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You are here: Home / 2019 / Archives for December 2019

Archives for December 2019

Has The Eventual Democratic Presidential Nominee Even Entered the Race Yet?

December 31, 2019 By John DeProspo 3 Comments

As many Democrats take stock in the current field of presidential hopefuls, there is a growing sense of dread. Filmmaker Michael Moore put it bluntly in a recent interview with “Democracy Now!” predicting Trump will get reelected in 2020. 

Most of my friends (well, the Democrats) feel anxious about the upcoming presidential election. There is little excitement, let alone agreement, over the current cast of players.

We have:

  • A candidate who is intelligent, well-spoken and ideologically “safe,” but who’s only 37 years old and has never been elected to statewide office (Pete Buttigieg);
  • A candidate with lots of political experience, perhaps lacking energy, who is also ideologically “safe,” but at 76 years old may have outlived his political shelf life (Joe Biden);
  • Two candidates with plenty of political experience, vigor and clear appeal, but who are far more liberal than most past nominees (Elizabeth Warren and Bernie Sanders — also, Sanders is 78 years old).

“If only Obama could run again,” I hear my friends sigh. But the 22nd amendment to the Constitution took care of that!

But wait, an Obama can run for president … Michelle!

A growing number of Democrats, including Michael Moore, have begged Michelle Obama to run for president but the former First Lady has repeatedly closed the door on any type of political future.

And yet it does not escape many big Democratic donors that Barack Obama’s wife is the most admired woman in the country, according to Gallup polls. Meanwhile, a survey from YouGov revealed that she is the most admired woman in the world, displacing actress Angelina Jolie and even the United Kingdom’s monarch, Queen Elizabeth II.

OK, Michelle changing her mind and throwing her hat into the ring is as likely as Trump developing a moral compass. Yet it’s an interesting prospect and a wonderful dream nevertheless. 

But wait again, Michelle Obama running for president may not be as farfetched as you might think.  Tucker Carlson, that soothsayer of Fox News, remains positive Michelle will be the official nominee of the Democratic Party!

“Now, last week, the former first lady issued a statement saying that she has no interest in being president. That’s what she claimed. But there are signs that that’s not true,” Carlson said on his show.

Here’s my prediction for 2020… some new, excitement-inducing Democrat will enter the presidential race and become the party’s nominee, making it all the way to the White House or we will have President Elizabeth Warren!

Happy New Year!

Photo | wired.com

Filed Under: featured, Opinion Tagged With: 2020, candidates, Democrats, Donald Trump, Michael Moore, Michelle Obama, presidential race

Top 10 Things We Learned About Donald Trump In 2019 (And One We Already Knew)

December 27, 2019 By John DeProspo 4 Comments

As 2019 comes to a close, let us look back on some of the interesting, crazy and outright bizarre things we learned about the man who currently occupies the White House. While lots of stuff vied to make the list, here is my top 10:

  1. He is very handy with a Sharpie
  2. He thinks people need to flush 10-15 times to complete their business 
  3. He believes energy-efficient light bulbs make him look orange
  4. He reportedly does his own makeup
  5. He needs to learn how to wear a tux
  6. He said the Mueller report didn’t contain the “oranges” of the investigation
  7. He thinks Colorado borders Mexico
  8. He said Revolutionary War fighters “took over the airports”
  9. His doesn’t understand the meaning of a “perfect” phone call
  10. He is only the third U.S. president to be impeached

And, oh yes, the one thing we learned about Donald Trump long before 2019:

  1. He lies

Happy New Year to everyone, especially to those who follow, and continue to support, thedailynooze.com.

Photo | mavenroundtable.io

Filed Under: featured, Opinion Tagged With: 2019, Donald Trump, list, things we learned, top 10

Trump Christmas Gift To Melania? Chia Pet

December 27, 2019 By John DeProspo Leave a Comment

Reprint from moronmajority.com

Just one day before Christmas, Donald Trump revealed he had not yet bought a present for the First Lady.

During a Christmas Eve video conference call to troops stationed overseas, when asked by a soldier what gift he had gotten Melania, Trump confessed he had not gotten her anything … yet:

“That’s a tough question …. I got her a beautiful card. … A lot of love. We love our family, and we love each other. We’ve had a great relationship, hopefully like you do with your spouses. … I’m still working on a Christmas present. There’s a little time left. Not much, but a little time left.”

It was widely speculated Trump did not buy Melania a gift. 

Trump has previously acknowledged his shortcomings in finding gifts for his wife. You may recall, in a Fox interview in 2018, Trump admitted he only gifted a “beautiful card” to his wife for her birthday.

Naturally, everyone thought Trump had stiffed Melania again.

But not so fast! News filtered out of the White House today that Trump did indeed buy Melania a Christmas present… a Chia Pet!

We’ve all been there. You wait until the last minute to buy a Christmas present when you suddenly realize all the good stuff has sold out. So, what do you buy? Yep, that good old-fashioned staple … Ch-Ch-Ch Chia!

