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House Approves Measure Calling For Gun Labeling … “Shoot Responsibly”

February 23, 2018 By John DeProspo 2 Comments

Reprint from satirical blog Moronmajority.com

After the latest mass shooting in Parkland, Florida, Congress has finally gotten serious about gun safety legislation. In a vote of 218-217, the House of Representatives, by the slimmest margin, yesterday passed a bill that would mandate all guns sold in the United States carry the warning: “Shoot Responsibly.”

Rep. Earl Scruggs (R-TN) hailed the vote as a much needed first step in making gun owners aware that with their unalienable right to bear arms comes the obligation to use their weapon appropriately. The admonition must be affixed to all packaging containing a weapon, from the smallest handgun to the largest assault rifle.

“What this tells the gun-consuming public,” said Scruggs, “is that it’s OK to use your gun for hunting, for target practice and self defense, but not to shoot up a movie theater, a nightclub or a school.”

Scruggs, who can up with the idea after watching a Heineken commercial encouraging consumers to “drink responsibly,” knew he was on to something that could pass the House.

”It took a lot of arm-twisting but we were finally able to get bipartisan agreement on my bill,” said Scruggs. “I know some people say this will not solve the problem of gun violence in our country, but it’s a start.”

For those old enough to remember, Earl Scruggs was a member of Nancy Reagan’s task force in the 1980’s war against drugs. Scruggs was credited with coming up with the highly successful campaign “Just say NO!”

The NRA, taken by surprise by the bill’s passage, has not yet weighed in on whether it will support the legislation. A spokesperson has indicated the gun group may agree to the labeling “depending on the size of the print.

Asked for comment, Donald Trump said he would be happy to sign the bill if it ever gets to his desk.

“I am all for people using their guns responsibly,” said Trump. “You know, something like this, along with training and arming teachers, will go a long way in making our schools, and country, safer.”

The fate of a similar bill being introduced in the Senate remains uncertain.

Photo | Official White House Photo by Lawrence Jackson

Satire?

 

Filed Under: featured, satire Tagged With: gun regulation, Guns, House of Representatives, legislation, new law, Parkland Florida, satire, shoot responsibly

Trump Miffed … Mueller Still Getting Paycheck

January 21, 2018 By John DeProspo Leave a Comment

Donald Trump finally got the government shutdown he wanted. But to his shock and dismay, this does not put the Mueller investigation on ice.

The Justice Department has confirmed that employees in Mueller’s office are exempt from the shutdown and can continue investigating any possible collusion between the Trump campaign and Russia. His office is not funded through the regular congressional appropriations process.

So, the probe Trump continues to call a “witch-hunt” and a “hoax” lives on even as other government functions come to an end.

“There is something very wrong with our government if I can shut it down and people still keep getting paid … they still go on with their work,” Trump told a group of reporters.

Anonymous White House sources have confirmed that Trump believed a government shutdown would end Mueller’s investigation without him having to fire the FBI special prosecutor.

“I am going to get to the bottom of this,” Trump added. “How is this possible? No doubt Crooked Hillary is involved with this.”

Perhaps someone on Trump’s staff might school him on how special counsel investigations are funded.

Trump would learn that special counsel investigations are funded by a separate “permanent indefinite appropriation” established by the Department of Justice Appropriation Act of 1988 to pay for “investigations and prosecutions by independent counsels.” In other words, Congress has already passed the appropriations bill that funds this probe, so no one’s salary is stuck in the Treasury—there is nothing preventing Mueller’s team from going to work and getting paid.

Shorting after hearing the bad news, Trump did what he does best … went golfing.

Photo | rantt.com

Satire Alert!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: featured, satire Tagged With: collusion, Donald Trump. Robert Mueller, FBI investigation, funding, investigation, satire, shutdown, special counsel, Trump-Russia

Trump – “I’m The Least Collusiony Person You’ve Ever Met, Believe Me”

January 18, 2018 By John DeProspo Leave a Comment

FBI special prosecutor, Robert Mueller, wants to speak with Donald Trump … and the president is ready to comply.

Even though Trump has labeled Mueller’s investigation into possible collusion between his campaign and Russia a “witch hunt” and a “hoax”, Ty Cobb, Trump’s lawyer, says his client is “very eager” to speak with Mueller.

“I’ve got nothing to hide so why shouldn’t I talk with the guy?” asked Trump. “I’m the least collusiony president in history.”

“I think it’s more than appropriate for the Mueller people to explore anything they’re interested in,” Cobb said, claiming he is focused on “getting the facts out.”

But there appears to be a slight hitch.

As has been the case throughout the ongoing FBI investigation, Trump and his legal team do not seem to be on the same page.

After Cobb’s announcement, Trump tweeted, “ I am more than happy to discuss anything that happened before June 16, 2015.”

Trump’s cutoff date coincides with the day he formally announced his presidential campaign at Trump Tower in New York City.

Photo | the hill.com

Satire Alert!!!

Filed Under: featured, satire Tagged With: collusion, collusiony, Donald Trump, FBI investigation, Robert Mueller, satire, special prosecutor, testify, Trump-Russia, Ty Cobb

Trump’s Top 10 “Accomplishments” of 2017

December 30, 2017 By John DeProspo Leave a Comment

As we come to the end of 2017, it is time to pick Donald Trump’s top 10 “accomplishments” during his first year in office. While the list of his many presidential firsts is quite extensive, even bordering on the most unprecedented in American history, here are the ones that made the cut:

  1. U.S. no longer seen as the leader of the free world
  2. Has given aid and comfort to white supremacists, KKK, racists, etc.
  3. Further divided an already divided country
  4. Helped engineer the largest tax heist on behalf of billionaires in U.S. history
  5. Has green-lighted Russians to keep meddling in our elections
  6. Installed the most unqualified group of Cabinet secretaries … ever
  7. Pardoned a sheriff who refused to obey a federal court order
  8. Undermined institutions such as the FBI, the judiciary and the free press
  9. Endorsed and defended a sexual predator for U.S. Senate
  10. Scored lowest approval rating of any modern president his first year in office

The hearts of Trump supporters must be swelling with pride over such an impressive list of “accomplishments.” Yet with such an amazing slate of achievements in only his first year, what can we expect in year two?

