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Archives for 2016

On Inauguration Eve, Trump Still Refuses To Concede

November 5, 2016 By John DeProspo 6 Comments

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Washington, D. C., Jan. 19 – Tomorrow, January 20, 2017, on the west front of the U.S. Capitol Building, Hillary Rodham Clinton will be sworn in as the nation’s 45th president.

The weather forecast calls for a cold, wintery day with a chance of snow. This, however, has not dampened the enthusiasm of Inauguration Day attendees who will be celebrating Clinton’s installation into office as the country’s first female Chief Executive.

Nor will celebrants be dismayed that Donald Trump, loser in one of the most lopsided presidential elections in modern history, has yet to concede the election or offer up his congratulations to the new Madam President.

Following his embarrassing loss, Trump promised to sue Clinton over what he called a “rigged” election. However, no legal action has been taken so far. Law scholars say the issue of a court challenge became moot when, on January 6, Congress counted the certified votes from each state and declared Hillary Clinton the winner.

At a recent rally in Noxon, Montana, Trump delivered a fiery speech to a group of militiamen. He denounced Clinton’s victory as a slap in the face of American democracy. Trump told his angry followers that he would not abandon them and that he is the rightful president.

“What the global bankers, the media and weak-kneed Republicans did to rig the election for Hillary is a travesty of justice. I will not stand for it … now or ever. I stand with you. We have to get our country back.”

“We gotta take these bastards,” Trump told his troops. Realizing he and his militiamen might be outgunned, Trump said, “Now we could do it with conventional weapons, but that could take years and cost millions of lives. No, I think we have to go all out. I think that this situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture be done on our part … and I think you’re just the guys to do it.”

The Secret Service has been on the lookout for possible violent actions from Trump sympathizers since Election Day. The agency told reporters they would be focusing on any mysterious float during tomorrow’s Inauguration Day parade.

As for Trump’s future, right wing media has started reporting that, as of tomorrow, he will name himself President in Exile and relocate to Russia.

Photo | cbsnews.com

category:satire

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: featured, satire

Donald Trump Resigns Office Making Way For President Pence

November 1, 2016 By John DeProspo 8 Comments

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Washington D.C., Feb. 9 – Less than three weeks after being sworn in as the nation’s 45th president, Donald Trump has announced his resignation from office. Vice President Mike Pence will be taking over the duties of Chief Executive effective next week.

The shocking news followed the New York U.S. District Court’s denial of Trump’s appeal of a child rape conviction handed down last month.

Senate Majority Leader, Mitch McConnell, and other prominent Republicans persuaded the new president to step down for the good of the country. Sources say while Trump did not originally agree to such a move, he was later convinced to do so by Pence.

Donald Trump’s resignation makes him the second U. S. president to resign from office. In 1974, Richard Nixon became the first president to voluntarily give up the presidency.

It has been a turbulent couple of months for Donald Trump. First he won the presidency by the slimmest of margins in the Electoral College, 270 -268. Many Democrats are attributing the loss to official voter suppression in the state of North Carolina along with voter intimidation by Trump “poll watchers” within the state.

Trump’s narrow electoral victory was soon followed by his having been found guilty on fraud and racketeering charges in the Trump University lawsuit.

While neither of Trump’s adjudications involved criminal penalties, the amount of money he has been personally ordered to pay his victims is a staggering $500 million.

There is talk around legal circles that Trump will be unable to pay the money he owes his victims as his actual assets are much less than the billions he boasted about during his presidential run. Tax experts believe Trump’s only way to get out from under his financial burden is through a bankruptcy filing.

Trump’s most ardent supporters are furious over Trump’s “forced “resignation and multiple convictions. They are blaming both the political and judicial systems as being rigged against the man they had so desperately supported.

Vice President Mike Pence will be sworn in as the nation’s 46th president February 15, noon, at the U.S. Capital.

