The Daily Nooze

"All the news we deem fit to print"

  • Home
  • politics
  • satire
  • breaking news
  • Archives
  • Show Your Support
  • Opinion
You are here: Home / Archives for John DeProspo

Trump, Father Of Two Daughters, Supports Accused Wife Beater

February 11, 2018 By John DeProspo 2 Comments

White House staff secretary Rob Porter resigned Wednesday, a day after a British newspaper reported his two ex-wives had accused him of physical and verbal abuse.

On Friday, Trump defended his disgraced former aide and alleged wife-beater.

“As you probably know, he says he is innocent and you have to remember that. He said very strongly yesterday that he’s innocent,” Trump said in his first public statement on the scandal.

“He worked very hard. We found out about it recently and I was surprised by it, but we certainly wish him well and it’s a tough time for him. He did a very good job when he was in the White House,” Trump added. “And we hope he has a wonderful career and he will have a great career ahead of him. “

Trump likes to stand by his men even when they’re accused of sexual assault and misconduct against women, whether it’s his staff secretary, Roy Moore, Steve Wynn, Bill O’Reilly, Roger Ailes or Cory Lewandowski. The women must be lying is the usual refrain.

But what if some creep abused or assaulted one his daughters? Would he believe them?

I have no doubt Trump would not be defending the abuser. He would probably be callingl some of his old friends in New York … you know, goodfellas … to teach the punk a lesson in respecting women.

Something similar to that scene from The Godfather when Sonny beats the living crap out of his brother-in-law, Carlo, after he does a number on pregnant Connie’s face.

So why does a father of daughters not stand up for the rights and safety of all women? Why does he seem to always side with the low-life abusers?

Perhaps it’s as simple as “birds of a feather” … Father Trump also likes to wield power over women.

Photo | actionagogo.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: featured, Opinion Tagged With: daughters, Donald Trump, goodfellas, misconduct, Rob Porter, sexual assault, The Godfather, White House aide, wife beater

Democrats Embroiled In New Scandal … “Clapgate”

February 6, 2018 By John DeProspo 4 Comments

Democrats are un-American.

That is the message Donald Trump delivered yesterday during a speech at a manufacturing plant in Blue Ash, Ohio.

“They would rather see Trump do badly than our country do well. That’s what it means,” Trump told an audience of supporters. “It’s very selfish. It was bad energy.”

Trump’s accusation stems from the allegedly bad behavior Democrats exhibited at his State of the Union address last week.

Unlike Republicans, who gave Trump a rousing round of applause after every sentence uttered, Democrats sat stone-faced, unmoved.

“They were like death and un-American,” Trump added. “Somebody said ‘treasonous’. I mean, eh. I guess, why not? Can we call that treason, why not? I mean they certainly didn’t seem to love our country very much.”

As has been the pattern since the start of his presidency, some Republican lawmakers are defending Trump’s remarks, albeit with some qualification.

“I wouldn’t use the word ‘treasonous’ but boy, was it embarrassing,” said Rep Chris Collins (R-NY). “They were stoic, sitting on their hands.”

Rep. Claudia Tenney (R-NY) perhaps stated the Republican view best:

“I would say it was un-American, and they don’t love our country. I don’t know if I would go as far as treasonous, but the president is before a large audience and he likes to talk in colorful language. I sat on the Democratic side, and I was frankly appalled at the behavior of the Democrats…I thought it was terrible that they didn’t [stand] for very American ideas, and why not? They’re just about resist? What does resist mean? Obstruct. They’re not interested in dialogue. Not interested in working with us and trying to come up with solutions.”

It is only a matter of time before Trump TV (Fox News) and other conservative media outlets run with this latest supposed Democratic debacle.

Democrats have had a bad last few days. First the release of the Nunes memo that many Republicans believe exonerates Trump of any wrongdoing in the Trump-Russia probe. And now a new scandal of their own that Republicans claim demonstrates just how unpatriotic they are … “Clapgate.”

Photo | snopes.com

Alert – Could the headline be satirical???