I’d like to speculate but I’m too afraid to go there!

But take heart as we enter the New Year. Many betting sites are listing the possibility of Trump leaving office by the end of next year, either through impeachment or resignation, at 50-50.

Photo | dailymail.co.uk

 

Filed Under: featured, satire Tagged With: 2017, accomplishments, achievements, Donald Trump, satire, top 10 list

“God Wants Judge Roy Moore” Video

December 6, 2017 By John DeProspo 2 Comments

Judge Moore’s latest, most powerful new commercial sure to get him to Washington.

Courtesy of The Spiegel Group/ D.C.Douglas

Photo | truepundit.com

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Filed Under: featured, satire Tagged With: Alabama, commercial, election, God, pedophile, Republicans, Roy Moore, satire, Senate

Roy Moore … The Candidate With An “R” After His Name

December 3, 2017 By John DeProspo 4 Comments

With Alabama’s special election for the U.S. Senate less than 10 days away, it appears Republican Roy Moore is poised for victory. Despite allegations he may be a sexual predator, voters in the Yellowhammer State are rallying around the twice-fired State Supreme Court justice.

In an effort to learn more about why Alabamians are supporting a candidate accused of pedophilia and of disobeying the United States Constitution, the Daily Nooze interviewed retired Tuscaloosa schoolteacher, Sally Sue Scruggs.

DN: “Mrs. Scruggs, you have stated that despite all the allegations against Roy Moore you will still vote for him in the upcoming election. Could you please tell us why?

Scruggs: “As you yourself just said, these are allegations. I don’t believe them. I don’t believe all the women who have come out against Judge Moore. And even if what they say is true, I forgive him. That’s the Christian thing to do.”

DN: “ So there is nothing that would stop you from voting for Mr. Moore?”

Scruggs: “No. My daddy taught me a long time ago that voting is easy. It doesn’t require much thinking. You just have to vote for the candidate with the “R” next to his name.”

DN: “So you would vote for Mr. Moore even if he were, say, a tax cheat or a convicted murderer?”

Scruggs: “I have faith that Judge Moore is not a tax cheat and he is not a convicted murderer.”

DN: “ What if Mr. Moore engaged in necrophilia?”

Scruggs: “The Bible says nothing about that … whatever it is.”

DN: “What if Mr. Moore raped your daughter in the middle of the town square?”

Scruggs: “Which daughter … my 12 year old or my 18 year old?”

With that answer, the interview came to an end.

The latest polls show Roy Moore ahead of Democrat Doug Jones just days before the Dec. 12 election. Even as the controversy around Moore continues, his numbers appear to be climbing.

As Donald Trump bluntly put it, “We don’t need a liberal person in there, a Democrat, Jones. I’ve looked at his record. It’s terrible on crime. It’s terrible on the border. It’s terrible on the military.”

And Roy Moore has an “R” after his name.

Photo | politico.com

Caution – this could be satire!

***The Daily Nooze*** – named #10 top political satire blog by blog.feedspot.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: featured, satire Tagged With: "R" after his name, Alabama, judge, pedophile, Republican, Roy Moore, satire, sexual predator, special election, United States senate, vote

Sex Scandal Hits The Vatican

November 29, 2017 By John DeProspo 2 Comments

At a time when women accusing powerful men of sexual misconduct has turned into a daily ritual, another dominant male has been ensnared in allegations of sexual impropriety going back decades.

Pope Francis has been accused of groping two nuns during his years as a seminary student at the Inmaculada Concepción Seminary, in Villa Devoto, Buenos Aires.

The nuns, who chose to remain anonymous, have told reporters that the Holy Father copped a feel while they were waiting in line to give their weekly confessions at the Catedral Metropolitana, Buenos Aires. The alleged incidents took place in the summer of 1955.

“From out of nowhere I felt a hand squeeze my buttocks” said one of the nuns. The second nun told the same story of a surprise, unwanted touching.

Vatican spokesman, Father Guido Sarducci, issued a statement that neither confirmed nor denied the accusations.

“The Pope does not recall any incidents of improper touching during his years at the seminary. The alleged groping goes back 62 years. One has to ask why the nuns would wait so long to accuse the Vicar of Christ.”

Catholics throughout the world are in shock, not knowing what to make of the allegations. Many are simply praying, “Please say it ain’t so, Papa.”

One powerful male facing sexual misconduct allegations of his own has come to the Pope’s defense … Donald Trump.

“This is ridiculous,” said Trump. “Why would the Pope grope a nun? They are generally very homely. I would say on average a four. Have you ever seen a hot nun except in the movies?”

Father Sarducci went on to say, “Pardon the pun, but the Pope does not make it a habit of forcing himself on nuns or any females for that matter.”

If the allegations are true, expect more nuns to come forward in the days ahead.

It is being rumored that the two nuns accusing the Pope of sexual misconduct have contacted Lisa Bloom, a lawyer famous for representing female victims of sexual harassment and assault.

Photos | courageouschristianfather.com – pinterest.com

Caution – this could be fake news!

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: featured, satire Tagged With: Donald Trump, groping, Lisa Bloom, misconduct, nuns, Pope Francis, satire, sexual allegations, sexual impropriety

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