The Daily Nooze

"All the news we deem fit to print"

  • Home
  • politics
  • satire
  • breaking news
  • Archives
  • Show Your Support
  • Opinion
You are here: Home / Archives for John DeProspo

Trump Still Searching For Running Mate After Latest Rejection

June 10, 2016 By John DeProspo 4 Comments

LOUIE-GOHMERT-DONALD-TRUMP-facebook-640x480

Texas U.S. Representative, Louie Gohmert, is the latest Republican to turn down Donald Trump’s offer to be his VP pick. This latest slap in the face has left the Trump campaign in a complete state of chaos.

Gohmert makes the 25th Republican politician to refuse Trump’s rose. Said a Trump spokesman, who requested to remain anonymous, “In our wildest dreams, we did not believe we would ever be in this position.”

The Trump campaign, along with the entire world of political pundits, believed Trump’s first VP pick would grab the chance at being Trump’s number two man… well, woman. Sarah Palin had lobbied hard for a second shot at the second spot but, in the end, she developed a serious case of cold feet.

“I really wanted to do it but I thought I should first check in with my lord and savior for guidance,” said Palin. “He didn’t come out and specifically tell me Donald would lose the presidency but he strongly hinted at that.”

“I really enjoyed campaigning with John last time around,” Palin continued. “I just didn’t think I could take another loss. And anyway, my life is going great! Did you know I am going to have my own Judge Judy-type TV show soon?”

The anonymous Trump spokesman confirmed there would be a new game plan going forward. The list of potential VP picks would now be made up of only non-politicians. The word is that Trump would like another celebrity to join him on the ticket.

Some names that have been rumored to be on Trump’s list are: Joe Pesci, Clint Eastwood and Ted Nugent.

Trump recently stated if he does not find a running mate soon, he would be more than happy not having one.

“Look, I am the smartest person I know. I’ve always worked better alone. Why do I need a VP anyway?” asked Trump. When confronted with the fact that a vice president is required under our Constitution, Trump morphed into his testy self.

“There are a lot of things in the Constitution we do not follow!” bellowed Trump. “Hey, we had a Canadian running for president for god’s sake! This would not even be as close a big deal as that!”

Get ready Joe for that big phone call!

Photo | breitbart.com

 

 

 

Filed Under: featured, satire

Trump Names Vice Presidential Choice – Bernie Sanders

June 8, 2016 By John DeProspo 5 Comments

B9318245412Z.1_20150731151543_000_GK6BFV4II.1-0

In breaking news that is sending shock waves throughout the political world, Donald Trump, the presumptive Republican presidential nominee, has just named Bernie Sanders, the Democratic socialist senator from Vermont, as his running mate.

The announcement was made hours ago by the former rivals at a press conference held at New York’s Trump Tower.

“I am happy to announce Bernie Sanders will be my running mate in our effort to keep ‘Crooked Hillary’ out of the White House,” said Trump. “Yes I have called my running mate ‘Crazy Bernie’ but I meant it in a good way. He is crazy like a fox!”

Asked what lead him to agree to be Trump’s number two man, the 74 year old Sanders did not mince words, “Look, Donald and I basically have the same message, namely that our political system is rigged and corrupted by big money. Only a revolution will change the status quo. Look at how the GOP tried to prevent Donald for becoming its party’s nominee? Look at how the Democratic establishment fixed the primary contest against me? That Wasserman Schultz had it in for me from day one.”

Political analysts are still trying to digest the blockbuster news.

“It actually makes a lot of sense on a number of levels,” said one pundit. “Bernie and Trump are both calling for a complete political upheaval. Hillary represents more of the some old, same old. The appetite for a revolution is strong on both sides of the political spectrum.”

“I think if there was a Trump-Sanders ticket they would pretty much win the election and it would make history in our political process and possibly end the two party system,” said Quora contributor Albert Huang, adding that “the parties would try whatever they could to prevent it with their delegate bull***t but there would be widespread revolt from millions of voters if they were not allowed to run in the general election.”