Photo | mrkash.com

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: featured, satire

Why I’m Not Writing My Open Letter To Trump Supporters

October 31, 2016 By John DeProspo 4 Comments

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With only nine days to go before the presidential election, I woke up today with every intention of writing an open letter to Trump supporters. You know, point out some of the main reasons why their man should never occupy the White House.

But then, shaking the cobwebs from my brain, reality set in. My gut told me it would only be an exercise in futility. If all the news over the last 15 months on why Donald Trump is not suited to be president hadn’t swayed them by now, what made me think I had a prayer of changing minds?

Whatever happens on November 8th, I believe our country has changed in a profoundly sad way. Yet some say Trump’s run for the presidency only showed us who we really are. They point out we are, and have always been, a divided nation along so many lines: racial, ethnic and religious. That old “melting point” myth, they say, is just that. Trump only lifted the rock and welcomed all the slumbering racists and bigots to come see the light of day.

So now we know. Nearly half of Americans would prefer as their leader the least qualified, most temperamentally unstable, presidential candidate in United States history. They know his shortcomings full well … yet don’t care. They would rather roll the dice with Trump than see the country led by the first female president who happens to have a resume making her the most experienced and qualified presidential candidate, man or women, to seek the office.

It doesn’t matter that:

  1. Trump is a defendant in an upcoming fraud trial (Trump University)
  2. Trump is a defendant in an upcoming rape case of a 13 year old
  3. Trump has boasted about sexually assaulting women with impunity
  4. Trump has refused to show his tax returns
  5. Trump may be in serious debt to Russian oligarchs
  6. Trump has zero political experience
  7. Trump is a failure at business
  8. Trump’s entire adult life has been a giant con

Oh what’s the point? I could go on and on. You know the litany.

Sorry for doing what I set out not to do. It’s just that I’m having a hard time believing this election is even close.

I know that for those regular readers of this site, I am preaching to the choir. Let’s hope we have truly not devolved into nation taken over by fear and hatred.

My belief is that on November 9th, we will have a Madam President-elect, Hillary Clinton.

But I know we will also have a wounded nation that will need a lot of TLC if it is to heal from this traumatic campaign odyssey we’ve been subjected to.

Image courtesy of Just2shutter at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 

 

 

Filed Under: featured, Opinion

Could This Election Get Any More Bizarre?

October 30, 2016 By John DeProspo 2 Comments

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The fate of the Free World may rest on Anthony Weiner’s schlong!

Filed Under: satire

Yes, Our Elections Are Rigged … But Only If We Allow Them To Be

October 29, 2016 By John DeProspo 3 Comments

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About the only thing that has come out of Donald Trump’s mouth recently, which has any connection with the truth, is that our election system is rigged. But he’s right for all the wrong reasons.

No, we do not have millions of dead people and illegal immigrants voting. There is no massive voter fraud. There is massive voter suppression.

Republicans realized long ago that the electoral landscape was shifting below their feet. Our country was becoming less white and more diverse, with large increases in the Hispanic and Afro-American populations. Researchers at the Brookings Institute have shown this trend favors Democrats, not Republicans.

Whites have voted Republican in every presidential election since 1968. African-Americans have voted Democratic in every White House contest since 1936, and Hispanics have been strongly Democratic, too.

With the help of a conservative Supreme Court, the heart of the Voting Rights Act of 1965 was effectively struck down in 2013 (Shelby County v. Holder) by the Court’s 5-4 decision, freeing nine states, mostly in the South, to change their election laws without advance federal approval.

It didn’t take states previously covered by the Act to take advantage of their good fortune. It wasn’t months or even weeks. How about the next day?

North Carolina Republicans, the day after the Court’s decision, passed one of the most sweeping pieces of legislation that restricted access to voting, eliminated same-day voter registration, reduced early voting, instituted a strict photo ID requirement, and ended a program that preregistered 16- and 17-year-olds to vote. That law had been previously struck down in a scathing 83-page opinion that exposed the extent of the law’s racial bias. Judge Diana Gribbon Motz, writing for the majority on the 4th Circuit Court of Appeals, noted that the law’s provisions “target[ed] African Americans with almost surgical precision,” by using race data in the decision-making process.

