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Ronny Jackson Backs Off Demand For Biden To Take Cognitive Test

June 18, 2021 By John DeProspo 3 Comments

Reprint from moronmajority.com

After accusing Joe Biden of suffering from “mental impairment,” Donald Trump’s former personal doctor and current Texas congressman, Rep. Ronny Jackson, is no longer demanding the President take a test to measure his cognitive abilities. 

It appears Biden has agreed to the request if Jackson consents to a sobriety test.

Photo | businessinsider.com

*moronmajority.com is a satirical site … seriously!

Filed Under: featured, satire Tagged With: cognitive test, Joe Biden, Ronny Jackson, satire, sobriety test

After Cheney Ouster, House Reps Propose New Oath Of Office

May 12, 2021 By John DeProspo 6 Comments

Reprint from moronmajority.com

During colonial times, when the United States were colonies of Great Britain, officials swore allegiance to the king. Following the Revolution, the founders decided to require an oath for all federal and state officials … to the Constitution.

Since Liz Cheney’s ouster from her House leadership position due to her refusal to swear allegiance to the king of her party, a few House Republicans have proposed a new oath to be taken by all new members on the opening day of a new Congress.

A bill soon to be introduced by Texas Representative Louie Gohmert, co-sponsored by fellow Republicans Marjorie Taylor Greene, Lauren Boebert, Matt Gaetz and Jim Jordan, contains the following oath:

“I, (name), do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and defend Donald J. Trump against all political enemies, foreign or domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to same; that I take this obligation without any mental hesitancy or self-reflection, and that I will well and faithfully discharge the duties of the office on which I am about to enter as directed by Our Leader. So help me Trump.” 

As Republican House members are in the minority, it is unlikely such a bill will pass. But it is interesting to note how American conservatives have gone full circle in just under 250 years!

Photo | Forbes.com

*moronmajority.com is a satirical site … seriously!

Filed Under: featured, satire Tagged With: Constitution, Donald Trump, Liz Cheney, Louie Gohmert, new oath, oath of office, Republicans, satire

Where’s Jared?

March 12, 2021 By John DeProspo 3 Comments

Reprint from moronmajority.com

Since leaving his position, in January, as White House senior advisor, Jared Kushner seems to be missing in action.

During Donald Trump’s appearance at last month’s Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC), Jared Kushner was noticeably absent from his side.

A source close to Kushner has said, “Right now, he’s just checked out of politics.”

And who could blame him!

While serving as his father-in-law’s right-hand man, Kushner was tasked with an inordinate level of responsibility. He was responsible for negotiating peace in the Middle East; he was responsible for solving America’s opioid crisis; he was responsible for diplomacy with Mexico; he was responsible for reforming care for veterans; he was responsible for reforming the criminal justice system; he was responsible for reinventing the entire government and making it work like a business; and he was responsible for leading a coronavirus task force!

Is it any wonder the man needs a break?

A close family friend has revealed the Boy Wonder, as some have called Kushner, is chilling out by spending time on his one true passion … creating art.

Much like George W. Bush after he left the White House, Kushner spends his days painting and drawing. But unlike Bush, who liked to paint portraits of important world leaders, Kushner passes the time mostly on drawings of his family.

Photo | npr.org/W. Roger Mills-Koonce

*moronmajority.com is a satirical site … seriously!

Filed Under: featured, satire Tagged With: Donald Trump, Jared Kushner, missing in action, politics, responsibility, satire

Trump Vows To Appeal Supreme Court Decision On Taxes

February 23, 2021 By John DeProspo 3 Comments

Reprint from moronmajority.com

The United States Supreme Court issued a devasting decision yesterday when it refused to block the release of Trump’s tax returns to the Manhattan District Attorney, Cyrus Vance.

In what has become a reflex action whenever Trump is on the losing end of a court case, he vowed to appeal the ruling, saying it allows for the “greatest political Witch Hunt in the history of our country” to continue.