It is well known that many “Bernie or Bust” supporters have pledged to either sit out the presidential election or vote for Donald Trump. The newly formed ticket makes it easy for them to vote and eases their conscience. For Trump supporters, many of whom think Hillary Clinton should be in a jailhouse rather than the White House, Bernie is seen as a steadying, experienced hand for the sometimes “erratic” Trump.

Hillary Clinton is not taking the latest news well. Word has it she will be looking for a non-political VP pick; one with a large ego, like Trump and some celebrity panache. Some in the Clinton camp have already started floating the name of Mark Cuban.

Warning: For those about to have a conniption, just satire, folks!

Photo | burlingtonfreepreess.com

 

 

 

Filed Under: satire

Hillary Needs To Rebrand Trump

June 6, 2016 By John DeProspo 9 Comments

trump-tower

Donald Trump has a way of disparaging his opponents by giving them childish nicknames. Who can forget “Low Energy Jeb,” “Little Marco,” “Crazy Bernie” or “Lyin’ Ted?”

As silly as all this playground nonsense is, Trump’s names are short, catchy and they tend to stick.

Now Trump has saddled Hillary Clinton with “Crooked Hillary.” Clinton needs to beat Trump at his own game by coming up with a similarly silly sobriquet for the TV reality star.

How about “Don The Con” or “Con Man Don?” Either of these names would work well because, however silly, as with any good nickname there is an element of truth associated with the put-down.

Of course, Hillary herself would not hurl the disparaging nickname at Trump. That would be for her surrogates to repeat on a steady basis. Clinton does not have to get down in the mud with Trump.

As it is, the Trump name has lost much of the seductiveness it once had prior to Trump’s entering the presidential race. According to a report issued by Hipmunk, an internet travel booking and data service, reservations at Trump-owned properties have plummeted by nearly 60% over the past year!

Why not bash the Trump brand some more by associating the purported billionaire with the word “con?” Why not take some of that luster off a brand Trump has arduously sought to make synonymous with power, luxury and greatness?

In advertising, short and catchy phrases are what the consumer remembers. A good, memorable phrase seems to somehow stick in the subconscious. Who can forget “Stronger than dirt” (Ajax) or “Finger lickin’ good?” (KFC)

Yes, Hillary needs to brand Trump as the con artist he is. “Don The Con” or “Con Man Don” would do just fine.

Comments

Photo | rt.com

 

Filed Under: politics

It Couldn’t Be Clearer, Trump Does Not Want To Be President

June 5, 2016 By John DeProspo 3 Comments

 

make-america-white-again

So much for the new and improved, more-presidential Trump!

After employing a scorched-earth policy to secure the Republican presidential nomination, Trump promised to be more gentle, more kind in his bid to become our nation’s 45th president.

“I can be more presidential than anybody, if I want to be. I can be more presidential than anybody,” Trump has said. Not sensing the contradiction in his statement, Trump went on to say, “I’ve said this a couple of times, more presidential than anybody other than the great Abe Lincoln. He was very presidential.”

Following his big win in the New York primary, Trump actually pledged to be more presidential, joking, “I will be so presidential, you will be so bored.”

The hope among establishment Republicans was that Trump wanted to be more presidential going into the general election. No more of the racist, sexist, divisive, hate-filled rhetoric he so masterfully used to vanquish his 16 primary opponents. And, for a while (two-three days), many within the GOP bought into this promised transformation.

Paul Ryan, the highest ranking Republican, certainly fell for Trump’s pledge, finally endorsing the billionaire, TV reality star.

“I feel confident he would help us turn the ideas in this agenda into laws to help improve people’s lives. That’s why I’ll be voting for him this fall,” Ryan wrote in an op-ed for the Janesville Gazette of Janesville, Wisconsin.