The defense for all these new laws? We needed to eliminate voter fraud … even though it has been proven to be statistically non-existent. The integrity of our voting system needed to be upheld, we were told!

Despite Chief Justice Roberts’ misguided Shelby opinion that “Our country has changed,” and racial discrimination in voting was a thing of the past, the Court did say Congress remained free to try to impose federal oversight on states where voting rights were at risk.

Fat chance! Not by a congress controlled by the GOP for whom the Court’s decision was every Republican’s wet dream.

Nothing is more fundamental to our democracy than the right to vote. The only way to bring back a level voting playing field is for Congress to act on restoring/revising the Voting Rights Act or for a new Supreme Court to overturn its decision.

Republicans know they have no chance of surviving in the “new” America without well-crafted voter suppression laws firmly in place.

This is where we, Americans who care about, and believe in, equality and fairness come in.

Your mission this election, Vote Blue … no matter who!

Photo | cbc.ca

Here’s a chilling reminder of the things Black people endured in order for us to have the right to vote: http://trib.al/cEDocYS

 

 

Filed Under: featured, Opinion

Trump Brand … From Penthouse To Half-Finished Basement

October 28, 2016 By John DeProspo Leave a Comment

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If Donald Trump’s intent was to promote his brand through a fake primary run, he has failed miserably at both. His brand has taken a major drubbing while his sham run for the presidency failed … by succeeding.

The name that was once synonymous with luxury and glamour has lost its luster … and it’s aficionados. The well-heeled who bought into the Trump brand, with its image of glittering fake-gold success, are abandoning anything Trump.

Earlier this week, The New York Times reported that regular customers for his luxury consumer goods are no longer buying and some are even throwing out Trump merchandise in small acts of protest against the flawed Republican nominee. Some of Trump’s regular customers are now boycotting his hotels, his golf courses and refusing to dine in restaurants on his properties.

Things have gotten so bad that many residents living at Trump Place in New York City have signed a petition demanding Trump’s name be removed from the building!

The Trump brain trust made up of CEO Donald Trump and his three children, Ivanka, Donald Jr. and Eric, are about to take drastic action. There are now plans in the works to rebrand the Trump name. Instead of appealing to the rich and ostentatious, they will be going after the folks that make up Trump’s voter base of blue-collar, low-income Americans.

Below is a list of new products the Trump Organization will be developing:

  1. Trump luxury mobile homes.
  2. Trump boxed wines.
  3. Trump motors (a rebranded model of the Yugo)
  4. Trump diamonds (100% Cubic Zirconium)
  5. Trump restaurants (a cross between Chick-fil-A and Denny’s )
  6. Trump steaks (chuck, of course)
  7. Trump clothing (exclusively sold at Wal-Mart)
  8. Trump cash (payday loans only)

Will Trump’s rebranding be a success? Will his name draw low-income consumers to his products?

One thing’s for sure, Trump has shown during his presidential run he can sell just about any kind of lie to his low-informed, low-educated supporters. Why not products?

With the launch of Trump TV, the master salesman will have a ready-made audience to whom he can hawk his low-grade, but Trump labeled, products.

Photo | npr.org

 

Filed Under: featured, satire

Republicans Can’t Wait for Hillary To Be Elected … Impeachment Hearings Are Just Around The Corner!

October 27, 2016 By John DeProspo 4 Comments

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Its no secret most Republican politicians know Donald Trump will not be our nation’s 45th president. Yet they are not saddened in the least. They are salivating over the prospect of a Hillary Clinton presidency and immediate impeachment (making the Clintons two for two). At the very least, they are looking forward to obstructing Hillary’s legislative agenda by tying her up in one House congressional investigation after another.

“It’s a target-rich environment,” said Utah Congressman Jason Chaffetz, head of the powerful House Oversight Committee. “Even before we get to Day One, we’ve got two years worth of material already lined up. She has four years of history at the State Department, and it ain’t good.”

