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White House Sets Up “Pardon Hotline”

December 23, 2020 By John DeProspo 5 Comments

Reprint from moronmajority.com

With less than one month remaining in office, Donald Trump’s White House has established a “pardon hotline” to expedite the granting of presidential pardons to crooks.

“Over the last few months, we’ve been flooded with pardon requests from felons across the country,” said a White House spokesperson. “The old method of filing your request with the Justice Department is just too long and cumbersome.” 

Lawbreakers of all stripes can simply call 1 800 P-A-R-D-O-N-M-E or 1 800 727-3665. 

The spokesperson said special consideration will be given to those criminals who have made a “decent” contribution to Trump’s “Election Defense Fund.”

Asked if Trump isn’t just pulling a Blagojevich (soliciting a bribe for a favor), the White House spokesperson said, “No, there is a big difference. What Blagojevich did was a crime. You can’t sell a senate seat. What Trump is doing is 100% legally within his Constitutional power.”

“The beauty of the hotline,” added the spokesperson, “is that when you call, you’ll get your answer right away. You’ll be speaking directly to the Pardoner-in-Chief, President Trump. And, yes, this will result in some very long hold times, estimated to be up to 5 hours, but we have some great music on hold.”

Currently the Village People’s Y.M.C.A. is playing on a continuous loop.

While Democrats have accused Trump of abusing his pardon power to reward allies and undermine the rule of law, House Intelligence Committee Chairman, Adam Schiff, inadvertently advertised the hotline when he said:

 “If you lie to cover up for the President, you get a pardon. If you are a corrupt politician who endorsed Trump, you get a pardon. If you murder civilians while at war, you get a pardon.”

Some political pundits have cynically said that while the phone call is free, the get-out-of-jail-free-card certainly is not.

Photo | theatlantic.com/REUTERS/Jonathan Ernst

*moronmajority.com is a satirical site … seriously!

Filed Under: featured, satire Tagged With: 1 800 P-A-R-D-O-N-M-E, abuse of pardon power, Donald Trump, pardon hotline, pardoner-in-chief, pardons, satire

President Finally Congratulates Biden On Election Victory

December 15, 2020 By John DeProspo 6 Comments

While some said it would never happen, the President today congratulated Joe Biden on his election victory, six weeks after the vote and a day after the Electoral College officially affirmed Biden’s win.

The President had said he had been waiting for the many court challenges to end before making his announcement. Both he and his close associates had earlier criticized the election process, describing it as flawed and not representative of the will of the people. 

But there was no “hidden motive” for not recognizing Biden’s victory sooner, said the President.

Yes, President of Russia, Vladimir Putin, today sent a telegram to Biden to congratulate him and wish him well.

“Putin wished every success to the president-elect and expressed confidence that Russia and the U.S., who bear special responsibility for global security and stability, can facilitate resolution of many problems and challenges faced by the world now despite disagreements,” the Kremlin said.

If only the current president of the United States would follow his hero’s lead.

Photo | businessinsider.com

Filed Under: featured, politics Tagged With: congratulations, Donald Trump, election, election victory, Joe Biden, Vladimir Putin

50 Years and Donald Trump

December 11, 2020 By John DeProspo 10 Comments

Article courtesy of guest contributor, Alden Loveshade

By vote totals alone, Donald Trump is considered the most supported conservative Republican president in American history. But he still lost the 2020 presidential election. So to prepare for the future, it’s time to ask, what is a conservative Republican?

A Republican is, of course, a member of the Republican Party. As for conservative, Merriam-Webster defines it as “one who adheres to traditional methods or views.” So let’s get traditional, and view the methods and background of the American presidency of 50 years ago.

The American president of half a century ago wasn’t born rich; he was born into a poor family. He married one, and only one, woman; they honeymooned in Mexico, and remained married until parted by death.

As a young man, he was exempt from the draft due to his religious affiliation, and possibly qualified for deferment because he worked in government service. But in spite of his exemption, he applied for and joined the United States Navy, and was awarded for his service. Later, he became a leader against Soviet Communism.

In spite of his active military duty, he worked for peace. He believed that America should encourage Israel to make peace with its Arab neighbors, and worked to restart the Middle East Peace Negotiations.