He added, “It’s no secret that he and I have our differences. I won’t pretend otherwise. And when I feel the need to, I’ll continue to speak my mind. But the reality is, on the issues that make up our agenda, we have more common ground than disagreement.”

Just one day after Ryan’s endorsement, Trump was back to his old tricks, criticizing the judge presiding over his Trump University fraud case as unfair because of the many rulings against him …  because he is “Mexican.”

Trump’s offensive comment against U.S. District Court Judge Gonzalo Curiel was followed by a similar attack on Muslim judges. Asked if he believed a Muslim judge would be unfair to him in light of the fact that he has called for a temporary ban on Muslims entering the country, Trump replied, “It’s possible, yes. Yeah. That would be possible, absolutely.”

Remember Trump’s comment that he could be more presidential … if he wanted to be? He doesn’t.

Trump will never morph into a more presidential candidate for one simple reason … he does not want to be president. This has been confirmed by former staff members and is born out by common sense.

A presidential candidate cannot alienate so many segments of the American voting public and still expect to win office.

This is only my guess but Trump is sticking to his racist, hate-filled rhetoric because he is planting the seeds for a new political party… one headed by Herr Trump for all the white racists who now form a significant part of his base.

Photo | snopes.com

 

 

Filed Under: politics

Oh Those Petulant “Bernie Or Bust” Democrats!

June 4, 2016 By John DeProspo 4 Comments

FILE - In this April 17, 2016 file photo, supporters cheer as Democratic presidential candidate Bernie Sanders speaks during a campaign rally in Brooklyn's Prospect Park, in the Brooklyn borough of New York. New York City's Board of Elections, long a target of complaints, came under fire as followers of Bernie Sanders, many from Sanders' hometown borough of Brooklyn, said they were unable to vote in the Democratic primary. The New York Board of Elections has suspended its chief clerk in Brooklyn without pay amid questions into whether she followed proper procedures in what was supposed to be a routine housecleaning of voter registration lists. (AP Photo/Mary Altaffer, File)

Democrats have gotten their wish. A clown, con artist, racist demagogue, with zero experience in all things political, will be the Republican Party’s presidential nominee. A candidate totally unqualified to be our nation’s next commander in chief will carry the GOP’s hopes of regaining the White House.

A cakewalk for the Democratic nominee, right?

No, not if that Democratic nominee is Hillary Clinton. No, not when a significant number of Democrats say they would never vote for the ethically challenged former Secretary of State. For them, it is “Bernie or Bust.”

Well, it is fairly clear to most Democrats, except for diehard Bernie Sanders supporters, that Hillary will be the Democrats’ standard-bearer in the upcoming presidential election. But with negatives almost comparable to those of Trump, and with many Bernie supporters vowing to sit out the election, vote third party, or vote for Trump, Hillary is anything but a shoe in for the Oval Office.

If only Democrats could take a page from the GOP playbook. For Republicans, it is always party over country. Democrats need to heed the lesson of Rick Perry. Here we have a former presidential candidate who once called Trump a “cancer on conservatism,” now enthusiastically supporting his former rival. Party first!

Yes, Democrats are not as disciplined as Republicans. They do not know how to circle their wagons for mutual protection. What Democrats have proven over and again is they do not know how to close out a game. If they are skilled at anything, it is snatching defeat from the jaws of victory.

Politics is a dirty business. Many times an election comes down to choosing the lesser of two evils. But for Progressives, the petulant children of the Democratic Party, standing on principle is a noble and honorable thing. They don’t care, or simply lose sight of, the greater good.

For “Bernie or Bust” progressive Democrats, all they need to do is think back to George W. Bush’s “win” in Florida in the 2000 election. A good number of Democrats voted for the “progressive” candidate of the Green Party, Ralph Nader… a non-electable, egotistical spoiler who took votes away from Al Gore. How well did that work out for the country, all you noble, honorable Democrats?

Democrats need to unite behind whoever is their party’s nominee. Period. The stakes are too high. The motto “Vote Blue No Matter Who” should be the rallying cry for all right thinking Dems.

