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You are here: Home / satire / Marco’s Big Day

Marco’s Big Day

February 9, 2016 By John DeProspo 6 Comments

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After absorbing much criticism after his last debate performance, Marco Rubio is worried. Following his triumphant third place finish in Iowa, there is a real possibility his march towards becoming the Republican establishment favorite may have stalled.

Of course, the candidate will not publically admit to such concern. When asked if he thought his poor debate performance in last Saturday’s debate would affect the vote, Rubio said, “ I do not believe it will hurt me. And let me just say this, I do not believe it will hurt me.”

Rubio’s debate performance was roundly criticized by the media as being “robotic.” He kept repeating the same canned talking points over and over. Some political pundits dubbed Rubio: “Marco Roboto.”

But a little delving into Rubio’s past reveals he is not an automaton at all. While a boy, Rubio had a favorite Uncle who was completely deaf in one ear. By necessity, he would repeat himself in order to make sure he was heard by Uncle Manuel. His campaign staff claims this is just an old habit hard to break.

It is also helpful to know that Rubio likes things that repeat. His online bio reveals his favorite movie is Groundhog Day. He favorite movie character is Jack Torrance, the Overlook Hotel caretaker in The Shining.

Marco Rubio’s fate is now in the hands of New Hampshire voters. Many analysts are saying a finish less than second place would be the end of Rubio’s hope of becoming his party’s nominee.

Rubio is trying to remain upbeat in spite of his debate debacle. “I do not believe it will hurt me,” said the candidate. Again.

Photo | pinterest.com

 

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Filed Under: satire

Comments

  1. Renee says

    February 9, 2016 at 11:14 am

    ‘ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES JACK A DULL BOY’

    Reply
    • John DeProspo says

      February 9, 2016 at 11:15 am

      Rubio looks like an all work and no play kind of guy!

      Reply
  2. Charles Sloane says

    February 9, 2016 at 1:09 pm

    As the little choo choo train always says, ” I wish I could, I wish I could”. Too bad Mr. Roboto, you can’t, you really can’t.

    Reply
    • John DeProspo says

      February 9, 2016 at 1:23 pm

      We should have the New Hampshire results in a few hours. We’ll see how badly Rubio choked. Looks like Kasich will have a good night.

      Reply
  3. Lola says

    February 9, 2016 at 5:15 pm

    When I was young I had a favorite Grandmother who I would tap pointedly on the arm to get her attention. By necessity, I would repeat the action in order to make sure she knew I was there. Unlike Rubio, I only did it to my Grandmother and quickly outgrew the habit as it annoyed those around me.

    Reply
    • John DeProspo says

      February 9, 2016 at 5:22 pm

      I hope you realize the article was satire. Rubio may have had an Uncle Manuel, though.

      Reply

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