In a strange twist, Trump bought Melania a Chia Pet of himself … it being the only product style to not have completely sold out at the Walmart where Trump had shopped.

Photo | Chia.com

Warning – this could be “fake”nooze!

Filed Under: featured, satire Tagged With: Chia Pet, Christmas, Donald Trump, First Lady, gift, Melania, present, satire

A D.C. Christmas Poem

December 21, 2019 By John DeProspo Leave a Comment

‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through the House

Not a representative was stirring, having gone home to a spouse

The votes had been taken and counted with care

To impeach “the imposter,” the pretend billionaire

They returned to their districts to explain what they’d done

Said Nancy to members, “no gloating, no fun”

While Democrats performed their mandated duty

Republicans trashed the Dems, acting all snooty

They defended their leader with passion and glee

Facts be damned for the Reps from Tennessee

They asked, “So what if he asked Zelensky a favor?”

That certainly didn’t rise to impeachable behavior!

His protectors insisted no “quid pro quo”

Even as Trump asked, “Do us a favor, though”

It was a “perfect call” they in unison said

While visions of McConnell danced in their heads

The “Grim Reaper” would save them, of this they all knew

It didn’t matter what high crimes and misdemeanors the Dems did pursue

The fix in the Senate was made oh so clear

Not only by old Mitch but Miss Lindsey, oh dear!

So now we must wait for the start of 2020

To hold a Senate trial, or maybe not any

One thing’s for certain as we look to next year

The ride will be bumpier than we can imagine, I fear

If there’s one hope for all of us Dems

It’s that some patriotic Republican senators will in fact Trump condemn

And even though he might remain in his office

A majority of the Senate may denounce Trump as lawless.

So do not fear, Dems, for having done what was right

Your conscience is clear

“Happy Christmas to all and to all a good night!”

By John DeProspo

Photo | rd.com

Filed Under: featured, politics, Uncategorized Tagged With: "Twas the night before Christmas, Christmas poem, Democrats, Donald Trump, impeachment

Trump Calls For Investigation Of Impeachment Vote

December 20, 2019 By John DeProspo Leave a Comment

Reprint from moronmajority.com

Alleging foul play, Donald Trump is asking for an investigation of the electronic voting system used in the House of Representatives.

White House sources say Trump believes the only way he could have lost the House vote is for hacking to have occurred. In fact, these same sources say Trump was “shellshocked” when he learned the impeachment vote went against him.

“All my top people told me Nancy didn’t have the votes to impeach,” Trump tweeted today. “This is 100% VOTER FRAUD!”

“Why doesn’t the House take votes like the Senate?” questioned Trump. “Very fishy.”

It should be noted that, unlike the Senate where votes are recorded by roll call, electronic voting is unique to the House due to the fact it is four times larger than the Senate.

One aide, who asked for anonymity, said that when asked what proof he had for his allegation, Trump snapped, “I don’t need proof. I have Barr!”

It has been confirmed that Trump’s Attorney General, William Barr, will be opening an investigation into the alleged hacking of the House voting system. He is expected to hire Kaspersky Lab, a cyber security firm headquartered in Moscow, to handle the probe.

Photo | propublica.org

Warning – this could be “fake” nooze!

Filed Under: featured, satire Tagged With: Donald Trump, electronic voting system, fraud, hacking, House, impeachment, investigation, satire, William Barr

Trump And The Will Of The People

December 19, 2019 By John DeProspo 4 Comments

If you watched any of the House impeachment hearings, you undoubtedly heard this popular Republican talking point … the Democrats, through their hatred of Donald Trump, were trying to undo the “will of the people.” Of course, that argument is total nonsense as the “will of the people” was to elect Hillary Clinton president. 

Donald Trump was only able to secure the presidency through the arcane system of the electoral college. As far as “the people” were concerned, they voted for Clinton over Trump by nearly 3 million votes.

The House of Representatives is often described as “The People’s House.” And yesterday the House voted out two articles of impeachment against Donald Trump. One for abuse of power and the other for obstruction of Congress.

Yes, the people, through their elected representatives, voted to indict the man who has so debased, and continues to debase, the Oval Office. This is the true “will of the people.” The action now moves to the Senate for the trial of Donald J. Trump.

Democrats regained control of the House in the 2018 midterm elections for many reasons. One of the main reasons was to get us to the exact point where we find ourselves today … on the doorstep of removing Trump from office.

The Senate is often referred to as “the world’s greatest deliberative body.” That glowing phrase is now being called into question with Senate Majority Leader, Mitch McConnell, having already telegraphed the fix is in.

Speaking to Sean Hannity of Fox News, McConnell flat out stated there was “zero chance” Trump would be removed from office, and promised “total coordination” with the White House and Trump’s defense team.

“The case is so darn weak coming over from the House,” he said. “We all know how it’s going to end.”

It remains to be seen what type of trial, if any, the Senate will hold. But don’t hold your breath for anything that remotely resembles fairness.

After yesterday’s historic vote in the House, Donald Trump can truthfully say he got more votes than Clinton … well, yes, Bill Clinton.

