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Archives for 2016

Trump v. Clinton … This Could Get Ugly

May 5, 2016 By John DeProspo 4 Comments

Donald-Trump-And-Hillary-Clinton-1024x536

Barring some seismic shake-up within the Democratic Party, the 2016 presidential race will be a match between Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton.

During the Republican primaries, Trump has displayed a knack for belittling his opponents by branding them with simple, derogatory nicknames. We got, “Low-energy” Jeb, “Little” Marco and “Lyin” Ted.

What put down will Trump come up with for Hillary? What nickname will he saddle her with? My money is on Trump going full misogynistic. He will attack Hillary’s looks. If I had to guess, Trump’s nickname for Clinton will be “Grandma” Hillary.

You can almost hear these insults being hurled at Hillary:

You know, folks, “Grandma” Hillary would be the second oldest president in our country’s history, just after Reagan. Do we want to see “Grandma” Hillary turn into Golda Meir right before our eyes?

Even in her prime, Hillary was never more than a 4.

With Hillary in the White House, it will be pantsuit city. Can you imagine her at formal state dinners? Nothing like how Melania will look as First Lady, I’ll tell you that!

I gotta tell you. I feel sorry for Bill. Guys you know what I mean..

Hardly a face for Mt. Rushmore, don’t you agree?

I have many friends who are plastic surgeons. They all say plastic surgery can only go so far.

Look at that face! Would anyone vote for that? Can you imagine that, the face of our next president? (Fiorina reprise)

Of course none of this will help Trump with the female vote. But Trump just doesn’t care. As of now, his mysogynistic rants have not hurt him. They have actually helped him among his largest bloc of primary voters, under-educated males. This will not be the case in a general election, however.

I have no doubt Trump will play the “gender/looks” card. The man just won’t be able to help himself.

Trump supporters have already come out with one pretty offensive campaign button:

images

Yes, the battle between Trump and Clinton could get ugly… fast.

Photo | thegatewaypundit.com

 

 

 

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Cruz Aborts Campaign – Supporters Unhappy

May 4, 2016 By John DeProspo 7 Comments

U.S. Senator Ted Cruz, a Republican from Texas, listens during Bloomberg Television in New York, U.S., on Wednesday, March 24, 2015. Cruz said his presidential run will be about bringing people together—even including social liberals, if they're interested. Photographer: Victor J. Blue/Bloomberg *** Local Caption *** Ted Cruz

Following his crushing defeat in yesterday’s Indiana primary, Ted Cruz has suspended his campaign for the Republican presidential nomination.

That he would chose to abort his attempt at the nomination, so late in the election cycle, has angered many loyal Cruz supporters.

“God picked him to be our next president,” said Tanya Bates. “That he would defy the will of the Almighty and announce such a late term aborting of his candidacy is nothing short of immoral.”

Cruz justified his action by noting he did not see any clear path to securing his party’s nomination. Yet supporters have noted that Ohio Gov. John Kasich could say the same thing but has chosen to carry his quest for the nomination full-term, all the way to the Republican National Convention in Cleveland this July.

“Dropping out of the race is not Ted’s choice to make,” said another Cruz supporter, Abigail Brown. “He was chosen by God to be our savior and now this?”

When confronted directly on his controversial decision, Cruz said. “Look, I understand running for any public office is a sacred thing. I also know choosing to leave a race should only be done under narrow circumstances… like running out of money. In the end, I believe in a candidate’s right to chose.”

Cruz’s father and born-again pastor, Rafael Cruz, was asked his opinion about his son’s shocking choice.

“God has great things in store for my son. I believe with all my heart he is a prophet of the Lord. But I support Ted’s decision to abort his campaign. No, God hasn’t given up on Ted. Nor Ted on God. There will be other opportunities in the future,” said the evangelical minister, hinting at a future run for the presidency by his son. “ God works in mysterious ways.”

Still, Cruz’s supporters are calling him a hypocrite and campaign killer. They have pledged never again to support him for any public office. They insist once God has tapped you to do something, you better well do it or risk eternal damnation. Some are calling Cruz’s choice to abort a mortal sin.

