If Hillary Clinton were to become our 45^th president, she would be the oldest female president in our country’s history. OK, she would also be the first female president in our country’s history!

Truth is, she would be the second oldest president on inauguration day, just eight months younger then Ronald Reagan (69 years, 11 months) at his swearing-in ceremony.

We, as a nation, would be witnessing the aging of Hillary Clinton for a period of four or eight years (of course, barring any impeachment efforts by Congressional Republicans) right before our eyes. And everyone knows how the presidency quickens the aging process of anyone occupying the Oval Office.

An artist projected what Hillary Clinton would look like at the end of an eight year term as president. Many observers have claimed she would have an uncanny resemblance to the first female prime minister of Israel… Golda Meir.

You be the judge.

This observation is not meant in any way to detract from the incredible qualifications Hillary possesses for becoming our next commander in chief. Nor is it meant as a slight to Golda Meir who was an able leader of the state of Israel, often referred to as the “first Iron Lady.”

Photos | slate.com, culturecatch.com

After announcing he would skip his party’s nominating convention this summer, Jeb Bush has had a change of heart.

Even with Trump’s blowout win in New York, Jeb is now convinced the TV celebrity and real estate mogul will not have enough delegates to win on a first ballot. Most pundits are saying that is the only way Trump could secure the Republican presidential nomination.

“After some soul searching, and doing some math, I realize my party needs for me to be there. It looks like we will go through a long hard fight to pick our party’s nominee. I want to help in any way I can.”

When asked if that meant making himself available as a possible presidential choice, Jeb would only give a vague answer. “I will do whatever may party asks me to do.”

How ironic if the party’s favorite at the start of the nominating process goes on to secure the nomination!

“I think Hillary Clinton is beatable, very beatable. Her negatives are through the roof. If elected, she would have the highest negative rating of any president, in either party, in history.”

It is rumored that Jeb was persuaded to attend his party’s convention by none other than his big brother, George W. If through some miracle Jeb does become his party’s nominee, the word is out that the former president reminded Jeb no Bush has ever lost an election for president. Well, except Papa Bush losing in 1992 to Bill Clinton. Dubya was never a stickler for detail.

When asked in a different way if he might be his party’s white Knight come to save his party from what appears to be a looming food fight, Bush was a little more direct.

“Look, if the convention is going to result in mayhem and we are on our 32^nd ballot, I would seriously think of accepting the nomination if it were offered to me.”

The way this election year is shaping up for the GOP, a 32^nd ballot may not be out of the question … and the much dreaded Clinton v. Bush contest might become a reality.

(AP Photo/Las Vegas Sun, Steve Marcus)

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The 2016 presidential race has just been thrown into complete chaos now that President Barack Obama has announced his run for a third term. The shocking news is being denounced by Republicans as just another unconstitutional Obama power grab.

“Obama likes to pass himself off as a constitutional scholar but he must not have heard of the 22^nd Amendment,“ said Republican presidential candidate, Ted Cruz. “The 22nd Amendment states, in short, ‘No person shall be elected to the office of the President more than twice.”

Republican frontrunner, Donald Trump, has threatened to sue Obama over his announced candidacy. “I will take this case all the way to the Supreme Court, if I have to,” warned Trump. “The man is out of control. He must be stopped!”

When asked under what authority he is seeking a third term, President Obama answered, “As Commander in Chief, I have extraordinary emergency powers. As a country, we are currently at war … with ourselves. In is my job to do everything within my power to restore order. A third term would do just that.”

“Did you know that there is legal precedent for my action?” asked Obama. “President Franklin Delano Roosevelt invoked emergency powers when he issued an order directing that all Japanese Americans residing on the West Coast be placed into internment camps during World War II. The U.S. Supreme Court upheld that order in Korematsu v. United States.”

There is no doubt the Supreme Court will be asked to weigh in on the President’s bold move. But with the current make up of the Supreme Court now stuck at eight, a 4-4 decision is not out of the question. Such a deadlock would allow the President to go forward with his candidacy.

Democrats cannot contain their joy over a possible Obama third term.

“President Obama will win in the biggest landslide in presidential politics no matter who the Republicans decide to run against him,” said an excited Obama supporter. “Trump, Cruz, Romney, Ryan, The Tooth Fairy, it won’t make a difference.”

