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Archives for 2018
Trump Nominated For Nobel Peace Prize … Seriously!
Proving once again that satire is no longer possible in the Age of Trump, a group of House Republicans has formally nominated Donald Trump for a Nobel Peace Prize because of his role in solving the North Korean nuclear problem.
The fact that the North Korean “nuclear problem” has not been “solved” did not seem to faze the 18 very conservative Congressional supporters who endorsed the idea.
Rep. Luke Messer, R-Ind., made the suggestion in a letter Wednesday sent to members of the Norwegian Nobel Committee.
Granted the rules for nominating someone for a peace prize are relatively loose, but come on!
Trump is the same guy who just recently ordered American bombing in Syria.
Trump is the same guy who wants to back out of the Iran nuclear agreement.
Trump is the same guy who wants to keep Muslims out of the country.
Trump is the same guy who called Haiti and African countries “shitholes.”
Trump is the same guy who wants more American nuclear weapons.
If a lasting peace can be brought to the Korean peninsula and North Korea gives up it nuclear weapons, then yes, Trump may be worthy of having bumbled and stumbled his way into receiving the prestigious award.
But anyone who knows a thing or two about North Korean understands how remote is such a possibility.
“The United States’ diplomatic goal – the denuclearization of North Korea in the near future – is far beyond what is realistically achievable,” warns James Acton of the Carnegie Endowment for International Peace. In a worst-case scenario, according to Acton, a failed negotiation could even act as “prelude to war” as tensions would invariably escalate in the aftermath.
Not only is talk of Trump and Nobel Peace Prize in the same sentence way premature, it is also ludicrous.
Perhaps all this buzz of Trump receiving the Nobel Peace Prize has something to do with his predecessor receiving the prize his first year in office. Ya think?
Photo | abcnews.go.com
Just Who Is Michael Avenatti?
Michael Avenatti, Stormy Daniels’ lawyer, is everywhere these days. In the last few months he has practically become a regular on MSNBC, especially Lawrence O’Donnell’s, The Last Word.
If you didn’t know any better, you might think Avenatti is some off-Broadway bit player who suddenly got his big shot on the Great White Way thanks to his high-profile client, Miss Daniels.
You’d be wrong!
Michael Avenatti is considered one of the top trial lawyers in the country, having built a reputation as an aggressive litigator through many noteworthy cases across the land. He has brought lawsuits against the National Football League, various celebrity defendants, including Paris Hilton and Jim Carrey, athletes, high-ranking business executives and Fortune 100 companies.
Avenatti’s website claims he has been responsible, as lead counsel, for over $1 Billion in verdicts and settlements, including many well in excess of $10,000,000.
The now ubiquitous attorney is a graduate of the University of Pennsylvania, making him a fellow alumnus with Donald Trump! Avenatti went on to attend the law school at George Washington University, graduating Order of the Coif, first in his class.
In an alternate universe, Avenatti would be Trump’s lawyer, not one who has initiated two lawsuits against him. Avenatti is bold, brash, self-confident and fearless … just the kind of qualities Trump likes.
But Avenatti is saddled with one trait that Trump seems to shy away from… brains.
Trump’s lawyers, whichever ones are still left representing him, are mostly a subservient group who cannot control their client. No matter the sound legal advice given him, Donald Trump wants to call the shots, legal wisdom be damned.
Thanks to Stormy Daniels and her lawsuits against Trump, Michael Avenatti has made his way out of the insular world of the legal community and into primetime.
No doubt Avenatti’s stock has increased dramatically thanks to one Donald J. Trump. Don’t expect Avenatti to fade into the woodwork anytime soon.
When it comes to Trump, I picture Avenatti repeating, in his mind, the words made famous by George M. Cohan … “my mother thanks you, my father thanks you, my sister thanks you, and I thank you!”
Photo | rawstory.com
French President Emmanuel Macron Set To Star In Head & Shoulders Ad
Thanks to the notoriety afforded him by Donald Trump, French president Emmanuel Macron has been signed by Proctor and Gamble to star in a new Head & Shoulders commercial.
Yesterday, as the two world leaders met in the Oval Office, Donald Trump made the surprise move of brushing a speck of dandruff from Macron’s shoulder.
Many are calling the episode “Dandruffgate” as there did not appear to be any dandruff on Macon’s jacket.
Nevertheless, because of Macron’s good-natured acceptance of Trump’s stunt, he has been rewarded by Proctor and Gamble with the starring role in a new TV ad for it’s best selling dandruff shampoo.
Macron said that in honor of Donald Trump, he is donating the proceeds from his advertising venture to Alzheimer’s research.
Photo | AFP PHOTO / ludovic MARIN
Is Dr. Ronny Jackson Really an MD?
