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Satirists Declare National Emergency as Trump’s Cabinet Picks Outpace Their Wildest Spoofs

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reprint from moronmajority.com

In an unprecedented move, the nation’s leading satirists gathered on the steps of the Capitol today to stage a protest against what they call the “unbearable tyranny of reality.” Their target? … Donald J. Trump. With one shocking Cabinet pick after another, many worry they soon may be unemployed. 

“Trump is literally putting us out of business,” said a visibly distraught Andy Gotwitz, host of the satirical show This Is Not Real News. “I mean that anti-vaxxer, Robert Kennedy Jr., as Secretary of Health and Human Services? The guy thinks windmills cause autism! How can we compete with that!”

The satirists, carrying signs reading “Leave Room for Parody!” and “Stop Stealing My Punchlines, Donald,” claim that Trump’s announcements have created an existential crisis in their field. “We spend hours trying to come up with absurd scenarios to lampoon these people,” lamented writer Mandy Morewitt. “But Matt Gaetz as Attorney General? What am I supposed to do with that? Photoshop him serving subpoenas at a high school prom? It’s already too on the nose!”

Some critics of the satirists, however, have been unsympathetic. “Maybe they should have worked harder,” said a man dressed as George Santos in a Bigfoot costume, who claimed to be a Trump supporter. “Donald doesn’t just blur the lines between fact and fiction. He erases them! Sorry, but get used to it honey.”

Meanwhile, Trump himself responded to the satirists’ plight during a rally in Florida. “These so-called comedians are very pathetic” he said, waving a printed copy of a New Yorker cartoon. “They’ve got no creativity. No smarts. I’m the most tremendous satire writer in the world. I invented satire. You’re welcome, SNL.”

The satirists say they are considering a new strategy: abandoning politics altogether and turning their attention to less absurd subjects, like alien conspiracy theories or the British monarchy. 

At press time, a White House insider revealed the next Cabinet announcement: My Pillow guy, Mike Lindell, as Secretary of Commerce.

“Kill me now,” sighed the collective voice of satire writers everywhere.

Photo/AI generated

The Precarious Future of American Democracy: Will It Hold?

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With the reelection of Donald Trump as President of the United States, many are grappling with an uneasy question: Is American democracy nearing its breaking point? Some are even pondering the unthinkable – will America soon join the ranks of other failed democracies? Trump, undoubtedly one of the most flawed and corrupt individuals ever to occupy the nation’s highest office, has demonstrated a willingness to disregard established norms and laws. This raises fears that in his next administration, Trump will push the boundaries of executive power so much as to turn our country, at the very least, into something less than a full democracy.  

Trump’s history of surrounding himself with loyalists, often at the expense of competence or accountability, suggests that his second term could feature a government stacked with toadies willing to carry out his orders, lawful or not. That quaint American concept of checks and balances may soon be relevant only in the context of bank statements. The potential for executive overreach seems almost inevitable, particularly if key institutions, such as Congress or the judiciary, fail to stop his worst impulses.

The rule of law, which has already taken some big hits, could be further eroded under another four years of Trump. Critics have pointed to the actions of the Supreme Court, which, under its current conservative majority, has issued controversial rulings that many view as politically motivated or dismissive of precedent. The perception of a judiciary compromised by partisan hacks erodes public trust and weakens one of democracy’s crucial guardrails.

The stakes could not be higher. A second Trump term will no doubt test the resilience of American democracy like never before. Many fear that Trump’s disregard for institutional norms, coupled with a fragmented political landscape and widespread misinformation, could create conditions ripe for “democratic” authoritarianism, much as is the case in Hungary. 

So, will American democracy survive? The answer, at this point, feels like a coin toss. On one side, the nation still possesses strong institutions, a free press, and an engaged populace—resources that have historically bolstered democracy in times of crisis. On the other side, growing polarization, declining trust in government, a corrupt Supreme Court, flourishing right wing disinformation outlets, and the potential for unchecked executive power represent existential threats.

America stands at a crossroads, with uncertainty looming over what this nation might look like after another four years of Donald Trump – if he even makes it to the end of his term! My hope is that Trump and his MAGA allies will overreach so drastically that even his most diehard supporters will push back, rallying to preserve what we still love to call “The Great American Experiment.”

We Did It!

