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Archives for 2016

Trump’s List Of Top 10 VP Picks

April 4, 2016 By John DeProspo 10 Comments

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Now that Trump’s steam locomotive has hit a rough patch of track, he has revealed his list of top ten vice presidential picks in order to create some much needed media buzz.

While the Trump campaign has said the names are not listed in any order of preference, no one is surprised by the name at the top of the list … Sarah Palin. Trump has stated he wants a running mate who would compliment him. No one has done that more than Sarah Palin.

Here is Trump’s list of VP possibilities:

  1. Sarah Palin
  2. Joe Pesci
  3. Jesse Ventura
  4. Charlie Sheen
  5. Howard Stern
  6. Hulk Hogan
  7. Sylvester Stallone
  8. Amy Schumer
  9. Ted Nugent
  10. Ivanka Trump

Yes, Ivanka Trump! When asked about the obvious nepotism, Trump insisted, “No, my daughter just has one incredible brain, and she’s not bad to look at either. She’s been a big supporter, and advisor, of my campaign. Would love to have her backing me up.”

Trump was asked about Joe Pesci being number two on his list.

“As my campaign manager told you,” Trump snapped, “the names are in no particular order. But I like Joe a lot. Did you see him in Goodfellas or My Cousin Vinny? The man is pint size but tough. Won’t take any crap, like me.”

When confronted with the fact that those were just roles Pesci played, Trump replied, “I know Joe. He doesn’t act, he is just being himself. Remember that scene in Goodfellas where Joe shoots the kid who forget to get him a drink at the poker game? DeNiro says you are going to dig the grave. And Joe says, no sweat, it’s not the first hole I dug! Love his moxie.”

When questioned about Amy Schumer, Trump said “I know she’s probably a Democrat and Chuck’s a relative of hers. But the Jewish vote is very important to me, especially in New York.”

Whether or not releasing his VP list will help Trump remains to be seen. But it’s always a good bet to have an American hero like Rocky on your short list.

By the way, do you see something else Pesci and Trump have in common?

Photos | mic.com – mp3onlinehits.top

 

 

Filed Under: satire

Trump’s Presidential Dreamin’ Goes Back Decades

April 2, 2016 By John DeProspo 10 Comments

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Donald Trump first threatened to run for president of the United States in 1988.

Of course, he didn’t run that year. In 2000, Trump did enter the presidential race, but as a candidate for the Reform Party, at the urging of his friend Jesse Ventura. He eventually withdrew from the Reform Party’s primary contest.

In 2004, Trump considered challenging George W. Bush in the Republican primaries but decided against it. In 2012, the presidential bug hit Trump once again. Speaking of his chances of winning, Trump proclaimed “I maintain the strong conviction that if I were to run, I would be able to win the primary and, ultimately, the general election.” Trump decided against a 2012 run.

When Trump, in March 2015, decided not to renew his contract with NBC for his hit reality show, The Apprentice, speculation grew that Trump would once again give the presidency a try. But, of course, everyone had seen this act before. Few believed Trump would actually enter the 2016 race.

Can you fault Jon Stewart for being one of those non-believers? Stewart announced his retirement from the highly popular Daily Show on February 10, 2015. He stated he would leave the show on August 6, 2015.

Donald Trump officially declared he would seek the Republican presidential nomination on June 16, 2015.

I have a very strong suspicion if Stewart had just waited a few months before making his announcement, he would have stayed on to mine all that comedy gold a Trump candidacy would provide. But Stewart was like all the other political observers who believed Trump’s flirtation with another presidential run was just that … a trick, a ruse to generate some buzz for the king of self-promotion.

Boy, could the country have used Jon Stewart’s comedic wit this crazy presidential cycle! This is not meant to take anything away from Trevor Noah, Stewart’s replacement. Current Daily Show viewers know that Noah has done an excellent job filling some mighty big shoes.

So here we are in 2016. Donald Trump is the Republican favorite to win his party’s nomination. Who knows, maybe Trump can back up his boast of 2012 when he said he could win the Republican primary and the general election?

My take is that of all the people who can’t believe Trump is where he is in this year’s presidential race , Trump is the most shocked of all.

Photo | vdare.com

Filed Under: politics

Top Ten Reasons Why Trump Is The Perfect GOP Nominee

April 2, 2016 By John DeProspo 2 Comments

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The Republican establishment does not think highly of Donald Trump or his rabid followers.

But say what you will about Trump supporters: they’re dumb, uninformed and misguided. I tend to think they are the opposite: smart, knowledgeable and clear-minded.

