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You are here: Home / Archives for Rudy Giuliani

In Exchange For Pardon, Giuliani Offers Lifetime Of Legal Services

December 2, 2020 By John DeProspo 4 Comments

Reprint from moronmajority.com

Now that Trump’s pardon power has kicked into high gear, many criminals are lining up to secure a get-out-of-jail-free card from the lame-duck president. But not all lawbreakers are wealthy enough to curry favor with Trump.

One prominent presidential associate, Rudy Giuliani, who faces potential criminal liability once Trump leaves office, is said to be seeking a pre-emptive pardon. While Mr. Giuliani has always been a high earner, he is said to be short on cash … three divorces can deplete anyone’s bank account!

It is being reported that Mr. Giuliani has offered Donald Trump a lifetime of legal services in exchange for a full and complete presidential pardon.

Mr. Giuliani’s services are not cheap. Sources have said he is raking in $20,000 a day representing the Trump campaign in the various lawsuits to overturn the 2020 election. Assuming an 8-hour work day, that comes to $2500 per hour!

The same sources say Trump just might go for the deal.

Photo | washingtonpost.com

*moronmajority.com is a satirical site … seriously

Filed Under: featured, satire Tagged With: Donald Trump, legal services, pre-emptive pardon, presidential pardon, Rudy Giuliani, satire

As Senate Trial Nears, Trump Set To Call Three Character Witnesses

January 14, 2020 By John DeProspo Leave a Comment

Reprint from moronmajority.com

We learned today from Senate Majority Leader, Mitch McConnell, that Trump’s impeachment trial may start as early as next Tuesday.

Word has it Donald Trump’s legal team is scrambling to prepare his defense. At the suggestion of Trump’s personal lawyer, Rudy Giuliani, three character witnesses will be called by Trump’s legal team to vouch for his good reputation and moral character: Vladimir Putin, Kim Jong-un and Recep Erdogan.

Putin, it is being reported, is prepared to say Trump is the model of honesty and probity. In the past, Putin has called Trump, “Greatest U.S.A. president.”

Trump’s love affair with the Korean leader, Kim Jong-un, is well documented. It is expected Kim will repeat his description of Trump as “a most wonderful, handsome and loving dear leader.”

Turkey president Erdogan is also a big fan of Donald Trump. He called Trump, “Allah’s gift to Turkey” after the impulsive commander-in-chief abandoned our allies, the Kurds, in Syria.

Yet some are already questioning the Giuliani-inspired tactic. They point out the three men are obviously beholden to Trump for various favors afforded them in the past. And, oh yes, they are all despots!

Nonetheless, the three strongmen are held in such high esteem by nearly all the Republican senators who will act as jurors at Trump’s impeachment trial that it seems well worth the effort, according to one of Trump’s most trusted advisors, son-in-law Jared Kushner.

Photo | salon.com

Warning – this could be “fake” nooze

Filed Under: featured, satire Tagged With: character witnesses, Donald Trump, Erdogan, impeachment, Kim Jong-un, Putin, Republicans, Rudy Giuliani, satire, Senate, trial

Trump Asks Supreme Court To Rule Constitution Unconstitutional

January 11, 2020 By John DeProspo Leave a Comment

Reprint from moronmajority.com

Donald Trump is a very bright man. He has a prestigious Ivy League degree and is constantly reminding everyone how much of a stable genius he is.

So, it didn’t take all that long for Trump to solve one of his most vexing problems.

“It seems like everyone is always telling me I can’t do this or that because of the Constitution,” said Trump at a recent impromptu press gathering. “This goes totally against my powers as president of the United States.”

“Today I am asking the Supreme Court to declare the Constitution unconstitutional. This is all on good advice from my personal attorney, Rudy Giuliani,” Trump went on to say.

Trump’s request may not be so farfetched. Giuliani has recently written a piece in the Daily Caller arguing that the Supreme Court should rule Trump’s impeachment unconstitutional. So why not go one step further?

Trump’s logic is simple: The Supreme Court has the power to declare anything unconstitutional. The Constitution prevents me from carrying out my agenda. The Constitution therefore needs to be declared unconstitutional.

Trump believes there is a good chance the Court will toss out the revered founding document now that he has added two new allies, Gorsuch and Kavanaugh, to the bench.

“In this country,“ opined Trump, “the Supreme Court has the final say as to what’s constitutional and what’s not. I’m confident Neil and Brett, along with the other conservative justices, will rule in may favor.”

Said daughter Ivanka, “My dad is a great businessman but he would have also made an excellent lawyer. His analytical thinking is so amazing!”

Trump’s Republican supporters in both the House and Senate are refusing comment on this latest development. 

Photo | gannet/usatoday.com

Warning – this could be “fake” nooze

Filed Under: featured, satire Tagged With: Constitution, Donald Trump, Rudy Giuliani, satire, Supreme Court, unconstitutional

Sorry, Rudy, There Is One Place Where Truth IS Still Truth

August 22, 2018 By John DeProspo 2 Comments

Donald Trump’s TV lawyer, Rudy Giuliani, told NBC’s Chuck Todd something quite extraordinary a few days ago. On Meet the Press this Sunday, Giuliani said to a stunned Todd, “Truth isn’t truth.”

Upping the ante on Kellyanne Conway’s infamous “alternative facts” comment, Giuliani doubled down on his Orwellian pronouncement the following day by tweeting: “My statement was not meant as a pontification on moral theology but one referring to the situation where two people make precisely contradictory statements, the classic ‘he said, she said’ puzzle.”

As crazy as it sounds, Giuliani’s statement does have some merit when it comes to political speech or when referring to some news outlets. The truth can be malleable.

As we found out yesteray, however, the truth is still the truth in a court of law. The bulwark of our democracy, our legal system, works.

A jury in Virginia convicted Trump’s former campaign chairman, Paul Manafort, on eight felony counts of bank fraud and tax evasion. At about the same time, in a New York court, Trump’s legal fixer, Michael Cohen, pleaded guilty to eight counts of campaign finance violations, tax and bank fraud.

It didn’t matter what lies or fakery Manafort and Cohen engaged in prior to their day in court, once they stood in front of the man in the black robe, all the BS, the spin, the mangling of facts, ended.

It is said that justice is based on truth. Truth, in the law, means objective, reliable facts that can be admitted as evidence in a trial.

With what Cohen admitted to yesterday under oath, namely that Donald Trump directed him to violate campaign finance laws, it won’t be long before all of Trump’s claims of innocence, of “witch hunt”, of “no collusion”, will be put to the test … hopefully at an upcoming trial in the United States Senate after the House approves articles of impeachment.

Hey Rudy, when two people make contradictory statements, you know, the old he, said she said … one is telling the truth, one is lying.

Photo | nypost.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: featured, politics Tagged With: "truth isn't truth", court, Donald Trump, facts, justice, Michael Cohen, Paul Manafort, Rudy Giuliani, rule of law, trial, truth

With A Lawyer Like Ghouliani, How Can You Go Wrong?

August 19, 2018 By John DeProspo 2 Comments

No one will ever accuse Donald J. Trump of skimping on top-notch legal representation!

Photo | politico.com

Filed Under: featured, satire Tagged With: "collusion is not a crime", "truth isn't truth", Donald Trump, Ghouliani, legal representation, Rudy Giuliani

White House Geniuses

May 4, 2018 By John DeProspo 4 Comments

The gang that can’t get their story straight.

Filed Under: featured, Uncategorized Tagged With: Donlad Trump, Rudy Giuliani

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