When the House voted to impeach William Jefferson Clinton on charges of obstruction, the vote was 221-212. Trump outdid Clinton by securing a 229-198 vote on his obstruction charge.

Photo | staradvertiser.com

Filed Under: featured, Opinion Tagged With: "the will of the people", Bill, Clinton, Donald Trump, Hillary, House, House of Representatives, impeachment, obstruction, Republican talking point, vote

Senate Impeachment Trial To Air Pay-Per-View

December 14, 2019 By John DeProspo Leave a Comment

Reprint from moronmajority.com

It has been announced that the upcoming impeachment trial of Donald J. Trump in the United States Senate will be available pay-per-view worldwide.

The mother of all pay-per-view events will be coordinated by Vince McMahon, an icon of pay-per-view promotions and a longtime friend of Trump.

“The proceeds from the event will go directly to the U.S. Treasury,” said McMahon. “We expect this spectacle will singlehandedly wipe out our national debt.”

The U.S. House of Representatives is expected next week to vote on, and pass, the two articles of impeachment approved by the House Judiciary Committee yesterday.

Photo | businessinsider.com

Warning – this could be “fake” nooze

Filed Under: featured, satire

Marianne Williamson Proves Why We All Need To Do Our Due Diligence

December 10, 2019 By John DeProspo Leave a Comment

Reprint from moronmajority.com

About one month ago, I wrote a satirical piece, “Trump Pardons Charles Manson.” I also reposted the article on Dailykos.com.

What was intended as a lighthearted jab at Trump’s expansive, and seemingly indiscriminate, use of his pardoning power has morphed into a major brouhaha and latest embarrassment for presidential candidate Marianne Williamson.

Not realizing the story was satire, Williamson tweeted: 

“There is something deeply sinister about Trump pardoning Charles Manson, even posthumously. Dog whistles of the very worst possible kind…”

Williamson later apologized for the mistake and said that she was “glad to have been wrong,” but then deleted both the original tweet and the apology.

If only the self-help guru had done a simple Google search she would have discovered the story was in jest. Scopes.com correctly labeled the article as “satire.”

Williamson should have read the disclaimer on moronmajority.com, which reads, “This site is devoted to satire. If you believe any of the stuff you read here, don’t look now, but you probably belong to the group this site is named for.”

Let this be a teachable moment for one and all. If a story sounds preposterous … totally batsh*t crazy … it is probably fake news or well done satire.

Then again, in the age of Trump, where windmills cause cancer, can we say anything is utterly ludicrous?

Photo | sarah silbiger/reuters

Filed Under: breaking news, featured Tagged With: Charles Manson, Donald Trump, fake news, Marianne Williamson, moron majority, pardon, satire

Democrats Should Embrace, Not Run Away From, “Socialism”

December 8, 2019 By John DeProspo 2 Comments

It has been made abundantly clear by Donald Trump that if he is up for reelection in 2020 (as it appears, in spite of impeachment), he will attack the Democratic nominee as a “socialist.” It won’t matter if it’s a progressive like Sanders or Warren or a moderate like Biden or Buttigieg; the “s” word will be repeatedly flung around like a pizza at your favorite Italian restaurant.

Trump tweeted this not too long ago:

We will never be a Socialist or Communist Country. IF YOU ARE NOT HAPPY HERE, YOU CAN LEAVE! It is your choice, and your choice alone. This is about love for America. Certain people HATE our Country….

All Democratic presidential candidates should welcome the label “socialist” … as long as they get to define it.

Bernie Sanders perhaps did this best when he defined democratic socialism in a recent speech:

Now, we must take the next step forward and guarantee every man, woman and child in our country basic economic rights — the right to quality health care, the right to as much education as one needs to succeed in our society, the right to a good job that pays a living wage, the right to affordable housing, the right to a secure retirement, and the right to live in a clean environment. We must recognize that in the 21st century, in the wealthiest country in the history of the world, economic rights are human rights. That is what I mean by democratic socialism.

Who could possibly be opposed to such “socialism?” It is certainly not an intimidating or scary platform. In fact, it is one supported by the vast majority of Democratic voters, and many Republican voters as well.

Democratic candidates need to explain to voters that democratic socialism is not anti-capitalism. It simply wants to reign in the worst excesses of capitalism.

As put forth by Julie Wittes Schlack, writer for wbur.org, “Indeed, what Sanders and Warren are calling for is capitalism with guardrails, and a social safety net to ensure that the people of this country aren’t scrambling on a daily basis for food, shelter and safety.”

So, eventual Democratic presidential nominee, whoever you may be, when Trump hits you with the “socialist” label,” embrace it … explain it…. don’t run away from it. 

As Wittes Schlack notes, “The key for Democrats will be to ridicule red-baiting for what it is and offer policies that stress the “social” over the “ism;” to clearly articulate a vision in which the broad social good enables, not opposes, the individual good.”

Photo | aljazeera.com

Filed Under: featured, Opinion Tagged With: 2020, capitalism, democratic socialism, Democrats, Donald Trump, Sanders, Socialism

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