Reprint from moronmajority.com
Now that Dr. Ronny Jackson’s bid to become the next Secretary of Veterans Affairs has suffered a major setback amid allegations of both personal and professional improprieties, some lawmakers are questioning whether Jackson is really a doctor.
A group of senators, both Republican and Democrat, has written a letter to Donald Trump advising him they will not consider Jackson’s nomination to head the VA until he produces his long form medical degree.
These same members of Congress became suspicious of the doctor’s educational background when he gave a glowing bill of health to Trump following his annual physical exam. The man, whose diet consists of junk food and little in the way of exercise, was said to be in “excellent” health by Jackson.
“Based on his cardiac assessment, hands down, there is no question he is in the excellent range,” Jackson told a group of reporters this past January.
For the record, Jackson claims to be a 1995 graduate of the University of Texas Medical Branch (UTMB).
Photo | westernjournal.com
So What’s Up With Jared And Ivanka?
With so much drama surrounding the White House these past few weeks … with round-the-clock news coverage of mistresses, Playboy bunnies, FBI raids, Michael Cohen … there has been very little press devoted to two familiar names, Jared Kushner and Ivanka Trump.
It’s as if Jarvanka (as the couple is derisively called) skipped town.
Well, last week, they did.
The two attended the Summit of the Americas in Lima, Peru, along with Vice President Mike Pence, Commerce Secretary Wilbur Ross, and United States Trade Representative Robert Lighthizer.
Some observers have noted that whenever things heat up in Washington D.C., the power couple seems to make themselves scarce.
As Republican efforts to repeal Obamacare were sinking in the Senate during the spring of 2017, Kushner and family skied in Aspen. During protests in defense of confederate monuments in Charlottesville in August, Jared and Ivanka escaped Washington, D.C. for a quick trip to Vermont.
And so, following the raid of the home, office and hotel room of Donald Trump’s personal lawyer, Michael Cohen, Jarvanka decides to head for Peru?
It is possible what law enforcement agents find in documents seized from Cohen (e-mails, tax documents, and business records, or from whatever Cohen decides to share with investigators) could be very harmful for Jarvanka.
The Summit of the Americas is a two-day gathering for heads of state from the Western hemisphere that occurs every three years.
Though the summit has ended, no one seems to be sure of the current whereabouts of Jared and Ivanka. Have they decided to extend their stay?
Does anyone know if Peru and the United States have an extradition agreement?
Photo | slate.com
Paul Ryan … Shoo-in For Father Of The Year
It is a rare thing for a man to give up power at the height of his career. Yet Paul Ryan, Speaker of the House, has done just that.
Yesterday, the 10-term congressman from Wisconsin called it quits. He will not be seeking reelection this November.
Ryan told a group of reporters he is stepping down from his position as top Republican in the House, one that puts him second in line to the presidency, to spend more time with his kids.
Women have been facing the push-pull of career versus family ever since they entered the work place. Ryan is that exceptional male who has undoubtedly felt that same internal conflict and has decided to put the needs of his family first.
What makes Ryan’s decision so praiseworthy is that he is leaving congress before fulfilling his lifelong dream of completely dismantling the safely net put in place by the New Deal and the Great Society.
Yes, he did get passed his big tax giveaway to millionaires and corporations, but that was always secondary to eliminating Medicare and Social Security, as we know them.
Ryan is setting a good example for other powerful men to stop and smell the roses. What good is power and wealth when they come at the expense of raising great, well-adjusted kids? I’m guessing Ryan didn’t want to be a “Trump” in that regard.
Sure, Ryan may look back with regret at all he gave up after checking one too many homework assignments or one too many car pools to soccer practice.
But Ryan must know, like so many women who have sacrificed their careers to be with their children, your kids are only young once. The pride and satisfaction of raising fine upstanding citizens cannot be overstated.
So Elizabeth (16), Charles (15) and Samuel (13), count yourselves among the lucky ones who will now have their dad always around as you wade through those awkward teenage years.
Many are comparing Ryan’s incredible decision to leave politics to that of Little Richard who quit rock & roll at the height of his popularity in the late 50’s, to attend Bible school.
Sir, the country could not be happier with your decision.
Photo | celebritybabies.people.com
Trump’s Lawyer, Michael Cohen, … No “Legal Eagle”
In light of the most recent developments surrounding Michael Cohen, this March 10 story is worth the reprint.
Donald Trump likes to boast he surrounds himself with only the best and the brightest. Judging from the revolving door that is his administration, that brag is just another example of the fantasyland Trump’s mind inhabits.
Take Michael Cohen, Trump’s personal lawyer.
Also known as Trump’s “pit bull,” Cohen has demonstrated, on multiple occasions, he will never be confused with Clarence Darrow. The whole Stormy Daniels saga drips with legal incompetence and possible ethics violations.
