The Daily Nooze

"All the news we deem fit to print"

  • Home
  • politics
  • satire
  • breaking news
  • Archives
  • Show Your Support
  • Opinion
You are here: Home / Archives for special election

Moore Will Concede … When God Tells Him To

December 14, 2017 By John DeProspo 3 Comments

Two days after having lost the Alabama special election, Republican Roy Moore has yet to concede.

On election night, Moore stated that “when the vote is this close, that it’s not over.” He added he would “wait on God and let this process play out.”

True to form, Moore is letting everyone know whom he answers to. It is not the people of Alabama or their manmade laws. It is the word of the Almighty.

Asked it he would concede after Alabama Secretary of State John Merrill certifies the final vote count, Moore answered in a way that surely will please his Christian conservative base, “Hell no!”

“I get my marching orders from God. Until he tells me to do something, I will wait. He hasn’t told me to throw in the towel yet. I know one thing, God works in mysterious ways,“ said Moore.

Democrat Doug Jones, the newly elected Senator from Alabama, said there was “no doubt” in his mind about the election results. He said Moore would “do well to go ahead and let’s get this behind us.”

Rep. Terri Sewell, D-Alabama, told CNN’s “New Day” yesterday morning that she has the “utmost confidence” Jones “won outright.” She suggested Moore’s refusal to concede was a publicity stunt.

“I’m not sure what his posturing is about, other than it keeps him in the limelight and it keeps him relevant for another week,” Sewell said.

Asked when and how he receives God’s word, Moore answered that the Heavenly Father speaks to him in his sleep, adding new meaning to the phrase “I’ll sleep on it.”

Taking a page from Donald Trump’s playbook, Moore plans to hold a rally in deeply conservative Jefferson County later today.

Yes, God told him to.

“Look,” said Moore, “there’s a saying that it ain’t over ‘til the fat lady sings. To a Christian, it ain’t over until God pulls the plug.”

Photo | politifact.com

Caution – elements of this article may be satirical!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: featured, satire Tagged With: Alabama, certify election, christian conservatives, concede, Doug Jones, God, loss, Roy Moore, senate race, special election

Roy Moore … The Candidate With An “R” After His Name

December 3, 2017 By John DeProspo 4 Comments

With Alabama’s special election for the U.S. Senate less than 10 days away, it appears Republican Roy Moore is poised for victory. Despite allegations he may be a sexual predator, voters in the Yellowhammer State are rallying around the twice-fired State Supreme Court justice.

In an effort to learn more about why Alabamians are supporting a candidate accused of pedophilia and of disobeying the United States Constitution, the Daily Nooze interviewed retired Tuscaloosa schoolteacher, Sally Sue Scruggs.

DN: “Mrs. Scruggs, you have stated that despite all the allegations against Roy Moore you will still vote for him in the upcoming election. Could you please tell us why?

Scruggs: “As you yourself just said, these are allegations. I don’t believe them. I don’t believe all the women who have come out against Judge Moore. And even if what they say is true, I forgive him. That’s the Christian thing to do.”

DN: “ So there is nothing that would stop you from voting for Mr. Moore?”

Scruggs: “No. My daddy taught me a long time ago that voting is easy. It doesn’t require much thinking. You just have to vote for the candidate with the “R” next to his name.”

DN: “So you would vote for Mr. Moore even if he were, say, a tax cheat or a convicted murderer?”

Scruggs: “I have faith that Judge Moore is not a tax cheat and he is not a convicted murderer.”

DN: “ What if Mr. Moore engaged in necrophilia?”

Scruggs: “The Bible says nothing about that … whatever it is.”

DN: “What if Mr. Moore raped your daughter in the middle of the town square?”

Scruggs: “Which daughter … my 12 year old or my 18 year old?”

With that answer, the interview came to an end.

The latest polls show Roy Moore ahead of Democrat Doug Jones just days before the Dec. 12 election. Even as the controversy around Moore continues, his numbers appear to be climbing.

As Donald Trump bluntly put it, “We don’t need a liberal person in there, a Democrat, Jones. I’ve looked at his record. It’s terrible on crime. It’s terrible on the border. It’s terrible on the military.”

And Roy Moore has an “R” after his name.

Photo | politico.com

Caution – this could be satire!

***The Daily Nooze*** – named #10 top political satire blog by blog.feedspot.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: featured, satire Tagged With: "R" after his name, Alabama, judge, pedophile, Republican, Roy Moore, satire, sexual predator, special election, United States senate, vote

Recent Posts

What If Trump Had Not Accepted Biden’s Offer For An Early Debate?

Many political analysts love to talk about the two pivotal moments in the 2024 … [Read More...]

  • Republicans Sound The Alarm: Harris Administration Could Threaten to Pass Laws Most Americans Actually Want
  • Some Republicans Worried Country Not Ready to Elect First Convicted Felon as President
  • The GOP Is Stuck With Two Losers

Follow us online

  • Facebook

Advertisements

Navigation

  • About Us
  • Show Your Support
  • Guest Posts
  • Great Links
  • Contact

Subscribe to Blog via Email

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Copyright © 2025 The Daily Nooze.com. All Rights Reserved. "All the news we deem fit to print"™