The Daily Nooze

"All the news we deem fit to print"

  • Home
  • politics
  • satire
  • breaking news
  • Archives
  • Show Your Support
  • Opinion
You are here: Home / Archives for 2020

Archives for 2020

President Urges All Americans To Wear Masks

October 4, 2020 By John DeProspo 4 Comments

Now that Donald Trump has been infected with the coronavirus, and is spending his days at Walter Reed Medical Center, the president is asking Americans to do their part in saving lives by wearing masks.

“We can save 100,000 lives in the next 100 days, according to the head of the CDC, if everyone wears a mask in public,” said the president on Thursday. “Be patriotic. It’s not about being a tough guy, it’s about doing your part.”

No … those are not the words of Donald Trump, the current president, but of Joe Biden, the soon-to-be president.

Instead of taking the opportunity to stress the importance of wearing masks, Trump recorded a four-minute video, from the hospital, focusing on his favorite topic, himself. “I feel much better now,” Trump said.

He then went on to say how ready he is to get back on the campaign trail.

“I have to be back, because we still have to make America great again,” said Trump. “We’ve done an awfully good job of that, but we still have steps to go, and we have to finish that job, and I’ll be back. I think I’ll be back soon, and I look forward to finishing up the campaign the way it was started, and the way we’ve been doing, and the kind of numbers that we’ve been doing.”

Referring to how great a job he’s been doing in fighting the virus, Trump said, “We’ve been so proud of it, but this was something that happened, and it’s happened to millions of people all over the world, and I’m fighting for them. Not just in the US. I’m fighting for them all over the world.”

But, at what could not have been a more opportune moment, Trump couldn’t do the one thing his own director of the CDC, Robert Redfield, did last month at a congressional hearing … stress the importance of wearing masks.

Asked about the significance of mask wearing, Redfield replied, “I’m not gonna comment directly about the president, but I am going to comment as the CDC director that face masks, these face masks, are the most important powerful public health tool we have.”

“They are our best defense,” Redfield added. “I might even go so far as to say that this face mask is more guaranteed to protect me against COVID than when I take a COVID vaccine.”

Is anyone surprised Trump didn’t seize the moment to actually do something that could make a difference in saving lives? God forbid!  What would his supporters think … now that he has it, he’s gone soft?

The next president, who will be sworn in on January 20, 2021, will not feel the need to play Macho Man.

Filed Under: featured, politics Tagged With: CDC, coronavirus, Donald Trump, Joe Biden, macho man, masks, president, Robert Redfield, save lives, soon-to-be president

No More Debates … Even If They Help Biden

October 1, 2020 By John DeProspo 1 Comment

If you’re a Trump believer, your man won the first presidential debate against Vice President Joe Biden, hands down.

“I really enjoyed last night’s debate with Sleepy Joe … the verdict is in and they say that we, all of us, won big last night,” Trump told a crowd during a rally in Duluth, Minnesota yesterday.

Of course, if you look at the actual polling, it is the complete opposite.

According to a CNN poll of debate watchers conducted by SSRS, six in 10 debate watchers said former Vice President Joe Biden did the best job in Tuesday’s debate, and just 28% say Donald Trump did.

A CNBC/Change Research poll conducted Tuesday and Wednesday found 53% of likely voters nationwide said Biden did a better job in the debate, compared with 29% for Trump.

So, two more scheduled presidential debates should only help Biden, right? Yes.

But would two more exhibitions of what some have called a “national disgrace” and “an embarrassment,” be good for the country? No.

As conservative columnist, George Will, writes in the Washington Post, “The national interest — actually, national security — demands that the other two scheduled mortifications, fraudulently advertised as presidential debates, should be canceled: When a nation makes itself pathetic, the response of enemy nations is not sympathy.” 

Yes, more of what we saw on display Tuesday would not only dishearten most Americans, it would also demoralize our friends and allies, while emboldening our enemies.

The bottom line is that the first presidential debate did nothing to change the hearts and minds of voters. 

According to the previously mentioned CNBC/Change Research poll, just 2% of respondents said the debate changed their vote, versus 98% who said it didn’t.

So why would we need what would, no doubt, only be the continuation of a fiasco?

Some are suggesting we go ahead with the debates but that they will need to be “fine-tuned.”

Seriously? You cannot fine-tune the mind of a petulant man-child that is Donald Trump.

We’ve heard this phrase many times during the Trump MisAdministration … “enough is enough.”

Yes. No more useless “debates.” Period.

