In breaking news that is sending shock waves throughout the political world, Donald Trump, the presumptive Republican presidential nominee, has just named Bernie Sanders, the Democratic socialist senator from Vermont, as his running mate.

The announcement was made hours ago by the former rivals at a press conference held at New York’s Trump Tower.

“I am happy to announce Bernie Sanders will be my running mate in our effort to keep ‘Crooked Hillary’ out of the White House,” said Trump. “Yes I have called my running mate ‘Crazy Bernie’ but I meant it in a good way. He is crazy like a fox!”

Asked what lead him to agree to be Trump’s number two man, the 74 year old Sanders did not mince words, “Look, Donald and I basically have the same message, namely that our political system is rigged and corrupted by big money. Only a revolution will change the status quo. Look at how the GOP tried to prevent Donald for becoming its party’s nominee? Look at how the Democratic establishment fixed the primary contest against me? That Wasserman Schultz had it in for me from day one.”

Political analysts are still trying to digest the blockbuster news.

“It actually makes a lot of sense on a number of levels,” said one pundit. “Bernie and Trump are both calling for a complete political upheaval. Hillary represents more of the some old, same old. The appetite for a revolution is strong on both sides of the political spectrum.”

“I think if there was a Trump-Sanders ticket they would pretty much win the election and it would make history in our political process and possibly end the two party system,” said Quora contributor Albert Huang, adding that “the parties would try whatever they could to prevent it with their delegate bull***t but there would be widespread revolt from millions of voters if they were not allowed to run in the general election.”

It is well known that many “Bernie or Bust” supporters have pledged to either sit out the presidential election or vote for Donald Trump. The newly formed ticket makes it easy for them to vote and eases their conscience. For Trump supporters, many of whom think Hillary Clinton should be in a jailhouse rather than the White House, Bernie is seen as a steadying, experienced hand for the sometimes “erratic” Trump.

Hillary Clinton is not taking the latest news well. Word has it she will be looking for a non-political VP pick; one with a large ego, like Trump and some celebrity panache. Some in the Clinton camp have already started floating the name of Mark Cuban.

Warning: For those about to have a conniption, just satire, folks!

Photo | burlingtonfreepreess.com

In keeping with the character of his “reality show” presidential campaign, Donald Trump has announced he wants this year’s Republican National Convention in Cleveland to be more glitz and glam than the usual boring fare.

While no formal announcement has been made, the Trump camp is promising nights of star-studded entertainment.

“I’m going to put on a convention like you’ve never seen before, I promise you that. It’s going to be beautiful,” said the presumptive Republican presidential nominee. “You know I have a lot of friends in showbiz who offered their services to me.”

A schedule of the four-day event has, nevertheless, been leaked. Here are the headliners that will rock Cleveland in July:

July 18^th – Opening night. Donald Trump has gotten his good friend and supporter, Wayne Newton, to open the festivities. Said Mr. Las Vegas, “Should be a fun gig. I hear they are expecting a crowd of over 50,000. I have to say, Donny is a good bet to win it all.”

July 19^th – Day Two. Look for Magician David Copperfield to wow the crowd with his magic act. “I’ve known Donald for years and am a big fan. He has asked that I do one of my vanishing tricks. He wants me to make the fear some convention delegates have about nominating him go “poof!” said Copperfield.

July 20^th – Day Three. Realizing a little comedy never hurt, Trump will have comedian George Lopez bring laughter to some in the crowd who might still be a bit somber about a Trump nomination. “Donny thought a Mexican comedian would eventually help him with Hispanics in the general election. That gringo, always thinking!” said Lopez.

July 21^st – Closing night. The Convention closes with a bang with four of Trump’s biggest musical supporters: Kid Rock, Ted Nugent, Loretta Lynn and Kiss frontman, Gene Simmons. Said Trump, “I wanted a little bit country and a little bit of rock and roll. My fans span all kinds of musical tastes, you know.”

Between all that entertainment, the Republican delegates will have to get down to business and elect their 2016 presidential nominee, Donald J. Trump. The convention promises to be a ratings bonanza for the networks and is sure to set a new standard for political conventions going forward.