(AP Photo/Mary Altaffer, File)(Credit: AP)

Filed Under: politics

GOP On Suicide Watch

May 22, 2016 By John DeProspo 6 Comments

History_Speeches_6001_Titanic_Survivor_Eyewitness_still_624x352

After the Republican establishment’s failed effort to derail Donald Trump’s bid for its party’s presidential nomination, it now appears most GOP elites are rallying behind the egomaniacal, loose-cannon billionaire who has singlehandedly hijacked the party of Lincoln.

Yes, there are some party stalwarts, such as the three Bushes: Jeb, George W. and George H.W, and former presidential candidate, Mitt Romney, who refuse to bow down to their party’s presumptive nominee. But many of the “Never Trump “crowd are now willingly boarding the RMS Titanic at pier one.

It’s as though the party’s firmament – social and intellectual conservatives, the donors and lobbyists – have been forewarned that the cruise ship’s maiden voyage would result in disaster but they board anyway because the outrageously expensive tickets are non-refundable.

Take former Republican presidential candidate, Rick Perry. In a moment of clarity, he went so far as to describe Donald Trump as a “cancer” on the conservative movement. Now he has enthusiastically endorsed that cancer. (Rick Perry Endorses Cancer)

“I believe in the process,” Perry said during an interview with CNN, “and the process has said Donald Trump will be our nominee and I’m going to support him and help him and do what I can.” Hint: I’m available for VP.

But perhaps the biggest sea change in the anti-Trump movement may be taking place among the donor class. During the primary, Trump made it clear how he felt about the Republican Party benefactors, arguing they had far too much influence and vowing not to court and woo them. While this, no doubt, left a bad taste in their mouths, as they contemplate the prospect of another Clinton in the White House, many of the GOP’s most wealthy donors are coming around to financing Trump’s campaign.

The most powerful elected Republican, House Speaker Paul Ryan, has still not boarded the doomed ocean liner, hedging his support for Trump with “I’m not there right now.” But look for a détente between the two Republicans fighting for the soul of the GOP.

It is only a matter of time before Ryan realizes he has no choice but to fully back Trump and go down with the ship. Even though all signs point to a political debacle in November that may result in the death of the GOP as we know it, as one Republican operative put it, “What choice do we have?”

Photo | history.com

 

 

 

Filed Under: politics

Wayne Newton To Headline Republican National Convention

May 21, 2016 By John DeProspo 3 Comments

MG_9579-me7re66583gmvdekxsy4s7xp50voj9t054yzob01bs

In keeping with the character of his “reality show” presidential campaign, Donald Trump has announced he wants this year’s Republican National Convention in Cleveland to be more glitz and glam than the usual boring fare.

While no formal announcement has been made, the Trump camp is promising nights of star-studded entertainment.

“I’m going to put on a convention like you’ve never seen before, I promise you that. It’s going to be beautiful,” said the presumptive Republican presidential nominee. “You know I have a lot of friends in showbiz who offered their services to me.”

A schedule of the four-day event has, nevertheless, been leaked. Here are the headliners that will rock Cleveland in July:

July 18th – Opening night. Donald Trump has gotten his good friend and supporter, Wayne Newton, to open the festivities. Said Mr. Las Vegas, “Should be a fun gig. I hear they are expecting a crowd of over 50,000. I have to say, Donny is a good bet to win it all.”

July 19th – Day Two. Look for Magician David Copperfield to wow the crowd with his magic act. “I’ve known Donald for years and am a big fan. He has asked that I do one of my vanishing tricks. He wants me to make the fear some convention delegates have about nominating him go “poof!” said Copperfield.

July 20th – Day Three. Realizing a little comedy never hurt, Trump will have comedian George Lopez bring laughter to some in the crowd who might still be a bit somber about a Trump nomination. “Donny thought a Mexican comedian would eventually help him with Hispanics in the general election. That gringo, always thinking!” said Lopez.