Photo | bbc.com/reuters

Filed Under: featured, Opinion Tagged With: cancel, debates help Biden, Donald Trump, embarrassment, Joe Biden, national disgrace, no more, presidential debate

Fox News Awards Chris Wallace Combat Pay

September 30, 2020 By John DeProspo 5 Comments

Reprint from moronmajority.com*

For his heroic performance moderating last night’s first presidential debate, Fox News has awarded its star reporter, Chris Wallace, combat pay.

The bonus rewards Wallace for having survived what many are calling the mother of all contests – the “presidential debate” between Donald Trump and Joe Biden.

Throughout the night, Wallace bravely withstood a barrage of incoming fire from Donald Trump who repeatedly criticized him, while interrupting Biden every chance he got.

Things got so heated that Wallace was forced to remind Trump just who was in control of the debate. 

“Mr. President, I’m the moderator of this debate and I’d like you to let me ask my questions,” Wallace said.

Unfortunately for Wallace, his brave performance was not appreciated by all. Many of Trump’s most ardent supporters accused him of favoring Biden by having the audacity of cutting Trump off mid-rant, trying to steer the conversation back to the topic at hand.

Close associates of Mr. Wallace are concerned that the brutal experience may leave him a victim of PTSD.

Photo | foxnews.com

*moronmajority.com is a satirical site … seriously!

Filed Under: featured, satire

Handful of Ted Cruz Supporters Upset With Trump SCOTUS Pick

September 26, 2020 By John DeProspo Leave a Comment

Reprint from moronmajority.com*

Now that Donald Trump has chosen Amy Coney Barrett to be his nominee to fill Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s Supreme Court seat, a number of Ted Cruz enthusiasts are disappointed with Trump’s selection.

According to a White House source, Cruz was in the running to sit on the nation’s highest court up until the very end. But, the source revealed, it was Trump’s son-in-law and senior advisor, Jared Kushner, who put an end to Cruz’s chances. “Do you really want the son of the man who helped assassinate JFK on the bench?” asked Kushner. “It’s just not a good look.”

The source also stated that Cruz’s harsh words during the 2016 presidential campaign didn’t sit well with many of Trump’s other advisors.

As you may recall, this is what Cruz said about then-candidate Trump: 

“This man is a pathological liar, he doesn’t know the difference between truth and lies … in a pattern that is straight out of a psychology text book, he accuses everyone of lying.”

For good measure, Cruz also accused Trump of being “utterly amoral,” a “narcissist at a level I don’t think this country’s ever seen” and “a serial philanderer.”

As disappointed as Cruz’s supporters may be, they should take heart … if Trump wins reelection, he may have the opportunity of naming a fourth, or even fifth, justice to the Court.

Word on the street is that, if Trump wins, Clarence Thomas is looking forward to spending more time with his family.

Photo | cnn.com

*moronmajority.com is a satirical site … seriously!

Filed Under: featured, satire Tagged With: Amy Coney Barrett, Cruz supporters, disappointed, Donald Trump, nominee, satire, Supreme Court, Ted Cruz

Biden To Hire ServPro For White House Restoration Work

September 21, 2020 By John DeProspo Leave a Comment

Reprint from moronmajority.com*

It is being reported that Joe Biden, if he were to win the presidency, will hire the cleanup firm, ServPro, to cleanse a White House that has been thoroughly soiled by Donald Trump and his administration.

While ServPro is a leading firm in disaster restoration services, disinfecting the People’s House will present a unique challenge.

“We at ServPro are very experienced at cleaning up after natural disasters … floods, hurricanes and the like. But we’ve never been asked to clean up after a man-made disaster such as a tainted presidency,” said a company spokesperson.

“We know, from its core, the building is rife with scandal, incompetence and corruption. If hired, we will do our best to rid the White House of such odious elements that, I fear, have likely seeped into every wall, of every room,” said the spokesperson. “We are prepared to do our best restoration work for the American people. Our goal would be to bring back honor, honesty and decency to that grand building.”

“We will be true to our motto, ‘Like it never happened’,” said the spokesperson. 

Asked how they plan to rid the White House of the repulsive stench now emanating from every corner of the building, the spokesperson said,” We may actually use something the President has himself suggested to rid a body of coronavirus …. simple household bleach.”

Some political observers are worried Trump may win another four years. If that is the case, the ServPro spokesperson noted a cleanup of the White House would then be impossible, saying, “The building would have to be razed and rebuilt.” 

As a pure cost-saving measure, Americans will need to vote Trump out of office on November 3.

Photo | servprohowardcountrymd.com

*moronmajority.com is a satirical site … seriously!

