If Donald Trump’s intent was to promote his brand through a fake primary run, he has failed miserably at both. His brand has taken a major drubbing while his sham run for the presidency failed … by succeeding.

The name that was once synonymous with luxury and glamour has lost its luster … and it’s aficionados. The well-heeled who bought into the Trump brand, with its image of glittering fake-gold success, are abandoning anything Trump.

Earlier this week, The New York Times reported that regular customers for his luxury consumer goods are no longer buying and some are even throwing out Trump merchandise in small acts of protest against the flawed Republican nominee. Some of Trump’s regular customers are now boycotting his hotels, his golf courses and refusing to dine in restaurants on his properties.

Things have gotten so bad that many residents living at Trump Place in New York City have signed a petition demanding Trump’s name be removed from the building!

The Trump brain trust made up of CEO Donald Trump and his three children, Ivanka, Donald Jr. and Eric, are about to take drastic action. There are now plans in the works to rebrand the Trump name. Instead of appealing to the rich and ostentatious, they will be going after the folks that make up Trump’s voter base of blue-collar, low-income Americans.

Below is a list of new products the Trump Organization will be developing:

1. Trump luxury mobile homes.
2. Trump boxed wines.
3. Trump motors (a rebranded model of the Yugo)
4. Trump diamonds (100% Cubic Zirconium)
5. Trump restaurants (a cross between Chick-fil-A and Denny’s )
6. Trump steaks (chuck, of course)
7. Trump clothing (exclusively sold at Wal-Mart)
8. Trump cash (payday loans only)

Will Trump’s rebranding be a success? Will his name draw low-income consumers to his products?

One thing’s for sure, Trump has shown during his presidential run he can sell just about any kind of lie to his low-informed, low-educated supporters. Why not products?

With the launch of Trump TV, the master salesman will have a ready-made audience to whom he can hawk his low-grade, but Trump labeled, products.

Photo | npr.org

Out on the campaign trail just weeks before the general election, Donald Trump gave a speech yesterday in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania, site of the decisive Civil War battle.

Unfortunately, Trump’s speech did not rise to the level of oratory as that of Abraham Lincoln’s more than 150 years ago. Trump spent most of his time talking about coming lawsuits against the women accusing him of sexual misconduct.

Now it is being reported that Trump had intended to give a totally different speech, one he wrote on the back of a cocktail napkin while traveling to the historic site. Regrettably, somehow the napkin was lost.

A local pig farmer, Elmer Bates, discovered the lost document on his property and promptly turned it over to his local newspaper, The Gettysburg Gazette..

Here below is the Gettysburg address Trump intended to deliver:

One year and 124 days ago, I announced my candidacy for president of the United States.

Now we are engaged in a monumental election, testing whether our nation will elect me or “Crooked Hillary.”

We are meeting here on a great battlefield of the Civil War.

The brave men who died in that great struggle will roll over in their graves if “Crooked Hillary” is allowed to steal the election.

We can never forget what those men did here. It is for us, the living, to honor their memory by electing the only person who can save our great country … Donald J. Trump.

We must resolve that the dead did not die in vain – that this nation, under God, will have a new birth of freedom – and that government of the people, by the people and for the people will not perish from the earth.

And those nasty women accusing me of sexual misconduct are lying and I will sure as hell sue them all.

No, not quite the eloquence or gravitas of Abe Lincoln’s historic speech but one Trump would have been proud to have delivered if not for that gust of wind that blew his napkin onto Bates’ pig farm.

Photo | ABC News

Artist Cara DeAngelis has a history of using roadkill in her paintings, and is no stranger to social commentary. In her first attempt at political satire, she has painted a portrait of Donald Trump with roadkill replacing the “hair” that is normally on his head. The painting is titled “Donald Trump with a Crown of Roadkill”. The release of this painting comes at the climax of this election season, and on the heels of many great works by other artists, all defaming Trump.

The painting is done primarily in oils, which references traditional aristocratic portraiture, and at first glance appears to be nothing more. The idea to create what looks on the surface like a traditional portrait is done as a nod to the many portraits Trump has commissioned of himself over the years. DeAngelis also employs tar as a medium to symbolize corruption, greed, and over-industrialization. Tar has long been used as a potent representation of death and criminality in film, literature, and art. In this vein, the artist uses it extensively in her work, and in the portrait of Donald Trump his suit is coated in a layer of black tar.