July 21st – Closing night. The Convention closes with a bang with four of Trump’s biggest musical supporters: Kid Rock, Ted Nugent, Loretta Lynn and Kiss frontman, Gene Simmons. Said Trump, “I wanted a little bit country and a little bit of rock and roll. My fans span all kinds of musical tastes, you know.”

Between all that entertainment, the Republican delegates will have to get down to business and elect their 2016 presidential nominee, Donald J. Trump. The convention promises to be a ratings bonanza for the networks and is sure to set a new standard for political conventions going forward.

Be wary Debbie Wasserman Schultz!

Photo | vtheaterboxoffice.com

 

 

 

Filed Under: satire

The Disunited States Of America

May 20, 2016 By John DeProspo 6 Comments

Union-Confederate-Flag

It is becoming more apparent, with each passing day, that what we consider “our country,” America, is more of a myth than a reality – just a collection of fifty countries, otherwise known as “states,” each having its own identity, its own laws.

Yesterday, the state of Oklahoma passed a bill making abortions within the state a felony. The only thing stopping the bill from becoming law is the signature of Republican, Gov. Mary Fallin. The patently unconstitutional bill passed the Oklahoma House of Representatives with a vote of 59-to-9 last month. On Thursday, the state’s senate passed it with a vote of 33-to-12. The thinking among the legislators must have been that the U.S. Constitution does not apply to the country of Oklahoma.

In Alabama, despite a ruling by a federal judge in Mobile making same-sex marriage legal, and in the face of a United States Supreme Court ruling last year making its legality the law of the land, Supreme Court Chief Justice, Roy Moore, instructed probate judges throughout Alabama to ignore those higher courts and to refuse to issue licenses to same-sex couples.  The thinking there must be that the U.S. Constitution does not apply to the country of Alabama.

And then there is Texas! A state that has threatened for years to pull itself away from the “Union” and officially become the sovereign nation it has always felt itself to be.

Throughout our “nation,” state laws are being passed making it a crime for transgenders using the wrong bathroom; voters are being prevented from exercising their constitutional right to cast a ballot; women are being restricted from seeking medical procedures constitutionally guaranteed and the poor are being denied free healthcare by states that reject the federal government’s largesse.

It has been 155 years since the Civil War tested the concept of whether separate states could exist as one nation, under one supreme law. As Lincoln observed at Gettysburg, “Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived, and so dedicated, can long endure.”

When states act as independent contractors and fail to respect, and obey, the constitution that knits them together as one country, the whole concept of one nation falls apart.

There has always been a tug of war between states and the federal government; between federal laws and states’ rights. But the concept of one nation “under god” has not been undermined, for quite some time, as it is today.

So much for that grand concept of “E Pluribus Unum” … the idea of a nation of very different kinds of people united by a common passion for freedom, equal rights and democracy.

Today, some have actually questioned whether a Trump presidency could spark another civil war, likening the billionaire to Jefferson Davis more than the fascist, Benito Mussolini. There certainly are enough muskets out there!

Breaking News – Gov. Fallin has vetoed the bill making abortions a felony within Oklahoma. Said Fallin, “The bill is so ambiguous and so vague that doctors cannot be certain what medical circumstances would be considered ‘necessary to preserve the life of the mother.'”

Photo | bluerepublican.org

Filed Under: politics

Never Underestimate A Political Clown

May 18, 2016 By John DeProspo 14 Comments

39-photos-that-show-why-everyone-misses-george-w-bush

For all those giddy Democrats thanking their lucky stars that Donald Trump is about to become the Republican presidential nominee, I have two words … George Bush. Yes, Dubya was more like the village idiot than a buffoon; a political puppet propped up by neocons that could easily pull his strings, but a political incompetent like Trump, nonetheless.

Donald Trump today called President Obama “The worst president in U.S. history.” This came in response to comments the President made during his commencement speech at Rutgers University this past Sunday.