Yes, even before she is sworn in as the nation’s first female president, talk of impeachment and endless investigations is making Republicans down right giddy!

It doesn’t matter there is precedent for the notion that federal officials cannot be impeached and removed from their current offices for crimes committed before they have assumed those positions. The House’s 1873 impeachment investigation of Vice President Schuyler Colfax has come to represent the general understanding that impeachment is reserved for “high crimes and misdemeanors” a federal official may commit while in office.

To be fair, however, this is not settled law. In the words of Gerald Ford, who as House minority leader spearheaded an unsuccessful campaign to remove Supreme Court Justice William O. Douglas in 1970, “An impeachable offense is whatever a majority of the House of Representatives considers it to be at a given moment in history.”

It also doesn’t matter that Republican House members have already spent millions of taxpayer dollars investigating Hillary Clinton to death. But then again, Hillary bashing has become the glue that binds Republicans of all stripes. What better way to unite a splintered party after Trump’s debacle? Party over country forever!

Republicans want to treat Hillary Clinton as they did Barack Obama. With zero respect. With zero interest in uniting the country. With zero concern for passing meaningful legislation that helps ordinary Americans.

But if Republicans follow through on their threats, they may be in for a rude awakening. Hillary Clinton is no Barack Obama. She is not like our mild-mannered president who let Republicans get away with their nonsense, for so long, without cost. No, Hillary knows how to fight fire with fire. She knows how to play dirty.

After all, the first time she and Bill occupied the White House, a certain aide of the Clintons, who might have had the goods on the couple, mysteriously died.

Republicans should think twice before messing with those criminal, murderous Clintons.

Photo | republicbuzz.com

 

Filed Under: featured, Opinion

Trump Concession Speech Leaked

October 25, 2016 By John DeProspo 2 Comments

Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump acknowledges the crowd after addressing a GOP fundraising event, Tuesday, Aug 11, 2015, in Birch Run, Mich. Trump attended the Lincoln Day Dinner of the Genesee and Saginaw county Republican parties. (AP Photo/Carlos Osorio)

Although Trump has publically stated he may not accept the election results, especially if he loses, a group of Republican elites have convinced their nominee to prepare a concession speech … just in case polls showing him with a 5% chance of winning are accurate.

Below is a leaked draft of the speech Trump plans to give if “the inevitable” inevitably happens:

I have just been informed by the bearded one, Wolf Blitzer, at CNN that Hillary Clinton has won the election. Of course I could point out how incredibly rigged this election was. I could talk about how the mainstream media, global bankers and both the Democratic and Republican Party conspired against me from the start. I could get into the whole issue of massive voter fraud. But I won’t.

No, I have been told by the Republican Party and that weasel Rinse Proboscis that I need to be a gracious loser for the good of the party and the country. That I have to suck it up like that flunky,  Al Gore, did in 2000 after the election was stolen from him. I could point out how my own party abandoned me and failed to support me. But I won’t.

To all those loyal voters who supported me, all 25%, I thank you. I could harp on the fact that the election was not just stolen from me but from you too. But I won’t. I could warn you to hold on to your guns before “Crooked Hillary” knocks on your door to take them away. But I won’t because you already know that. And when that happens, you know what to do… if you know what I mean.

This is the part where I’m supposed to congratulate you, Hillary. So congratulations. There, I said it, Rinse! Congratulations Hillary on thwarting the will of the people with all your dishonest shenanigans. I could say I’d be the better president, but I won’t.

To all those disappointed Trump supporters, I’d like to tell you all to accept the election results. I’d like to tell you that, while you’re disappointed, this is how our democracy works. That the person with the most votes wins. But I can’t. Not when we’re about to swear in a criminal who should be locked up instead of being looked up to.

The way we can still hold our heads up high, my most wonderful followers, is if you continue to support the Trump brand. You know, I just might be back to challenge “Crooked Hillary” in 2020. It may not be on the Republican ticket. There may be no Republican Party.

