"All the news we deem fit to print"
Donald Trump recently went out of his way just to shake the hand of Kim Jong Un at the DMZ. Is this cozying up to the North Korean leader a way of making his current flame, Vladimir Putin, envious or just a not-so-subtle signal he wants to start seeing other dictators?
Trump did recently receive a lovely letter from Kim. According to sources, Trump claimed no one writes “beautiful letters” like the North Korean strongman.
Photo | kevin lamarque/reuters
Reprint from moronmajority.com
As he gears up for his re-election campaign, Donald Trump has warned that the U.S. would experience an epic stock market crash if he were not returned to the White House.
While this unsettling prediction has gotten the bulk of media attention, there are also a few other catastrophes Trump has warned about if a Democrat were to win the presidency in 2020.
Here is a list of what might take place, according to Trump, if a Democrat wins the next presidential election:
Some are calling Trump’s warnings irresponsible and outrageous. Others are saying it’s just Trump being Trump. You know, fear-mongering to juice up his base.
OK, Trump may have gone a little overboard with some of his predictions. It’s highly unlikely we will be invaded by spacemen from Mars … but, really, would it be such a bad thing if everyone flossed each day?
Photo | qz.com
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Donald Trump shocked onlookers when he made a surprise appearance this Sunday at a Virginia church. Gone was his trademark coif. Trump’s hair was slicked-back.
Many speculated it was a case of “hat hair” (Trump had just come off the golf course). Some thought it was a makeover ahead of Trump’s trip to the U.K. this week.
But those in the know say the father finally took the advice of the son. For years Don Jr. has urged his father to ditch the intricate “hairspray labyrinth” he’s been sporting in favor of a more “goodfellas” look.
Makers of men’s hair gel are rejoicing over Trump’s new image. ‘He’s a walking advertisement for the greaser, slick-back look,” said an industry spokesperson.
Photos | AP, wikipedia
Reprint from moronmajority.com
Having been declared “persons” under Alabama’s newly passed “heartbeat” law, zygotes have begun to utilize their newfound status. They are organizing.
A spokesperson for the zygotes states they have banded together to press Alabama legislators to enact stricter gun control laws. “The zygotes fear they may be the victims of gun violence once they leave the safety of the womb,” said the spokesperson.
Unfortunately, the zygotes lack the necessary funds to successfully lobby lawmakers. Many are applying for social security cards in order to qualify for public assistance. “Most want gainful employment,“ said the spokesperson,” but they haven’t developed any skills. Some cruelly mock the zygotes by pointing out they haven’t developed … period.”
Still the zygotes are thankful for the new law that redefines an “unborn child, child or person” as “a human being, specifically including an unborn child in utero at any stage of development, regardless of viability.”
Zygotes in other states considering “personhood” laws are taking notice. If they get their rights, like their Alabama brothers and sisters, this could have serious implications for gun control efforts and the continued viability of the NRA.
Photo | wisegeek.com
At a “surprise” Rose Garden appearance yesterday, Donald Trump, channelling his best John Oliver, hit back at Democrats bent on investigating him. He was particularly incensed that Nancy Pelosi accused him of being engaged with a cover-up.
While Trump may be into many things, he told the assembled press he is not into cover- ups.
Photo | aljazeera.com
Reprint from moronmajority.com
Guinness World Records has named Donald J. Trump the greatest con man of all-time.
Competing against such heavyweights as Frank William Abagnale Jr., Bernie Madoff and Charles Ponzi, Trump was delighted to learn of this latest honor. “That’s some helluva group I was up against, let me tell you. I just want to thank all those, beautiful, beautiful, gullible people out there.”
Said a spokesperson for Guinness, “Our research showed no other con artist has ever been able to maintain his deception for as long as Mr. Trump. Most others have either been imprisoned or otherwise forced to end their ways.”
It’s well-known Trump takes great pride in being the best at whatever he attempts. Here is a man who will cheat, lie and throw his own mother under the bus to get his way. He is obsessed with winning. “If you’re not the best,’ observed Trump, “then you’re a loser.”
Trump can now add his new title of “greatest con man” to that of: best president, greatest businessman, smartest human being, finest golfer, biggest jobs creator, and top biblical scholar.
“What other guy on that list (referring to Guinness) could con his way into the Oval Office to become the most powerful man in the world?” Trump asked. “I deserve this. I’m the greatest huckster, hands down.”
Mocking the “Fake News Media,” Trump added, “When I said I could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shot someone and not lose any support, they all laughed at me. They’re not laughing now. Let’s face it, I am the greatest salesman of all time!”
Very few people would argue with that assessment.
Photo | cnn.com, alex brandon/AP
There are many things Donald Trump hates: Mueller’s probe, the media, health food, Hillary Clinton, and, yes, even Meryl Streep.
Add windmills to the list.
Trump has publicly stated he hates windmills because:
1. The noise from windmills may cause cancer.
2. Windmills cause a drop in property values.
3. If wind powers our electricity, TVs will go off when the wind stops blowing.
But the number one reason Trump hates windmills is because of the effect they have on his iconic floppy coif! (Hey, the man is vain … and do you have any idea how long it takes to glue that piece into place?)
Photo | thedailybeast.com
In an interview with The Atlantic, Donald Trump couldn’t help but gush over his favorite daughter Ivanka.
The proud papa said he had considered nominating her to lead the World Bank.
Trump also considered her for U.S. Ambassador to the United Nations.
“She’s a natural diplomat,” said Trump.
As for the future, Trump thinks the sky’s the limit for Ivanka.
“If she ever wanted to run for president, I think she’d be very, very hard to beat,” Trump added.
Trump praised his daughter for possessing “a great calmness.” Of course, he added that’s “usually a genetic thing.”
Surprisingly, Trump admitted he considered naming his son Barron to head the Navy. Said Trump, “He watches a ton of Popeye cartoons, you know.”
Of course this last statement is not true. Right?
Photo | mediaite.com
Reprint from moronmajority.com
For the first time in GOP presidential primary history, Republicans may have a choice between the greater of two evils … Trump or the Prince of Darkness. This could present a difficult choice for many Evangelical voters.
However, this would certainly be a welcome development for Democrats seeking to regain the White House.
Image | Occupy Democrats
Reprint from moronmajority.com
Donald Trump is at it again … delivering for his base!
As Sarah Kliff of Vox reports, “This week, his Justice Department filed a legal brief arguing that a judge should find Obamacare unconstitutional — a decision that would turn the insurance markets back into the Wild West and eliminate Medicaid coverage for millions of Americans. By at least one estimate, a full repeal could cost 20 million Americans their health care coverage.”
Oh, and on an even greater note, doing away with Obamacare would once and for all eliminate protections for people with pre-existing medical conditions!
What a week for Trump supporters! First his handpicked AG, William Barr, gives Trump, as he has boasted, “a complete and total exoneration” from any collusion or obstruction of justice, and now, the complete repeal of Obamacare? For Trumpsters, it just doesn’t get any better than this!
Well, maybe it could. Another round of tax cuts for corporations and billionaires would definitely add to their festive mood!
Photo | therobertreport.net