“Class of 2016,” said Obama, “let me be as clear as I can be. In politics and in life, ignorance is not a virtue. It is not cool to not know what you’re talking about. That’s not keeping it real or telling it like it is. That’s not challenging political correctness. That’s not knowing what you’re talking about.”

While never mentioning Trump by name, the graduating class knew exactly who the President was referring to… the presumptive Republican presidential candidate, Trump.

Of course the President is correct in saying ignorance in not a virtue. But to many Trump supporters, ignorance is just plain bliss. They don’t care how ridiculous the proposals or incoherent the speeches, Trump supporters just love their man. (For Trump Supporters its Unconditional Love)

Like George W. Bush to his supporters, Donald Trump is a man who can relate to the common folk; a man John Q. Public would love to have a beer with (in Trump’s case, perhaps a glass of champagne?). Intelligence … competence … experience … political rectitude? Fuggetaboutit!

While Trump, a con man, a joker and “king of the birthers,” is poised to becoming the Republican Party’s presidential standard-bearer may seem like a Democrat’s wet dream, let us not forget that a hard-drinking frat boy with little intellectual curiosity, or grasp of the English language, was twice elected president.

The moral here is never underestimate the power of a dolt in a society largely made up of uninformed, incurious, anti-science, anti-knowledge individuals.

Birds of a feather tend to flock together.

Democrats, be careful what you wish for. Remember, Bush was first elected in the year 2000. Sixteen years later and you most definitely have a greater dumbing down of Mr. John Q. Public.

Photo | businessinsider.com

 

 

Filed Under: politics

List Of Top 20 Celebrities Supporting Donald Trump

May 11, 2016 By John DeProspo 7 Comments

celebrity-donald-trump-supporters-092115-u1

While Democrats like to believe Trump supporters are just a bunch of low-information, willfully ignorant Fox News sheeple, there are a number surprising names on Donald Trump’s fan list. Here is a list of the top twenty celebrities supporting the billionaire/TV star for the highest office in the land:

WARNING – View this list at your peril. You might lose respect from some of your favorite stars!

  1. Fran Drescher
  2. Stephen Baldwin
  3. Mike Ditka
  4. Tom Brady
  5. Charlie Sheen
  6. Owen Wilson
  7. Kid Rock
  8. Kurt Russell
  9. Gene Simmons
  10. Bruce Willis
  11. Mike Tyson
  12. Loretta Lynn
  13. Wayne Newton
  14. Gary Sinise
  15. Jon Voight
  16. Kirstie Alley
  17. Scott Baio
  18. Pete Rose
  19. Kelsey Grammer
  20. Clint Eastwood

As a rule, celebrities and Hollywood types tend to lean left. But every rule has expectations. I am not implying all the names listed above are far-right, card-carrying conservatives. The truth is Trump, on many issues, swings from left, to right… all the way to the bizzaro world. His philosophical  makeup is hard to pin down because he has no core political principles. Perhaps that is why so many voters, including celebrities, love their Trump. Chaos, in a weird way, has a certain level of appeal.

Photo | ranker.com

 

 

Filed Under: politics

  • « Previous Page
  • 1
  • …
  • 62
  • 63
  • 64
  • 65
  • 66
  • …
  • 93
  • Next Page »

Recent Posts

What If Trump Had Not Accepted Biden’s Offer For An Early Debate?

Many political analysts love to talk about the two pivotal moments in the 2024 … [Read More...]

  • Republicans Sound The Alarm: Harris Administration Could Threaten to Pass Laws Most Americans Actually Want
  • Some Republicans Worried Country Not Ready to Elect First Convicted Felon as President
  • The GOP Is Stuck With Two Losers

Follow us online

  • Facebook

Advertisements

Navigation

  • About Us
  • Show Your Support
  • Guest Posts
  • Great Links
  • Contact

Subscribe to Blog via Email

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Copyright © 2025 The Daily Nooze.com. All Rights Reserved. "All the news we deem fit to print"™