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Trump Brand … From Penthouse To Half-Finished Basement

October 28, 2016 By John DeProspo Leave a Comment

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If Donald Trump’s intent was to promote his brand through a fake primary run, he has failed miserably at both. His brand has taken a major drubbing while his sham run for the presidency failed … by succeeding.

The name that was once synonymous with luxury and glamour has lost its luster … and it’s aficionados. The well-heeled who bought into the Trump brand, with its image of glittering fake-gold success, are abandoning anything Trump.

Earlier this week, The New York Times reported that regular customers for his luxury consumer goods are no longer buying and some are even throwing out Trump merchandise in small acts of protest against the flawed Republican nominee. Some of Trump’s regular customers are now boycotting his hotels, his golf courses and refusing to dine in restaurants on his properties.

Things have gotten so bad that many residents living at Trump Place in New York City have signed a petition demanding Trump’s name be removed from the building!

The Trump brain trust made up of CEO Donald Trump and his three children, Ivanka, Donald Jr. and Eric, are about to take drastic action. There are now plans in the works to rebrand the Trump name. Instead of appealing to the rich and ostentatious, they will be going after the folks that make up Trump’s voter base of blue-collar, low-income Americans.

Below is a list of new products the Trump Organization will be developing:

  1. Trump luxury mobile homes.
  2. Trump boxed wines.
  3. Trump motors (a rebranded model of the Yugo)
  4. Trump diamonds (100% Cubic Zirconium)
  5. Trump restaurants (a cross between Chick-fil-A and Denny’s )
  6. Trump steaks (chuck, of course)
  7. Trump clothing (exclusively sold at Wal-Mart)
  8. Trump cash (payday loans only)

Will Trump’s rebranding be a success? Will his name draw low-income consumers to his products?

One thing’s for sure, Trump has shown during his presidential run he can sell just about any kind of lie to his low-informed, low-educated supporters. Why not products?

With the launch of Trump TV, the master salesman will have a ready-made audience to whom he can hawk his low-grade, but Trump labeled, products.

Photo | npr.org

 

Filed Under: featured, satire

Republicans Can’t Wait for Hillary To Be Elected … Impeachment Hearings Are Just Around The Corner!

October 27, 2016 By John DeProspo 4 Comments

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Its no secret most Republican politicians know Donald Trump will not be our nation’s 45th president. Yet they are not saddened in the least. They are salivating over the prospect of a Hillary Clinton presidency and immediate impeachment (making the Clintons two for two). At the very least, they are looking forward to obstructing Hillary’s legislative agenda by tying her up in one House congressional investigation after another.

“It’s a target-rich environment,” said Utah Congressman Jason Chaffetz, head of the powerful House Oversight Committee. “Even before we get to Day One, we’ve got two years worth of material already lined up. She has four years of history at the State Department, and it ain’t good.”

Yes, even before she is sworn in as the nation’s first female president, talk of impeachment and endless investigations is making Republicans down right giddy!

It doesn’t matter there is precedent for the notion that federal officials cannot be impeached and removed from their current offices for crimes committed before they have assumed those positions. The House’s 1873 impeachment investigation of Vice President Schuyler Colfax has come to represent the general understanding that impeachment is reserved for “high crimes and misdemeanors” a federal official may commit while in office.

To be fair, however, this is not settled law. In the words of Gerald Ford, who as House minority leader spearheaded an unsuccessful campaign to remove Supreme Court Justice William O. Douglas in 1970, “An impeachable offense is whatever a majority of the House of Representatives considers it to be at a given moment in history.”

It also doesn’t matter that Republican House members have already spent millions of taxpayer dollars investigating Hillary Clinton to death. But then again, Hillary bashing has become the glue that binds Republicans of all stripes. What better way to unite a splintered party after Trump’s debacle? Party over country forever!

Republicans want to treat Hillary Clinton as they did Barack Obama. With zero respect. With zero interest in uniting the country. With zero concern for passing meaningful legislation that helps ordinary Americans.

But if Republicans follow through on their threats, they may be in for a rude awakening. Hillary Clinton is no Barack Obama. She is not like our mild-mannered president who let Republicans get away with their nonsense, for so long, without cost. No, Hillary knows how to fight fire with fire. She knows how to play dirty.