Here is a top ten list of what Donald Trump has promised (in his own words) or would bring to the table, if he were to become president of the United States:

  1. “I will be the greatest jobs president that God ever created.”
  2. “I’m the most militaristic person ever.”
  3. “I will build a great wall . . . and nobody builds walls better than me, believe me.”
  4. “I would use the greatest minds. I know the best negotiators.”
  5. “I would hit [ISIS] so hard your head would spin.”
  6. “I’m rich, really really rich.”
  7. “My doctor has said, ‘If elected, Mr. Trump, I can state unequivocally, will be the healthiest individual ever elected to the presidency.’
  8. “I have great feelings of compassion and helping people.”
  9. “I’m smart, very smart.”
  10. “We will have so much winning if I get elected that you may get bored with the winning.”

Who wouldn’t want a man like this for president? Sounds like a godsend, for chrissake!

Of course, all those wonderful things about Donald Trump were said by, well, Donald Trump.

But as Trump supporters know, their man means what he says and says what he means. Billionaires don’t need to lie.

Why can’t Republican elites accept Trump and rally behind him? Why can’t they trust the good judgment of their voters?

Oh, and Donald Trump is a winner. He said so.

Photo | slate.com

 

Filed Under: satire

Trump’s Run For Presidency Foretold In Movie Classic, “Stagecoach”

April 1, 2016 By John DeProspo 4 Comments

Ready to be wowed? Donald Trump’s run for the presidency was foretold over 75 years ago!

I was flipping through channels recently and ended up at TCM (Turner Classic Movies). The 1939 John Ford classic, “Stagecoach,” had just started. I had seen the movie once or twice before but I completely forgot about a certain scene that, I must admit, just floored me.

It’s the scene where a corrupt banker, fleeing town after embezzling the bank’s money, declares a set of conservative economic principles that could just as easily have come out of Ted Cruz’s mouth (or any other right-wing conservative for that matter). He laments that America should be for Americans; that taxes are too high; that the national debt is out of control; and that the hated government needs to keep its nose out of business.

Click the image below to be amazed.

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For those who have watched this classic western, you know that the corrupt banker, unlike our present-day thieves, gets arrested at the end of the movie. It is heartwarming to see justice prevail, even if only in an old movie like “Stagecoach.” As Archie Bunker liked to say, “Those were the days!”

 

Filed Under: politics

For Trump, It’s All About Promoting The Brand

March 31, 2016 By John DeProspo 4 Comments

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Donald Trump does not want to be president. But he wants to win the presidency. Donald Trump does not want the awesome responsibility of being the leader of the free world. But he wants to be labeled a winner.

I have little doubt that the billionaire reality TV star entered the presidential race simply to promote the Trump brand. What better way to get free publicity? But a funny thing happened on the way to the forum – his candidacy gained traction. So much so, he is now the odds-on-favorite of becoming the Republican nominee for the White House.

For Trump, it’s all about winning. It doesn’t matter what the subject – a contract, a negotiation, the perfect wife or an election. If the Trump brand stands for anything, it’s for success, attainment … winning.

Is Trump a little fuzzy on what policies he would pursue as president? Does he continually shift positions like a man who hasn’t given much thought to those positions? Of course! His M.O. is not about the arduous task of governing but the splendiferousness of coming out on top.

John Kasich, fellow candidate for the Republican nomination, recently said, “Donald Trump is not prepared to be President.”

And this is news?

Donald Trump is in the business of promoting the Trump brand. While he might not have entered the race to actually win the nomination, his ego will not now allow him to exit the contest. Trump knows he must keep winning for the sake of the brand.

If you actually look at some of Trump’s “proposals,” they stand out for their vacuity. His positions are either silly (Mexico will pay for a wall) or unconstitutional (ban on all Muslims) or empty (we must enforce our laws). There just is no there… there.

It appears there are only two ways this Trump reality show will end. He either admits to himself he does not care about the whole governing thing and backs off (unlikely) or voters realize he is just not presidential material and reject him (maybe).

Right now, voters seem to like Trump’s confidence, and his populist rhetoric so much that they do not care about his lack of experience or interest in the job he is applying for. Maybe that is part of his appeal? But maybe voters will come to realize that once the winning is done, a president actually has to govern. And they see the only thing Donald Trump is interested in is promoting Donald Trump … and that they’ve been played.

Here’s an interesting side note. Donald Trump estimates his net worth to be in the vicinity of $10 billion (Forbes has it a $4.5 billion). It should be noted, by Trump’s reckoning, the biggest asset within his portfolio is the Trump name – a brand he will protect at all costs.

Photo | people.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: politics

Trump Hats To Become Collector’s Items

March 30, 2016 By John DeProspo 6 Comments

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There is a rumor being spread around the Internet that Trump’s “Make America Great Again” campaign hats are made in China. While it would not be surprising for the man who rails against China taking away our manufacturing jobs to do such a thing, the rumor is false.

