The Daily Nooze

"All the news we deem fit to print"

You are here: Home / Archives for senate race

Michele … Don’t Ask God If You Should Run For Senate, Ask Nate Silver

By 2 Comments

Former Congresswoman, Michele Bachmann, is contemplating running for Al Franken’s soon-to-be-vacated Senate seat in Minnesota.

Bachmann, who represented Minnesota’s 6th Congressional District for eight years, said in an interview on “The Jim Bakker Show” that people had urged her to run in 2018. She also said she is asking God if she should enter the race.

Bad idea, Michele. No, not entering the Senate race but asking God if you should run.

Let’s face it, God has a poor record of picking winners.

Do you remember all those presidential candidates in 2016 that stated God had asked them to run? Let me remind you.

You had Mike Huckabee and Rick Santorum, of course. But you also had Scott Walker, Ben Carson and Rick Perry who admitted God wanted them to run. You even had Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio, John Kasich and Rand Paul alluding to God in their campaign announcements.

It seems as if the only 2016 presidential candidate who did not claim God asked him to run was Donald Trump. OK, he did say the Bible is his favorite book!

The thing is this, Michele. Either God is a poor picker of winners or he has a wicked sense of humor. Whichever it is, don’t bother asking God for his blessing.

Ask Nate Silver of FiveThirtyEight.com.

Nate is great at predicting political winners and losers because he uses math and statistics. Yes, he’s a lot more scientific than the Almighty.

Okay, okay, what about Mike Pence you ask. Didn’t he say running for vice president was all part of God’s plan?

Yes he did. Yes he did. But Pence was not talking about the same God as you are.

Mike Pence was not referring to the God that sits on his heavenly throne but the deity who sits on his golden toilet at 725 Fifth Avenue, New York, NY.

One last thing, Michele. Remember the last time God asked you to run for office? Because of his divine command, you ran for president in 2012. How did that work out?

Photo | politicususa.com

 

 

 

Moore Will Concede … When God Tells Him To

By 3 Comments

Two days after having lost the Alabama special election, Republican Roy Moore has yet to concede.

On election night, Moore stated that “when the vote is this close, that it’s not over.” He added he would “wait on God and let this process play out.”

True to form, Moore is letting everyone know whom he answers to. It is not the people of Alabama or their manmade laws. It is the word of the Almighty.

Asked it he would concede after Alabama Secretary of State John Merrill certifies the final vote count, Moore answered in a way that surely will please his Christian conservative base, “Hell no!”

“I get my marching orders from God. Until he tells me to do something, I will wait. He hasn’t told me to throw in the towel yet. I know one thing, God works in mysterious ways,“ said Moore.

Democrat Doug Jones, the newly elected Senator from Alabama, said there was “no doubt” in his mind about the election results. He said Moore would “do well to go ahead and let’s get this behind us.”

Rep. Terri Sewell, D-Alabama, told CNN’s “New Day” yesterday morning that she has the “utmost confidence” Jones “won outright.” She suggested Moore’s refusal to concede was a publicity stunt.

“I’m not sure what his posturing is about, other than it keeps him in the limelight and it keeps him relevant for another week,” Sewell said.

Asked when and how he receives God’s word, Moore answered that the Heavenly Father speaks to him in his sleep, adding new meaning to the phrase “I’ll sleep on it.”

Taking a page from Donald Trump’s playbook, Moore plans to hold a rally in deeply conservative Jefferson County later today.

Yes, God told him to.

“Look,” said Moore, “there’s a saying that it ain’t over ‘til the fat lady sings. To a Christian, it ain’t over until God pulls the plug.”

Photo | politifact.com

Caution – elements of this article may be satirical!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

For Some Alabamians, There Is Nothing More Disgusting Than Being A Democrat

By 2 Comments

In a recent survey, registered voters in Alabama’s Senate race found that 29% of those surveyed are more likely to vote for Republican Roy Moore after revelations he may be a sexual predator.

And now, the Republican Governor of Alabama, Kay Ivey, has announced that, even though she believes the young girls accusing Roy Moore of sexual molestation, she is going to vote for him anyway … because he is a fellow Republican.

“I’m going to cast my ballot on December the 12th, and I do believe the nominee of the party is the one I’ll vote for,” Ivey said. “I believe in the Republican Party, what we stand for, and most important, we need to have a Republican in the United States Senate to vote on things like the Supreme Court justices, other appointments the Senate has to confirm and make major decisions. So that’s what I plan to do, vote for Republican nominee Roy Moore.”

In an hilarious video that went viral a few days ago, a reporter is seen chasing a Republican down a winding staircase trying to ask him if he supports Roy Moore.

Tom Llamas of ABC News is seen repeatedly asking Alabama Rep. Mo Brooks if he believes Roy Moore over his accusers. Brooks repeats the same answer: “I believe that the Democrats will do great damage to our country on a myriad of issues.”

Brooks argued earlier this week that the conservative agenda outweighs the accusations.

“America faces huge challenges that are vastly more important than contested sexual allegations from four decades ago,” Brooks told AL.com in a text message.

So there you have it. Members of the political party that likes to sell itself as guardians of “family values” would rather vote for a known sexual creep over pulling the lever for a Democrat.

One could almost hear the arguments for supporting Jack the Ripper if he were running for office with an “R” after his name, “Yes, he may be a serial killer, but at least he is not a Democrat. He’s got my vote.”

Or how about Jeffery Dahmer? “Yes he may have an eating disorder but I will support a member of my party over a liberal, gun-hating, god-denying Democrat!”

Fortunately for the state of Alabama, and for sanity itself, Democrat Doug Jones is currently leading the serial pedophile Moore in the latest Fox News poll, 50% to 42%.

Photo | nbcnews.com

 

 

 

Subscribe to Blog via Email

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.