“I am at peace with my God,” said Ted Cruz. “He is merciful and understanding. He, in his wisdom, understands I did what I did because, well, I had no other option.”

Photo |  Victor J. Blue/Bloomberg

Breaking News! Kasich has also aborted his campaign! 

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: satire

It’s Official … Americans Have Lost Their Minds

May 3, 2016 By John DeProspo 10 Comments

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With Donald Trump winning today’s Indiana primary, it is all but certain he will be the Republican presidential standard bearer come November. Call Trump what you want: buffoon, con artist, racist, narcissist, whatever. As surreal as this may be, get used to calling him Donald J. Trump, the 2016 GOP presidential nominee.

Trump’s only real competitor, Ted Cruz, saw the crushing loss in Indiana for what it was … the end of the road. He announced his formal withdrawal from the presidential race while, at the same time, vowing to never give up fighting for his principles. Might we see Cruz again, at a future date, as a possible Republican presidential nominee? You betcha!

On the Democratic side, Bernie Sanders beat Hillary Clinton in the Hoosier State. But since delegates are awarded proportionately (unlike Republicans), the math didn’t improve much for Bernie. He is still far behind Clinton in the pledged delegate count and is trailing badly among super delegates.

Folks, we are looking at a thrilling Trump v. Clinton slugfest, race towards the bottom.

With Trump you get an inexperienced real estate billionaire and TV reality star that has offended just about every group needed to win a general election. A candidate heartily endorsed by the KKK because his views on immigrants closely resemble theirs. A candidate who likes to call women bimbos and pigs. A candidate who will build the most beautiful wall you’ve ever seen along the Mexican border… and have Mexicans foot the bill! A candidate who will defeat ISIS in a matter of weeks. Yea that guy.

With Clinton you get a highly experienced politician who has paid her dues and believes the presidency is rightfully hers. A candidate seeped in one scandal after another going back to her days as First Lady. A candidate who commands $250,00 speaking fees from Wall Street fat cats. A candidate whose family foundation, the Clinton Foundation, has accepted millions from questionable foreign sources. A candidate progressive Democrats label a Republican. Yea that woman.

If Donald Trump were indeed the Republican presidential nominee, he would be the most despised presidential nominee in our nation’s history. Following close behind, Hillary Clinton would be the second most disliked nominee… ever.

No matter who wins in November, our nation’s next president will be abhorred by huge segment of Americans. The issue for voters will be which candidate is the lesser of two evils; the less polarizing and less detested of the two presidential candidates.

As the Soviet-born comedian, Yakov Smirnoff, might say, “What a country!”

Photo | cnn.com

 

Filed Under: politics

South Fighting Wrong “Trans” Battle

May 2, 2016 By John DeProspo 6 Comments

 

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Not to be outdone by other Republican-controlled legislatures, a small town in Alabama has actually made it a crime to use the wrong bathroom.

Oxford, Alabama unanimously passed an ordinance this week criminalizing the use of any public restroom that doesn’t correspond with a person’s gender listed on his or her birth certificate.

Anyone found violating the ordinance could face a $500 fine or up to six months in jail.

Perhaps southern states might better serve their citizens if lawmakers regulated “trans fats” rather than “trans genders.” Sure might help with that obesity problem, y’all.

 

Filed Under: politics

At Last Gig As Comedian In Chief, Obama Nails It

May 1, 2016 By John DeProspo 6 Comments

 

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Proving once again he is a natural at comedy, President Obama last night delivered his last White House Correspondents’ dinner speech to a room filled with journalists, celebrities and Bernie Sanders.

Bernie attended the formal affair in the same blue suit he routinely wears at his rallies while Jane, his wife, wore an elegant evening dress more appropriate for the black tie event.

Obama even quipped about Bernie’s look.

“Bernie you look like a million bucks. Or to put it in terms you’ll understand, you look like 37,000 donations of $27.”

Obama started his stand up routine by noting, if his material worked well, “I am gonna use it at Goldman Sachs next year.”

