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We Won The Cold War, Right?

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When Vladimir Putin invested a small fortune to try and get Donald Trump elected in 2016, he knew he might be flushing his rubles down the crapper.

But with Russia’s help, Trump shocked the world and won the presidency (well not the popular vote but the antiquated Electoral College vote).

Now that Trump is about to leave office, it’s safe to say Putin could never have imagined how successful his investment to smear Clinton and promote Trump would turn out to be!

And while Trump did not win a second term, for Vladimir, the chaos, division, violence and mockery Trump wrought on the United States is priceless, far outweighing the billions spent on conventional weaponry like nukes, tanks and planes.

But we did win the Cold War, right?

Photo | nbcnews.com

President Finally Congratulates Biden On Election Victory

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While some said it would never happen, the President today congratulated Joe Biden on his election victory, six weeks after the vote and a day after the Electoral College officially affirmed Biden’s win.

The President had said he had been waiting for the many court challenges to end before making his announcement. Both he and his close associates had earlier criticized the election process, describing it as flawed and not representative of the will of the people. 

But there was no “hidden motive” for not recognizing Biden’s victory sooner, said the President.

Yes, President of Russia, Vladimir Putin, today sent a telegram to Biden to congratulate him and wish him well.

“Putin wished every success to the president-elect and expressed confidence that Russia and the U.S., who bear special responsibility for global security and stability, can facilitate resolution of many problems and challenges faced by the world now despite disagreements,” the Kremlin said.

If only the current president of the United States would follow his hero’s lead.

Photo | businessinsider.com

Trump Asks, Are Americans “Dumb Enough?”

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With the latest controversy over whether Donald Trump might have risked our national security by making certain promises to a foreign leader, Trump took to Twitter to defend himself:

Another Fake News story out there – It never ends! Virtually anytime I speak on the phone to a foreign leader, I understand that there may be many people listening from various U.S. agencies, not to mention those from the other country itself. No problem!

…Knowing all of this, is anybody dumb enough to believe that I would say something inappropriate with a foreign leader while on such a potentially “heavily populated” call.

A more correct tweet would have read:

Is anyone dumb enough to believe I would not say something inappropriate with a foreign leader?

After all, this is the same ”small dude” (thanks, Kamala Harris) who spilled classified information to Russians during a White House meeting shortly after getting into office.

This is the same “small dude” who Jay Inslee, during a Democratic presidential debate, labeled “the biggest threat to the security of the United States.”

This is the same “small dude” who met with Vladimir Putin without any aides … and then took the interpreter’s notes.

This is the same “small dude” who caused the U.S. to extract “one of its highest-level covert sources inside the Russian government” in 2017 in part because of concerns that mishandling of classified intelligence by Trump and his administration could jeopardize the source’s safety.

Yes, Mr. so-called president, there are enough Americans “dumb enough” to believe anything. How else could you have gotten “elected?”

Photo | bgr.com

 

Is Trump Trying To Make Pootie Jealous?

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Donald Trump recently went out of his way just to shake the hand of Kim Jong Un at the DMZ. Is this cozying up to the North Korean leader a way of making his current flame, Vladimir Putin, envious or just a not-so-subtle signal he wants to start seeing other dictators?

Trump did recently receive a lovely letter from Kim. According to sources, Trump claimed no one writes “beautiful letters” like the North Korean strongman.

Photo | kevin lamarque/reuters

Trump Discusses “Abdication” With Putin

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Reprint from moronmajority.com

In their historic and unprecedented one-on-one meeting today in Helsinki, Donald Trump discussed his exit strategy with Russian dictator Vladimir Putin.  News of the clandestine tête-à-tête was provided to the Associated Press by the sole interpreter at the event just hours before his mysterious disappearance.

Sergei Romanov, the interpreter, told the AP that is was Trump’s desire to seek asylum in Russia. Putin suggested a beautiful country estate in Siberia for Trump and his family. Romanov indicated it did not appear Trump knew the location or history of Siberia … an area primarily known for its long, harsh winters and its prison camps.

Asked for comment, both Trump and Putin denied they discussed Trump’s renunciation of his position as capo of the American government. Instead, the coordinated message is that the two men discussed Russian adoptions.

