Now Hiring … Trump Campaign Surrogates

Due to a recent spat of departures, Donald Trump is looking to hire a sizable number of new campaign surrogates.

The following ad appears on Trump’s website:

Are you looking for a fun and exciting job in TV? One that “promises” to pay well? One that will surely have people talking about you? Then you may be what we are looking for … a Trump campaign surrogate!

Don’t be discouraged from applying just because your educational background may not be up to snuff. No college? No problem. Our team of crackerjack creative writers will whip up your resume into such shape even you won’t recognize it!

What we are most looking for are individuals with certain abilities. Among them are:

1. The ability to recite talking points no matter what is actually being asked.
2. The ability to stay on message.
3. The ability to remain unflustered.
4. The ability to defend the indefensible.
5. The ability to insert the works “Benghazi” and “emails” into all answers.
6. The ability to not embarrass easily.
7. The ability to remain non-apologetic.
8. The ability to lie with a straight face.

Special consideration will be given to you ladies who have been described as a “10.”

If you’ve ever been referred to as: bombastic, clueless, juvenile, arrogant, tone-deaf or uninformed, you may just be the person we are looking for!

Salary and benefits will be discussed after you’ve been hired. But the media exposure you will receive as a Trump campaign surrogate could change your life forever! Many of our past surrogates have gone on to rewarding careers as political analysts.

Come join our team to make Donald J. Trump our next president. You’ll find that once you’ve been associated with the Trump brand, your life will never be the same again!

The need we have is immediate. So if you think you have what it takes, we want to hear from you … NOW!

Photo | politico.com