Nov. 2, 2020 – With Election Day finally upon us, Donald J. Trump is projected to win his second term in office in tomorrow’s presidential voting. Nate Silver of FiveThirtyEight gives the Republican a 75% chance of retaining the White House over his Democratic opponent, Michael Moore.

While Democrats are still hopeful for an upset, it is unlikely the liberal firebrand and documentary filmmaker will be successful in ousting the popular, but polarizing, president.

With the two congressional investigations into the Trump campaign’s collusion with Russia during the 2016 election still under way, and after Trump’s firing of Robert Mueller, in 2018, as special prosecutor for the FBI’s separate probe, many Democrats have simply lost heart.

While Mueller’s ouster caused an uproar among Democrats, their demand for Congress to renew the independent counsel statute that provides for the appointment of a special prosecutor, one who could not be fired by the president or the attorney general, fell on deaf ears. The Republican-controlled congress saw no need for the lapsed independent counsel law arguing the two congressional investigations, now entering their fourth year, where more than capable of resolving any “alleged improprieties.”

Adding to the Democrats’ woes was the House Intelligence Committee’s reopening of the Hillary Clinton Benghazi/Email investigation. This allowed Donald Trump to once again stir up Republican resentment of Democrats and to reprise his attacks on his former rival, along with the reflexive chants of “lock her up,” while on the campaign trail.

Democrats had hoped their continuing calls for Trump to release his tax returns would finally gain some political traction but the most recent polling shows a majority of Americans either do not care about the issue or believe the president’s promise to release his returns “once the IRS audit is completed.”

Perhaps all those liberals and progressives banking on a change of course in 2020 should have seen the writing on the wall after the Democrats’ drubbing in the 2018 midterm elections.

The much-anticipated tidal wave of Democratic voters never materialized. Hope of retaking both the Senate and the House of Representatives never came to fruition thanks partly to the Supreme Court’s 5-4 decision in 2018 allowing states to pass more stringent “voter ID laws” as long as state legislatures “vouched” they would not be discriminatory.

For Democrats it looks like it’s on to 2024 and finding a strong candidate to run against the likely Republican nominee, Mike Pence. There is early talk of Democrats going the route of Republicans in 2016 by nominating a celebrity. Dwayne “the rock” Johnson is a name much bandied about.

Photo | businessinsider.com

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During Donald Trump’s visit to the Vatican, he and Pope Francis exchanged gifts. The Bishop of Rome, never a fan of Trump,  gave him  a signed copy of “Laudato Si” — the Pontiff’s 192-page work calling for a new partnership between science and religion to combat human-driven climate change.

Trump gave the Vicar of Christ an old campaign hat.

The Holy Father was later overheard saying the hat would become a very valuable collector’s item in the near future.

Does the man who has a direct pipeline to God know something we don’t know?

Photo | twitter.com

Caution – this could be fake news!

“Frank, do you know any good Italian restaurants in the area?”

The look on Pope Francis’s face says it all! Che imbecille!

Photo | AP

For a majority of Americans, Trump’s presidency, after only four months, has been a non-stop, squirm-in-your-seat display of ineptitude. It’s been one cringe-worthy moment after another. Donald J. Trump is being described by many as the most embarrassing thing to hit the country … ever.

The latest Trump faux pas occurred only yesterday following the Manchester terror attack. At a time when the situation called for eloquence and gravitas, the best Donald Trump could come up with was calling the terrorists responsible for the massacre “losers.”

Yes, while it does appear our president is seeking to earn the title of most embarrassing American “product” of all time, he is not quite there … yet. That distinction belongs to an invention of the mid 70’s … the pet rock.

In 1975, while sitting at a Northern California bar listening to his friends complain about their pets, Gary Dahl came up with a brilliant idea … a pet that needed no caring or maintenance … a rock!

The concept of a “pet” that required no actual work and no real commitment resonated with the self-indulgent 70’s American public and, before long, a cultural phenomenon was born.

For a mere $3.95, a consumer could buy a rock — a plain, ordinary, egg-shaped rock the kind one could dig up in almost any backyard.

As with most marketing success stories, the genius was in the packaging. Each Pet Rock came in a cardboard carrying case, complete with air holes, tenderly nestled on a bed of fine wood shavings. But Dahl’s masterstroke was his accompanying manual on the care, feeding and house training of Pet Rocks.

So, contrary to popular opinion, Donald Trump is no the greatest national embarrassment of all time. That honor is reserved for the one million deranged Americans who became the proud owners of Pet Rocks, a fad Newsweek later called “one of the most ridiculously successful marketing schemes ever.”

But for Trump, and American history, there is still time.

Photos | reddit.com, money.cnn.com

Roger Ailes, good friend and mentor to Donald Trump, has passed away at the age of 77. The man who started Fox News almost from scratch in 1996 and built it into the nation’s most powerful source of disinformation is being mourned by the Fox News family and the millions of loyal Fox viewers.

“Roger was a truly great man, truly great, believe me,” said President Trump upon learning of the sad news. “Some might say he and the fantastic news network he built are directly responsible for me being where I am today. I agree. Without Fox’s “fair and balanced” coverage of the news, all we’d have is the fake news of the liberal mainstream media.”

“In honor of this great American patriot, I am declaring today, May 18, a national day of mourning,” said Trump.

