on their religious beliefs, should only follow a law if they think “it is right,” as proposed by Mike Huckabee?
  7. Knowing what we know now, do you believe the invasion of Iraq was a good idea?
  8. Do you agree with Donald Trump’s idea to build a 1900-mile fence along the U.S.- Mexico border and the deportation of 11 million immigrants?
  9. Do you believe President Obama is an American-born Christian?
  10. Do you agree with the Pope that global warming is man-made?

Will any of the moderators for the upcoming debate have the nerve to ask any of the above questions? While it is unlikely, I am hoping at least one of the questions will be asked of all the candidates. These would-be “leaders of the free world” need to be put on the spot.

Get out the popcorn. Should be a hoot of a debate!

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Filed Under: politics

Three Reasons Why Perry Ends Campaign

September 12, 2015 By John DeProspo Leave a Comment

Texas Governor Rick Perry, a possible Republican candidate for the 2016 presidential race, answers a question about his indictment in Texas on two felony counts of abuse of power during an appearance at a business leaders luncheon in Portsmouth, New Hampshire August 22, 2014. REUTERS/Brian Snyder (UNITED STATES - Tags: POLITICS CRIME LAW BUSINESS)

Yesterday, former Texas Gov. Rick Perry announced the end of his 2016 presidential campaign at an event in St. Louis, Missouri.

“Unlike my 2012 run, I tried my best this time around,” said the weary-looking Republican. “I studied up real hard on foreign policy, domestic policy, you name it, but it wasn’t good enough.” Perry’s ranking in most national polls never got above 2%.

Perry stated there were three reasons why he was abandoning his quest for the presidency.

“One,” said Perry, “my campaign is flat broke. I just don’t have the guns to go up against the big boys … and girl. I’m not a billionaire like Donald Trump. Two, the whole glasses thing didn’t work. It seemed like a good idea at the time but no one bought that I was smarter than the last go-round. And three, ah, ah, and three…I forgot. Oops!”

Members from the audience tried to help the forgetful Perry by shouting out potential third reasons. “You’re just not presidential material?” someone offered. “You’re just another Texas dim-wit?” was also heard.

After apologizing to the audience for another “oops” moment, Perry observed, “”We have a tremendous field – the best in a generation – so I step aside knowing our party is in good hands, and as long as we listen to the grassroots, the cause of conservatism will be too.”

When Perry was asked if he would be endorsing any of the remaining candidates, he replied coyly, “I may endorse Jeb or Scott or Carly or Marco. I’ll have to wait to see what my handlers tell me.”

Photo | Reuters

Filed Under: satire

Trump Comes In Second In New Survey

September 11, 2015 By John DeProspo 2 Comments

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In a shocking new MM survey, Donald Trump has come in a distant second in Republican voters’ choice for presidential nominee. The Trump camp immediately dismissed the new polling as an outlier. The most amazing part of this new MM poll is that Trump is losing to a hypothetical candidate!

When asked to choose among the 17 declared Republican candidates plus this new, non-existent candidate, Trump comes in with 27% of the vote to the imaginary candidate’s whooping 51%. Who is this Trump-buster Moron Majority added to the list of candidates? Voters were given the choice of selecting,  “Any Juan other than these Bozos.”

Here are the full results of the MM survey:

“Any Juan other than these Bozos”….51%

Donald Trump….27%

Ben Carson….13%

Carly Fiorina….3%

Jeb Bush….2%

Scot Walker….1%

Ted Cruz….1%

Marco Rubio….1%

John Kasich….1%

Chris Christie….0%

Lindsey Graham….0%

Rick Perry….0%

Rick Santorum….0%

Bobby Jindal….0%

Mike Huckabee….0%

George Pataki….0%

Jim Gilmore….0%

Rand Paul….0%

Surprisingly, the new poll revealed that all factions of the conservative Republican base would embrace the hypothetical candidate. Pundits are predicting the new poll may give Mitt Romney the encouragement needed to make a third try for the presidency.

Editor’s Note: It appears a significant typo was made in formulating the survey. Our apologies.

Image courtesy of vectorolie at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Filed Under: satire

Immigration Past And Present

September 10, 2015 By John DeProspo Leave a Comment

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Moronmajority.com occasionally receives emails from readers. Below is an email received from Gary Zucker, a loyal follower of this blog. I’ve decided to reprint it in toto.

I recently returned from a vacation in Rome and Greece and was amazed at the complexity of the architecture and engineering of early Western civilization.

In our relatively young country we have surpassed others in scientific advancement, largely as a result of the vast contributions of immigrants who came here to escape poverty and to build better lives for their families despite the bigotry and hateful rhetoric that greeted each of these groups.

Curiously, we hear this rhetoric again today from many of the descendants of these earlier immigrants. Donald Trump’s statement that not all of the immigrants entering the country illegally are criminals and that there are “some good ones” is designed to appeal to the basest human emotions of bigotry and hate.

In truth, the overwhelming majority of these individuals are fleeing terrible conditions. It’s not true that there are some good ones but rather, there are some bad ones, as there have been with every other immigrant group.

Gary Zucker, East Meadow, NY

 

Filed Under: Uncategorized

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