After all, the first time she and Bill occupied the White House, a certain aide of the Clintons, who might have had the goods on the couple, mysteriously died.

Republicans should think twice before messing with those criminal, murderous Clintons.

Photo | republicbuzz.com

 

Filed Under: featured, Opinion

Trump Concession Speech Leaked

October 25, 2016 By John DeProspo 2 Comments

Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump acknowledges the crowd after addressing a GOP fundraising event, Tuesday, Aug 11, 2015, in Birch Run, Mich. Trump attended the Lincoln Day Dinner of the Genesee and Saginaw county Republican parties. (AP Photo/Carlos Osorio)

Although Trump has publically stated he may not accept the election results, especially if he loses, a group of Republican elites have convinced their nominee to prepare a concession speech … just in case polls showing him with a 5% chance of winning are accurate.

Below is a leaked draft of the speech Trump plans to give if “the inevitable” inevitably happens:

I have just been informed by the bearded one, Wolf Blitzer, at CNN that Hillary Clinton has won the election. Of course I could point out how incredibly rigged this election was. I could talk about how the mainstream media, global bankers and both the Democratic and Republican Party conspired against me from the start. I could get into the whole issue of massive voter fraud. But I won’t.

No, I have been told by the Republican Party and that weasel Rinse Proboscis that I need to be a gracious loser for the good of the party and the country. That I have to suck it up like that flunky,  Al Gore, did in 2000 after the election was stolen from him. I could point out how my own party abandoned me and failed to support me. But I won’t.

To all those loyal voters who supported me, all 25%, I thank you. I could harp on the fact that the election was not just stolen from me but from you too. But I won’t. I could warn you to hold on to your guns before “Crooked Hillary” knocks on your door to take them away. But I won’t because you already know that. And when that happens, you know what to do… if you know what I mean.

This is the part where I’m supposed to congratulate you, Hillary. So congratulations. There, I said it, Rinse! Congratulations Hillary on thwarting the will of the people with all your dishonest shenanigans. I could say I’d be the better president, but I won’t.

To all those disappointed Trump supporters, I’d like to tell you all to accept the election results. I’d like to tell you that, while you’re disappointed, this is how our democracy works. That the person with the most votes wins. But I can’t. Not when we’re about to swear in a criminal who should be locked up instead of being looked up to.

The way we can still hold our heads up high, my most wonderful followers, is if you continue to support the Trump brand. You know, I just might be back to challenge “Crooked Hillary” in 2020. It may not be on the Republican ticket. There may be no Republican Party.

As is always the case with Donald Trump, his concessions have about the same genuineness as his apologies.

Photo |  (AP Photo/Carlos Osorio)

 

 

 

Filed Under: featured, satire

Trump’s Lost Gettysburg Manuscript Found

October 23, 2016 By John DeProspo 2 Comments

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Out on the campaign trail just weeks before the general election, Donald Trump gave a speech yesterday in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania, site of the decisive Civil War battle.

Unfortunately, Trump’s speech did not rise to the level of oratory as that of Abraham Lincoln’s more than 150 years ago. Trump spent most of his time talking about coming lawsuits against the women accusing him of sexual misconduct.

Now it is being reported that Trump had intended to give a totally different speech, one he wrote on the back of a cocktail napkin while traveling to the historic site. Regrettably, somehow the napkin was lost.

A local pig farmer, Elmer Bates, discovered the lost document on his property and promptly turned it over to his local newspaper, The Gettysburg Gazette..

Here below is the Gettysburg address Trump intended to deliver:

One year and 124 days ago, I announced my candidacy for president of the United States.

Now we are engaged in a monumental election, testing whether our nation will elect me or “Crooked Hillary.”

We are meeting here on a great battlefield of the Civil War.

The brave men who died in that great struggle will roll over in their graves if “Crooked Hillary” is allowed to steal the election.

We can never forget what those men did here. It is for us, the living, to honor their memory by electing the only person who can save our great country … Donald J. Trump.

We must resolve that the dead did not die in vain – that this nation, under God, will have a new birth of freedom – and that government of the people, by the people and for the people will not perish from the earth.

