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Top 10 Reasons Why Trump Will Never Be President

September 3, 2015 By John DeProspo 10 Comments

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It’s time for a reality check. While Donald Trump, so far, is dominating the polls and media coverage, it is way too early in the race to pronounce him a winner. Now that the election season is starting to get serious, expect some disquieting facts to surface about Mr. Trump. People in the know are saying once these facts come out, Trump’s chances of becoming President, let alone the Republican presidential nominee, are what Jay Z might label “slimmer than that chick in Calvin Klein pants.”

Here are the top 10 reasons why there will never be a President Trump:

  1. Secret sex tape with Justin Bieber made public
  2. That thing on is head is the pelt of an endangered species
  3. Al Sharpton was Trump’s best man at his first wedding
  4. He hooked up with Hillary while at Wharton
  5. He cheats at golf
  6. He fathered out of wedlock Mexican twins, Julian and Joaquin
  7. He fixed the 1970 Miss Universe pageant in favor of Miss Puerto Rico
  8. He is a closeted Deadhead
  9. He palled around with the Dalai Lama
  10. There just aren’t enough morons

Yes, I know, Trump has been called the “Teflon Donald” (see Trump’s Secret Weapon Revealed) by many savvy pundits; yes, there are some serious allegations about to be slung; and yes, his loyal followers will forgive and dismiss almost anything their savior says or does. But I can say with confidence, as someone who plays the game, even his most diehard supporters will never forgive him for cheating at golf!

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Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 

Filed Under: satire

Christian Conservatives’ New Cash Cow – Religious Persecution

September 2, 2015 By John DeProspo 6 Comments

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Kentucky county clerk Kim Davis, the three-time divorcee, is still refusing to issue marriage licenses because her god does not want gays to marry. In her mind, doing the job she is being paid to do, would violate her conscience. It doesn’t matter that a state judge has ordered her to issue licenses, or that the Supreme Court has denied her appeal. The woman is simply acting on “god’s authority.”

Haven’t we seen this act before? Remember that Indiana pizzeria owner who said he would refuse to serve his pizza at a gay wedding? After being forced to close because of the backlash that erupted, the shop raised nearly $1 million dollars from supporters of bigotry. Not a bad payday!

Who knew pandering to conservative Christians could be so lucrative? Of course, I use the word “Christians” very loosely. These pious persecuted souls are not followers of Christ but CINO, Christian in name only. They couldn’t be more separated from the message their Lord and Savior preached.

If it hasn’t happened already, it won’t be long before Kim Davis’ camp starts cashing in by fundraising for this new Christian martyr, now on her fourth marriage. Could a book deal be far behind? And won’t this make a great, new Republican wedge issue?

Davis, who faces potential fines or jail time, remains resolute. “My beliefs cannot be separated from me,” said Davis. “”I’m willing to face my consequences.”

While Davis cannot be fired from her job, as she is an elected official, she can, and must, be held in contempt for failing to honor a court order. Perhaps a little jail time might make her realize that, according to her holy book, it’s no more of a sin for two gays to marry, than for two divorced adulterers to remarry (Matthew 19:3.9.) If issuing a marriage license to a same-sex couple would banish them to hell, as Davis has claimed, then the serial bride would not be too far behind.

One thing’s for certain. The more fines and jail time for Kim Davis, the more lucre flowing into her coffer. You can guess her thinking right now… bring it on!

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Photo | wjb-cpa.typepad.com

Filed Under: Uncategorized

The Rise Of Trump Signals The Fall Of The GOP

September 2, 2015 By John DeProspo Leave a Comment

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Today’s Republican Party leaders (whoever they may be) are stumped by Trump. The deeper the billionaire sticks his foot into his mouth, the higher his approval ratings. The more the mainstream, “real” Republican candidates try to go toe to toe with Trump, the more they get their teeth smashed in. Is there any stopping the Trump Express?