Donald Trump’s baseball caps are made in a plant in southern California. These official campaign hats sell for about $25. Ironically, the hats are made in a factory where about 80% of the workers are Latino. The owner has stated that 100% of his workforce’s immigration status is verified.

Of course there are Trump hat knockoffs that are indeed made in China. One of the key giveaways is price. The fake hats sell for much less than the authentic headgear. Some hats sell online for as little as $9.

Another telltale sign that your hat might not be authentic is the misspelling on some Chinese hats. One China factory put out a version of the hat that reads “Make America Grate Again.”

Many Trump opponents are buying the flawed hats because, in their view, that is exactly what Trump is doing to America – grating it. To “grate,” is to have an irritating or unpleasant effect. Throughout his presidential campaign, Trump’s statements have undoubtedly rubbed a vast majority of Americans in the wrong way.

News outlets are now reporting that the American Cheese Society – a non-profit organization that promotes cheeses, is scooping up the vast majority of the defective caps.

While any authentic Trump hat will not doubt become a collector’s item, the misspelled Chinese hat should fetch the highest prices in the future. So, try to get your hands on one of these prized hats before they go the way of Trump’s bid for the presidency  … kaput.

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: satire

Somewhere In Springfield, Mary Todd Lincoln Is Rolling Over

March 28, 2016 By John DeProspo 4 Comments

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Imagine, if you will, Donald and Melania Trump in the White House. It’s 2017. A new day has dawned in American Politics. Welcome to your worst nightmare. Welcome to the Twilight Zone.

Donald – “Are you almost ready, Baby?”

Melania – “No. Still undressing.”

The scene is unfolding in the Lincoln bedroom where Melania is preparing for a photo shoot. She will be gracing the front cover of Trump’s new magazine, P.T. Trump (as in ”Perfectly Tremendous.”)

Donald – “I spoke with Henri, this spread will be very tasteful. Nothing to be nervous about. He is using a special lens to capture all your beauty.”

Melania – “Oh, Donald, really. This is not the first time I do this. Remember that great shoot on your yacht by GQ?”

Donald – “Of course Baby. But we’re going to make this a little more classy. After all, you are the new First Lady. I don’t want perverts to drool too much over that luscious body of yours.”

Melania – “Donald I think your Evangelical people might not like this so much, no?”

Donald – “Don’t worry Baby, I got the job. Nobody can fire me. I fire them.”

Melania – “As you say, you are always right. Can you hand me that flower? I think I stick it in my hair.”

Donald – “Baby don’t get me going with that stick it in the hair stuff. I’m thinking if this works out we can put some of these nice, but tasteful photos, into a presidential calendar. Will sell like hotcakes. You like that, Baby?”

Melania – “Yes. But maybe not so presidential, no?”

Donald – “Presidential my ass. I got elected because I do stuff like this. My people love me and expect it.”

With that, celebrated Penthouse photographer, Henri LaTour, positions Melania across the king size bed of the Lincoln bedroom.

Donald – “Hey Melania, just think this is the same bed Bill rented out to his donors when he was here.”

Melania – “Knowing Bill, I’m sure he used bed a few times himself, no?”

The shoot goes off without a hitch. Donald and Melania now get dressed to host their first White House state dinner with none other than the Vicar of Christ, Pope Francis.

Twilight Zone?

Photo | ndtv.com

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: satire

“Nobody Has More Respect For Women Than Donald Trump” Says Donald Trump!

March 27, 2016 By John DeProspo 4 Comments

ATLANTIC CITY, NJ - SEPTEMBER 01: Donald J.Trump poses with Hooters Girls at the Donald Trump's Ultimate Deal Cash Giveaway at the Trump Marina Hotel and Casino on September 1, 2007 in Atlantic Ciyt, New Jersy. (Photo by Nick Valinote/FilmMagic)

The billionaire TV celebrity, who also happens to be the frontrunner for the Republican presidential nomination, hit the Twittershpere yesterday with this gem:

Donald J. Trump

‎@realDonaldTrump

The media is so after me on women Wow, this is a tough business. Nobody has more respect for women than Donald Trump!

8:19 AM – 26 Mar 2016

Given how Trump has referred to women in the past – pigs, sluts, bimbos – his statement brings into question his definition of “respect.” My guess is his rendition of the word does not jibe with that of Merriam-Webster.

Here are ten real life, verifiable statements Donald Trump has made about women. You can reach your own conclusion as to how much Trump “respects” the opposite sex:

  1. That women are essentially aesthetically-pleasing objects.
  2. That sexual assault in the military is totally expected.
  3. That bad press doesn’t matter as long as you have a “young and beautiful piece of ass.”
  4. That pumping breast milk is “disgusting.”
  5. That giving your wife “negotiable assets” is a terrible mistake.
  6. That a woman MUST be hot in order to be a journalist.
  7. That his favorite line from “Pulp Fiction” is “Bitch be cool!”
  8. That women fawn all over him because he is rich and powerful.
  9. That all women hate prenups, because they are gold diggers.
  10. That women manipulate men with sex.