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reprint from moronmajority.com

Congrats fellow Americans, we did it again! After a nail-biting election, President Trump is here to save us all! Forget the naysayers and pundits—we the people have spoken. And boy, do we have our guy back: Donald J. Trump, ready to right all wrongs with one sweep of his seven iron… or maybe a Sharpie? Either way, his master plans are already in motion! Like God created the world in seven days, Trump will fix our broken nation in the same amount of time. Here is his agenda for the first week he’s back in the White House:

Day One: Inflation Cured

Yes, it’s happening. On Day One, the economy will be absolutely booming. Inflation? Gone! Like magic. Who needs “fiscal policy” or “monetary adjustments”? Not us! Trump’s gonna waltz into the Oval Office, declare inflation un-American, and poof—your grocery bill is back to 1999 prices. Everyone gets an instant raise, and gas is practically free! 

Day Two: All Wars Ended by Lunchtime

Buckle up, global chaos, because on Day Two, Trump’s tackling all wars. Ukraine, Gaza, you name it—it’s over. With a trademark mix of charisma and “deal-making prowess,” he’ll just call Putin, Zelensky, and the rest for a lunch at Mar-a-Lago. Who could resist? By the time dessert is served, peace will reign. Expect lots of handshakes, photo ops, and some kind of commemorative “Trump World Peace” merch by sundown.

Day Three: Deporting All the “Bad Hombres”

On Day Three, our borders will be secure again. Trump’s going to deport every undocumented immigrant overnight. How? He’ll just point at the border and say, “Go home!” and voilà, problem solved! Who will step up to pick crops and staff essential services after that, you ask? Americans! Hard-working folks just waiting to get back to basics and—oh, wait, you don’t want that job? Well, somebody’s gotta do it. I’m sure it’ll all work out.

Day Four: The Great Rebuild

Repairing and revitalizing our nation’s physical infrastructure will get supercharged! Trump will personally make all the potholes disappear and build beautiful bridges, each bearing his name in gold letters, of course! No need to bother with funding or blueprints; he’ll just call in a “tremendous” team and wave his hands. Expect state-of-the-art highways, glowing in neon like the Vegas strip.

Day Five: Healing the Divided Nation

On Day Five, President Trump will bring us all together. Gone are the days of “us versus them.” Trump’s got a unifying spirit—and he’s going to make sure everyone agrees with him! If you don’t, well, there’s always social media bans and friendly suggestions to move to Canada. Because in Trump’s America, everyone’s happy… or at least says they are!

Day Six: Making America Safe (Especially for Women!)

Day Six is all about safety. Trump’s going to make America the safest country on earth, particularly for women. You heard right—crime rates will plummet, not just because he says so, but because he’ll install Trump Security Towers on every street corner. Forget police departments, we’re talking 24/7 live-streamed Trump Protection Squads ready to swoop in with unbelievable “Tremendous Law and Order.” 

Day Seven: Solving Global Warming 

Finally, on Day Seven, Trump will tackle climate change head-on—with a revolutionary approach. How? Simple: we just won’t talk about it anymore. If we never mention “global warming,” “climate change,” or any “scary weather stuff,” the problem is basically solved. Can’t have a crisis if it’s not in the headlines, right?

So, here’s to the new era, America. We’ve finally got the guy back who’s going to make everything right again in just seven days. After all, what could possibly go wrong?

If the Unthinkable Happens Next Week, Don’t Blame Kamala Harris

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As Election Day nears, tension over the possibility of a second Trump presidency has many wondering where accountability lies if voters once again choose a path that could upend American democracy. Since becoming her party’s nominee, Kamala Harris has done everything in her power to warn the public of the dangers associated with another four years of Donald Trump. In the short time she’s had since assuming the role, she has navigated the political landscape with a steady hand, clear messaging, and relentless focus. She has more than met every challenge, and in many ways, exceeded exceptions.

However, if the unthinkable happens, the responsibility for such a choice does not rest on her shoulders. Instead, Americans must confront a far-reaching cultural and institutional apathy that has created an environment where good governance takes a backseat to entertainment, sensationalism, and tribal loyalty; where an “out-to-lunch” electorate has become more enthralled with the drama of politics than with its outcomes. Decades of an underfunded and fractured educational system have left millions of Americans ill-equipped to critically assess political issues, easily falling for rhetoric over substance. 

If the unthinkable happens, the role of right-wing media, especially Fox “News,” cannot be ignored. By prioritizing partisan talking points over factual reporting, Fox and similar outlets have consistently amplified misinformation, sowing doubt in institutions, science, and even basic truths. As a powerful megaphone for Republican messaging, these platforms have shaped public opinion to align with a narrow, ideologically charged agenda, often without regard for journalistic integrity or objectivity. This media environment has created a bubble of misinformation that insulates many Americans from understanding the broader consequences of their political choices.