He observed that next year, “Someone else will be standing here in this very spot and it is anyone’s guess who she will be.”

Probably the best one-liner of the night came when Obama spoke of his recent, surprisingly-high approval ratings. “The last time I was this high,” said the President, “I was trying to decide on my major.”

As great as Obama was with his monologue, the real comedian and host for the evening, Larry Wilmore, was a flop. No doubt it is hard following an act like Obama’s. Add the fact that your material is not funny, and your delivery did not resonate with your crowd, it’s a given you will not be asked back for a repeat gig.

Contrary to what many of his detractors may think, Obama will go down as one of our nation’s best and most consequential presidents. He will no doubt be remembered as our country’s greatest Comedian in Chief … ever.

It is hard to imagine next year’s WHC dinner. Hillary just isn’t a natural at comedy like Barry.

Photo | politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com

 

Filed Under: politics

Donald Trump, For Once, Has A Point

April 30, 2016 By John DeProspo 3 Comments

Shining_City_Upon_a_Hill_by_hawk862

Say what you will about Donald Trump – he’s a racist, a demagogue, a fascist, a buffoon, a liar, a con artist, etc. But he is providing an important service to our country. He is reminding us of an uncomfortable truth few Americans care to accept. You see, far from being a nation of “exceptionalism,” we are a nation in decline.

The message is right there in Trump’s slogan … “Make American Great Again!” The keyword in the slogan, of course, is “again.” If America needs to be made great again, logic dictates it is no longer great. Could it be that Reagan’s once “shining city upon a hill” is now just a flickering metropolis having a hard time paying its electric bill? Is it really possible the once undisputed greatest nation on earth may now just be one of the great nations on earth?

Trump, in all his narcissistic renown, believes he is the only mortal who can restore our country to its former glory; to its rightful place among nations… number one. And this message of lost primacy is resonating with voters. You hear it in the chants at his rallies… USA! USA! USA! You hear it in his message about “winning.”

Trump has said, “We are a country that doesn’t win anymore. We don’t win anymore. When was the last time we won? We don’t win on trade. We don’t win on the military. We don’t beat ISIS. We don’t do anything. We’re not good. We’re just not the same place. We are going to win, so much.”

Trump, unlike any politician perhaps in this nation’s history, flat out tells us we’re a nation of losers.

In many ways, Trump is right. America has lost its mojo. But Trump might want to add these to his list of America’s shortcomings: we no longer win in education, in global competitiveness, in child well-being, in literacy, in national satisfaction, in health care efficiency, in wireless broadband, in gender equality or in freedom of the press. (https://rankingamerica.wordpress.com/page/4/)

But we Americans can take heart. We still lead the world in prison population and death by violence.

It is beyond ironic that the man who postulates America’s decline is himself direct evidence of the truth of his proposition! Only a nation that has lost its way (some might say its mind) could support a candidate as unqualified and divisive as Donald Trump. Only a political party fighting its own battle for survival could potentially make a slick snake oil salesman, in the person of Trump, its presidential nominee.

Donald Trump may be a serial liar but on America’s decline, he’s nailed it.  We just don’t win anymore!

Trump is the first presidential candidate in recent memory to run openly, and without apology, on a platform of America’s diminishing status. But why do I doubt most Trump supporters read his slogan, “Make American Great Again!” as critically as I do?

Photo | inside-out-politics.blogspot. com

 

Filed Under: politics

Hate Is The Glue That Holds The GOP Together

April 28, 2016 By John DeProspo 8 Comments

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Republicans, on occasion, like to refer to themselves as a “big tent” party. For sure, there are many different factions that make up today’s GOP. There are evangelicals, teabaggers, moderates, establishment types, NRA loyalists and libertarians, just to name the most prominent groups. Sometimes these groups overlap; sometimes they are diametrically opposed to one another.

But there is one common element that holds this sprawling group of competing interests together … hate.

Whether it’s hatred of immigrants, Muslims, blacks, intellectuals, a woman’s right to control her own body, programs that help the poor and working poor, there it is, hate, weaving this complex mix of conservative Americans together.