 

 

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: featured, satire Tagged With: applause, Clapgate, clapping, Democrats, Donald Trump, scandal, State of the Union address, treasonous, un-American

Now That He’s “Totally Vindicated,” Trump Goes Golfing

February 4, 2018 By John DeProspo Leave a Comment

The heat is off. The fat lady has sung. The Trump-Russia investigation will soon be no more.

At least that is what we are lead to believe by Donald Trump after the release of the “explosive” Nunes memo.

Referring to himself in the third person, Trump tweeted yesterday:

This memo totally vindicates “Trump” in probe. But the Russian Witch Hunt goes on and on. Their was no Collusion and there was no Obstruction (the word now used because, after one year of looking endlessly and finding NOTHING, collusion is dead). This is an American disgrace!

Even Donald Jr. is breathing a sigh of relief!

“There is a little bit of sweet revenge in it for me and certainly probably the family in a sense that if they wouldn’t have done this, this stuff would be going on,” said Junior on Trump TV (also known as Fox News).

And boy will Junior (and anyone else caught up in the Mueller investigation) save money! He complained on Fox about the “millions in legal fees” he had to pay in connection with the Russia probe, the time he’s had to waste and “being smeared throughout the media for a year.”

Unfortunately, the only people who believe the partisan Nunes memo marks the end of Special Prosecutor Robert Mueller’s probe are the Trumps and their diehard supporters.

The FBI, under the direction of Trump’s own appointee, Christopher Wray, issued the following statement regarding the infamous memo:

With regard to the House Intelligence Committee’s memorandum, the FBI was provided a limited opportunity to review this memo the day before the committee voted to release it. As expressed during our initial review, we have grave concerns about material omissions of fact that fundamentally impact the memo’s accuracy.

Unless Trump uses the memo as an excuse to fire him, look for Mueller and his team to religiously plow forward in their search for the truth concerning Trump-Russia collusion and obstruction of justice.

At the very least, Trump and family had an enjoyable, albeit delusional, weekend.

Photo | horsesmouth.typepad.com

 

 

Filed Under: featured, Opinion Tagged With: Devin Nunes, Donald Jr., Donald Trump, fat lady, FBI, golf, investigation, Junior, memo, probe, Robert Mueller, vindication

Trump Pulls A Muhammad Ali … Just Call Me “The Greatest”

February 1, 2018 By John DeProspo Leave a Comment

Donald Trump is known to be a man high on himself. He loves to blow his own horn more than “Satchmo” Louis Armstrong at a New Orleans jazz festival.

Today the nation’s chief executive boasted that some people think he is the greatest president of all time. Yes, better than the “Father of our Country” and “Honest Abe.”

At an annual retreat for Congressional Republicans in West Virginia, Trump talked about how 83-year-old Senator Orrin Hatch called him “the single greatest president in his lifetime.”

“He actually once said I’m the greatest president in the history of our country,” Trump told the lawmakers. “I said, does that include Lincoln and Washington? He said yes … I said I love this guy.”

Reached for comment, however, Hatch’s office denied the senator said such a thing.

According to a spokesperson, Hatch did say Trump was “one of the best presidents I’ve served under” and “that he would like to work with the President to make this the greatest presidency in history for the American people.”

Donald Trump, never been one to let the facts get in the way of a good story, seems to have put words in the octogenarian’s mouth.

Muhammad Ali used to call himself “The Greatest.” To many boxing fans, Ali was not only the greatest boxer but also the greatest sportsman who ever lived.

Looks as if Trump is borrowing a page from Ali’s lexicon.

But some Ali loyalists are not happy with the comparison.

“I knew Muhammad Ali,” says former sparring partner, Frank “The Man Of Steel” Steele. “And Trump is no Muhammad Ali. Where does he come off calling himself “The Greatest?”

Most Americans know by now Trump is prone to hyperbole. While he may not be the greatest president in the history of the United States, he is no doubt a legend in his own mind.

Photo | boxing.com

Satire Alert!

 

 

 

Filed Under: featured, satire Tagged With: best president, Donald Trump, Lincoln, Mohammad Ali, Orrin Hatch, president, The Greatest, Washington

State Of The Union?… Broken

January 30, 2018 By John DeProspo 5 Comments

                   -“All the King’s horses and all the King’s men couldn’t put Humpty together again” 

Tonight, Donald Trump will deliver his first State of the Union address. No doubt we will hear how great the country is doing under his strong leadership. The official theme of Trump’s monologue will be “building a safe, strong, and proud America.”