As is always the case with Donald Trump, his concessions have about the same genuineness as his apologies.

Photo |  (AP Photo/Carlos Osorio)

 

 

 

Filed Under: featured, satire

Trump’s Lost Gettysburg Manuscript Found

October 23, 2016 By John DeProspo 2 Comments

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Out on the campaign trail just weeks before the general election, Donald Trump gave a speech yesterday in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania, site of the decisive Civil War battle.

Unfortunately, Trump’s speech did not rise to the level of oratory as that of Abraham Lincoln’s more than 150 years ago. Trump spent most of his time talking about coming lawsuits against the women accusing him of sexual misconduct.

Now it is being reported that Trump had intended to give a totally different speech, one he wrote on the back of a cocktail napkin while traveling to the historic site. Regrettably, somehow the napkin was lost.

A local pig farmer, Elmer Bates, discovered the lost document on his property and promptly turned it over to his local newspaper, The Gettysburg Gazette..

Here below is the Gettysburg address Trump intended to deliver:

One year and 124 days ago, I announced my candidacy for president of the United States.

Now we are engaged in a monumental election, testing whether our nation will elect me or “Crooked Hillary.”

We are meeting here on a great battlefield of the Civil War.

The brave men who died in that great struggle will roll over in their graves if “Crooked Hillary” is allowed to steal the election.

We can never forget what those men did here. It is for us, the living, to honor their memory by electing the only person who can save our great country … Donald J. Trump.

We must resolve that the dead did not die in vain – that this nation, under God, will have a new birth of freedom – and that government of the people, by the people and for the people will not perish from the earth.

And those nasty women accusing me of sexual misconduct are lying and I will sure as hell sue them all.

No, not quite the eloquence or gravitas of Abe Lincoln’s historic speech but one Trump would have been proud to have delivered if not for that gust of wind that blew his napkin onto Bates’ pig farm.

Photo | ABC News

 

 

 

Filed Under: featured, satire

Trump Encourages Voters To Elect Hillary

October 22, 2016 By John DeProspo 2 Comments

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One of Donald Trump’s favorite “attack lines” against his opponent is that with Hillary Clinton, you get “four more years of Barack Obama.” While this kind of rhetoric works well with Trump’s base of misguided Obama-haters, it doesn’t play well with swing voters and independents.

According to a Fox News poll of independents conducted October 10, President Obama’s job approval rating is at an all-time high: 54% view his performance favorably compared to 42% who do not.

So, Mr. Trump, why wouldn’t voters want four more years of President Obama?

With Republicans on record as having said their number one priority after his inauguration was to obstruct our new president at every turn (even opposing legislation they themselves had once championed), he has nevertheless been able to get things done.

Here are just a few of the things Americans got with Obama in the White House:

  1. Best job growth in 18 years
  2. Strongest dollar in three decades
  3. Gas at about $2 a gallon
  4. Unemployment cut in half
  5. Annual Bush deficit cut by two-thirds
  6. Recovered housing market
  7. Growing exports
  8. Nearly tripling of stock market
  9. End of the war in Iraq
  10. Elimination of Osama Bin Laden

Trump’s insistent blather that Obama has been the worst president in American history may reinforce what conservative media outlets have been offering up their followers for years, but it does not comport with the facts. It certainly does not expand Trump’s base of voters needed to win a general election.

While some Americans may not see the awesomeness of an Obama “third term,” our foreign neighbors surely do! When President Obama addressed the Canadian Parliament earlier this year, members applauded him, chanting “four more years,” following his speech on defending progressive values.

Although our law forbids a president from seeking a third term, an extension of Obama’s legacy through a Hillary Clinton presidency will have to do!

Trump and his surrogates love to say if you want more of the same, vote for Hillary. Judging from his sinking poll numbers, it appears many voters are heeding Trump’s advice.

Photo | qz.com

 

Filed Under: featured, politics

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