The president of 50 years ago ended America’s involvement in a major war. He worked to build diplomatic relations with China, and supported détente and the Anti-Ballistic Missile Treaty. He called for a higher percentage of immigrant visas for professionals, needed workers and even refugees, with additional visas for people from Mexico.

To support fighting diseases scientifically, he pushed for more spending on sickle-cell disease research, and signed the National Cancer Act, beginning the War on Cancer.

He signed into law the Occupational Safety and Health Administration (OSHA), a regulatory agency to insure that corporations had to follow guidelines for the safety of their workers.

In favor of conservation, he established the Environmental Protection Agency. And he signed into law the Endangered Species Act. And the National Environmental Policy Act. 

He opposed violent protest. He personally stood up to anti-American demonstrators, impressing even his enemies. Before becoming president, during a time when civil rights were controversial, he pushed for African American civil rights and economic equity. As president, he helped shepherd the Civil Rights Act.

Before running for president, he had 14 years experience as a member of the U.S. House of Representatives, the U.S. Senate, and as Vice President of the United States. In his first presidential bid, he very narrowly lost. In spite of suspicion of voter fraud in highly populated states, he did not challenge his loss. He said he believed challenging the election results would be bad for America and for its image in the eyes of other nations.

When he won the presidency several years later, he promised his administration would work to bring the divided nation together. He said, “the greatest honor history can bestow is the title of peacemaker.”

His inaugural address received almost uniformly positive reviews, It spoke of a new age of unity, and said:

“In these difficult years, America has suffered from a fever of words; from inflated rhetoric that promises more than it can deliver; from angry rhetoric that fans discontents into hatreds; from bombastic rhetoric that postures instead of persuading. We cannot learn from one another until we stop shouting at one another, until we speak quietly enough so that our words can be heard as well as our voices.”

That president 50 years ago was not a liberal Democrat. He was the conservative Republican Richard M. Nixon.

Has Donald Trump adhered to those traditional, conservative, Republican methods and views? If not, then the 74+ million people who voted for him in 2020, and the even more millions who didn’t, might want to ask themselves this question: What happened to the Republican Party in the last 50 years, and whose views and methods has it gone back to?

The author is well aware of controversy over Nixon’s presidency. He freely admits the facts presented were primarily chosen to show contrast between Richard M. Nixon and Donald J. Trump.

Photo |whca.press

Filed Under: featured, Guest Posts Tagged With: 50 years ago, compare, conservative Republican, definition, Donald Trump, Richard Nixon, U.S. president

In Exchange For Pardon, Giuliani Offers Lifetime Of Legal Services

December 2, 2020 By John DeProspo 4 Comments

Reprint from moronmajority.com

Now that Trump’s pardon power has kicked into high gear, many criminals are lining up to secure a get-out-of-jail-free card from the lame-duck president. But not all lawbreakers are wealthy enough to curry favor with Trump.

One prominent presidential associate, Rudy Giuliani, who faces potential criminal liability once Trump leaves office, is said to be seeking a pre-emptive pardon. While Mr. Giuliani has always been a high earner, he is said to be short on cash … three divorces can deplete anyone’s bank account!

It is being reported that Mr. Giuliani has offered Donald Trump a lifetime of legal services in exchange for a full and complete presidential pardon.

Mr. Giuliani’s services are not cheap. Sources have said he is raking in $20,000 a day representing the Trump campaign in the various lawsuits to overturn the 2020 election. Assuming an 8-hour work day, that comes to $2500 per hour!

The same sources say Trump just might go for the deal.

Photo | washingtonpost.com

*moronmajority.com is a satirical site … seriously

Filed Under: featured, satire Tagged With: Donald Trump, legal services, pre-emptive pardon, presidential pardon, Rudy Giuliani, satire

Dems Need To Adopt New Governing Maxim – WWRD (What Would Republicans Do)

November 22, 2020 By John DeProspo 6 Comments

If you’re like me, you’ve had it with Democrats allowing Republicans to walk all over them. You’ve had enough of them always wanting to play nice-nice. You’ve had it with them continually bringing a knife to a gun fight. You’ve had it with all that feel good, bipartisan, reaching-across- the-aisle malarkey.

As the canonized former president (Ronald Reagan) once said, “we don’t negotiate with terrorists.” Republicans have long shown us who they are and, as Maya Angelou would say, you need to “believe them.”