How any Republican woman, or any woman for that matter, could vote for a man like Trump is unfathomable.

On the other hand, it is very understandable why so many men admire “The Donald.” Who wouldn’t want to have one “10” after another for a wife! Yes it’s costly, but hey, the guy’s a billionaire!

And if everything goes according to plan, Trump will be the next Republican nominee for the White House. USA! USA! USA!

(Photo by Nick Valinote/FilmMagic)

 

 

Filed Under: politics

Donald Calls Bubba … Again

March 26, 2016 By John DeProspo 3 Comments

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After his big primary win in Arizona on Tuesday, Donald Trump was on the phone with his good friend and political advisor, Bill Clinton.

Clinton – “Hey, Bud. Congrats on Arizona.”

Trump – “Yea, thanks. Do you believe this crap? I’m unstoppable. I’m like a god.”

Clinton – “Hold on there, Bud. You’re not God. This is eight years of Catholic school talking.”

Trump – “I didn’t say I was God, but a god. People just worship and adore me!”

Clinton – “Yea, your peeps just love their Trump.”

Trump – “Bill, what if in the next few months I actually get enough delegates to win this thing. Should I then just say I’ve changed my mind? That it was an experiment to see how far I could get? A way to prove I was the greatest salesman of all-time?”

Clinton – “Buddy, you are locked in. You just have to accept the nomination and have some good old fun with Hill. Don’t’ worry. She’ll try not to make a complete fool out of you in the debates.”

Trump – “I spoke with my doctor, you know, Harold, about verifying that I’ve come down with some incurable disease. What do you think about that?”

Clinton – “Nah. Better to just go all the way and let Hill have the biggest landslide in history. She will just be pleased as punch!”

Trump – “ Eight more months of this horsesh_t? I’m getting a little tired you know.”

Clinton – “But you’re a god! Ha! It won’t be so bad. Enjoy it!”

Trump – “ Alright. But tell Hill to go easy on me. No crap about my tax returns, OK?”

Clinton – “You got it, Bud. Now you know I just bought a new driver – the TaylorMade M2? Can’t wait to try it out this weekend.”

Trump – “Meet you at the club at nine Saturday.”

Clinton – “Tell me, is that sh_t about Cruz and the five mistresses true?”

Trump – “Who knows? If you were a woman would you want to screw that miskayt loser?”

Clinton – “Touche!”

Photo | cnn.com

 

 

Filed Under: satire

Backlash Against North Carolina’s Anti-LGBT Law … Who Would Have Thunk It!

March 25, 2016 By John DeProspo 12 Comments

 

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Just days after North Carolina Gov. Pat McCrory signed into law a bill that effectively legalizes discrimination against lesbians, gays, transsexuals and bisexuals, companies doing business within the state have come out in opposition to the law.

Dow Chemical, Paypal, American Airlines are only but a few of the companies which have expressed their displeasure with the legislation.

Even organizations planning to do business within the state have voiced their disapproval over the blatantly unconstitutional measure. The NCAA, which had planned to host at least 20 high-profile games in the state in 2017 and 2018, has said it might reconsider its position. The NBA hinted North Carolina could lose the 2017 NBA All-Star game over the anti-LGBT law.

North Carolina’s passage of House Bill 2, as the discrimination legislation is officially referred to, begs a few simple questions: Will there ever come a day when Republicans cease to be the “party of stupid” as Bobby Jindal so accurately diagnosed his party’s condition not too long ago? Will Republicans ever learn from the past or will they forever live in a bubble?

It was only one year ago that the state of Indiana passed it’s own discrimination bill known as the “religious freedom” law. Opposition to the measure was swift and intense.

Following the bill’s signing by Indiana Gov. Mike Pence, Connecticut Gov. Dan Malloy issued an executive order banning state-funded travel to Indiana and the mayors of San Francisco and Seattle enacted similar bans. Conventions were canceled. Apple, the NCAA and other companies joined liberal activist groups in speaking out against the law.

The Indiana law was eventually “watered-down” by the legislature to stem the uproar it had caused among business leaders and state financial institutions. While the purported “religious freedom” law still held much sway in the state’s legislative body, profits and losses ruled the day.

Odds are good that a similar “watering down” of North Carolina’s anti-LGBT law will take place. When it’s a contest between the Almighty and the almighty dollar, the greenback always wins.

Photo | youtube.com

 

 

 

Filed Under: politics

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