Hillary Clinton is not taking the news well. In fact, she is beside herself with anger.

“I’ve been betrayed!” Clinton bellowed. “We had a deal. The nomination was mine in 2016. Alright, my negatives are high, but I know I can win this for the Democrats.”

Bernie Sanders heard the distressing news while still in Rome. The Vermont senator took a more measured stance.

“It wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world,” said Sanders. “In spite of what Hillary and everyone else thinks, I have great respect for our President. But you know what, at the end of the day, I still think I can win this thing!”

Photo | cnn.com

On the heals of a new bill signed into law by Indiana Gov. Mike Pence, which bans abortions sought because of fetal genetic abnormalities, the state’s Republican-controlled legislature is poised to outlaw masturbation; male masturbation, to be exact.

The new anti-masturbation bill, which Gov. Pence has promised to sign once it reaches his desk, makes it a crime for a man to sow his seed without regard to procreation.

“Masturbation is murder,” said Indiana legislative leader, Harold Handler.

“It is not just murder of the sperm but also of the spirit. Masturbation is a sin,” claimed Handler. “Sin marks the demise of the soul unless you are saved by Jesus.”

When confronted with the biological fact that masturbation is not conception but just the releasing of cells from your body and that only when a sperm is united with a woman’s egg does a new life begin, Handler replied, “The Bible says that it is better for your seed to fall in the belly of a whore than on the ground. This shows that, according to God, the act of masturbation is more sinful than the act of prostitution or adultery.”

“But if you’re talking about murdering the sperm, “I asked, “You might as well say that a woman having her period is murder because her body gets rid of the egg?”

Handler replied that there currently is a bill in subcommittee tackling that very issue.

When asked why he would sign such an unenforceable and clearly unconstitutional bill, Gov. Pence replied, “It is our job as elected officials to protect the sanctity of life… all life. And that is exactly what this bill does.”

“Why has American influence been on a downward spiral over the last few decades?” asked Gov. Pence. “Because of the increase in pornography, masturbation, and the proliferation of perverts in our nation. America has lost its moral compass. It is losing its masculine Christian essence because our youth are being allowed to spill their seed wherever they desire. We must stop it.”

When questioned how such a law could possibly be enforced, the governor replied, ”We know it will be difficult, especially in the privacy of one’s home. But any public masturbation will be met with a stiff fine, and in rare cases, jail time. Do you have any idea how many men masturbate in theaters?”

The new anti-abortion law has stirred-up a hornet’s nest. If this new anti-masturbation law goes into effect, you can be sure men will not just sit on there hands.

(AP Photo/Darron Cummings)

Rome, April 15, 2016 – After today’s inspiring speech at a Vatican conference hosted by the Pontifical Academy of Social Sciences, a scholarly association in Vatican City, Bernie Sanders had a private audience with the Holy Father, Pope Francis.

Below is a transcript of the meeting:

Sanders – “It is such a pleasure and honor to meet you, your Holiness.”

Pope – “You can just call me Fran, OK?”

Sanders – “Sure Holy Father… I mean Fran. It’s just that I’m a little nervous meeting with one of my heroes.”

Pope – “You are too kind, Signore Sanders.”

Sanders – “You can just call me Bernie, Sir … I mean Fran.”

Pope – “I like very much how you talk about income inequality in your country. The billionaires just care for themselves. Always want more, more, more.”

Sanders – “Yes, we have a serious wealth gap in the United States. The top 1/10th of 1 percent — not 1 percent — the top 1/10th of 1 percent today in America owns almost as much wealth as the bottom 90 percent.”

Pope – “I know. I listen to your speeches. Here we have cable. I get CNN.”

Sanders – “And I hear your speeches about our corrupt political-economic system. I really like it when you take on “trickle-down” economics… I think you called it a crock or something?”

Pope – “I called it the dung of the Devil. Now, Signore Sanders … I mean, Bernie, I hear you are a Jew but not a practicing Jew?”

Sanders – “That is correct. I believe that there is a connection between all living things, and that my belief in God requires me to do all that I can to follow the ‘Golden Rule,’ to do unto others and as I would have them do unto me.”

Pope – “Brava, Brava! You hit the nail, as they say, on top of the head!”

Sanders – “ Thank you Fran. People say my chances of becoming the next president, well, they say I don’t have a prayer.”