Already there are signs that Democrats will go soft on Trump and his cronies once they regain power. Sources are reporting that Biden, forever the institutionalist, is not in favor of investigating and possibly prosecuting Trump for his many proven and alleged crimes.

“He’s going to be more oriented toward fixing the problems and moving forward than prosecuting them,” said one Biden adviser, drawing comparisons to former President Barack Obama’s refusal to prosecute the Bush-era architects and perpetrators of CIA and U.S. military torture.

If the tables were reversed, could you ever imagine Republicans letting bygones be bygones? Could you ever dream of them doing the right thing, even if it meant going against their political self-interest? Never. Well, that’s exactly what Biden seems to want to do. Some unnamed sources are saying Biden believes that pursuing charges against Trump would further divide a deeply divided nation and distract from his administration’s agenda.

Joe, if you go easy on Trump and let him off the hook, you’ll be riling up another base … yours! Polls have consistently shown that a majority of Americans want Trump criminally investigated. They don’t want retribution. They simply want justice. Fail to investigate Trump and his cronies, and you will lose a good chunk of those who voted for you.

As Matt Ford, writing for The New Republic, put it, “If Biden truly wants to move the country forward, he needs to show that there are consequences for the misdeeds perpetrated under Trump. Only by revisiting this grim chapter in American history, and by penalizing those who broke the law, can this country move forward.”

So I’m with Rep. Bill Pascrell, chairman of the Oversight Subcommittee of the House Ways and Means Committee.

“In 2021 the entire Trump administration must be fully investigated by the Department of Justice and any other relevant offices,” Pascrell said. “Trump along with his worst enablers must be tried for their crimes against our nation and Constitution. Importantly, any further abuse of the sacred pardon power to shield criminals would itself be obstruction of justice, and any self-pardons would be illegal.”

Look, we either are a nation bound by the rule of law or we’re not. If Trump’s crimes are simply swept under the rug, forgiven for the “good of the country,” we wouldn’t have much of a country, would we?

Yes, it goes against their very nature for Democrats to play hardball. They would rather “go high” when others “go low.” And maybe, in a more perfect world, one ruled by decency and honor, it might be best to turn the other cheek.

But we don’t live in such a world … and haven’t lived there in quite some time.

So, it is high time for Democrats to abandon WWJD (what would Jesus do) and adopt WWRD (what would Republicans do). Sometimes you just have to listen to Trump when he once described his favorite Bible passage (Exodus 21-24): “an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.”

Photo | thehill.com

Filed Under: featured, Opinion Tagged With: Biden, crimes, Democrats, divided nation, Donald Trump, hardball, investigate, investigation, prosecution, rule of law

Trump “Concession” Speech Leaked

November 19, 2020 By John DeProspo 4 Comments

Reprint from moronmajority.com

White House sources have revealed Trump is prepared to give his concession speech … soon. 

Below is the leaked copy:

Four years ago, we won a huge victory against Crooked Hillary, with the biggest electoral college win since Ronald Reagan. On my inauguration day, we witnessed something so beautiful … the largest presidential inauguration crowd in history.

And over the past four years we’ve gotten so much done … more than any other administration. So much winning! We won on the military, we won on taxes, we won on the economy, we won on unemployment, we won on trade deals, we won on deregulation, we won on religion, we won on the wall and we won against the China virus.

And now, after a rigged election, people say I should congratulate Sleepy Joe Biden and concede. But how do you concede when all the courts are saying the election was stolen from us through voter fraud? My attorney, Rudy Giuliani, a big baseball fan, keeps saying “it ain’t over ‘til it’s over.” That’s why we’re fighting so hard for democracy, the rule of law and our Constitution.

If you count only the legal votes, there is no doubt I won. Remember when the fake news media said Hillary got three million more votes than me? If you didn’t count the votes of all those illegal Mexican criminals and rapists in California, I got more votes. Now they say Sleepy Joe got six million more votes than me? More fraud, more fake news.

But even though this election was totally unfair, I have decided to leave the White House on January 20. 2021. 

I am hereby announcing my candidacy for president in 2024. I will continue to hold many, many big beautiful rallies.

Our new slogan will be “Make America Great Again … All Over Again” 

I am also using the vast powers given me by Article 2 of the Constitution to pardon myself, my friends and my family of any and all potential crimes, from the start of time to infinity.