Trump also ordered the closing of all federal buildings and that all confederate flags be flown at half-staff.

Photo | abcnews.go.com

Caution – this could be fake news!

In a recently released survey by the well-respected Faber Technical College (FTC), the vast majority of Americans say they have grown tired of the many Trump scandals.

According to the FTC poll, more than 85% of Americans say there are too many Trump scandals for their liking. Depending on how broadly the word “scandal” is defined, the number of Trump imbroglios range anywhere from 7 to 43 … after just a little more than three months in office.

When asked what is the appropriate or acceptable number of presidential scandals they would be comfortable with during a term, nearly 78% answered 2-3.

FTC‘s report contained some actual comments made by survey participants.

“I was just beginning to understand the Manafort and Flynn firings and them I’m hit with Sally Yates, Preet Bharara and James Comey!” said Joe Fusco, a seventh year senior at Faber Technical College. “ Wham, wham, wham! Just too much for me to process, dude.”

Sally Parker, lunch monitor at Grand Lakes University in Kalamazoo, Michigan, said, “I’m still having a hard time understanding the “Emoluments Clause” that Trump is supposedly violating. I believe that was scandal number 4. And now we’re up to 40 or something? Way too many and too fast.”

During the presidential campaign, Donald Trump promised Americans they would win so much they would be tired of winning. Ironically, it’s the many Trump scandals Americans are sick of.

“I don’t know,” said Paul Martinez, manager of the new Los Pollos Hermanos restaurant in downtown Los Angeles. ” At this rate, what will the total number of scandals be by the end of Mr. Trump’s term in 2020 … 700? 800? Don’t get me wrong, I like a scandal here and there but geez … so many?”

Despite the exhaustion most Americans feel over the sheer number of controversies, “Trump Scandal Fatigue,” as it is being called, has not hit the president’s most ardent boosters. According to the FTC poll, an amazing 92% of Trump supporters said they still backed their president and will vote for him again in 2020.

Unfortunately, for those loyal devotees, the odds of Trump running for reelection in 2020, or even making it to the end of his first term, are 50-50 according the Ugandan gambling site, YourOddsAre.com.

For the group of Americans who were not bothered or bored by Trump’s numerous scandals … a sizable 13%, their mantra seemed to be: “bring ‘em on!”

Caution – this article may be fake news!

Photo | Yuri Gripas / Reuters

Republican Jesus is believed to have been the inspiration for Ronald Reagan’s “Trust but verify.”

Talk with any lawyer and you’ll hear the same thing …. business is booming. Donald Trump promised to create jobs like no other president before him and, for a small segment of the American workforce, he has delivered. President Trump is making many members of the legal profession very happy and wealthy.

According to the Boston Globe, President Donald Trump has been sued 134 times in federal court since taking office. To put that in perspective, Trump has been sued more than Obama, Bush and Clinton combined since assuming the presidency.

That is an average of more than one suit per day for a president just ending his honeymoon period!

But this comes as no surprise.

Donald Trump had been involved in more than 3500 legal cases, either as a defendant or plaintiff, before setting foot in the Oval Office.

Of course when Trump promised to be the “greatest jobs producer that God has ever created,” he was not necessarily referring to professionals … more likely coal miners and factory workers.

The increased workload for lawyers is being dubbed the “Trump Effect” and it’s not just being felt in the federal courts. Legal observers are noticing a distinct increase in all types of lawsuits in state courts … contracts, personal injury, and family law, just to name a few.

The belief is that Americans have turned into a more litigious bunch ever since Trump made his way down the escalator at Trump Tower, nearly two years ago, to announce his run for office.

The man who is famous for tweeting “see you in court” has inspired a whole new generation of sue-happy individuals.

Courts throughout the country are seeing an increase in litigation not only among adversaries, but also among friends and family members. The days of handling a dispute over your kid “accidently” throwing a ball into a neighbor’s yard are no longer resolved through civil discussion … but in civil court.

Asked to comment on this new phenomenon, the dean of one middling New York law school stated they are being forced to raise tuition costs to discourage candidates due to a threefold increase in applications!

Photo | nbc.com

Caution –parts of this article may be fake! Psst … bottom half.

Like the laggard who won’t be able to get his term paper in on time, President Trump is asking the American people for extra time to complete his promised “100 Day Plan.”

Less than three weeks before the presidential election, candidate Donald Trump made a pact with the American voter, laying out his priorities for his first 100 days in office.

“On Nov. 8th, Americans will be voting for this 100-day plan to restore prosperity to our country, secure our communities and honesty to our government. This is my pledge to you,” Trump vowed in Gettysburg. Pennsylvania.

A rather ambitious plan for the reality TV star and self-described billionaire, don’t you think?

But as his 100th day in office is fast closing in, Trump must be wondering where did the time go? His one and only attempt to live up to a campaign promise … to repeal and replace Obamacare … ended in humiliating failure.

Some pundits are wondering how much more our goof-off president could have accomplished if he had spent more time working in the Oval Office and less time working on his golf game.

Since taking office on Jan. 20, 2017, Trump has reportedly been on the grounds of his golf courses 19 times since becoming President (as of April 16). According to Politifact, compared to Obama’s similar time in office, the scorecard reads Trump 14, Obama 0.

As the new president has come to realize (“it’s not so easy”), running a country is much harder than hosting a TV show.

Photo | politico.com

Caution: article may contain satire!