In a lengthy written response to the decision, Trump attacked the Court for letting “this ‘fishing expedition’ happen” in the first place.

No one around the former-occupant-of-the-White-House had the nerve to inform him that the Supreme Court is the highest court in the land; that it is known as the court of last resort for a reason.

It is quite possible Donald Trump believes the World Court, headquartered in the Hague, has jurisdiction over the U.S. Supreme Court but, if he had paid attention in his high school history class, he’d know the court, also known as the International Court of Justice, settles disputes involving sovereign states in accordance with international law.

Or is it possible Trump has fallen into a Louis XIV mindset … “L’etat, c’est moi”?

Photo | abc.net.au

*moronmajority.com is a satirical site … seriously!

Filed Under: featured, satire Tagged With: appeal, Donald Trump, loss, moronmajority.com, satire, Supreme Court, taxes, World Court

Trump Hires Top D.C. Law Firm After Exodus of Current Legal Team

January 31, 2021 By John DeProspo 3 Comments

Reprint from moronmajority.com

With little more than one week before the start of his impeachment trial in the Senate, Donald Trump’s entire legal team has quit.

But, with the kind of swift action Trump has come to be known for, the Washington D.C. law firm of Dewey, Cheatem & Howe has been hired to take up his defense.

It is believed the firm’s senior partner, Mr. Cheatem, will personally head Mr. Trump’s legal efforts.

When asked how he plans to defend the former, now twice-impeached president, Mr. Cheatem offered a very basic, elemental strategy.

“We are going to impress upon the Republican Senators who will control Mr. Trump’s fate, ‘If you wish to remain in office, you must not f**k us’.”

With such a brilliant, yet simple, legal strategy, is there any wonder why Dewey, Cheatem & Howe is D.C.’s premier law firm?

Photo | britannica.com

*moronmajority.com is a satirical site … seriously!

Filed Under: featured, satire Tagged With: D.C. law firm, Dewey Cheatem & Howe, Donald Trump, impeachment, law firm, satire, senate trial, trial

Trump’s Post-Presidency Priority Is To Work On Election Integrity! (No, This Is Not Satire)

January 23, 2021 By John DeProspo 9 Comments

I have to admit, it was a challenge writing satirical pieces about Trump and his administration over the last four years. What started out as an attempt at light-hearted humor often ended up as Trumpian reality.

The highlight of my efforts to make fun of the-man-who-no-longer-occupies-the-White-House was a story I wrote about Trump’s deranged pardons. The article was titled, “Trump Pardons Charles Manson.” 

What made that story memorable was that it was picked up by then-presidential candidate Marianne Williamson who did not realize it was “fake news.” She tweeted to her 2.8 million followers, “There is something deeply sinister about Trump pardoning Charles Manson, even posthumously. Dog whistles of the very worst possible kind …”

The brouhaha that arose over Williamson’s faux pas made its way into many media outlets. The story even found its way into Jimmy Fallon’s monologue on the Tonight Show! Williamson withdrew her candidacy weeks later. Coincidence? Ha!

So, when I read an article today in the very conservative townhall.com, titled, “Key Advisor Reveals Trump’s Post-Presidency Plans,” I was shocked to learn just what those plans were! In any other publication the linking of Trump with election integrity would, no doubt, be parody.

Here is part of the very real piece written by Beth Baumann:

Now that President Donald Trump has left the White House, many Americans are wondering what he plans to do next. There have been rumors about him starting a new political party, known as the Patriot Party. But, according to one of his key advisors, Jason Miller, Trump plans to focus on something bigger and far more important: election integrity.

Just one day after boarding Air Force One with the Trump family on their venture from Washington, D.C. to Mar-a-Lago, Miller told “Just the News AM” that the former president has a couple of goals over the next few years, including “winning back the House and the Senate for Republicans in 2022 to make sure that we can stop the Democratic craziness.”