What is happening to the Republican Party is nothing more than karmic payback. To the eternal delight of Democrats and many Independents, the party that sold its soul a few short years ago to the TeaBag crazies, is now reaping what it sowed. Since 2008, the Republican Party has succumbed to its basest voices for short-term political gain; where compromise became a dirty word; were Barack Obama was the anti-Christ-Muslim-Kenyan set to destroy all that conservatives held near and dear. It’s as if the children started running the house … both figuratively and literally!

Whether or not Trump wins the Republican nomination is irrelevant. The damage has been done. The dirty laundry is being aired and that gaggle of mainstream Republican candidates looks weak and pathetic. If Trump becomes the party’s presidential nominee, the Republican Party is cooked. If Trump does not get the nomination, and makes good on his third-party threat, the Democrats win in a landslide … no matter whether the Democratic nominee is Hillary Clinton or SpongeBob Square Pants.

The political pendulum has always swung back and forth; from right to left; from retrenchment to progress. It looks as if the backward arc may have reached its apex and the pendulum is slowing, but surely, moving forward. It is not only the Republican Party’s bad deal with the devil that is doing them in, however. It’s shear demographics.

Now let’s see. Republicans have alienated gays, blacks, women, Hispanics, Asians, the poor, immigrants, and anyone who believes in science, education, justice, fairness and equality. Who’s left? Basically the very rich; those feeble-minded Fox fans and religious conservatives. The problem is there simply aren’t enough of those folks for them to win a national election.

Donald J. Trump … every liberal, progressive Democrat’s wish come true. RIP GOP.

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Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Palin Defends Trump On Bible “Gotcha Question”

September 1, 2015 By John DeProspo Leave a Comment

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Once again, Sarah has come to the aid of the Republican presidential frontrunner, Donald Trump (Stand By Your Man – Palin Defends Trump.) On her Facebook page, Palin wrote that when a reporter asked Trump to name his favorite Bible verse, after he touted the sacred book as his favorite of all time, it was just another “gotcha question.” So totally unfair! So out of line! This critique, mind you, is coming from the woman who thought Katie Couric’s question, “ which newspapers and magazines do you read” was of the “gotcha” variety.

Thanks to Palin, the term “gotcha question” has come to mean any question a politician can’t, or would rather not, answer. Today, when a reporter asks a politician an unwelcome, difficult or surprising question, it’s instantly labeled a “gotcha.” One thing’s for sure, when you hear a politician talk about a “gotcha question,” the reporter is doing his or her job well!

While Katie Couric’s question of Sarah Palin’s reading materials is perhaps the most famous Palin “gotcha question” (as labeled by Palin herself), here is a list of ten other questions Plain has described as “gotchas” but which never got the same media attention:

1.Can you name your children in chronological order?

2.What was your favorite subject in high school?

3.Is the Earth thousands or billions of years old?

4.Did you frame your college diploma?

5.Do you prefer boxers or briefs?

6.Should we deport all illegal immigrants or just Mexicans?

7.When will you launch your next presidential run?

8.Do you agree with the Pope on global warming?

9,Do you find it unseasonably warm today?

10.Miller Lite … “great taste” or “less filling?”

Yes, Sarah Palin will defend Trump at every opportunity. A reporter recently asked if she was angling to become Trump’s VP pick. The woman known for her “word salads” was only able to mutter, “Oh fiddle-de-dee!” At least she did not call the question a “gotcha!”

Trump- Palin would make an interesting ticket. But, alas, they would be appealing to the same ultra right, low -information base.

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Photo | telegraph.co.uk

Filed Under: politics

Why “The Donald” Will Not Be President

August 30, 2015 By John DeProspo Leave a Comment

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For all those worriers who are beginning to believe a Trump presidency may be possible; to all those delusional supporters who believe the man has more than a snowball’s chance in hell of becoming our nation’s 45th president, I have only one thing to say: Melania Knauss-Trump.

The news media has been so consumed with covering the improbable rise of Donald Trump that very little time has been devoted to Melania, Trump’s third wife. Since the Republican Party’s mouthpiece, Fox News, has not covered the potential First Lady, conservatives don’t have a clue what they’re dealing with.