Be wary Debbie Wasserman Schultz!

Photo | vtheaterboxoffice.com

The presumptive Republican presidential nominee, Donald Trump, has announced sales of his “Make American Great Again” hats have just crossed the $4 million mark. The marketing genius humbly admitted he is stunned by the success of the campaign headgear.

“I’m amazed but so proud of the job my people did with these hats,” said Trump.

When asked what he thought accounted for the hat’s big success, Trump replied, “It’s the message. We need to make this country great again. We have to start winning again. Been losing for way too long. Plus, I must say, the fact that the hats are beautiful and come in twelve different colors helps.”

When questioned if he is making a profit on the hats, Trump quickly snapped, “Why of course! We make them for $3 a pop in a factory in Mexico and sell them retail for $25. You do the math.”

Trump said the profits from his hats all go to his reelection campaign fund.

“But what if you don’t get elected?” I timidly asked. Trump, always the optimist, said, “Me lose to the most hated Democratic candidate in history? I don’t think so.”

Trump revealed that he has many marketing ideas once he and Melania occupy the White House.

“I’m seriously thinking of turning the back White House lawn into a pitch and putt. You know, for our Lincoln bedroom guests. But unlike those shysters, Bill and Hillary, there will be no charge for staying over night. We will, however, request a small contribution to the Trump presidential library.”

“But my best idea,” said an excited Trump, “is a White House calendar featuring our new First Lady, Melania, in tasteful poses throughout our new home. The keyword here is ‘tasteful’, nothing trashy your car mechanic would put up on his wall.”

“I gotta tell you,” said Trump, with a contented look on his face, “My wife may be 46 but I must say she is still every bit a 10. She will be the most beautiful, classiest First Lady this country’s ever seen!”

While Trump was thrilled at the success of his hats, he admitted he was very disappointed in his T-shirt sales.

“Perhaps if those nincompoops down in Mexico didn’t screw up the order, I wouldn’t be stuck with 80,000 shirts! Who wants a “Make American Grate Again” shirt, you tell me!”

Photo |news2morrow.com

Following his crushing defeat in yesterday’s Indiana primary, Ted Cruz has suspended his campaign for the Republican presidential nomination.

That he would chose to abort his attempt at the nomination, so late in the election cycle, has angered many loyal Cruz supporters.

“God picked him to be our next president,” said Tanya Bates. “That he would defy the will of the Almighty and announce such a late term aborting of his candidacy is nothing short of immoral.”

Cruz justified his action by noting he did not see any clear path to securing his party’s nomination. Yet supporters have noted that Ohio Gov. John Kasich could say the same thing but has chosen to carry his quest for the nomination full-term, all the way to the Republican National Convention in Cleveland this July.

“Dropping out of the race is not Ted’s choice to make,” said another Cruz supporter, Abigail Brown. “He was chosen by God to be our savior and now this?”

When confronted directly on his controversial decision, Cruz said. “Look, I understand running for any public office is a sacred thing. I also know choosing to leave a race should only be done under narrow circumstances… like running out of money. In the end, I believe in a candidate’s right to chose.”

Cruz’s father and born-again pastor, Rafael Cruz, was asked his opinion about his son’s shocking choice.

“God has great things in store for my son. I believe with all my heart he is a prophet of the Lord. But I support Ted’s decision to abort his campaign. No, God hasn’t given up on Ted. Nor Ted on God. There will be other opportunities in the future,” said the evangelical minister, hinting at a future run for the presidency by his son. “ God works in mysterious ways.”

Still, Cruz’s supporters are calling him a hypocrite and campaign killer. They have pledged never again to support him for any public office. They insist once God has tapped you to do something, you better well do it or risk eternal damnation. Some are calling Cruz’s choice to abort a mortal sin.

“I am at peace with my God,” said Ted Cruz. “He is merciful and understanding. He, in his wisdom, understands I did what I did because, well, I had no other option.”

Photo |  Victor J. Blue/Bloomberg

Breaking News! Kasich has also aborted his campaign!