If the unthinkable happens, blame a Republican Party willing to cling to power at all costs; a radicalized party that has abandoned its commitment to democratic principles, embracing gerrymandering, voter suppression, and outright disregard for norms that protect electoral integrity. This erosion of democratic ideals has been accelerated by an extremist Supreme Court willing to place ideology above the law, making it one of the most partisan, corrupt courts in recent history.

And finally, if the unthinkable happens, we must not overlook the billionaire class, whose relentless pursuit of wealth has often come at the expense of the country’s stability and well-being. Driven by greed and self-interest, this elite group has prioritized tax cuts, deregulation, and policies that protect their fortunes, regardless of the harm these measures inflict on working families and society in general. Their influence in politics, facilitated through lobbying and campaign contributions (thanks to a horrendous Supreme Court decision), has helped shape a system where wealth and corporate power take precedence over democratic ideals and equitable governance. All this has contributed to a climate where the public good is sacrificed for private gain, paving the way for a populist like Trump to exploit that disillusionment and gain power.

No, if the unthinkable happens next week, it is not Kamala Harris who will bear the blame. The fault will lie within the deeply embedded indifference, misinformation, and systemic flaws that have shaped the nation’s present condition. 

In a sane, non-Twilight Zone, world, this election would never be so close. With any luck, we may soon awaken from this near decade-long nightmare and once again see the light of day.

What If Trump Had Not Accepted Biden’s Offer For An Early Debate?

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Many political analysts love to talk about the two pivotal moments in the 2024 presidential race… Joe Biden’s decision not to seek reelection and his endorsement of Kamala Harris to become the Democratic Party’s nominee.

But these two milestone developments would never have happened but for a third, and I believe, more consequential, moment. After many wondered if there would even be any presidential debates, the Biden campaign asked for two debates, one in June and one in September. 

The eventual June 27 debate date was highly unusual since presidential debates are typically held late in the election cycle, after the political parties have nominated their candidates.

Trump quickly agreed to the Biden proposed schedule.

Without the presidential debate on June 27, Joe Biden’s disastrous performance would never have taken place. He would have been the Democratic Party’s nominee, not Kamala Harris. The Democratic National convention most likely would not have been the raucous, joyful affair that it was. It’s safe to say Democrats would not be as invigorated and hopeful as they are now.

Now let’s think about this. Joe Biden is the Democratic nominee. A September debate takes place. Joe Biden gives the same deer-in-the-headlights performance that he gave in June.

The Democrats would be stuck with Biden just like the Republicans are stuck with Trump. If you’re a Democrat, just think back to that sick feeling in the pit of your stomach that June 27 night. Someone, please get me the Pepto!

If Kamala Harris goes on to win in November, Trump’s decision to participate in the June debate might go down in history as the worst debate decision ever made.

One might ask, “Why would Trump agree to an early debate?” Afterall he was leading in the polls; Democrats were divided, disheartened with their candidate. Usually, it’s the trailing candidate who wants debates to somehow shake up the status quo. The leading candidate rarely wants to give his opponent an opportunity. There was really nothing to gain for Trump.

I think I can answer my own question in one word, “arrogance.” Trump thought he could expose Biden for what he is… a low-energy, old man. Trump would wipe the floor, on the national stage, with Sleepy Joe. 

Well, Trump got basically what he wanted, never thinking that such a desired outcome might drive Biden from the presidential race… and give us the more youthful, articulate, confident Kamala. 

Funny, the doddering old man in the race now is Trump, who still thinks he’s running against Joe!

Republicans Sound The Alarm: Harris Administration Could Threaten to Pass Laws Most Americans Actually Want

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Reprint from moronmajority.com

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Republican Party has entered full-blown panic mode amid growing fears that a Kamala Harris administration might attempt to pass legislation that aligns with the will of the majority of Americans.

“We’re facing an unprecedented threat,” said Senator Mitch McConnell, wiping sweat from his brow. “Imagine waking up one morning to find that the government has passed common-sense gun control measures that 80% of the country supports! It’s a nightmare scenario.”

Indeed, the thought of the U.S. Senate actually functioning as a body that reflects public opinion has sent shockwaves through conservative circles. Republican strategists warn that Harris, known for her disturbing habit of listening to experts and acknowledging facts, might push for policies that could actually improve the lives of everyday Americans.

“They’re talking about protecting a woman’s right to make decisions about her own body,” said Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene, with a look of sheer horror. “Next thing you know, they’ll be trying to ensure that everyone has access to affordable healthcare. Where does it end?”

Worried that such popular measures might weaken their brand, the GOP has already begun preparing for the worst. Plans are reportedly in place to filibuster any legislation that smacks of progress or equity. “We’ve got to draw a line in the sand,” McConnell added. “If we don’t stand up now, the next thing you know, they’ll be enacting climate policies that could slow global warming. This could lead to a future where our grandchildren can still recognize the seasons. It’s terrifying.”