This is a developing story. More to come if, and when, Sergei Romanov is located.

Photo | politico.com

Russian Voters Anxiously Await Final Election Results

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Reprint from moronmajority.com

Even though strongman, and former KGB spy, Vladimir Putin, has been declared the overwhelming winner of today’s presidential election, many Russians are still concerned.

No, not of Putin’s victory but of his winning vote count.

The Central Election Commission announced Putin’s victory three minutes after voting “officially” ended. With around 80 percent of the ballots counted, Putin has received approximately 75% of the vote.

Despite reports of ballot-box stuffing and forced voting, it does not appear Putin will match the results of other autocrats who routinely win by incredible margins.

In 2014, North Korea’s state media confirmed Kim Jong-un was the proud recipient of 100% of the country’s vote.

If Putin does not receive at least 90% of the vote, some Russians believe they will have an angry comrade on their hands.

“This would be a big blow to our commandant’s ego after all he did to drive up the vote count,” said one voter who refused to give her name. “Things may not be so good for us if the numbers don’t go up.”

“There could be a cutback in our vodka rations,” said the worried voter.

Asked if she voted for Putin out of her own free will, the voter shook her head. “Nyet, I was offered a free pizza.”

Putin, 65, who has been in power, either as president or prime minister, since 2000 won another six year term.

“He is a strong leader,” said another voter who described himself as an enthusiastic supporter. “He will crush his enemies like a foot on an ant.”

“Look what he’s done to the U.S.,” he added. “Because of our commander’s genius, those ignorant Americans are now stuck with a moron as president. Yes, it cost us many rubles, but it was worth it.”

As of this writing, Putin had not yet received his congratulatory call from Donald Trump.

No doubt Trump will do so as soon as he finishes today’s round of golf.

Photo | standardmedia.co.ke

*moronmajority.com is a satirical blog

 

 

Trump Redefines Legal Definition Of Treason

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Under Federal Law, treason is defined as: Whoever, owing allegiance to the United States, levies war against them or adheres to their enemies, giving them aid and comfort within the United States or elsewhere, is guilty of treason and shall suffer death, or shall be imprisoned not less than five years and fined under this title but not less than $10,000; and shall be incapable of holding any office under the United States. (18 U.S. Code Chapter 115)

Before attending this week’s G20 summit in Hamburg, Germany, Trump made a pit stop in Poland. Trump went out of his way to praise the increasingly authoritarian president, Andrzej Duda, who he described as “an example to others who seek freedom.” And why not? The Polish leader was kind enough to bus in thousands of ringers to make sure the U.S. president was greeted with cheers and adulation.

Donald Trump then proceeded to do what no previous American president had ever done. He trashed a former president, and his own intelligence agencies, while on foreign soil. He also found time to attack the American press. He picked on his favorite target, CNN.

The President accused the cable news network of being “fake news for a long time. They’ve been covering me in a very dishonest way.” Duda must have been beaming!

Trump was just getting started.

At the G20 summit on Friday, the much-anticipated meeting between Donald Trump and Russian leader Vladimir Putin took place.

It is being reported that Donald Trump “confronted” Putin about meddling in our 2016 presidential election. Of course, Putin denied any Russian involvement. And our fearless-defender-of-democracy president apparently decided to just leave it at that.

No one really knows what was discussed in the meeting as only Trump and Putin, along with Secretary of State Rex Tillerson and Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov, were in attendance.

U.S. intelligence agencies are 100% sure it was Russia, at the direction of Putin himself, that tampered with our 2016 elections. Something that, to this day, Trump refuses to fully acknowledge. This was unmistakably an attack by a hostile foreign power on the very foundation of our democracy … the integrity of our electoral system. And yet, Trump let’s Putin off the hook with a perfunctory scolding? A slap on the wrist and let’s move on?

I know, I know we are not “at war” with Russia and that’s normally a requirement for treason. But could the Founding Fathers have envisioned cyber warfare? If Trump’s actions don’t amount to giving aid and comfort to our enemy, I don’t know what are.

Let’s clear up any ambiguity. Let us just agree that the federal statute has been “modified” to include one final sentence: “ Unless you’re Donald Trump.”

Photo | bbc.com

 

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