Safe to say no First Lady has ever posed nude for a magazine spread, as did Mrs. Trump. Nor has any other First Lady talked about her incredible sex life (with Trump) on the Howard Stern show. If the puritanical, family-values conservative base were to see what many others around the world saw in a 2000 issue of British GQ, their knickers would be in a bunch!

Don’t get me wrong. I have nothing against the current Mrs. Trump. In fact, I would be more than pleased to call Melania my First Lady. She is not an airhead. Many have likened the former Slovenian model to Jackie Kennedy, in her style and grace. But as hypocritical as Christian conservatives may be, they could never abide a nude model in the White House. We, as a nation, are just not as hip as the French or Italians.

If true craziness were to take over a majority of the electorate, voting Trump in as our next Commander in Chief, I can just hear Pat Robertson now … “We have revisited Sodom and Gomorrah. Another clear sign that the End Times are nigh!”

Hillary, for her part, has dispatched a cadre of staff members to dig up dirt on Melania, just in case. “I’ve learned the hard way that it ain’t over until the fat lady sings. I’m taking nothing for granted.”

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Photo | tattoos.fansshare.com

 

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Trump’s Hair Stylist Confirms Hair Real … Sort Of

August 30, 2015 By John DeProspo 2 Comments

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In an effort to get down to the bottom of a swirling controversy (Trump’s hair), I was able to track down and interview Donald Trump’s hair stylist, Angelina Scapaticci, at her Fifth Avenue salon.

“Ms. Scapaticci,” I asked, “how long have you been cutting Mr. Trump’s hair?”

“Oh, I no cut Signore Trump’s hair, I style the hair,” answered the lovely 30 year old hairdresser. “My pappa Enzo cuts the hair. I just do the blow. How you say, giva the hair personality.”

“But you can confirm the hair is real, right?” I asked.

“Oh, yessa, the hair is real. It’s very nica en soft. I pulla very hard with the comb en nothing come off,” replied Ms. Scapaticci.

Realizing she was not the best candidate to confirm Trump’s hair was a living, breathing thing, I asked if I could speak with her father, Enzo.

“Oh, no. Pappa no here. He only have one cliente, Signore Trump. He make appuntamento.” answered Ms. Scapaticci.

“Your father only has Mr. Trump as a customer?” I asked.

“Oh yessa, Signore Trump is a very good tipper,” replied Scapaticci.

“But you’ve seen your father cut his hair, is that correct?” I pressed.

“Oh, no. They usa the backroom. Itsa part of the contratto,” Ms. Scappaticci informed me.

“Contract?” I asked.

“Oh yessa. My father cannot cutta no one else hair and he cant’ talk about Mr. Trump to nobody. How you say, itsa part of a non-disclosure agreamenta,” revealed the stylist.

“So I can’t talk to your father?” I asked.

“Oh no, impossibile!” replied Scapaticci.

“Ms. Scapaticci, I can’t help but notice your accent. Where are you from, Italy?” I inquired.

“Oh yessa, my father and me come from Italia 10 years ago on a visita. We never go back. How you say, we illegal immigrante.” admitted the stylist.

“Does Mr. Trump know your immigration status?” I asked.

“Oh yessa. He help me and my pappa get all the right paper to work here in the shoppa,” answered Scapaticci. “Such a nica man!”

Well, I learned two things; Trump can be selective in who he wants to deport and , according to Scapaticci,  Donald Trump’s hair is real … but whose real hair it is may never be known.

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Image courtesy of marin at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 

 

Filed Under: satire

Is Bernie Sanders … Too Old?