Pope – “I pray for you, Bernie. Let’s keep in touch. Here is my private email address, on my private server.”

Photo | dailynewsbin.com

Now that Trump’s steam locomotive has hit a rough patch of track, he has revealed his list of top ten vice presidential picks in order to create some much needed media buzz.

While the Trump campaign has said the names are not listed in any order of preference, no one is surprised by the name at the top of the list … Sarah Palin. Trump has stated he wants a running mate who would compliment him. No one has done that more than Sarah Palin.

Here is Trump’s list of VP possibilities:

1. Sarah Palin
2. Joe Pesci
3. Jesse Ventura
4. Charlie Sheen
5. Howard Stern
6. Hulk Hogan
7. Sylvester Stallone
8. Amy Schumer
9. Ted Nugent
10. Ivanka Trump

Yes, Ivanka Trump! When asked about the obvious nepotism, Trump insisted, “No, my daughter just has one incredible brain, and she’s not bad to look at either. She’s been a big supporter, and advisor, of my campaign. Would love to have her backing me up.”

Trump was asked about Joe Pesci being number two on his list.

“As my campaign manager told you,” Trump snapped, “the names are in no particular order. But I like Joe a lot. Did you see him in Goodfellas or My Cousin Vinny? The man is pint size but tough. Won’t take any crap, like me.”

When confronted with the fact that those were just roles Pesci played, Trump replied, “I know Joe. He doesn’t act, he is just being himself. Remember that scene in Goodfellas where Joe shoots the kid who forget to get him a drink at the poker game? DeNiro says you are going to dig the grave. And Joe says, no sweat, it’s not the first hole I dug! Love his moxie.”

When questioned about Amy Schumer, Trump said “I know she’s probably a Democrat and Chuck’s a relative of hers. But the Jewish vote is very important to me, especially in New York.”

Whether or not releasing his VP list will help Trump remains to be seen. But it’s always a good bet to have an American hero like Rocky on your short list.

By the way, do you see something else Pesci and Trump have in common?

Photos | mic.com – mp3onlinehits.top

The Republican establishment does not think highly of Donald Trump or his rabid followers.

But say what you will about Trump supporters: they’re dumb, uninformed and misguided. I tend to think they are the opposite: smart, knowledgeable and clear-minded.

Here is a top ten list of what Donald Trump has promised (in his own words) or would bring to the table, if he were to become president of the United States:

1. “I will be the greatest jobs president that God ever created.”
2. “I’m the most militaristic person ever.”
3. “I will build a great wall . . . and nobody builds walls better than me, believe me.”
4. “I would use the greatest minds. I know the best negotiators.”
5. “I would hit [ISIS] so hard your head would spin.”
6. “I’m rich, really really rich.”
7. “My doctor has said, ‘If elected, Mr. Trump, I can state unequivocally, will be the healthiest individual ever elected to the presidency.’
8. “I have great feelings of compassion and helping people.”
9. “I’m smart, very smart.”
10. “We will have so much winning if I get elected that you may get bored with the winning.”

Who wouldn’t want a man like this for president? Sounds like a godsend, for chrissake!

Of course, all those wonderful things about Donald Trump were said by, well, Donald Trump.

But as Trump supporters know, their man means what he says and says what he means. Billionaires don’t need to lie.

Why can’t Republican elites accept Trump and rally behind him? Why can’t they trust the good judgment of their voters?

Oh, and Donald Trump is a winner. He said so.

Photo | slate.com

There is a rumor being spread around the Internet that Trump’s “Make America Great Again” campaign hats are made in China. While it would not be surprising for the man who rails against China taking away our manufacturing jobs to do such a thing, the rumor is false.

Donald Trump’s baseball caps are made in a plant in southern California. These official campaign hats sell for about $25. Ironically, the hats are made in a factory where about 80% of the workers are Latino. The owner has stated that 100% of his workforce’s immigration status is verified.

Of course there are Trump hat knockoffs that are indeed made in China. One of the key giveaways is price. The fake hats sell for much less than the authentic headgear. Some hats sell online for as little as $9.

Another telltale sign that your hat might not be authentic is the misspelling on some Chinese hats. One China factory put out a version of the hat that reads “Make America Grate Again.”