And those nasty women accusing me of sexual misconduct are lying and I will sure as hell sue them all.

No, not quite the eloquence or gravitas of Abe Lincoln’s historic speech but one Trump would have been proud to have delivered if not for that gust of wind that blew his napkin onto Bates’ pig farm.

Photo | ABC News

 

 

 

Filed Under: featured, satire

Trump Encourages Voters To Elect Hillary

October 22, 2016 By John DeProspo 2 Comments

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One of Donald Trump’s favorite “attack lines” against his opponent is that with Hillary Clinton, you get “four more years of Barack Obama.” While this kind of rhetoric works well with Trump’s base of misguided Obama-haters, it doesn’t play well with swing voters and independents.

According to a Fox News poll of independents conducted October 10, President Obama’s job approval rating is at an all-time high: 54% view his performance favorably compared to 42% who do not.

So, Mr. Trump, why wouldn’t voters want four more years of President Obama?

With Republicans on record as having said their number one priority after his inauguration was to obstruct our new president at every turn (even opposing legislation they themselves had once championed), he has nevertheless been able to get things done.

Here are just a few of the things Americans got with Obama in the White House:

  1. Best job growth in 18 years
  2. Strongest dollar in three decades
  3. Gas at about $2 a gallon
  4. Unemployment cut in half
  5. Annual Bush deficit cut by two-thirds
  6. Recovered housing market
  7. Growing exports
  8. Nearly tripling of stock market
  9. End of the war in Iraq
  10. Elimination of Osama Bin Laden

Trump’s insistent blather that Obama has been the worst president in American history may reinforce what conservative media outlets have been offering up their followers for years, but it does not comport with the facts. It certainly does not expand Trump’s base of voters needed to win a general election.

While some Americans may not see the awesomeness of an Obama “third term,” our foreign neighbors surely do! When President Obama addressed the Canadian Parliament earlier this year, members applauded him, chanting “four more years,” following his speech on defending progressive values.

Although our law forbids a president from seeking a third term, an extension of Obama’s legacy through a Hillary Clinton presidency will have to do!

Trump and his surrogates love to say if you want more of the same, vote for Hillary. Judging from his sinking poll numbers, it appears many voters are heeding Trump’s advice.

Photo | qz.com

 

Filed Under: featured, politics

Artist Creates Portrait Of Donald Trump With Roadkill

October 20, 2016 By John DeProspo 3 Comments

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Artist Cara DeAngelis has a history of using roadkill in her paintings, and is no stranger to social commentary. In her first attempt at political satire, she has painted a portrait of Donald Trump with roadkill replacing the “hair” that is normally on his head. The painting is titled “Donald Trump with a Crown of Roadkill”. The release of this painting comes at the climax of this election season, and on the heels of many great works by other artists, all defaming Trump.

The painting is done primarily in oils, which references traditional aristocratic portraiture, and at first glance appears to be nothing more. The idea to create what looks on the surface like a traditional portrait is done as a nod to the many portraits Trump has commissioned of himself over the years. DeAngelis also employs tar as a medium to symbolize corruption, greed, and over-industrialization. Tar has long been used as a potent representation of death and criminality in film, literature, and art. In this vein, the artist uses it extensively in her work, and in the portrait of Donald Trump his suit is coated in a layer of black tar.

The furry victims on top of Trump’s head refer not only to his hair dilemma, but also more poignantly to the many skeletons in his closet, of which we’re learning about daily. In the portrait, Donald Trump seems to be unaware of the rot, which is even starting to drip down his temple. The viewer can see what he cannot: that there is blood coming out his… “wherever.”

About the artist: Cara DeAngelis is a recipient of the CT Office of the Arts Fellowship Grant for 2012, as well as the Barbara Deming/Money for Women Grant. She has had full fellowships at both the Vermont Studio Center and the Prairie Center of the Arts. In 2010 she was awarded residency at the Terra Foundation in Giverny, France, along with a Guggenheim travel grant. She is also a recipient of the Rudolph Zallinger Painting Award. She currently lives and works between CT and NY as artist and curator, and is represented by gary marotta fine art in Provincetown, MA.