August 29, 2015 By John DeProspo 2 Comments

U.S. Sen. Bernie Sanders, I-VT, gestures as he speaks at the Californi Democrats State Convention in Sacramento, Calif., Saturday, April 30, 2011. Sanders called on Democrats to work together to stop what he calls the GOP's attack on the middle class.(AP Photo/Rich Pedroncelli)

More good news out of Iowa for the surging septuagenarian, Bernie Sanders. In a new Des Moines Register/Bloomberg Politics Iowa Poll, the Democratic presidential candidate is only 7 points behind Hillary Clinton in the race for the Iowa caucus. Clinton, the Democratic frontrunner, leads with 37 percent of likely Democratic caucusgoers, while Sanders follows at 30 percent.

A May Quinnipiac University poll showed Hillary’s support at 60 percent and that of Bernie at 15 percent!

The Clinton camp is starting to get worried. Will they have to resort to the “age card” to fend off the spry 73 year old?

Hillary Clinton at the age of 67 is a spring chicken compared to the Vermont Senator. The thinking in the Clinton camp, and among the chattering class, is that Bernie is just too old to become president. If Bernie were to succeed in his bid for the presidency, he would become the oldest person ever to be elected president.

I must admit, at times, I have felt Sanders has passed his presidential expiration date. But then I see and hear Bernie talk! He is so alive, so impassioned in his delivery that it makes one believe in the possibility of his quest. Compare Bernie’s enthusiasm to that of Jeb. That’s right, there is none! It is as if Jebbie is just going through the motions, not really believing in what he is saying. I’m afraid the exciting Jeb! logo has morphed into something new… Jeb?

If you believe Bernie is too old to become president, think of Ruth Bader Ginsberg. At age 82, she perhaps has the sharpest mind of any Supreme Court Justice. Compare her legal acumen to that of the much younger Clarence Thomas at age 67. Fuggetaboutit!

Here’s something else to consider. At age 73, Bernie Sanders is only one year older than Joe Biden. Yet no one’s talking about Joe being long in the tooth. It’s got to be the white hair. Yep, it’s Sanders’ hoary head that makes him look more ancient!

Bernie, Bernie, maybe a little Grecian Formula wouldn’t hoit? Just saying.

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(AP Photo/Rich Pedroncelli)

Filed Under: politics

Donald J. Trump, Perfect Political Storm

August 28, 2015 By John DeProspo 6 Comments

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Many political observers have called Donald Trump the Frankenstein of the Republican Party; a monster of their own creation that will now inflict great pain and suffering, not only on the villagers, but also on his master.

This, no doubt, is true. But it does not explain Trump’s continuing dominance over the other Republican presidential candidates. To understand what is taking place in today’s Republican world, you have to look at what can only be described as a “ perfect political storm.”

A unique set of circumstances has converged this election cycle the likes of which has not been seen before. This rare combination of powerful forces, many years in the making, has given the GOP what some might classify as its worst nightmare.

Five disparate events have combined to give the Party of Lincoln the “Trump perfect storm.”

  1. Government Bashing – During Ronald Reagan’s first inaugural address, he famously said, “Government is not the solution to our problem; government is the problem.” Trust in government is at its lowest sustained level since Pew started collecting that data in 1958. Republican voters’ hatred of Washington D.C. is so great these days that it spills over to any career politician. Conservatives are tired of being lied to by their representatives. They are flocking toward any non-politician. Besides heavily favoring Trump, Republicans are strongly supporting two other non-pols, Carson and Fiorina.
  1. Money And Politics – Many voters today rightly believe their representatives are bought and paid for. While Citizen’s United has exacerbated the influence of money in politics, that has always been the case. Voters are sick of politicians promising them one thing on the campaign trail then doing something else (the bidding of their financial overlords) once in power. Trump brags about how he can’t be bought; how he turns down millions every day. As he keeps reminding his audiences, “I am very, very rich!”
  1. Political Correctness – Most mainstream politicians have to resort to “code” or “dog whistles” to get their hateful messages across to their public. Donald Trump has turned all that correctness on its ear. People like him because he tells it like it is. He gives people the “hate on a plate,” if you will, and the rabble is eating it up.
  1. Weak Field – With sixteen chances of fielding a non-extreme, electable candidate, one with passion and personality, this field was the best the adults in the GOP could come up with? Jeb, the anointed one, has not turned out to be the Establishment’s savior. While he looked good on paper, he is about as exciting as that … a sheet of paper. He has turned out to be the most disappointing candidate. Trump, on the other hand, has guts, cojones, energy, style and pizzazz. All his mainstream opponents are weak and mealy-mouthed in comparison. They may have the steak, but today’s conservative voter wants sizzle.
  1. Dumbing Down – Years of conservative bashing of intellectualism, science, logic, facts and history have taken a toll on the collective intelligence of the American electorate. Add the conservatives’ war on public education and the teaching profession, you have a toxic combination.

