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You are here: Home / Archives for John Bolton

Unable To Stop Bolton Book, Trump Threatens To Sue Anyone Who Buys It

June 20, 2020 By John DeProspo 7 Comments

Reprint from moronmajority.com

He’s at it again.

Now that a judge has ruled John Bolton can publish his tell-all book, the man who elevated the filing of frivolous lawsuits into an art form is threatening to sue anyone who has the nerve to buy a copy of the juicy memoir.

Donald Trump has never been a man to take rejection lightly. Whenever he has found himself up against a wall, he threatens to take legal action.

Yes, Trump might be forced to file millions of lawsuits but that won’t stop the “king of litigation.”

Writing in today’s Washington Post, Dana Milbank gives a great summary of all the people or entities Trump has sued or threatened to sue:

“Since 2015, Trump, his business or the Republican Party have sued or threatened to sue MSNBC, NBC, the Associated Press, the Daily Beast, Univision, an anti-Trump T-shirt maker, authors Michael Wolff and David Cay Johnston, Texas Sen. Ted Cruz (R), former Ohio governor John Kasich (R), a Jeb Bush supporter, a super PAC, the Republican Party, sanctuary cities, former aide Steve Bannon, former Senate Democratic leader Harry Reid, the U.S. Golf Association, a 92-year-old widow in Scotland, the women who alleged he sexually assaulted them, the co-author of his own memoir, the Club for Growth, the Culinary Workers Union, the National Hispanic Media Coalition, the organizer of a “Dump Trump” campaign, the city of Minneapolis, and an artist who painted a nude of him.”

“Before that, he sued or threatened to sue the Los Angeles Times, USA Today, a Chicago Tribune architecture critic, Bill Maher, the now-deceased rapper Mac Miller, the Village Voice, ABC and the BBC, a random Twitter user, a woman critical of Trump University, a critic of his golf courses, a Miss USA contestant, Rosie O’Donnell, the Obama Justice Department, and the Onion.”

Milbank, surprisingly, failed to mention the time Trump threatened to sue Mother Teresa.

For Trump, the underlying motive for his litigation threats is intimidation. Trump believes the mere mention of the word “lawsuit,” and all the costs it entails, will stop people with perfectly winnable cases from taking him on.

As Milbank ends his piece, “If you can’t beat ‘em, sue ‘em.”

Photo | skynews.com

Caution – this could be “fake” nooze

Filed Under: featured, satire Tagged With: book, Donald Trump, John Bolton, lawsuit, litigation, publication, satire, sue, tell-all book

Behind Closed Doors, Barr Reads Trump Four-Page Summary Of Bolton Book

June 18, 2020 By John DeProspo 4 Comments

Reprint from moronmajority.com

Donald Trump is furious.

It appears his efforts to stop John Bolton from publishing his tell-all book are a tad too little, too late. “The Room Where it Happened: A White House Memoir” is scheduled to be released next Tuesday, June 23rd, and explosive excerpts from the book have already been made available to the press. 

The New York Times and the Washington Post have both reviewed the book. The juicy memoir already tops Amazon’s bestseller list.

In an effort to allay his anger, Attorney General, William Barr, prepared a four-page summary of the nearly 500-page tome which he read to Trump in the privacy and security of the White House bunker.

As Donald Trump does not read books, Barr’s summary will be the closest he comes to knowing about the book’s contents. As such, Barr’s portrayal carries a lot of weight with the aliterate Trump.

White House sources have revealed that Barr’s summary appears to have appeased the infuriated Trump. They report Barr characterized Bolton’s book as just another “he said, she said piece of garbage” and that it “completely exonerates him.”  

Because the book is starting to alter even his bases’s perception of him, it is being reported that Trump might break form and actually listen to the book once it’s made available on audible.com.

Photo | foxnews.com

Caution – this could be “fake” news

Filed Under: featured, satire Tagged With: "The Room Where It Happened:A White House Memoir", Donald Trump, four-page summary, John Bolton, memoir, William Barr

R.I.P. Political Satire – Republican Senator Asks Whether John Bolton Is Really A Firsthand Witness

January 28, 2020 By John DeProspo 4 Comments

Clearly we are living through some weird times. The line between the factual and the absurd just keeps getting blurred beyond recognition.

Satire is dead.

Senate Republicans have complained that all the evidence against Trump has come from people with secondhand, third-hand and even fourth-hand knowledge. Yet when Democrats asked, during Trump’s impeachment trial, to subpoena witnesses with firsthand knowledge of Trump’s alleged wrongdoing, all such requests were voted down along a straight party-line vote.

Then, over the weekend, the Bolton book bombshell hits the streets.  In the unpublished manuscript of his tell-all book, former national security advisor, John Bolton, says Donald Trump told him that he was withholding military aid to Ukraine in order to pressure Ukrainian president Zelensky to help him with political motivated investigations, i.e. dirt on the Bidens.

In a normal world this would be considered the ultimate firsthand knowledge … unless you could produce a witness who inhabited Trump’s subconscious!

But, no. Missouri junior Senator Josh Hawley is actually questioning whether John Bolton is that much-sought, indispensable witness.