Many Trump opponents are buying the flawed hats because, in their view, that is exactly what Trump is doing to America – grating it. To “grate,” is to have an irritating or unpleasant effect. Throughout his presidential campaign, Trump’s statements have undoubtedly rubbed a vast majority of Americans in the wrong way.

News outlets are now reporting that the American Cheese Society – a non-profit organization that promotes cheeses, is scooping up the vast majority of the defective caps.

While any authentic Trump hat will not doubt become a collector’s item, the misspelled Chinese hat should fetch the highest prices in the future. So, try to get your hands on one of these prized hats before they go the way of Trump’s bid for the presidency  … kaput.

Imagine, if you will, Donald and Melania Trump in the White House. It’s 2017. A new day has dawned in American Politics. Welcome to your worst nightmare. Welcome to the Twilight Zone.

Donald – “Are you almost ready, Baby?”

Melania – “No. Still undressing.”

The scene is unfolding in the Lincoln bedroom where Melania is preparing for a photo shoot. She will be gracing the front cover of Trump’s new magazine, P.T. Trump (as in ”Perfectly Tremendous.”)

Donald – “I spoke with Henri, this spread will be very tasteful. Nothing to be nervous about. He is using a special lens to capture all your beauty.”

Melania – “Oh, Donald, really. This is not the first time I do this. Remember that great shoot on your yacht by GQ?”

Donald – “Of course Baby. But we’re going to make this a little more classy. After all, you are the new First Lady. I don’t want perverts to drool too much over that luscious body of yours.”

Melania – “Donald I think your Evangelical people might not like this so much, no?”

Donald – “Don’t worry Baby, I got the job. Nobody can fire me. I fire them.”

Melania – “As you say, you are always right. Can you hand me that flower? I think I stick it in my hair.”

Donald – “Baby don’t get me going with that stick it in the hair stuff. I’m thinking if this works out we can put some of these nice, but tasteful photos, into a presidential calendar. Will sell like hotcakes. You like that, Baby?”

Melania – “Yes. But maybe not so presidential, no?”

Donald – “Presidential my ass. I got elected because I do stuff like this. My people love me and expect it.”

With that, celebrated Penthouse photographer, Henri LaTour, positions Melania across the king size bed of the Lincoln bedroom.

Donald – “Hey Melania, just think this is the same bed Bill rented out to his donors when he was here.”

Melania – “Knowing Bill, I’m sure he used bed a few times himself, no?”

The shoot goes off without a hitch. Donald and Melania now get dressed to host their first White House state dinner with none other than the Vicar of Christ, Pope Francis.

Twilight Zone?

Photo | ndtv.com

After his big primary win in Arizona on Tuesday, Donald Trump was on the phone with his good friend and political advisor, Bill Clinton.

Clinton – “Hey, Bud. Congrats on Arizona.”

Trump – “Yea, thanks. Do you believe this crap? I’m unstoppable. I’m like a god.”

Clinton – “Hold on there, Bud. You’re not God. This is eight years of Catholic school talking.”

Trump – “I didn’t say I was God, but a god. People just worship and adore me!”

Clinton – “Yea, your peeps just love their Trump.”

Trump – “Bill, what if in the next few months I actually get enough delegates to win this thing. Should I then just say I’ve changed my mind? That it was an experiment to see how far I could get? A way to prove I was the greatest salesman of all-time?”

Clinton – “Buddy, you are locked in. You just have to accept the nomination and have some good old fun with Hill. Don’t’ worry. She’ll try not to make a complete fool out of you in the debates.”

Trump – “I spoke with my doctor, you know, Harold, about verifying that I’ve come down with some incurable disease. What do you think about that?”

Clinton – “Nah. Better to just go all the way and let Hill have the biggest landslide in history. She will just be pleased as punch!”

Trump – “ Eight more months of this horsesh_t? I’m getting a little tired you know.”

Clinton – “But you’re a god! Ha! It won’t be so bad. Enjoy it!”

Trump – “ Alright. But tell Hill to go easy on me. No crap about my tax returns, OK?”

Clinton – “You got it, Bud. Now you know I just bought a new driver – the TaylorMade M2? Can’t wait to try it out this weekend.”

Trump – “Meet you at the club at nine Saturday.”

Clinton – “Tell me, is that sh_t about Cruz and the five mistresses true?”

Trump – “Who knows? If you were a woman would you want to screw that miskayt loser?”

Clinton – “Touche!”

Photo | cnn.com