The address is sure to be filled with many half-truths and outright lies. Trump will unquestionably take credit for a booming economy (stock market) that had its origins under the Obama administration. He will falsely claim this is all due to his tax cuts and deregulatory agenda.

But no matter what fiction Trump is willing to peddle, the majority of Americans won’t be buying the snake oil. They know better. They can see.

They can see a country divided like never before (at least not since the Vietnam War).

They can see hate crimes on the rise.

They can see racism displayed openly.

They can see a dysfunctional healthcare system.

They can see an unrelenting onslaught on immigrants.

They can see the looting of the treasury to benefit millionaires and corporations.

They can see an assault on the Constitution and the rule of law.

They can see a political party defending and supporting an incompetent and, mostly likely, corrupt president.

They can see the open rejection of political norms and institutions.

They can see a steady and continuing attack on the free press.

Many Americans are hoping the midterm elections will put an end to our national nightmare when it is believed Democrats will regain control of the House.

But even if Democrats flip the House and begin impeachment proceedings, it is the Senate that votes to expel a president. The odds that two-thirds of senators will vote for conviction are best described as slim.

One thing is for sure, however. The Trump regime will eventually come to an end. Unfortunately, it will take years, perhaps decades, to undo the damage done by Trump, and his band of enablers, to that great country Reagan once called “ a beacon of hope, a light unto the nations.”

Photo | tvo.org

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: featured, Opinion Tagged With: address, broken, congress, Donald Trump, half-truths, House, impeachment, lies, mid-term elections, Senate, state of the union

What Trump’s Testimony Under Oath Might Look Like

January 26, 2018 By John DeProspo Leave a Comment

Donald Trump made headlines two days ago with his statement he is willing to testify under oath in the Trump-Russia probe.

“I‘m looking forward to it, actually,” Trump said of an interview with FBI Special Counsel, Robert Mueller. “I would do it under oath.”

Here is a transcript of what that testimony might look like:

FBI: “Please raise your right hand. Do you swear to tell the truth … cross your heart and hope to die?” (special Trump oath)

Trump: “I do.”

FBI: “State your name.”

Trump: “On the advice of counsel, I invoke my Fifth Amendment privilege against self- incrimination and respectfully decline to answer your question.”

FBI: “State your age.”

Trump: “On the advice of counsel, I invoke my Fifth Amendment privilege against self- incrimination and respectfully decline to answer your question.”

FBI: “ How many fingers do I have raised?”

Trump: “On the advice of counsel, I invoke my Fifth Amendment privilege against self- incrimination and respectfully decline to answer your question.”

FBI: “Which do you prefer, KFC or McDonald’s?”

Trump: “KFC, hands down.”

If and when Donald Trump testifies under oath in the Mueller investigation, many legal experts predict Trump’s attorneys will advise him not to answer any questions. Trump, for once, may actually listen to his lawyers.

Trump confidante, Roger Stone, has warned him of the dangers of testifying, saying “There’s no way the president should sit down with this guy.”

Stone added Trump “knows he’s done nothing wrong, but a first year law student would tell you that [interviewing with Mueller] is an obvious perjury trap.”

Taking the Fifth would definitely solve Trump’s serious perjury problem but open up a whole new can of worms … or bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken… for the former reality TV star turned politician.

Photo | abc.net.au

 

 

Filed Under: featured, Opinion Tagged With: answer, Donald Trump, FBI investigation, Fifth amendment, refuse to testify, Robert Mueller, testify, Trump lawyers, Trump-Russia, under oath

Trump Miffed … Mueller Still Getting Paycheck

January 21, 2018 By John DeProspo Leave a Comment

Donald Trump finally got the government shutdown he wanted. But to his shock and dismay, this does not put the Mueller investigation on ice.

The Justice Department has confirmed that employees in Mueller’s office are exempt from the shutdown and can continue investigating any possible collusion between the Trump campaign and Russia. His office is not funded through the regular congressional appropriations process.

So, the probe Trump continues to call a “witch-hunt” and a “hoax” lives on even as other government functions come to an end.