When CNN’s Haley Byrd caught up with Hawley yesterday and asked why the Senate wouldn’t want to hear from Bolton, he replied, “Well, I don’t know. Is he a firsthand witness? I’m not sure.”

Folks, we have reached a point where writers of political satire need to just pack their bags and go ply their trade on some less absurdist terrain otherwise known as today’s political world. Well, at least until we can return to more normal times … if that is even possible.

Sorry, Mr. Borowitz, but it seems the current crop of Republican politicians may have put you, and all your clever fellow satirists, out of business.

Did you hear that Donald Trump is thinking of pardoning Charles Manson, Ms. Williamson?

Photo | washingtonpost.com

Filed Under: featured, politics Tagged With: firsthand witness, impeachment, John Bolton, Josh Hawley, political satire, satire, trump

After Bombshell Bolton Book Leak, Publisher Wants Full Return Of Advance

January 26, 2020 By John DeProspo 3 Comments

Reprint from moronmajority.com

According to an unpublished manuscript of John Bolton’s upcoming book obtained by the New York Times, the former National Security Advisor claims Donald Trump directly told him he would withhold military aid to Ukraine until Ukrainian President Zelensky agreed to deliver politically motivated investigations into the Bidens.

This may be good news for Democrats seeking to compel Bolton’s testimony in Trump’s impeachment trial but it is very bad news for Bolton.

It has been reported that Bolton’s multi-million dollar book deal with Simon & Schuster carried a whopping $2 million advance. The publisher now wants the money returned.

A spokesperson for Simon & Schuster says the value of the book was based on Bolton’s explanation of the “drug deal” he purportedly told Fiona Hill about, of which he wanted no part. Many assumed the comment related to the scheme Gordon Sondland and Mick Mulvaney were cooking up to pressure Zelensky into announcing investigations into the Bidens, Burisma. 

“The cat’s out of the bag,” said the spokesperson. “Who would want to read the book now?”

A close friend of the former Trump advisor has revealed Bolton doesn’t have the money, having spent it all on a high-tech security system for his Bethesda, Maryland home and on 24-hour bodyguards.

Photo | france24.com/abcnews.go.com

Warning – this could be “fake” nooze!

Filed Under: featured, satire Tagged With: Bidens, bombshell, book, Burma, John Bolton, leak, New York Times, satire, trump, unpublished manuscript

Whether Bolton Testifies Or Not Really Doesn’t Matter

January 17, 2020 By John DeProspo 2 Comments

The Senate impeachment trial of Donald John Trump is scheduled to start next Tuesday under a cloud of uncertainty … will it be a real trial or a sham? Will there be witnesses? Will documents be produced?

Much is being made about the possibe testimony of John Bolton, Trump’s former national security advisor. Will he or won’t he testify? If he does, will he testify truthfully?

While it is still possible that NO witnesses will be called at Trump’s trial, a few Republican senators have expressed an interest in hearing from Bolton. Most notable among the reasonably-sounding senators is Utah’s Mitt Romney.

After Romney stated that he would be open to hearing from witnesses, in general, he was asked specifically if that included Bolton.

“Including John Bolton, yes,” said Romney. “He’s someone who I would like to hear from, and presumably I get the chance to vote for that.”

This intrigue over Bolton’s testimony is grossly puffed up, however.

It won’t matter one way or another!

Even if Bolton testifies he knew about Trump’s attempted shakedown of Ukrainian President Zelensky and tried to warn him against it, it will not sway enough Republican senators (67) to break ranks and vote to oust Trump.

Even if Bolton testifies he knew it was an illegal act, one that threatened our national security, Trump will be acquitted.

The “trial” is fixed and the outcome certain. Remember, Trump is the guy who boasted he could shoot someone in the middle of Fifth Avenue and not lose support. It turns out he wasn’t just talking about voters but also Republican politicians. Trump has made it abundantly clear over the past three years he is less of a president and more of a cult leader.

Oh yes, there may be a few Republicans who put country ahead of party but not enough to remove Trump from office.

The best Democrats can hope for is that Trump will be weakened and thrown out of office by the voters in November … and that all those vulnerable, spineless Republican senators up for reelection are similarly shown the door.

Photo | france24.com

Filed Under: featured, Opinion Tagged With: Donald Trump, impeachment, John Bolton, Mitt Romney, no difference, testimony, trial, witnesses

Real Reason Trump Booted Bolton

September 13, 2019 By John DeProspo 1 Comment

Reprint from moronmajority.com

If you believe what is being reported, Donald Trump fired his national security advisor, John Bolton, because the two men disagreed over foreign policy issues. This type of reporting is not only inaccurate, it also lends an air of rationality to our commander in chief’s mental machinations.

Donald Trump is a man who thrives on superficiality. He got rid of Bolton because he never liked that ridiculous stache.

Some aides have privately admitted Trump constantly dissed Bolton’s snowflake facial fur … behind his back. They said Trump would ask, “Hasn’t the guy ever heard of Just For Men?”

It appears after 16 months of looking at that chalky crumb catcher, it was just too much for Trump to stomach any longer. Bolton and his upper lipholstery just had to go.

Photo | sott.net

 

Filed Under: featured, satire Tagged With: Donald Trump, dumped, firing, John Bolton, moustache, national security advisor, satire, stache, white

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