The furry victims on top of Trump’s head refer not only to his hair dilemma, but also more poignantly to the many skeletons in his closet, of which we’re learning about daily. In the portrait, Donald Trump seems to be unaware of the rot, which is even starting to drip down his temple. The viewer can see what he cannot: that there is blood coming out his… “wherever.”

About the artist: Cara DeAngelis is a recipient of the CT Office of the Arts Fellowship Grant for 2012, as well as the Barbara Deming/Money for Women Grant. She has had full fellowships at both the Vermont Studio Center and the Prairie Center of the Arts. In 2010 she was awarded residency at the Terra Foundation in Giverny, France, along with a Guggenheim travel grant. She is also a recipient of the Rudolph Zallinger Painting Award. She currently lives and works between CT and NY as artist and curator, and is represented by gary marotta fine art in Provincetown, MA.

Many women are deeply offended by Trump’s lewd, sexist remarks made during a taping of Access Hollywood in 2005. Yet today there is a group of GOP women organizing to support the alleged groper. They call themselves “Pussies For Trump!”

“We stand behind Mr. Trump more than ever,” said group leader, Amanda Swift. “We are not offended by his remarks or conduct in the least. He can have his way with me anytime!”

That some females would support a man whose abusive behavior towards women is so well known, one wonders what motivates these women.

Psychologist Beverly Bevis may have the answer.

“ Throughout history, women have been attracted to strong, powerful, wealthy men. They just can’t resist,” said Bevis.

“Men understand this so they strive for wealth and power to get women,” Bevis added. “This perk is why they seek to become wealthy in the first place.”

So in a very real sense, a woman thwarting a wealthy man’s advances is bad for the economy, say some Trump surrogates.

“If women don’t allow these alpha males to have there way with them,” said a Trump surrogate who chose to remain anonymous, “it messes up the whole equation. These men will not create the businesses that make them powerful and wealthy. These job creators stimulate the economy. We need them. So what if they also stimulate a woman or two?”

But what about the issue of consent? Without that, doesn’t such behavior amount to sexual assault?

“Women may say ‘no’ to a wealthy man’s advances, but they really mean ‘yes’,” said Bevis. “They’re flattered when a powerful man takes an interest in them. The bottom line is women are attracted to money … the kind of wealth and power that can get them things.”

Whoever thought allowing rich men to grope and fondle women had such a direct impact on our GDP!

Ironically, the first meeting of “Pussies For Trump” will me take place next week in Beaver Falls, Pennsylvania.

Photo | scoopnest.com

After Monday night’s first presidential debate, excitement is rapidly building for round two to be held on October 9 at Washington University, St. Louis, Missouri.

Anticipation has grown now that Donald Trump has declared it’s “no holds barred” next time around. The Republican nominee told Fox News he would “hit her harder” in their next encounter by raising the subject of former President Bill Clinton’s infidelities.

Two of Trump’s most trusted advisors, Rudy Giuliani and Newt Gingrich, have come up with what they believe is the perfect attack line against Hillary Clinton: “If she can’t take care of her man, how can she take care of the country?”

Giuliani and Gingrich know a thing or two about women who cannot satisfy their husbands. Each is on his third marriage.

Some Trump aides are counseling against bringing up the former president’s affairs and blaming his cheating on Hillary.

One Trump staff member, who chose to remain anonymous, said it is “just stupid to blame the victim. A man cheating on a woman is: 1) the man’s fault, 2) not in any way representative of the woman’s character, and 3) inexcusable.”

Many political analysts agree blaming a wife for her husband’s infidelity is a losing proposition. It will alienate women and could make Hillary a more sympathetic figure.

Donald Trump, however, is not a man guided by sound advice but by his gut instincts. Playing dirty and punching below the belt is what helped him defeat his 16 primary opponents. He sees no reason to change tactics now.

Trump knows he will have a hard time securing the women’s vote no matter what so he is looking to nail down the large, all-important “philanderer” vote.

Even Vladimir Putin called Trump ”brilliant.”

Photo | moommontchronicle.com

With the latest revelation that Hillary Clinton lied to the American people about her health, the House of Representatives has adopted H. Res 568 Providing for the Establishment of the Select Committee on the Events Surrounding the 2016 Hillary Clinton collapse. (Roll Call Vote 209)

Heading the committee will be Texas GOP Rep. Louie Gohmert.

“Hillary Clinton, candidate for president of the United States, lied to the American people when she and her staff told them it was heat exhaustion that caused her collapse on September 11, 2016,” said Gohmert. “We then come to find out Clinton was diagnosed with pneumonia three days before. We need to get to the bottom of this issue … why did Clinton lie about the pneumonia and did she really have pneumonia.”