“There is something very wrong with our government if I can shut it down and people still keep getting paid … they still go on with their work,” Trump told a group of reporters.

Anonymous White House sources have confirmed that Trump believed a government shutdown would end Mueller’s investigation without him having to fire the FBI special prosecutor.

“I am going to get to the bottom of this,” Trump added. “How is this possible? No doubt Crooked Hillary is involved with this.”

Perhaps someone on Trump’s staff might school him on how special counsel investigations are funded.

Trump would learn that special counsel investigations are funded by a separate “permanent indefinite appropriation” established by the Department of Justice Appropriation Act of 1988 to pay for “investigations and prosecutions by independent counsels.” In other words, Congress has already passed the appropriations bill that funds this probe, so no one’s salary is stuck in the Treasury—there is nothing preventing Mueller’s team from going to work and getting paid.

Shorting after hearing the bad news, Trump did what he does best … went golfing.

Photo | rantt.com

Satire Alert!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: featured, satire Tagged With: collusion, Donald Trump. Robert Mueller, FBI investigation, funding, investigation, satire, shutdown, special counsel, Trump-Russia

Government Shutdown All Part Of GOP Game Plan

January 20, 2018 By John DeProspo 2 Comments

Headlines this morning seem to all be questioning how a party that controls both houses of Congress and the executive branch could not avert a government shutdown. There is much talk about legislative incompetence. Trump is being labeled an ineffective president.

But these storylines miss the point.

Donald Trump and the GOP got exactly what they wanted … a shutdown.

With Republican prospects for the 2018 midterms looking exceptionally bad, a new narrative needed to be concocted. And Trump and company got their wish … blame Democrats for the failure to keep the government open.

The bet is that Republicans can anger a majority of Americans by mounting a media blitz that blames Democrats for the shutdown … despite GOP control of Congress.

It is being reported that Senate Minority Leader, Chuck Shumer, met with Donald Trump yesterday morning to try and work out an agreement to avert the shutdown.

“I reluctantly put the border wall on the table for discussion — even that was not enough to entice the president to finish the deal,” Shumer said, adding: “What has transpired since that meeting in the Oval Office is indicative of the entire tumultuous and chaotic process Republicans have engaged in the negotiations thus far. Even though President Trump seemed to like an outline of a deal in the room, he did not press his party in Congress to accept it.”

Shumer, who seems to buy the bunk that Republicans wanted to avert a shutdown, has laughably accused the president of not “taking yes for an answer.”

Already the Trump TV Netowrk, Fox News, is putting the shutdown on the Democrats. The new Republican talking point is to brand this massive governmental failure the “Shumer Shutdown.”

That this gambit is all about the 2018 midterm elections was given away by Trump in one of his early morning tweets:

For those asking, the Republicans only have 51 votes in the Senate, and they need 60. That is why we need to win more Republicans in 2018 Election! We can then be even tougher on Crime (and Border), and even better to our Military & Veterans!

Will a majority of Americans buy this malarkey?

Right now, most Americans are blaming the GOP for the shutdown. But that is all subject to change once the Republican spin machine kicks into high gear.

That is the bet.

Don’t believe this is all part of the Republican game plan?

Here is a statement issued by the White House even before the official deadline for Congress to keep the government open passed at 12:01 am last night:

Senate Democrats own the Schumer Shutdown. Tonight, they put politics above our national security, military families, vulnerable children, and our country’s ability to serve all Americans. We will not negotiate the status of unlawful immigrants while Democrats hold our lawful citizens hostage over their reckless demands. This is the behavior of obstructionist losers, not legislators. When Democrats start paying our armed forces and first responders we will reopen negotiations on immigration reform. During this politically manufactured Schumer Shutdown, the President and his Administration will fight for and protect the American people.

(AP Photo/Manuel Balce Ceneta)

 

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: featured, Opinion Tagged With: blame Democrats, Donald Trump, GOP game plan, government shutdown, midterm elections, Mitch McConnell, Senate vote, Shumer shutdown

Trump – “I’m The Least Collusiony Person You’ve Ever Met, Believe Me”

January 18, 2018 By John DeProspo Leave a Comment

FBI special prosecutor, Robert Mueller, wants to speak with Donald Trump … and the president is ready to comply.