So, to all patriotic Americans, stand back and stand by until I’m back in your House in four years.

Photo | politico.com

*moronmajority.com is a satirical site … seriously

Filed Under: featured, satire Tagged With: 2020, concession speech, Donald Trump, election, leaked, satire

Late Night TV Hosts Forced To Rehire Comedy Writers?

November 15, 2020 By John DeProspo 2 Comments

While Donald Trump has been an unmitigated disaster for the country, he has been comedy gold for late night TV hosts. Call Trump the grift that keeps on giving.

As a result of his election defeat, hosts like Jimmy Fallon, Stephen Colbert, Jimmy Kimmel, James Corden and Seth Meyers won’t have Donald Trump to “kick around anymore.”

With Trump in office, the comedy practically wrote itself. Writers … who needs writers? All the late night funnymen had to do was report the Trump news of the day to fill their monologues.

Who can forget some of the best material Trump provided … peddling Clorox as a coronavirus cure; claiming noise from windmills causes cancer; boasting “No one is tougher on Russia than me”; saying the hurricane is wet “from the standpoint of water”; offering I would never do her, “she’s not my type”; claiming “I’m a stable genius, OK?”; and observing Puerto Rico is “an island surrounded by water, big water, ocean water” … and that’s just the tip of the comedy ice berg Trump blessed the TV stars with.

Perhaps no late night show relied more heavily on Trump material than The Late Show with Stephen Colbert. In fact, his entire nightly monologue, normally about ten minutes, has been all Trump, all the time, for the last four years.

Yet Colbert is not too upset his comedy source is drying up.

Reminded by his wife he no longer has to talk about Trump every day, Colbert cried tears of relief during one of last week’s shows.

“For the first time in four years, we’ll be able to shift our collective focus away from him, onto anything else. Maybe each other, wouldn’t that be nice?” said Colbert. “I mean, I woke up this morning and I was walking down the steps and I just felt all this available brain space. It’s not filled with anything else yet. It’s just like a clean kitchen counter where something could be made if we’re just not cluttering it up with that guy.”

The Trump presidency has been very good for Colbert. Though it was a bumpy start after taking over The Late Show from David Letterman in 2015, Colbert’s show has consistently been the most-watched late night program according to Nielson.

Will Colbert’s ratings slip when he’s forced to do non-Trumpian material? Perhaps, but the comedian ended his opening monologue last week by praising Biden with a message of hope that the president-elect will bring a sense of normalcy back to the country.

Photo | variety.com

Filed Under: featured, Opinion Tagged With: comedy, comedy writers, Donald Trump, jokes, late night TV hosts, rehire, Stephen Colbert

Thousands Of Trump Supporters Flock To DC For Sore Losers March

November 14, 2020 By John DeProspo 4 Comments

In a scene that no doubt is being replicated across the country, hordes of Trump supporters have gathered today in the nation’s capital to protest “voter fraud “and Biden’s stolen election.

Many loyal followers either believe Trump actually won the election or that there is still time for him to “pull it out.” The sentiment of many is that “this is far from over.”

As reported in USA Today, some Trump supporters can’t see how Biden legitimately won:

Marcello Milone, who traveled with his family, including his 15-year-old son, from South Carolina, said they were there to “demand the truth.”

“I don’t understand how the country went to bed with Trump up by tons of votes on Election Night then days later Biden is called the winner,” he said, waving an American flag. “It doesn’t make any sense.”

Mr. Milone, it’s actually quite simple … in a democracy, the person with the most votes wins! (OK, in the U.S. it’s the presidential candidate with the most Electoral College votes!) You tabulate the ballots until they are all counted. And, no, legitimate votes are not only those received by your favored candidate.

You’re a sports fan, Mr. Milone, right? Then I’m sure you know, as in any sport, the halftime score is meaningless. You play the game until the final tick of the clock.

Funny, after Trump’s dubious win in 2016, Hillary Clinton graciously conceded defeat on election night.

Trump loyalists at the time implored Dems to “Suck it up, buttercup. Trump won. Get over it.”

Of course, Trump will never concede defeat. And neither will Republicans abandon Trumpism, not when he received over 73 million votes.

For anyone who thought American democracy has restored by Biden’s victory, it’s time to think again.

American democracy is broken … whether irrevocably remains to be seen. 

Trump’s fan base is loyal and passionate, as demonstrated by today’s rallies. 