As the 2024 election looms, Republican leaders are urging their base to stay vigilant. “Remember, this is about stopping a radical, leftist, socialist agenda that includes the things most Americans say they want in poll after poll,” said Senator Ted Cruz. “We can’t let democracy get in the way of our vision for America.”

*moronmajority.com is a satirical blog

Some Republicans Worried Country Not Ready to Elect First Convicted Felon as President

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reprint from moronmajority.com

Just as many Democrats are worried the U.S. is not ready to elect its first woman chief executive, some Republicans are fretting over whether the country is prepared to elect its first convicted felon as president.

In a strange twist few saw coming, both parties are attempting a political first in presidential elections.

“It’s not that we’re anti-crime,” said one Republican senator, who chose to remain anonymous. “We just wonder if the country can handle a president who might need to attend parole meetings between Cabinet sessions.”

Some historical perspective, though, might ease their worries. Richard “I am not a crook” Nixon avoided prison by resigning, Warren G. Harding’s administration was a corruption carnival, and Andrew Jackson’s dueling escapades make modern scandals look quaint. As one Harvard political historian put it, “A felon might actually be a refreshing dose of honesty. At least with a conviction, we know what we’re getting.”

One Republican strategist even sees having a convicted felon as the party’s nominee an opportunity, not a problem. “Americans love firsts … the first man on the moon, the first man to fly across the Atlantic, the first McDonalds hamburger. This kinda thing just taps into America’s can-do spirit!”

Public opinion seems divided. In a recent poll, 40% of respondents said they would consider voting for a convicted felon if they aligned with their political beliefs; 40% said it was a step too far, while 20% had no opinion. “I just don’t know,” said one undecided voter. “On one hand, it’s kind of exciting. On the other, do we really want to explain to our kids why the president has to wear an ankle monitor?”

So, will it be a woman who shatters that proverbial “glass ceiling” or a convicted felon? My money is on the felon as some have been known to carry a shiv in their shoe.

Photo | zazzle/ North Star shop

*moronmajority.com is a satirical site

The GOP Is Stuck With Two Losers

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The Republican Party wrapped up its national convention on a high note. But just a few days later, it looks like Republicans shot themselves in the foot … twice. With Donald Trump and J.D. Vance leading the charge, the party’s chances are looking shakier by the day. And just when they thought they had everything figured out, Joe Biden pulls a fast one by bowing out, leaving Kamala Harris as the Democrats’ surprise nominee. Talk about a Shakespearean plot twist!

Bringing Trump back into the spotlight is like inviting a bull into a china shop and hoping for a happy ending. Sure, he’s got his die-hard fans, but that won’t be enough to get him back into office. That little kerfuffle otherwise known as the Capitol riot isn’t exactly the kind of highlight reel you want when courting moderate voters. And those indictments and convictions!

Then there’s J.D. Vance, the GOP’s great populist hope. But here’s the kicker: Vance is as green as they come, with a political résumé that’s thinner than a paper napkin. His appeal to the Trump base is clear, but can he actually run a national campaign? Can he bring in new voters to the cause? Those are the big questions, and betting on an untested rookie shows just how short-sighted the Republicans can be.

By going with Trump and Vance, it looks like the Republicans are now stuck with two losers.

Incredibly, the Republicans seem to have been blindsided by Biden’s exit and Harris’s rise. Now who would have thunk it? Well, anyone with half a brain! At least you plan for such a possibility.

Kamala Harris, with her broad appeal and seasoned political chops, has rallied the Democrats in a way the GOP didn’t see coming. She’s energizing key voter groups that the Republicans need to win. By ignoring the possibility of a Harris candidacy, the GOP is now scrambling like a chicken with its head chopped off!

In the end, the Republicans have set themselves up for a tough ride. They’re sticking with Trump’s divisive charm and rolling the dice on Vance’s rookie status, all while being caught off guard by Kamala Harris. It looks like the GOP’s arrogance, and incompetence, are the best things Democrats have going for them.

Please, Someone, For The Love Of God, Take Away Grandpa’s Car Keys

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We know Poppy, you have always been a good driver, a safe driver. But now that you’ve reached your golden years, your reflexes aren’t what they used to be, your eyesight and hearing aren’t what they used to be. Driving now can be dangerous, not just for you but for other people on the road.

We care about you and want you to be safe, so please hand over the keys. You know we are more than happy to drive you anywhere you want to go so you’ll never be stuck in the house. So please, the keys. 

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