Filed Under: featured, satire Tagged With: cleanup, Donald Trump, Joe Biden, restoration, satire, ServPro, white house

America’s Last Undecided Voter

September 14, 2020 By John DeProspo 6 Comments

Reprint from moronmajority.com*

With the presidential election less than two months away, battle lines have been drawn. Sides have been chosen. Americans know who they will be voting for … except for Earl Scruggs.

Scruggs has the distinction of being the last undecided voter in the country.

We at Moron Majority recently had the opportunity to interview America’s final fence-sitter.

MM: Mr. Scruggs, how is it with all the news about the two candidates you still haven’t decided who to vote for?

Scruggs: I don’t much listen to the news but I do talk to a lot of people. Seems like half are voting for Trump, half are voting for Biden.

MM: Did you vote for Trump in 2016?

Scruggs: Yes, but in 2008 and 2012 I voted for Obama.

MM: So, you really are a swing voter! What do you like about Trump?

Scruggs: I like that he loves the flag so much he dry humps it every chance he gets. I like Melania too, she’s one mighty fine-looking woman!

MM: What about Biden? What do you like about him?

Scruggs: I like Joe’s teeth. They must be the whitest teeth of any politician ever. I like that he smiles a lot, too.  Plus, I think his aviator shades make him look cool.

MM: Mr. Scruggs, what you’re talking about are appearances and behavior. Aren’t there any policy differences between the two that could help make up your mind?

Scruggs: Nope. To me all that policy stuff doesn’t matter because all politicians are the same. They’ll say anything to get elected. All they want is power and to get reelected. I go with what strikes my eye. I go with my gut. But, right now, it’s telling me to maybe just sit this one out.

So there you have it. Democrats and Republicans will be spending millions in the coming days to sway Earl Scruggs in what may turn out to be one expensive, but futile, effort.

Photo | baltimoresun.com

*moronmajority.com is a satirical site … seriously!

Filed Under: featured, satire Tagged With: 2020 election, Biden, Earl Scruggs, last undecided voter, presidential election, satire, trump, undecided voter

Trump Boaters Out Of Luck … Insurance Claims Denied

September 6, 2020 By John DeProspo 1 Comment

Reprint from moronmajority.com*

Several boats sank yesterday during a boat parade in support of Donald Trump on Lake Travis in Texas. Apparently, the sinking occurred due to choppy water caused by the large number of vessels moving so close together.

Most owners suffering loss have looked to their boat insurance to cover their damages. Unfortunately, many standard boat policies carry a little-known exclusion, namely, “There is no coverage when losses or damages are caused by the owner’s abject stupidity.”

Asked if he felt sorry for those supporters who lost their vessels, Trump snapped., “I like owners whose boats don’t sink, OK?”

Photo | abcnews.go.com

*moronmajority.com is a satirical site … seriously!

Filed Under: featured, satire Tagged With: boat parade, insurance, Lake Travis, satire, sinking, Texas, Trump boat parade

Donald Trump Is The Real “Teflon Don”

September 5, 2020 By John DeProspo 7 Comments

If you Google “Teflon Don,” you’ll get many photos of John Gotti, the notorious New York Mafia boss who earned the name by beating criminal charges for years … until he didn’t (courtesy of that rat, “Sammy The Bull” Gravano!)

You’ll get link after link to articles about the stylish gangster whose love of expensive clothing also earned him the nickname, “Dapper Don.”

You will have to go through many pages before you get to any mention of the real “Teflon Don,” Donald Trump.

Yes, Gotti, the Mafia “Don” escaped many criminal prosecutions, but that’s small potatoes compared to what Trump has dodged.

Admit it, you thought Trump’s bid for the White House was over when you saw that Access Hollywood tape on which he brags to Billy Bush about grabbing women “by the pussy.”

But, of course, Trump went on to “win” the election, and after committing numerous crimes while in office, he is still occupying the White House. Nothing … no scandal or outrage… ever seems to stick to Trump. Hell, he even beat an open-and-shut case of bribery and abuse of power thanks to a group of feckless Republican senators!

And now comes what some are calling Trump’s greatest pubic embarrassment since the Access Hollywood tape … his disparaging remarks about the military.

This latest scandal is so bad even Fox News accurately reported that Trump’s mocking remarks, calling our veterans and military members “losers” and “suckers,” had been verified.

In any sane world, Trump’s derogatory remarks about the troops he commands would be the end of his reelection bid.

But if history is any guide, Trump’s base will stick with him. They’ll either believe it’s all “fake news” or simply turn the page.

Yes, there might be one or two brave Republican members of Congress who find the nerve to chastise Trump. 

There may even be a handful of lukewarm Trump supporters who will see these latest disgusting remarks as disqualifying for a man who wants to remain commander-in-chief.