Even though Trump has labeled Mueller’s investigation into possible collusion between his campaign and Russia a “witch hunt” and a “hoax”, Ty Cobb, Trump’s lawyer, says his client is “very eager” to speak with Mueller.

“I’ve got nothing to hide so why shouldn’t I talk with the guy?” asked Trump. “I’m the least collusiony president in history.”

“I think it’s more than appropriate for the Mueller people to explore anything they’re interested in,” Cobb said, claiming he is focused on “getting the facts out.”

But there appears to be a slight hitch.

As has been the case throughout the ongoing FBI investigation, Trump and his legal team do not seem to be on the same page.

After Cobb’s announcement, Trump tweeted, “ I am more than happy to discuss anything that happened before June 16, 2015.”

Trump’s cutoff date coincides with the day he formally announced his presidential campaign at Trump Tower in New York City.

Photo | the hill.com

Satire Alert!!!

Filed Under: featured, satire Tagged With: collusion, collusiony, Donald Trump, FBI investigation, Robert Mueller, satire, special prosecutor, testify, Trump-Russia, Ty Cobb

Thank You, Mr. Trump, For Proving Junk Food Is Good Food

January 17, 2018 By John DeProspo 5 Comments

My entire life I’ve been told fast food is bad for you. Doctor after doctor has admonished me about the evils of Big Macs. But thanks to you, Mr. Trump, I now know this has all been just one big conspiracy concocted by the medical-industrial complex.

Everyone makes fun of your love of Happy Meals and Kentucky Fried Chicken. People say you are a heart attack in the making. They laugh at your girth. They criticize you for your lack of exercise.

But you, sir, have exposed the truth. All that talk about eating more fruits and vegetables is baloney. Getting 20-30 minutes of exercise each day is a bunch of hooey.

I applaud the courage of your White House doctor, Ronny Jackson, for exposing the big “ healthy eating” lie.

Far from being the out-of-shape individual your critics say you are, Dr. Jackson has made it clear you’re in “excellent health” and “ absolutely fit for duty.”

Dr. Jackson has confirmed what your New York physician, Dr. Harold Bornstein, said during your presidential run… that if you were to win the presidency, you would be the “healthiest individual ever elected.”

Did you know that at 6’3” and 239 pounds your height and weight is almost equal to that of New York Giants tight end Evan Engram (6’3” 240 lbs.)? Truly excellent!

You, sir, are an inspiration for all us junk food addicts.

Now I understand what gives you your vigor and stamina. It’s undoubtedly all that fried chicken, pizza, burgers and fries you eat on a regular basis.

I understand that part of your amazing health is due, as Dr, Jackson noted, to your “incredible genes” but I’ll follow your diet.

Not only will I keep emulating your eating habits but I am giving up my health insurance, Why do I need to pay outrageous premiums to see doctors who lie to me about what constitutes a good diet?

Thank you, Mr. Trump, for shattering another “fake news” myth about the dangers of fast food.

Junk food is good food!

Photo | cnn.com

 

 

 

Filed Under: featured, satire Tagged With: big macs, diet, Donald Trump, Dr. Harold Bornstein, Dr. Ronny Jackson, fast food, health, junk food, physical exam

  • « Previous Page
  • 1
  • …
  • 34
  • 35
  • 36
  • 37
  • 38
  • …
  • 93
  • Next Page »

Recent Posts

What If Trump Had Not Accepted Biden’s Offer For An Early Debate?

Many political analysts love to talk about the two pivotal moments in the 2024 … [Read More...]

  • Republicans Sound The Alarm: Harris Administration Could Threaten to Pass Laws Most Americans Actually Want
  • Some Republicans Worried Country Not Ready to Elect First Convicted Felon as President
  • The GOP Is Stuck With Two Losers

Follow us online

  • Facebook

Advertisements

Navigation

  • About Us
  • Show Your Support
  • Guest Posts
  • Great Links
  • Contact

Subscribe to Blog via Email

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Copyright © 2025 The Daily Nooze.com. All Rights Reserved. "All the news we deem fit to print"™