The Trump bid for the Republican presidential nomination continues to have legs because of five “perfect storm” factors: he is not a politician, he is independently wealthy, he doesn’t talk like a politician, he has style and the average American today is less factually-informed (and I’m being kind) than those in years past.

The GOP establishment can try to derail the Trump Express, but in a “perfect political storm,” the worst possible result inevitably becomes the reality.

Safe travels, Donald.

Image courtesy of worradmu at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Donald Trump, Uniter Not Divider

August 27, 2015 By John DeProspo Leave a Comment

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Say what you will about Donald Trump … he’s an egotist, a carnival barker, a mouth without a brain … there is no denying he, unlike the other mainstream Republican presidential candidates, has been able bring all the disparate factions of the Republican base into one fold … his!

In a recent MM survey, all the different factions that make up today’s Republican Party viewed Trump favorably. No other Republican presidential candidate came close to the billionaire real estate tycoon. Following is a list of the many groups that comprise the base of the GOP, listed from largest to smallest. A word of caution and clarification … many of these groups overlap with one another.

Republican Base

Evangelicals

Tea Baggers

Xenophobes

Gun toters

KKK

White Supremacists

Neo-Nazis

Psychopaths

Homophobes

Red Necks

Your average bigot

Your run-of-the-mill racist

Sadists

Half-wits

The clinically insane

White-collar criminals

What an amazing feat the king of “birtherism” has been able to accomplish!

The question remains how long can the man keep this overwhelming support from such a varied group? Can Trump ride this multilateral wave of support to the Republican nomination? I wouldn’t bet against it.

Photo | moronwatch.net

 

 

Filed Under: satire

Trump Deports Reporter Jorge Ramos Back To Univision

August 26, 2015 By John DeProspo 3 Comments

Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump gestures and declares "You're fired!" at a rally in Manchester, New Hampshire, June 17, 2015. REUTERS/Dominick Reuter TPX IMAGES OF THE DAY - RTX1GZCO

At his Iowa press conference yesterday, Donald Trump deported reporter Jorge Ramos back to his employer, Univision, for asking a question out of turn. “I would have deported him back to Mexico but I heard he was a U. S. citizen,” said Trump.

The flare up started as Trump began to take questions from a room full of reporters. Without being picked by Trump, Ramos arose to ask a series of immigration questions of the leading Republican presidential candidate. “Sit down, “ Trump ordered, “you weren’t called.” When Ramos refused to comply, one of Trump’s bodyguards physically escorted Ramos out.

Jorge Ramos has been called the Walter Cronkite of Hispanic news. His employer, Univision, has been labeled the most important Spanish-language network, with Ramos as the biggest, most-trusted on air personality on Spanish-language TV.

“I just wanted to ask him how he could possibly deport 11 million undocumented immigrants,” said Ramos, “and how he could build a 1900-mile wall. Does he have any idea what that would cost?

While Trump has touted his immigration solution, he has yet to supply any specifics. But that has not bothered his supporters. Apparently they believe Trump is capable of making anything happen. After all, he is very smart and very rich.

Trump was praised by his backers for the way he handled Ramos.

“He was so calm, so presidential!” exclaimed an excited supporter. “He was very dignified in his response. He could have very easily told Ramos to ‘sit the f–k down!”

Photo | dailykos.com

Filed Under: politics

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