The GOP is not a party of ideas. Well, at least not ideas that improve the lives of the citizens they are elected to represent. They are very good at legislating discrimination in the guise of religious freedom. They are highly skilled at denying certain segments of society their constitutional rights, such as the right to vote.

Even when hatred causes severe economic losses for their states, Republican legislators and governors are happy to pass laws that legalize hatred and discrimination. The so-called party of “business, jobs and economic growth” would rather cater to the prejudices and bigotry of its base than improve the lives of its constituents.

The rise of Donald is a direct result of the latent racism, homophobia and xenophobia the Republican Party has been fanning for years. But unlike previous Republican politicians, Trump threw out the dog whistle and went directly for the red meat. It was no coincidence that Trump kicked off his campaign by calling Mexicans “drug dealers, criminals and rapists.”

From that first Trump press conference, it has been a continuous rise for the man who wants to deport 11 million illegal immigrants. Trump has clearly positioned himself as the prohibitive favorite to becoming the Republican presidential nominee because his hate-filled message resonates with a majority of Republicans.

But playing on people’s fears, prejudices and anxieties is not a good, long-term governing philosophy.

“I have just one word for Mr. Trump: Basta,” Hillary Clinton said not too long ago. “Enough is enough. He’s been trafficking in prejudice and paranoia and it’s bad for our politics and bad for our country.”

Of course Clinton is right, but without hatred, what would Republicans have to bind them together?

Let’s call a spade a spade. The Republican Party is today America’s largest hate group.

Photo | the-discourses.blogspot.com

 

 

Filed Under: politics

Trump – Confidence Man Done In By His Own Con

April 27, 2016 By John DeProspo 10 Comments

trump_golf

Donald Trump wants us to play a game. He pretends wanting to be president. We go along with the ruse.

After today’s string of primary victories in Delaware, Rhode Island, Connecticut, Maryland and Pennsylvania, the sheeple are playing their part to a tee.

How do I know Trump is not serious about occupying 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue? I listen to his words.

On October 6, 2015, Trump said this on Meet The Press when asked by Chuck Todd of the possibility he might leave the race, “Number one — I’m not a masochist. And if I was dropping in the polls where I thought I wasn’t gonna win, why would I continue? I’d go back to my business. I have no problem with that.” This clearest hint of an exit strategy, over six months ago, hasn’t exactly panned out for Trump.

During a rally in Maryland this past Sunday, Trump said if he loses the Republican nomination, people shouldn’t expect him to stick around in the public eye. “I don’t think I’m going to lose,” said Trump, “but if I do, I don’t think you’re ever going to see me again, folks. I think I’ll go to Turnberry and play golf or something.”

So much for the feared third party run!

I also know Trump does not want the toughest job in American by looking at his actions. A real contestant knows the rules of the game he is playing. He does not whine late in the competition that the rules are unfair. Surely a serious presidential candidate would know that securing his party’s nomination is not about votes but about delegates. Trump never had the organization to secure loyal delegates like his competitor, Ted Cruz.

There are only two possible outcomes for Trump. He either wins his party’s nomination – on a first ballot vote – by accumulating the needed 1237 delegates. Or the Republican convention becomes a free-for-all and someone other than Trump becomes the nominee. Of course, Trump could win after subsequent ballots, but that seems highly unlikely as many of his pledged delegates are not loyal to him … beyond a first ballot vote.

No matter which scenario it is, the Republican Party is damned.

With scenario number one, the Republican Party gets decimated in November, losing in a landside to the Democratic nominee, most likely Hillary Clinton. That likelihood could very well trigger the death of the GOP as we now know it. With scenario number two, the GOP is also doomed but the party might be able to survive. As for Trump, scenario two allows him to play the victim of the evil Republican establishment and still claim to be a winner.

My feeling is that Trump prefers scenario number two. Having the nomination “stolen” from him is exactly what he wants. Not only does the “in-over-his-head” Trump get to exit the race, but he can spend the rest of his life complaining that he was “robbed” of the nomination while secretly relishing his narrow escape.

