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Biden To Hire ServPro For White House Restoration Work

September 21, 2020 By John DeProspo Leave a Comment

Reprint from moronmajority.com*

It is being reported that Joe Biden, if he were to win the presidency, will hire the cleanup firm, ServPro, to cleanse a White House that has been thoroughly soiled by Donald Trump and his administration.

While ServPro is a leading firm in disaster restoration services, disinfecting the People’s House will present a unique challenge.

“We at ServPro are very experienced at cleaning up after natural disasters … floods, hurricanes and the like. But we’ve never been asked to clean up after a man-made disaster such as a tainted presidency,” said a company spokesperson.

“We know, from its core, the building is rife with scandal, incompetence and corruption. If hired, we will do our best to rid the White House of such odious elements that, I fear, have likely seeped into every wall, of every room,” said the spokesperson. “We are prepared to do our best restoration work for the American people. Our goal would be to bring back honor, honesty and decency to that grand building.”

“We will be true to our motto, ‘Like it never happened’,” said the spokesperson. 

Asked how they plan to rid the White House of the repulsive stench now emanating from every corner of the building, the spokesperson said,” We may actually use something the President has himself suggested to rid a body of coronavirus …. simple household bleach.”

Some political observers are worried Trump may win another four years. If that is the case, the ServPro spokesperson noted a cleanup of the White House would then be impossible, saying, “The building would have to be razed and rebuilt.” 

As a pure cost-saving measure, Americans will need to vote Trump out of office on November 3.

Photo | servprohowardcountrymd.com

*moronmajority.com is a satirical site … seriously!

Filed Under: featured, satire Tagged With: cleanup, Donald Trump, Joe Biden, restoration, satire, ServPro, white house

Trump Serves Up Some More Red Meat … This Time To Carnivorous College Athletes

January 15, 2019 By John DeProspo 2 Comments

Reprint from moronmajority.com

The man who is best-known for serving red meat to his base is today receiving flak for literally serving red meat to a bunch of college football players.

Yesterday Donald Trump, in the White House dining room, treated the Champion Clemson Tigers football team to a fast food extravaganza of burgers from America’s finest fast food establishments … McDonalds, Wendy’s and Burger King.

Critics have called Trump’s artery-clogging smorgasbord “tasteless”, but the young men seemed to enjoy their meal.

There is some dispute as to how much red meat was actually served. The number of burgers went from an original estimate of 300 to a staggering 1000! Another Trumpian whopper?

Trump tweeted today:

Great being with the National Champion Clemson Tigers last night at the White House. Because of the Shutdown I served them massive amounts of Fast Food (I paid), over 1000 hamburgers etc. Within one hour, it was all gone. Great guys and big eaters!

While White House staff told members of the press our junk-food-loving Commander in Chief was pleased with the festive and happy meal, he was disappointed about one thing …

NO LEFTOVERS!

Photo | AP/Susan Walsh

 

 

Filed Under: featured, satire Tagged With: burgers, Champion, Clemson Tigers, Donald Trump, fast food, football players, junk food, red meat, white house

Trump Desperately Searches For New White House Chief Of Staff

December 10, 2018 By John DeProspo 4 Comments

With his presidency under siege from all sides, Trump has fired his current Chief of Staff, John Kelly, and is looking for a true Sicilian gumba as the White House prepares to go to the mattresses.

Early favorite, Anthony Scaramucci, has been knocked out of consideration as he is not 100% Sicilian.

Photo | newsmax.com

Filed Under: featured, satire Tagged With: Chief of Staff, consigliere, Donald Trump, John Kelly, Mueller investigation, The Godfather, white house

Trump To Invite Putin To White House This Fall … No This Is Not Satire

July 19, 2018 By John DeProspo 2 Comments

If you’re Donald Trump, what do you do after your meeting with Russian strongman Vladimir Putin in Helsinki just a few days ago … a meeting that has been roundly condemned and denounced by both Democrats and Republicans?

What do you do after ex-CIA chief John Brennan says this of the press conference you held following your secret two-hour meeting with Putin: “Donald Trump’s press conference performance in Helsinki rises to & exceeds the threshold of ‘high crimes & misdemeanors.’ It was nothing short of treasonous. Not only were Trump’s comments imbecilic,he is wholly in the pocket of Putin.”

Why you invite the former KGB agent to the White House, of course!

Sticking to tried-and-true Republican tactics, when you’ve made an enormous mistake, you simply double down on your blunder. Admitting error is never an option for it is a sign of weakness.

Whether Trump will actually meet with the Russia Mafia boss responsible for the attack on our presidential election in 2016 (and who is poised to do the same in the 2018 midterms) remains to be seen.

But the sheer audacity!

I, along with many other writers, bemoaned the death of satire in the Age of Trump. When any snarky article you write can actually end up touching on reality, the jig is up. When obvious parody is believed by almost half of all Americans, what’s the point?

I doubt the Putin meeting will take place this fall, but not because Republican “leaders” will have a long talk with Trump. You know, something akin to, “Dear Mr. President the optics are so bad that maybe…”

No, I don’t think the meeting will take place because of what Robert Mueller is almost certain to make public soon about Trump and his criminal enterprise.

The man heading what Trump likes to refer to as a “witch hunt” is our last best hope for reclaiming many of the American values we’ve lost under the Trump regime.

Photo | taskandpurpose.com

 

 

 

Filed Under: featured, politics Tagged With: audacity, Donald Trump. Vladimir Putin, Helsinki, John Brennan, meeting, Robert Mueller, satire, white house

Trump: ‘Fire and Fury’ is BS … As In Best Seller!

January 5, 2018 By John DeProspo 3 Comments

‘Fire and Fury‘, Michael Wolff’s tell-all book about the Trump White House went on sale today. And it appears people can’t get their hands on the thing fast enough.

The book already sits on top of Amazon’s list of bestsellers.

Previously set to go on sale Tuesday, January 9th, the release date was moved up to today due to the unprecedented interest in the book.

Ironically, the decision to release the book early came hours after a personal attorney for Trump sent a cease-and-desist letter to the publisher, Henry Holt & Co.,and Wolff demanding that the book not be released.

So much for that!

Yesterday, Michael Wolff publicly thanked Donald Trump for making his book, Fire and Fury: Inside the Trump White House, a massive success.

Trump and his legal team’s amateurish maneuver to block the book’s release has not only spurred sales but has also proven Wolff’s main point that the Trump White House is filled with nothing but a bunch of rank incompetents.

If you are lucky enough to have gotten a copy, pleasant reading!

Photo | independent.co.uk

 

Filed Under: featured, politics Tagged With: Amazon, bestseller, Donald Trump, Fire and Fury, incompetents, Michael Wolff, release, white house

Shortest 15 Minutes Of Fame In American Political History

July 31, 2017 By John DeProspo Leave a Comment

We hardly got to know yous. Fun while it lasted … all 11 days!

Photo | rollingstone.com

Filed Under: politics Tagged With: communications director, fired, scaramucci, trump, white house

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