If Trump somehow wins reelection, even after this latest dishonoring of the office he holds, Google will have no choice but to change its algorithms to bring up photos and articles of Donald J. Trump when someone searches “Teflon Don.”

Photo | slate.com

Filed Under: featured, Opinion

Will Four-Day Republican Lie-Fest Pay Political Dividends?

August 28, 2020 By John DeProspo Leave a Comment

Not very likely.

Sides have been drawn. Minds have been made up. Yes, there are still a number of undecided voters out there but an equal number will be repulsed by what they saw during the Republican “convention” as will be swayed by the avalanche of lies.

If you believe the main Republican talking points, the economy is strong, the coronavirus is behind us and Joe Biden will abolish the suburbs!

No doubt this type of messaging plays well with Trump’s base. Some have suggested the whole purpose of the four-day “misinfomerical” was to shore up those voters already in Trump’s camp.

The problem with that strategy is twofold. First, Trump cannot win reelection just by turning out his base. The numbers don’t add up. They are a minority of the electorate. Most current polling has Trump consistently trailing Biden. Second, the brazen lies Trump has leveled at his opponent only make Democrats more riled up and determined to thrown him out of office.

As many observers believe, in a fair election, Trump, along with those sycophantic Republicans hanging on to his coattails, would lose bigly.

The only path Trump has to reelection is to somehow “fix” the election. The only way he remains in office is to do what he has always done in order to win … cheat.

As Michael Moore put it, “The only way Republicans can win, and this has been true for a few elections, is to cheat, is to somehow game it, rig it, do whatever they need to do.” 

Some polls show that nearly 80% of Americans believe the country is heading in the wrong direction. They see a virus that is not contained, an economy that is in the tank and a social system that is so racially unjust that not only blacks, but Americans of all backgrounds, are marching in the streets yelling “enough is enough.”

All the lying and “alternative facts” in the world won’t change that.

As an insightful Barack Obama said in 2008, “You can put lipstick on a pig, it’s still a pig.”

What Democrats need to do, and will do, is to vote in such overwhelming numbers as to make Trump’s anticipated cries of voter fraud and rigged election seem both petty and ludicrous.

Photo | wtop.com/AP/Andrew Harnik

Filed Under: featured, Opinion Tagged With: "convention", cheating, Donald Trump, Joe Biden, lie-fest, lies, misinfomercial, Republican National Convention

Nikki Haley: “America Is Not A Racist Country” Because, Growing Up, We “Faced Discrimination”

August 25, 2020 By John DeProspo 4 Comments

What is it with today’s Republicans?

Apparently, Trump isn’t the only one able to contradict himself in the same sentence. Consistency of thought just isn’t a feature of today’s GOP. The belief must be that people won’t notice obvious contradictions.

Take Nikki Haley during last night’s Republican National Convention speech. She basically said America is not a racist country because growing up as the daughter of an Indian family in South Carolina, she experienced discrimination.

Here are Haley’s actual words:

There is one more important area where our president is right. He knows that political correctness and cancel culture are dangerous, and just plain wrong. In much of the Democratic Party, it’s now fashionable to say that America is racist. That is a lie. America is not a racist country.

This is personal for me. I am the proud daughter of Indian immigrants. They came to America and settled in a small southern town. My father wore a turban. My mother wore a sari. I was a brown girl in a Black and white world. We faced discrimination and hardship, but my parents never gave into grievance and hate.

Fine, her parents never gave into “grievance and hate” but they obviously faced discrimination none the less.

Speaking in Trumpian contradictions appears to be an acceptable mode of speech among Republicans these days.

But kudos to Haley. At the very least, she did not contradict herself in the same sentence. It took her seven sentences to do so.

Photo |msn.com

Filed Under: featured, politics Tagged With: contradiction, discrimination, Donald Trump, Nikki Haley, Republican National Convention, speech

  • « Previous Page
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
  • …
  • 10
  • Next Page »

Recent Posts

What If Trump Had Not Accepted Biden’s Offer For An Early Debate?

Many political analysts love to talk about the two pivotal moments in the 2024 … [Read More...]

  • Republicans Sound The Alarm: Harris Administration Could Threaten to Pass Laws Most Americans Actually Want
  • Some Republicans Worried Country Not Ready to Elect First Convicted Felon as President
  • The GOP Is Stuck With Two Losers

Follow us online

  • Facebook

Advertisements

Navigation

  • About Us
  • Show Your Support
  • Guest Posts
  • Great Links
  • Contact

Subscribe to Blog via Email

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Copyright © 2025 The Daily Nooze.com. All Rights Reserved. "All the news we deem fit to print"™