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You are here: Home / satire / Rand Paul To GOP… “Take Your Kids’ Table And …”

Rand Paul To GOP… “Take Your Kids’ Table And …”

January 12, 2016 By John DeProspo 4 Comments

47562001.cachedAfter being left out of this Thursday night’s prime-time lineup by Fox Business Network, Rand Paul announced he will boycott the debate. He said, as a “top-tier” candidate, he was not going to be relegated to the undercard (kids’ table) debate featuring such also-rans as Carly Fiorina, Mike Huckabee and Rick Santorum.

“I won’t debate anything that’s not first-tier, because we have a first-tier campaign,” Paul told CNN’s Wolf Blitzer on Monday. “What, all of a sudden I’m chopped liver? I’m’ 100% USDA prime, Wolf.”

“This is an absolute travesty,” a Paul campaign spokesman said. “By any reasonable criteria Senator Paul has a top tier campaign. He will not let the media decide the tiers of this race and will instead take his message directly to the voters of New Hampshire and Iowa,”

So, while Fox airs the next Republican debate, Paul will be out on the hustings in an attempt to lift his slumping poll numbers. “He is determined not to be sent to the ‘kids’ table’ for the next debate, scheduled for January 18, in all-important Iowa,” said the campaign spokesman.

When asked if it were a good idea to skip the Thursday debate, even if it meant being placed with the second-tier candidates, Paul said, “This is all bogus, man, no way would I get between Fiorina, Huckabee or Santorum. I blame RNC chair, Reince Priebus, for this travesty.”

Republican National Committee Chair Reince Priebus said on Fox News that Paul’s anger was misplaced and that he had not even heard from Paul that he would skip the debate. “Rand Paul is ‘a varsity candidate’ that has done very well,” said Priebus,” No one around here considers him a water boy.”

If only more Republican voters felt the same way as Reince then, perhaps, Paul would not be averaging slightly over 2% in Republican national polls.

Photo | thedailybeast.com

 

 

 

 

 

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Comments

  1. brenda says

    January 12, 2016 at 10:50 am

    Yeah, Rand, tell that mean Reince and those bullies at Fox where to go!

    Reply
    • John DeProspo says

      January 12, 2016 at 10:52 am

      I feel a bit sorry for the guy. He was once considered a favorite. Tata!

      Reply
  2. Jim Shier says

    January 12, 2016 at 3:27 pm

    Snarky comment about the national polls at the end but guess what, it’s a state by state contest and by every rule they set, Senator Rand Paul qualified for the main debate. He is in fifth place in most Iowa and New Hampshire polls. This is bullshit! They are assholes. They needed another warm body for the 6:00 pm show and why can’t Jim Gilmore debate? Fuck these assholes! Who do they think they are?!? This is the nomination for the Republican candidate for President and there’s no way John Kasich or Chris Christie should qualify and Rand Paul not qualify. Nonsense!

    Reply
    • John DeProspo says

      January 12, 2016 at 4:36 pm

      The whole piece was a bit of satire. Paul should be upset!

      Reply

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