As I write this, a group of Trump supporters have gathered in front of city hall, across from where I live, chanting “four more years!” Many are honking horns, from cars and trucks festooned with Trump flags.

Unless Trump eventually finds himself behind bars, look for him to continue to lead his cult followers and do all he can to make the next four years a living hell for Biden and his administration … and our great nation.

Sad.

Photo | nbcwashington.com

Filed Under: featured, Opinion Tagged With: DC march, Donald Trump, election, fraud, million maga march, sore losers, stolen election

Yes, Let’s Celebrate The End Of Our National Nightmare, But Houston, We Have A Problem

November 7, 2020 By John DeProspo 6 Comments

The unimaginable does not have to be imagined. Donald Trump will not be returning to the White House for four more years of corruption, ineptitude and chaos. Decency and honor will be restored to our troubled land by Joe Biden and Kamala Harris.

When all is said and done, Joe Biden will have received the most votes ever for a presidential candidate, currently totaling just over 74 million. But trailing right behind, moving into second place for most votes in American history, is Donald Trump, who stands at just over 70 million votes.

In 2016, Donald Trump received just under 63 million votes to Hillary Clinton’s nearly 66 million votes.

Even with the disaster that has been the Trump presidency, Donald Trump has, so far, increased his vote total by nearly 7 million! This is after shredding America’s rule of law, ignoring the Constitution, mishandling a once in a lifetime pandemic and resulting economic collapse, and otherwise running the federal government like a criminal enterprise.

Yes, Trump may be gone but it appears Trumpism is here to stay.

The hope that this election would be a clear repudiation of Trump and his governing style did not materialize. Far from the GOP getting a wakeup call to reform its ways, Republicans will see Trump’s numbers, even though not enough to win reelection, as vindication that they should stay their Trumpian course. 

And yes, Joe Biden promised to be the president of both blue and red states. He’s pledged to unite and heal the country, but how do you do that when nearly half of all Americans thought reelecting Trump was a good idea? 

 A mid-October poll from The Associated Press-NORC Center for Public Affairs Research found that 85 percent of registered voters described Americans as greatly divided in their values, and only 15 percent say democracy in the United States is working.

Now, don’t expect Trump to do the right thing by being a gracious loser. Odds are he will insist to his loyal followers the election was stolen from him and that Biden is not a legitimate president.

Let’s all pray Joe can make good on his promise. Let’s hope Americans can call a truce to its festering Hatfield-McCoy feud. 

As Biden has said,” We may be opponents — but we are not enemies. We are Americans.”

May God bless the United States of America.

Photo | gannett-can.com/jsonline.com

Filed Under: featured, politics Tagged With: divided country, Donald Trump, election, Joe Biden, president, president-elect Biden, Trumpism

Joe, It’s Not Too Late … Agree To More Debates!

October 16, 2020 By John DeProspo 2 Comments

Reprint from moronmajority.com

Conventional political wisdom has it that the frontrunner in an election wants fewer debates, while the underdog always wants more. So, this summer, when the Trump campaign floated the idea of more debates (over and above the three already agreed to), Biden did the predictable thing … he rejected the offer.

But, as we all know, there is nothing conventional when it comes to Donald Trump. 

As the first presidential debate showed, Trump is his own worst enemy. Many commentators described that first debate as “the worst ever,” thanks mainly to Trump’s obnoxious antics.

And now we’ve had a town hall where Trump, once again, did little to improve his standing among voters … thanks, in part, to the skillful moderating by Savannah Guthrie.

Another tidbit of political wisdom is that, while debates may draw viewers, they rarely change minds.

But with Trump, we may have that rare exception!

Many pundits agree that Trump was the clear loser in both “debates.” They believe he not only failed to improve his electoral chances, but he was so off-putting that he actually may have hurt his odds of winning reelection.

So, go ahead Joe, agree to more “debates” … as many as Trump wants! You’re free tomorrow night, right?

More of Trump’s objectionable shtick can only sway more undecided voters to your camp, Joe, and may even peel off some soft Republican support.

Just one caveat, Mr. Vice President. Any debates you agree to, insist that they are moderated by Savannah Guthrie!

Photo | abcnews.go.com

Filed Under: featured, politics Tagged With: Donald Trump, Joe Biden, more debates, presidential debates, worst debate

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