Said writer Drew Magary, “Trump is always droning on and on about winning, but his obsession is merely with LOOKING like he’s a success and not actually BEING one. Winning is a branding exercise for him. If the Republican Party pries the nomination out of his stubby, cocktail-frank fingers, he can say that he technically “won,” and then slip out the Quicken Loans Arena fire escape in disgust, leaving a mob of angry voters and tattered party platforms behind him.”

Perhaps no one has said it better than Stephanie Cegielski, communications director for the now defunct pro-Trump Make America Great Again PAC. “I don’t think even Trump thought he would get this far. And I don’t even know that he wanted to, which is perhaps the scariest prospect of all.”

Cegielski continued. “He certainly was never prepared or equipped to go all the way to the White House, but his ego has now taken over the driver’s seat, and nothing else matters. The Donald does not fail. The Donald does not have any weakness. The Donald is his own biggest enemy.”

It is way too late for Trump to drop out of the race. He has come too far and built up an insanely loyal following. There is nothing to be done but play out the hand. If he were to try to “chicken out,” his fanatic followers would have his scalp … no pun intended.

Pity poor Donald! All he ever wanted was a respectable showing as a presidential candidate. Running for the Republican nomination must have seemed like the ultimate way to promote his brand on the cheap. And now this?

The consummate con man done in by his own con. How rich!

Photo | thegolfnewsnet.com

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Hillary’s Top Ten List Of VP Picks

April 24, 2016 By John DeProspo 3 Comments

 

Clinton1web_2831249b

With the Democratic presidential nomination well within reach, Hillary Clinton has put out her top ten list of possible vice presidential picks.

To the surprise of many, her list of running mates is made up of all women! *

“We want to make the upcoming election truly historic,” said John Podesta, Clinton’s campaign manager. “Electing the first female president, and vice president, would be extraordinary!”

With an eye towards appealing to different segments of females, Hillary’s list is a broad one. It contains African- Americans, Hispanics, transgenders and a fox from the Fox News network.

Here is Hillary’s top ten list of VP picks:

Queen Latifah

Rosie Perez

Chaz Bono

Lil Kim

Whoopi Goldberg

Caitlyn Jenner

Gloria Estefan

Oprah

Salma Hayek

Megyn Kelly

While there has been some speculation Clinton might choose Elizabeth Warren as a running mate as a way to unite mainstream Democrats with its Progressive wing, the idea of another white women on the ticket would not be as exciting, according to Podesta, as choosing any one of the ten picks.

Even though Caitlyn Jenner has made Hillary’s list, the selection is mainly window dressing. Jenner is a staunch Republican who has thrown her support behind Ted Cruz. She has publically stated if Cruz becomes president, she would like to be his “trans” ambassador.

As Hillary already does well among African-American women, the odds are she will opt for a Hispanic running mate, possibly Rosie Perez. But word has it Clinton will give Chaz Bono a good look-over.

* born women, except for Jenner

Photo | thinkcontra.com

 

Filed Under: satire

Hillary, America’s Own Iron Lady

April 21, 2016 By John DeProspo 9 Comments

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If Hillary Clinton were to become our 45th president, she would be the oldest female president in our country’s history. OK, she would also be the first female president in our country’s history!

Truth is, she would be the second oldest president on inauguration day, just eight months younger then Ronald Reagan (69 years, 11 months) at his swearing-in ceremony.

We, as a nation, would be witnessing the aging of Hillary Clinton for a period of four or eight years (of course, barring any impeachment efforts by Congressional Republicans) right before our eyes. And everyone knows how the presidency quickens the aging process of anyone occupying the Oval Office.

An artist projected what Hillary Clinton would look like at the end of an eight year term as president. Many observers have claimed she would have an uncanny resemblance to the first female prime minister of Israel… Golda Meir.

You be the judge.

This observation is not meant in any way to detract from the incredible qualifications Hillary possesses for becoming our next commander in chief. Nor is it meant as a slight to Golda Meir who was an able leader of the state of Israel, often referred to as the “first Iron Lady.”

Photos | slate.com, culturecatch.com

 

 

Filed Under: satire

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