Many lawyers watching Cohen’s most recent bumbling performance can only shake their heads and laugh. “Where did this guy get his law degree … Trump U? A Cracker Jack box?”
Michael Cohen is a graduate of Thomas M. Cooley Law School, in Michigan. The school was recently ranked the worst law school in the country by Above the Law.
According to Cooley’s ABA required disclosures, only 27.4% of graduates from the class of 2015 obtained full-time, bar-passage-required employment 9 months after graduation. As for academic standards, Cooley recently accepted 85.6% of its applicants, far and away the highest acceptance rate in the country.
Even mob bosses know to look for talent among the better law schools. The infamous Roy Cohn, who, coincidentally, was one of Trump’s early mentors, was a graduate of Columbia Law School.
The combination of dumbness and bravado may get you a job with Trump, but it can also buy you major ethical and legal problems, potentially meriting disbarment and prosecution for crimes.
Paying a porn star “hush money” out of his own pocket to silence her about her alleged affair with Donald Trump, Cohen may have broken several laws and ethical rules.
But a far greater threat to Cohen is the Mueller Trump-Russia investigation. It has been reported he is a person of interest to the Special Counsel because of his role in the negotiations he undertook during the campaign to help the Trump Organization build a tower in Moscow.
Michael Cohen … not the sharpest knife in the drawer. Yes, he may be a “pit bull” but he is far from the “legal eagle” someone like Trump should be surrounding himself with.
Photo | dailydot.com
Mexico Agrees To Pay For Wall If Trump Releases Tax Returns
Reprint from moronmajority.com
Mexico has agreed to pay for Trump’s much-promised “big, beautiful” border wall. But there is a catch … Trump must first release his tax returns.
The idea is the brainchild of former Mexican president, Vincente Fox.
In a press conference announcing the surprise move on the part of the Mexican government, Fox was asked about his previous statement that Mexico would never pay for a wall.
“That is not correct,” said Fox. “I said Mexico would never pay for the fucken wall.”
“Look,” continued Fox, “this is a win-win situation. If Trump releases his returns, it’s adios amigo. Who knows what he’s hiding? I’m betting he’s on Putin’s payroll and doesn’t pay taxes. Now, if he doesn’t accept our muy generous offer, we know he is full of sh*t and doesn’t really care about the wall.”
But what it Trump does accept Mexico’s offer and releases his returns, wouldn’t that be a great loss of pesos for our southern neighbor?
Fox was ready for the question.
“Yes, it would cost us a lot of money but wouldn’t it be worth it to get that jackass out of office? It would be our gift to the American people and the world. And, by the way, we could build the wall, a pequena wall, muy cheaper than that idiota.”
Donald Trump has not yet responded to Mexico’s offer. A White House spokesperson did say Trump would consider the request once the IRS completes its audit of his tax returns.
Photo | cnn.com
Moronmajority.com is a political satire blog
Evangelicals Don’t Care If Trump Knew Stormy “In The Biblical Sense”
Evangelicals used to stand for something …“family values” and good old-fashioned “Christian morality.” Nowadays, not so much.
Their full-throttled support of the sexual deviant currently occupying the White House has taken care of all that. If anything, evangelicalism is today more aptly associated with good old-fashioned hypocrisy.
Evangelicals don’t care about Stormy Daniels, or Karen McDougal, or any other woman Donald Trump may have had an extramarital affair with.
Michael Avenatti, Stormy Daniels’ lawyer, recently revealed six other women claiming to have had sex with Donald Trump have contacted him.
Yet none of this seems to bother all those self-proclaimed pious conservative Christians who expressed righteous indignation over the dalliances of another White House inhabitant, one William Jefferson Clinton.
To be fair, some prominent evangelical leaders have admitted they are no longer tied to a specific set of doctrinal beliefs.
Tony Perkins, head of the Family Research Council, has made it clear that American evangelicalism is no longer about doctrine, at least not as much as it is about politics.
Evangelical Christians, said Perkins in an interview with Politico, “were tired of being kicked around by Barack Obama and his leftists. And I think they are finally glad that there’s somebody on the playground that is willing to punch the bully.” Perkins added, “Look, Christianity is not all about being a welcome mat which people can just stomp their feet on.”
The jig is up folks. Evangelicals are all about power and revenge. They do not care who their champion is or what he’s done as long as he can lead them to their earthly Promised Land.
The irony, of course, is that Trump is probably the least religious person you’ll ever find.
Trump is a user of people. He is a user of women. He is a user of the self-pitying religious right who now feel more empowered to push their beliefs and Stone Age agenda on the rest of the country.
“A person’s character is shown through their actions in life NOT where they sit on Sunday” – Navonne Johns
Photo | thehill.com
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