“You’re also going to see him emerge as the nation’s leader on ballot and voting integrity,” he said.

According to Miller, Trump wants to focus on voter integrity but that work will never take place in Washington, D.C. because Democrats don’t believe there is a threat to America’s elections. Instead, Trump is likely to work with individual states and state legislatures to create reforms. 

If you have the time, read the comments of some of Trump’s more ardent supporters. The belief that Trump had the election stolen from him, and that he is right to fight for “fair elections,” is all too real to those wackadoodles.

Sorry, President Biden, but there can never be normalcy again in our great country until a writer’s attempt at political satire is no longer at his peril.

Photo | Forbes.com

Filed Under: featured, politics Tagged With: Charles Manson, Donald Trump, election integrity, Marianne Williamson, pardons, satire, townhall.com

White House Sets Up “Pardon Hotline”

December 23, 2020 By John DeProspo 5 Comments

Reprint from moronmajority.com

With less than one month remaining in office, Donald Trump’s White House has established a “pardon hotline” to expedite the granting of presidential pardons to crooks.

“Over the last few months, we’ve been flooded with pardon requests from felons across the country,” said a White House spokesperson. “The old method of filing your request with the Justice Department is just too long and cumbersome.” 

Lawbreakers of all stripes can simply call 1 800 P-A-R-D-O-N-M-E or 1 800 727-3665. 

The spokesperson said special consideration will be given to those criminals who have made a “decent” contribution to Trump’s “Election Defense Fund.”

Asked if Trump isn’t just pulling a Blagojevich (soliciting a bribe for a favor), the White House spokesperson said, “No, there is a big difference. What Blagojevich did was a crime. You can’t sell a senate seat. What Trump is doing is 100% legally within his Constitutional power.”

“The beauty of the hotline,” added the spokesperson, “is that when you call, you’ll get your answer right away. You’ll be speaking directly to the Pardoner-in-Chief, President Trump. And, yes, this will result in some very long hold times, estimated to be up to 5 hours, but we have some great music on hold.”

Currently the Village People’s Y.M.C.A. is playing on a continuous loop.

While Democrats have accused Trump of abusing his pardon power to reward allies and undermine the rule of law, House Intelligence Committee Chairman, Adam Schiff, inadvertently advertised the hotline when he said:

 “If you lie to cover up for the President, you get a pardon. If you are a corrupt politician who endorsed Trump, you get a pardon. If you murder civilians while at war, you get a pardon.”

Some political pundits have cynically said that while the phone call is free, the get-out-of-jail-free-card certainly is not.

Photo | theatlantic.com/REUTERS/Jonathan Ernst

*moronmajority.com is a satirical site … seriously!

Filed Under: featured, satire Tagged With: 1 800 P-A-R-D-O-N-M-E, abuse of pardon power, Donald Trump, pardon hotline, pardoner-in-chief, pardons, satire

In Exchange For Pardon, Giuliani Offers Lifetime Of Legal Services

December 2, 2020 By John DeProspo 4 Comments

Reprint from moronmajority.com

Now that Trump’s pardon power has kicked into high gear, many criminals are lining up to secure a get-out-of-jail-free card from the lame-duck president. But not all lawbreakers are wealthy enough to curry favor with Trump.

One prominent presidential associate, Rudy Giuliani, who faces potential criminal liability once Trump leaves office, is said to be seeking a pre-emptive pardon. While Mr. Giuliani has always been a high earner, he is said to be short on cash … three divorces can deplete anyone’s bank account!

It is being reported that Mr. Giuliani has offered Donald Trump a lifetime of legal services in exchange for a full and complete presidential pardon.

Mr. Giuliani’s services are not cheap. Sources have said he is raking in $20,000 a day representing the Trump campaign in the various lawsuits to overturn the 2020 election. Assuming an 8-hour work day, that comes to $2500 per hour!