 

Filed Under: featured, satire

Trump Doubles Down In Vegas On Question Of Accepting Election Results

October 19, 2016 By John DeProspo 6 Comments

Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton, left and Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump listen to a question from Moderator Chris Wallace of FOX News during the third presidential debate at UNLV in Las Vegas, Wednesday, Oct. 19, 2016. (Joe Raedle/Pool via AP)

Donald Trump’s main campaign theme during the past few weeks has been that our election system is corrupted. If he loses the presidency, he tells his loyal followers, it will be because the voting was rigged.

In tonight’s third and final presidential debate, moderator, Chris Wallace, asked Donald Trump a direct question – twice – to which he refused to give a direct answer.

After reminding Trump that his running mate, Mike Pence, pledged that both he and Trump would “absolutely” accept the will of the people, Wallace asked him, “Will you absolutely accept the results of the election?”

Trump’s reply, to a question he no doubt was prepared to answer, was, “I will look at it at the time.”

I will look at it at the time?

By refusing to say if he would accept the legitimacy of a Hillary Clinton win, Trump undermined the basic American belief that our election system is fair. By leaving in doubt whether he would concede after a loss, Trump did something no other presidential candidate has ever done… question the entire basis of American democracy.

Wallace did not ask Trump a Bush v. Gore type question, namely, if the election results were close in one particular state, would he question those results if they went against him. No, Wallace was talking about our national election system.

Many analysts are now saying Trump sealed his fate with his unprecedented, conditional answer. They are labeling his refusal to give a “yes” or “no” reply to Wallace’s direct question as one that disqualifies him from office.

So why would Trump answer the way he did?

A Morning Consult survey of nearly 2,000 registered voters found that a strong majority of Republicans, 73 percent, now believe the election could be unfairly taken from Trump.

Trump’s loyal base has heard his message that he can only lose if the election is stolen from him… and they buy it. They have heard talk of massive voter fraud from their Republican leaders for years … and they believe it exists.

Many pundits are predicting Trump will keep pounding this narrative of a rigged election no matter how much pushback he gets from his Republican comrades.

The bottom line? Trump has no regard for any down ballot Republicans he may hurt. He doesn’t care if he loses in a landslide, even if it costs the GOP the Senate and the House.

For the purported billionaire, it’s all about keeping the loyalty, and anger, of his diehard base intact for his next, post-election business venture… whatever that maybe.

Nothing else makes any sense.

Photo | (Joe Raedle/Pool via AP)

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: featured, Opinion

Beyond Trump’s Business Failures Lies A Moral Bankruptcy

October 18, 2016 By John DeProspo 4 Comments

Republican U.S. presidential candidate Donald Trump makes a face as he and his wife Melania and members of their family leave the stage at his caucus night rally in Des Moines, Iowa February 1, 2016. REUTERS/Scott Morgan

Before his foray into politics, most people viewed Donald Trump as a smart, successful businessman. It has only been during his presidential run did we learn Trump’s business acumen revolves around running businesses into the ground, declaring bankruptcy and leaving his creditors, investors and employees holding the bag.

Trump, of course, always comes out smelling like a rose so, in a sense, he is a “smart” businessman.

We also learned the man is bereft of a moral compass.

The recent Access Hollywood tape where Trump boasts of sexually assaulting women, with impunity, just follows in a long pattern of morally reprehensible behavior and comments.

Trump began his presidential campaign by insulting Mexicans. Then he moved on to denigrate Muslims, women, blacks, the disabled and even the Pope. Though he has tried to walk back some of his more derogatory comments, the apologies have all rung hollow (I apologize if you were offended by the truth that I spoke). As Trump himself has said, he never really apologizes because he is never wrong.

As we get ready for tomorrow night’s third and final presidential debate in Las Vegas, look for Donald Trump to go as low as he’s ever gone. Heck, he has no sense of shame nor does he have anything to lose. His path to the presidency has been thwarted by a giant roadblock of his own making.

While his followers may not want to accept reality, Trump understands he will not win the presidency. Some are saying he has known this for some time. Others are convinced it was never Trump’s intention to become the Republican Party’s presidential nominee. All Trump wanted, they say, was a way to promote his brand.

There is serious speculation that Trump’s endgame now is to solidify his base of conspiracy-loving, Hillary-hating diehards for his next business venture, whatever that turns out to be. Trump Media Empire?