Questions about Hillary Clinton’s health have swirled ever since her coughing fit during the House Benghazi hearings in October 2015. Conspiracy theories have cropped up blaming her cough on everything except allergies.

“The American people need to know the health of their potential commander in chief,” said Gohmert.” We have medical information that suggests Hillary Clinton suffers from a serious medical condition which brings into doubt whether she can perform the duties of president.”

Among the theories being floated are that Clinton suffers form: multiple sclerosis, Parkinson’s disease, lupus, asbestosis, tuberculosis, lung cancer and syphilis.

There are only 54 days until the presidential election. With that in mind, Chairman Gohmert will call his committee into session this coming Monday. The first witness to be summoned is Dr. Lisa Bardack, Hillary Clinton’s personal physician.

The Trump camp, while trying to remain respectful of the former secretary of state, is thanking its lucky stars. It has seized on Clinton’s health issue and hopes to ride it to a resounding victory in November.

A new Clinton attack ad is already being prepared entitled “What Is Really Going On Under That Pantsuit?”

Photo | steemit.com

*Thank you Stephen Colbert for “Lunghazi”

At last night’s Commander-in-Chief forum in New York City, Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump went out of his way to heap praise on Russia’s strongman, Vladimir Putin.

Speaking of the former KGB spy, Trump said, “Certainly … he’s been a leader, far more than our president has been a leader.” Trump continued his reverence for Putin by noting, among other things, the Russian president’s “82 percent approval rating.”

Trump told forum moderator, Matt Lauer, he appreciated some of the kind words Putin has had for him. “Well, I think when he calls me brilliant, I think I’ll take the compliment, okay?”

And just now, we are getting breaking news out of North Korea that its enigmatic leader, Kim Jong-Un, has joined the Trump fan club.

“To great man, Mr. Donald J. Trump, I wish to offer much praise and support in journey to win election. You would be most excellent leader,” said Jong-Un. “You are wise man and understand how weak and corrupt your country leaders. You understand all nations having right to defend selves. All nations be armed with nuclear weapons you say so righteously.”

Political analysts are scrambling to understand the young dictator. Why has he decided to get involved in American politics?

A source close to the North Korean leader, who would only speak on condition of anonymity, shed some light on the mystery.

“Our Dear Leader very proud jealous man. He not feel he get enough world respect like Putin. Putin get 82% love of his people; Kim Jong-Un loved by 110%.”

The source went on to say Jong-Un’s decision to praise Trump might have been influenced by the backward country’s fifth nuclear test the other day which went mostly unnoticed by the world.

“Our Dear Leader know Trump media savvy,” said the anonymous source. “Everything he say do get big coverage. Maybe Jong-Un doing for publicity.”

Undoubtedly Jong-Un picked up on a line from last night’s forum. Speaking of Putin, Trump said, “If he says great things about me, I’m going to say great things about him.”

By praising Trump, the shrewd North Korean dictator is betting on a reciprocal embrace and some much needed media buzz.

Photo | deathandtaxesmag.com

Due to a recent spat of departures, Donald Trump is looking to hire a sizable number of new campaign surrogates.

The following ad appears on Trump’s website:

Are you looking for a fun and exciting job in TV? One that “promises” to pay well? One that will surely have people talking about you? Then you may be what we are looking for … a Trump campaign surrogate!

Don’t be discouraged from applying just because your educational background may not be up to snuff. No college? No problem. Our team of crackerjack creative writers will whip up your resume into such shape even you won’t recognize it!

What we are most looking for are individuals with certain abilities. Among them are:

1. The ability to recite talking points no matter what is actually being asked.
2. The ability to stay on message.
3. The ability to remain unflustered.
4. The ability to defend the indefensible.
5. The ability to insert the works “Benghazi” and “emails” into all answers.
6. The ability to not embarrass easily.
7. The ability to remain non-apologetic.
8. The ability to lie with a straight face.

Special consideration will be given to you ladies who have been described as a “10.”

If you’ve ever been referred to as: bombastic, clueless, juvenile, arrogant, tone-deaf or uninformed, you may just be the person we are looking for!

Salary and benefits will be discussed after you’ve been hired. But the media exposure you will receive as a Trump campaign surrogate could change your life forever! Many of our past surrogates have gone on to rewarding careers as political analysts.

Come join our team to make Donald J. Trump our next president. You’ll find that once you’ve been associated with the Trump brand, your life will never be the same again!

The need we have is immediate. So if you think you have what it takes, we want to hear from you … NOW!

Photo | politico.com