The same sources say Trump just might go for the deal.

Photo | washingtonpost.com

*moronmajority.com is a satirical site … seriously

Filed Under: featured, satire Tagged With: Donald Trump, legal services, pre-emptive pardon, presidential pardon, Rudy Giuliani, satire

Trump “Concession” Speech Leaked

November 19, 2020 By John DeProspo 4 Comments

Reprint from moronmajority.com

White House sources have revealed Trump is prepared to give his concession speech … soon. 

Below is the leaked copy:

Four years ago, we won a huge victory against Crooked Hillary, with the biggest electoral college win since Ronald Reagan. On my inauguration day, we witnessed something so beautiful … the largest presidential inauguration crowd in history.

And over the past four years we’ve gotten so much done … more than any other administration. So much winning! We won on the military, we won on taxes, we won on the economy, we won on unemployment, we won on trade deals, we won on deregulation, we won on religion, we won on the wall and we won against the China virus.

And now, after a rigged election, people say I should congratulate Sleepy Joe Biden and concede. But how do you concede when all the courts are saying the election was stolen from us through voter fraud? My attorney, Rudy Giuliani, a big baseball fan, keeps saying “it ain’t over ‘til it’s over.” That’s why we’re fighting so hard for democracy, the rule of law and our Constitution.

If you count only the legal votes, there is no doubt I won. Remember when the fake news media said Hillary got three million more votes than me? If you didn’t count the votes of all those illegal Mexican criminals and rapists in California, I got more votes. Now they say Sleepy Joe got six million more votes than me? More fraud, more fake news.

But even though this election was totally unfair, I have decided to leave the White House on January 20. 2021. 

I am hereby announcing my candidacy for president in 2024. I will continue to hold many, many big beautiful rallies.

Our new slogan will be “Make America Great Again … All Over Again” 

I am also using the vast powers given me by Article 2 of the Constitution to pardon myself, my friends and my family of any and all potential crimes, from the start of time to infinity.

So, to all patriotic Americans, stand back and stand by until I’m back in your House in four years.

Photo | politico.com

*moronmajority.com is a satirical site … seriously

Filed Under: featured, satire Tagged With: 2020, concession speech, Donald Trump, election, leaked, satire

Handful of Ted Cruz Supporters Upset With Trump SCOTUS Pick

September 26, 2020 By John DeProspo Leave a Comment

Reprint from moronmajority.com*

Now that Donald Trump has chosen Amy Coney Barrett to be his nominee to fill Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s Supreme Court seat, a number of Ted Cruz enthusiasts are disappointed with Trump’s selection.

According to a White House source, Cruz was in the running to sit on the nation’s highest court up until the very end. But, the source revealed, it was Trump’s son-in-law and senior advisor, Jared Kushner, who put an end to Cruz’s chances. “Do you really want the son of the man who helped assassinate JFK on the bench?” asked Kushner. “It’s just not a good look.”

The source also stated that Cruz’s harsh words during the 2016 presidential campaign didn’t sit well with many of Trump’s other advisors.

As you may recall, this is what Cruz said about then-candidate Trump: 

“This man is a pathological liar, he doesn’t know the difference between truth and lies … in a pattern that is straight out of a psychology text book, he accuses everyone of lying.”

For good measure, Cruz also accused Trump of being “utterly amoral,” a “narcissist at a level I don’t think this country’s ever seen” and “a serial philanderer.”

As disappointed as Cruz’s supporters may be, they should take heart … if Trump wins reelection, he may have the opportunity of naming a fourth, or even fifth, justice to the Court.

Word on the street is that, if Trump wins, Clarence Thomas is looking forward to spending more time with his family.

Photo | cnn.com

*moronmajority.com is a satirical site … seriously!

Filed Under: featured, satire Tagged With: Amy Coney Barrett, Cruz supporters, disappointed, Donald Trump, nominee, satire, Supreme Court, Ted Cruz

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