Tomorrow night may be Trump’s last shot at a national audience of his fanatical followers. While some delusional Republican establishment-types still hold out hope Trump will pivot to a softer, more presidential candidate, don’t look for him to break form.

I look for Trump to go full kamakaze by attacking Hillary Clinton with every alt-right conspiracy theory he can think of in order to placate his rabid base.

Moderator Chris Wallace will certainly have his hands full in Sin City.

Photo |  REUTERS/Scott Morgan

 

 

Filed Under: featured, Opinion

Donald, If The Election Is Rigged, Here’s a Suggestion …

October 16, 2016 By John DeProspo 2 Comments

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Drop out! If, as you say, the election is rigged against you by the press, Democrats, international bankers, Carlos Slim, global elites and even Saturday Night Live, why continue your campaign?

If the “fix” is in, you have no chance. Why suffer through a humiliating defeat next month? Why keep asking supporters for money? Why waste all that dough on a quixotic quest?

Think of your brand! It has taken a serious hit during your run for the presidency. Bookings at your hotels are down. Your casinos, stores, products and golf courses are all hurting.

Depending on the level of the fix, a Clinton landslide is a very real possibility.

For your sake and that of your family, there is still time to bow out.

Yes, your party would devolve into complete chaos but since when did you care about those cowardly Republican politicians anyway? They’ll figure something out. But the point is that you, Donald J. Trump, will not forever be known as a loser.

You might even rehabilitate your brand by telling us what we’ve suspected from the start… the whole thing was a ploy, a con, to promote your beloved brand. You can confess that you are as shocked as anyone that your “movement” developed the legs that it did.

A Hillary endorsement may make sense.

Yes, your diehard supporters would be up in arms (perhaps literally!) but they are not the ones that buy your products or stay at your hotels. Think of the legacy you wish to leave your children … a brand that is once again synonymous with luxury, class and refinement.

No doubt it will take time for your brand to bounce back. But it will happen. As you like to say, “At this point what do you have to lose?”

When you get around to having someone ghostwrite your book about this incredible ride you’ve been on, it will no doubt be a blockbuster!

If you get out while you can, and not give those forces against you the satisfaction of wallowing in your defeat, history may actually be kind to you.

Photo | Richard Bravo

 

 

Filed Under: featured, Opinion

Women Supporters Form “Pussies For Trump!”

October 14, 2016 By John DeProspo 2 Comments

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Many women are deeply offended by Trump’s lewd, sexist remarks made during a taping of Access Hollywood in 2005. Yet today there is a group of GOP women organizing to support the alleged groper. They call themselves “Pussies For Trump!”

“We stand behind Mr. Trump more than ever,” said group leader, Amanda Swift. “We are not offended by his remarks or conduct in the least. He can have his way with me anytime!”

That some females would support a man whose abusive behavior towards women is so well known, one wonders what motivates these women.

Psychologist Beverly Bevis may have the answer.

“ Throughout history, women have been attracted to strong, powerful, wealthy men. They just can’t resist,” said Bevis.

“Men understand this so they strive for wealth and power to get women,” Bevis added. “This perk is why they seek to become wealthy in the first place.”

So in a very real sense, a woman thwarting a wealthy man’s advances is bad for the economy, say some Trump surrogates.

“If women don’t allow these alpha males to have there way with them,” said a Trump surrogate who chose to remain anonymous, “it messes up the whole equation. These men will not create the businesses that make them powerful and wealthy. These job creators stimulate the economy. We need them. So what if they also stimulate a woman or two?”

But what about the issue of consent? Without that, doesn’t such behavior amount to sexual assault?

“Women may say ‘no’ to a wealthy man’s advances, but they really mean ‘yes’,” said Bevis. “They’re flattered when a powerful man takes an interest in them. The bottom line is women are attracted to money … the kind of wealth and power that can get them things.”

Whoever thought allowing rich men to grope and fondle women had such a direct impact on our GDP!

Ironically, the first meeting of “Pussies For Trump” will me take place next week in Beaver Falls, Pennsylvania.

Photo | scoopnest.com

 

 

 

Filed Under: featured, satire

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